Question

[Valenteenah.]

^ Charmingly tactful as always.

 

 

Should qabiil matter when one is choosing/searching for a mate?

That depends on whether you want to marry a particular qabiil, or a particular individual. If it is the latter, then the answer is no, if its the former, then the answer is yes.

[OG_Girl]

^^The funny part is when your parent may accept a Syrian or a Lebones, but not accept the midgan or some other tribes..Or when you bring black guy, they say "naa blayo, atleast why you did not bring white one if you doing this to us!!...lol

 

How would you analize such mentality? I thought there was princples behind what we believed but I found there is no such logic behind this superior complex Somalis got.

 

Salam

[N.O.R.F]

What is the definition of Qabiil?

 

Qabiil was designed as an identity 'tool' only. Ie for you to 'know' your family tree and pass onto your kids for them to carry-on the tradition. Qabiil was not designed as a 'tool' to devide or hate the other. Its funny how you can meet somebody over a cup of tea in a maqaahi and find out that their is a link/relation. It would not surprise me if many SOL members were linked through qabiil lineages (that would interesting).

 

Now when it comes to the question posed, Qabiil shoulnd NOT matter. We all know the long traditions of certain qabiils marrying each other over the years and bringing about many a decent family as a result.

 

However, we are in a transitional stage when it comes to marriage for young Somalis. the long tradition of arranged marriages are slowly ebbing away. this has resulted in some of the older and more traditional folkes becoming very pesimistic about their younger ones finding thier own 'soul mate. They (parents) are looking at the longer term and wondering if the potential new family is a 'well known and well respected' family whereas the younger ones do not necessarily see the longer picture. The long term view taken by parents is if problems occur later on in the marriage, will it be easy for all to communicate positively and squash any problem rather than negative communication resulting in the two to divorce. Therefore, a mutual understanding must be achieved by the parents and their guur-doons. Dialoque is needed between them from as young their teenage years. Examples will be set by older siblings. Many parents may initially be wary of new families they havnt met or heard of but they tend to come round later on if the individual does it (introductions/connections etc) the right way.

 

Just my opinion.

[bilan]

Originally posted by OG_Girl:

^^The funny part is when your parent may accept a Syrian or a Lebones, but not accept the midgan or some other tribes..Or when you bring black guy, they say "naa blayo, atleast why you did not bring white one if you doing this to us!!...lol

 

How would you analize such mentality? I thought there was princples behind what we believed but I found there is no such logic behind this superior complex Somalis got.

 

Salam

inferiority complex og-girl,not only somalis,but all non-white races will rather have their daughter marry white than black,why else do you think girls are using dianna and fairy love? and there is no logic on any superior complex that any race got.

[QUANTUM LEAP]

Genealogical lines of descent are taught to children from an early age. The family clan history is told and retold throughout life, including its relations with other clans. The family will maintain their bias without thinking of its consequences. Chances are that the children will take after their parents’ paranoia and segregative nature without really thinking for themselves. All said would be taken on a wholesale manner and at some stage the same sick beliefs will be past on to the children and they would never correct it either despite knowing it’s wrong to do so. I personally I’m not at ease with the way we treat our Somali brothers and sisters belonging to the midgan clan if it so happens to be a clan. The caste mentality is a sick one and is still important to many unashamed Somalis even in communities abroad.

 

To be a Midgan-Madibhan, or an outcaste person, in Somali society is to suffer life-long indignities, to be deemed impure, unlucky, sinful, polluting, and thus meriting the disdain, avoidance, and abuse of others. Even small children shout insults at both child and adult Midgans. Many Midgans have been denied food, medical treatment, and protection just because of their outcaste status by many other Somalis. The only other groups in Somali treated similarly are the Jareer and Bantu descendants of slaves brought from East Africa over a century ago.

 

Midgans have been beaten brutally, wounded, raped, kidnapped, and forced into slave and unpaid labor just because of their outcaste status. They have no weapons, allies or lands that they control and can escape to.

 

Its time we should recognize that these practices are barbaric and out of touch. Time we fought for our brothers and sisters and made sure no one ever said anything bad or negative about them as they are not only our brothers and sisters but also Muslims who should enjoy the privileges all Somalis do enjoy.

May Allah forgive us all for being silent onlookers and spectators to their odeals.

[Salma]

^^^ Amiin ya rab.

 

Midgan, black, not pure, not original, not asli somali, not reer hebel, la xawla wala qowata ela bellah. May ALlah helps us to understand Islam well and abandon such awful acts which are totally against our religion.

[Nephissa]

It doesn't matter much to me. However, there are 2 or 3 I wouldn't marry from. But when you find the right person, sometimes your preconceived notions go out the window.

 

 

Midnight confession

[Strawberry_Xu]

Originally posted by Haddad:

quote:Originally posted by MsWord:

Should qabiil matter when one is choosing/searching for a mate?

 

Why or Why not?

No. Because qabiil (the kind Somalis practice) is, first and foremost, a concept that clashes with Islam. I will not go into details with that clash, because we practice very little Islam. This kind of marriage will foster the feelings of superiority over others, create myths and taboos about others (outcasts being one of the results), increase hostilities, decrease harmonies- it's in short, a recipe for a hostile atmosphere. What's more, this kind of marriage is unfit for this era. For one thing, most Somalis are no longer nomads (living in urban centers, and leading an urban lifestyle). This kind of marriage might have made a little sense from a survival point of view when the environment was harsh and most Somalis were nomads.

 

What should matter is, one's strong faith, positive morals, values, mores and good character.

Couldn't have said it better.

 

Giving in to your family thoughtlessly like that, means you are an accomplice in the degradation of the Somali identity and of Islamic practice. If no one speaks up, we will never have progress, but instead we'll have every generation surrendering their common sense to please the ignorance of a previous generation.

[rudy-Diiriye]

u should know by now that love is blind!! if u dont, talk to garab tuujiye! he will tell u about!! homie is got the load 4 yah!! :confused:

[Pujah]

Well yes and no.......there is one qabiil i wouldn't mary and it aint midgaan i tell ya...i don't believe in such things...but this particular tribe i just don't trust their women so i leave their guys alone

[QUANTUM LEAP]

All the misgivings and stereotypes are coming out of the closet. Atleast the last poster said that she doesnt trust the women hence the men being moreless the same.

 

Personally its on a person to person level depending on their merits and demerits. I tend to approach it like when designing a database and drawing the Entity diagram. Based on the best ways to meet my needs and hers

[OG_Girl]

LooooL@I don't trust their women.Personally I have an uncle wants to marry this good girl but he told me his hesitation cause her brothers are not good ! Took me ages to convince him what her brothers to do with her? She is a good girl, loves him. Accually she is the only good, God fearing one in her family.

 

Anyways, life is not fair. Allah is just and loves just people. Just try to be fair to others as you love others be fair to you.

 

Salam

[Valenteenah.]

Originally posted by Ay Kutubeey:

Well yes and no.......there is one qabiil i wouldn't mary and it aint midgaan i tell ya...i don't believe in such things...but this particular tribe i just don't trust their women so i leave their guys alone

LoL...wonder which tribe that might be?

[Curly]

Originally posted by Northerner:

What is the definition of Qabiil?

 

Qabiil was designed as an identity 'tool' only. Ie for you to 'know' your family tree and pass onto your kids for them to carry-on the tradition. Qabiil was not designed as a 'tool' to devide or hate the other. Its funny how you can meet somebody over a cup of tea in a maqaahi and find out that their is a link/relation. It would not surprise me if many SOL members were linked through qabiil lineages (that would interesting).

 

Now when it comes to the question posed, Qabiil shoulnd NOT matter. We all know the long traditions of certain qabiils marrying each other over the years and bringing about many a decent family as a result.

 

However, we are in a transitional stage when it comes to marriage for young Somalis. the long tradition of arranged marriages are slowly ebbing away. this has resulted in some of the older and more traditional folkes becoming very pesimistic about their younger ones finding thier own 'soul mate. They (parents) are looking at the longer term and wondering if the potential new family is a 'well known and well respected' family whereas the younger ones do not necessarily see the longer picture. The long term view taken by parents is if problems occur later on in the marriage, will it be easy for all to communicate positively and squash any problem rather than negative communication resulting in the two to divorce. Therefore, a mutual understanding must be achieved by the parents and their guur-doons. Dialoque is needed between them from as young their teenage years. Examples will be set by older siblings. Many parents may initially be wary of new families they havnt met or heard of but they tend to come round later on if the individual does it (introductions/connections etc) the right way.

 

Just my opinion.

^^^^

 

That’s exactly how my family sees it, and I understand and some of it is perfectly fine. I don't mind people asking me my qabil in order to make connections and introduction, like any normal meet and greet people need to know who you are where you come from. Not to form stereotypes or assumptions on your character but just to find a common ground.

 

Sure sometimes this is used for the wrong purposes by “stup!d and dumb†(nin_yabaan, 2005 ) people.But obviously they’re not going to change their inbreed culture overnight, so you have to learn to compromise.

 

I would never let qabil get in the way of anything, as long as the potential mate is a good person and is muslim…what more is there to consider? (besides the superficial stuff of course!) Like some nomads have stated already… People are different, just because you come from a “good†or “bad†family doesn’t determine how you will turn out. I’m sure you’ve all seen it… that one bad seed or that one angel in a family.

 

Not everyone conforms to preconceived ideologies …I’m living proof!

My parents are very traditional and always stick to the normal traditions…marrying only into closely related tribes and what not. However, I’ve made it very clear with my family that I will not use qabil as a factor when considering a mate. I mean we’re not living in Somalia, if you have martial problems sort them out between yourselves. Why involve the in laws? Personally I reckon in laws cause martial problems…so the less contact the better

 

Jokes aside I’ve seen it in the UK a married couple have problems, they try to revolve it with their families and nothing good comes of it. Someone ends up getting the short straw, being forced to stay in an unhappy marriage for instance and for the sake of what? What other people think?

 

Sorry but that’s one trap I refuse to fall into!

[Tuujiye]

yaa yaaaaaaaaaaa yaaaaaaaa yaaaaaaaaaa...

What ever maaaaaaaaan!!!!!!!!!!!

 

loooooool yall posting and acting like qabiil doesn't matter when some of you are obviously using qabiil signs or caring them...

 

Listing lets not act show here, I know they are some people in sol that are qabiiliiiiste to the bones..(politics) crew....and I see some of you in this thread telling me qabiil doesn't matter and you will go to the other side and say yes this warlord is right and that mother F is wrong...

 

Waraa i dhageysa kuwiina labada wiji wata, Run aan idiin sheego wee cadahay in aad qabiiliiste tihiin maxaa yeelay mashaqeyneeso in aad dhahdid dadkaaga iyo dhulka aad ka timid waan necbahay laakiin waan ku guursanaa...warkaas shibiriha xitaa kuma soconaayo...

 

Last year I made aveator the somali flag and man!!!!!...y'all remember the flag wars?...lol..old school people..lol..I have never seen so many different flags from somalia..their was named "maxaa iga galayland flag"..wareer badanaa!!!!

 

so yes qabiil is the most ugliest thing to use not only for marriage but for every thing alse...

Qabiil is what killed us and made us with home..I guess I don't have to mention the pain it coused us...BUT..I would if some of the people in SOL didn't show us two face...lol..

Yaa weyleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!

 

Wareer badanaa!!!!