Letting go...

[Xalimopatra]

In spite of all the topics on here that are factual/impersonal articles and the like, I thought I would open up and discuss something that I am going through myself.

 

Letting go is one of the toughest things to do.Some of us Xalimos are known to be dead stubborn but in my eyes(and experience)it's a weakness.Finding a balance is key and allowing yourself to move forward with forgiveness in your heart is not being a 'walkover'.You're actually being the better person.

 

Whether it be a bad habit,a toxic relationship(I relate to this one) or even something bad that someone did to you in the past you must let it go and move forward.Aslong as it makes you feel like it's holding you back from achieving what you want in life....whatever it is ladies(and men) you HAVE to let it go.

It seems difficult and you'll fight and tussle with your emotions for sometime after BUT DO IT!

 

Keyshia Cole has been back on my playlist for the last couple of weeks

In my case I realised that you cannot help someone who doesn't help/forgive themself walle.Their defeated, pessimistic, paranoid and at times deluded demeanour only drags you down.You end up living your life differently and walking on eggshells so that they are always happy?!My life is better now that I have cut the person off.I actually have more time to focus on myself.I was worried of being selfish but in fact I was being totally selfless.

 

 

Feel free to discuss anything that you feel relates to the post.

Alhamdulilah

[rudy-Diiriye]

letting it go is something thats missing in many somali hearts.

 

couple of yours ago, i had friend who told me that she can not stand certain folks of my friends who vist me...and she was my roommate.

 

well, we discussed and i told her, well if u dont like them cuz of back home stuff, then when they drop by, just go to your room. you dont have to mingle with them if u dont want to... i said, i understand...like chris rock! lool.

 

after a while, one day she told me...they ok, actually, i was wrong about them.

 

i just never had a friend of mine from my tribe!! some how, they scared of me...i dont know why... i can be loud, but i like non fake ppl.

[Xalimopatra]

This stigma with qabiil is another thing Somalis need to let go of aswell you're right.Atleast she knows better now ,her reasoning is sad.

[Pucca]

I'm trying,i just havent fully 'let' go...but i suppose planning to let go is just as important as 'actually' letting go...right? i'll get there inshallah.

 

 

mashallah good for you dear, glad you're happier.

[Ibtisam]

^^^This is the best time to "let go" by taking a holiday or sleeping thorough, and you can do it in private (no work or university)

 

Xpatra, I'm starting to think that person is me, I cannot get hold of you women!

 

lol I'm seriously happy you are over it, and that you are happier!

 

Pucca good luck, you'll make it if your try

[Pujah]

Letting go is without a doubt the hardest thing anyone can do even when such relationships have passed their expiration date and give you nothing but headaches.

Good riddance I say, early spring cleaning if you will

[Valenteenah.]

XP - Am really happy to read your post. Letting go is so important, but so difficult at the same time. I'm quite experienced in cutting my loses and moving on but there are some things that I still haven't managed to let go off...even after a decade.

[umu zakaria]

Nice topic Xpatra.

 

I sent Eid greeting card to many ppl including my good freind and her ex-husband. She accidently sent back a reply to everyone! talking abt her wedding plans. Her x-husband got it and replied to her. She sent me a very nasty email and accused me of betraying our friendship. I was mad, i told her i never told any1 anything but she couldt believe me. I was devastated. At the wedding time, many pple sent her emails and congratulated her including my husband. she was suprised when she reread all her emails. Until now I cant let go but am trying she did everything she could but i cant. I hope i do insha Allah.

[Nephissa]

Sitting here reading XP's post has prompted me to let go a huge hug to her, hang in there.

 

Originally posted by *Pujah*:

Letting go is without a doubt the hardest thing anyone can do even when such relationships have passed their expiration date and give you nothing but headaches.

Good riddance I say, early spring cleaning if you will

I Have to agree with you 100% on this one. And damn doesn't it feel so uplifting when you get rid of OLD garbage . Gotta love spring cleaning...

[Xalimopatra]

Hey girls!

 

Pucca How are you?

Planning in other words is procrastination!Lakiin hurry it up along and get it over and done with sistergirl...the procrastination is the hardest part I swear!You'll wonder why it took you so long afterwards

 

Ghanima Lol no way sis!My brother is moving to the States on Friday and it's been a rather busy time for me asides that!Alhamdulilah for everything though I adore you and will treat you to some chocolate cake asap, expect a call from me tomorrow Insha'Allah !

 

Val A decade is a long time.It still tugs there at the ol'heart strings though doesnt it?Despite the walking away everytime you see/hear the person's name it's slightly painful.I hope to be like you and cut more of my losses Insha'Allah.

 

Puuja Spring cleaning!I love that wallahi!I'm going to make a bumper sticker with that on it.

 

Nepht Hug back to you sis, thanks for the encouraging words. What do you do when the person you cut off it trying everything imaginable to get back in your life?I feel like my patience is being tested!

 

Umu-Z Wow this is so freaky, I had a huge shock about my best friend just before her wedding.Sad that it took 7 years of friendship for me to see the 'real' her. What's even worse?During our time of seperation she completely 360'd her wedding down to the T of how I always envisioned my own whilst we were growing up I mean literally down to my favourite flowers!Lol.....my fam were like why did you tell her,dont be so naive and from now on keep your ish to yourself!God bless them!I have better ideas and the bijj in me knows I'll do mine better Insha'Allah as I'll never dog someone else to get mines! Lakiin it's very tragic for someone who you looked at as a sister.I forgave her straightaway and I keep my distance now but I feel you, it still hurts and they should've known better.

Ah well, as Hooyo says "NEVER expect others to treat you as you would treat them, thats the biggest mistake" because when they disappoint you, you're left heartbroken.

[Nephissa]

Originally posted by Xalimopatra:

Nepth What do you do when the person you cut off it trying everything imaginable to get back in your life?I feel like my patience is being tested!

Letting go means moving on/not looking back. Horay u-sii soco abbaayo. That would be the best solution for you. If you are really serious about ending all of ninkan quuq-diisa show alot more strength. Cut ties with him, ju' ha u oran!When the feelings are strong still..it's natural to want another chance at making it work which is what he's doing. Caloosha xiro, yaanun jil-jileec kaa dareemin. . Haddii kale you're back to square one.

[Xalimopatra]

Loooool OMG that was funny to read, I swear ayeeyo baan arkey in you!

 

Wallahi ruunti I cannot change my number/email/mutual friends but I can change how I percieve it(I will ignore all the attempts) and improve my patience.In all honesty when I look at it, it is just a way for them to evoke a reaction from me.An annoying game to mess me up.

 

I have not tripped up so far & will not give in Insha'Allah....whilst I have Soomaali blood pumping through my veins! Araweelo was a 7th great aunt twice removed anyways so I will seek that side!Lool

 

Edit:I've learnt ALOT about myself walle.

[Blessed]

^That's the key, sister, despite the negativity of the situation, you take away a lesson about yourself, your boundaries and clearer view of your expectations. It sounds odd now, but one day soon, you'll look back on this and be thankful for the experience. All the best, Insha Allah.

[Ameen]

I wonder if the "purification process" or "letting go" is harder for one gender than it is for the other. Ofcourse brothers go through the pain of letting go but since women are more at base with their emotions, does that mean that letting go for them is more painful?

 

The way I look at it,

if the relationship was based around haram than the result of the relationship is pain. Whether that pain presents itself today or reaches us in a year, no good is the outcome of it but just time wasted and pain that could fill the sky.

 

But on the other hand, if that relationship was based around halal, even if that relationship ends and pain reaches us, Allah will (inshAllah) grant us three things in return.

 

See the thing that we have to understand is everything will end. Whether that thing is good or bad, strong or weak, the law of Allah has it that nothing will remain but Allah. Come to terms with this fact and it will be easier to accept reality.

 

Back to what I was saying, Allah will grant us reward for showing patience when times were hard and He will also replace what He took from us with someone even better (inshAllah) and lastly, He would make us feel content with His decree.

[-Lily-]

Ameen, are you saying Allah only reserves His mercy for the righteous? The way I understand it He is merciful to all who seek his mercy & repent, regardless.

 

XP,life wouldn't be life without painful decisions, dissapointments and failures, if you want to truly live you can't avoid bumping into those. I see enough broken people who are opressed by their past or are hiding from the present to truly let go and live, and it's sad because they are wasting the best years of their life.

 

We are far more ressiliant than we think. If a relationship doesn't work out it, regardless of how tragic, it just means the right person you were meant to be with is still out there, whether its self-comfort or wishful thinking, that's what I believe.

 

As for the friends talk, I was just thinking about this a lot lately, I have a few friends whose behaviours is making me uneasy. I don't like poison people who taint your good nature. Something to think about.