How will you raise your children?

[Chimera]

Alright i'm a bit high on sugar right now which makes my brain accelerate fast and think about the weirdest things like my future children if i have any:

 

If i have daughters, then around the age of 15 to 19 i will pick some good looking Somali boys from the neighbourhood and have them befriend my daughters, the close proximity to these Golden boys will keep them close to their culture. While they go out to the cinema or the prom, i will simply pick them up later on and prevent anything from going further.

 

This way my daughters have fun, and at the same time they won't feel like they are missing out on something when they go back to school with their western friends and therefore they won't feel the need to rebel.

 

You might say this is wrong but if i still live in the west when my daughters come of age then i believe this is the only way i can prevent them from getting dragged into the various sub cultures dominant in their highschools and beyond.

 

I know these sub/dominant cultures because there was a time i myself was dragged into it, but i managed to get out before anything serious happened like marriage. Destroying the neutrality syndrome is very important. I remember when i was still into Dutch girls there were Somali girls from my school who tried to figure out where i lived by following me, so i had to go through the mall several times before i managed to ditch them but these same Somali girls today are all married to Somali men.

 

Their close proximity to Somali boys is what kept them close to their culture.

 

To add on my theory; there is a girl i grew up and went to duqsi with, a truly amazing sister whom from the age of 9 to 12 i had a major crush on but she moved to an area and a school where there weren't any Somalis and the transformation that happened to her while she was there caudubillah. Despite the stories surrounding her and the social pariah she was turned into by the community i never stopped greeting her or talking to her because she was still my childhood friend but everytime she came to our city and the guys in the mall brought out more stories it felt like someone stabbed me with a knife and i would threaten motormouths to keep their mouths shut out of frustration.

 

I think if this happened to my daughters i would simply pull my hair, scream to the world, collapse and die on the spot.

[Gordon Gekko]

Well I guess the obvious one is that I'll raise them islamically. That pretty much sums alot of things up.

 

I'm also going to implement a local economy built on witticism. If say for instance the kid wants to have have an extra glass of milk he'll have to deliver a poem and if he/she misbehaves they'll have to deliver a short story, preferrably a poignant one to borrow one of MARX's overused words.

[Cabdow]

The master plan of raising my kids will consist of three things Insha'Allah

 

1) The house that they will be raised in shall be implemented with the Islamic values (not by hadal but by dhaqan)

2) Take them home for 'Dhaqan Celis' once in a while, so that they don't forget where they came from!

3) Always make Du'a to Allah to guide them on the right path (after all he is the only one that guides) and hope for the best!

 

Btw, A.Z, dab aan jirin baad qoryo u guraneysa adiga, relax sxb!

[Aaliyyah]

If i have daughters, then around the age of 15 to 19 i will pick some good looking Somali boys from the neighbourhood

I disagree with your comment walaal. I think you should stop focusing on dating so much and pushing them to date somalis at such a young age. You don't push them to somali guys as soon as they turn 15 just cuz you think they will go with other races. its possible that you actually might be making a bigger chaos by trying to fix a problem that does not even exist. Make sure till the age of 18 you do not allow your girls to date rather get them to focus on studies and hang out with their friends and have fun. But, no dating that is the key point here walaal. At least make that your rule and what happens behind your back you can not control lol bt am sure if you talk to your kids and be upfront inshallah nothing unwanted will take place. I think it all boils down to trust? do your kids trust you? if they trust you then they will come to you and share their personal issues and what not. Inshallah Teach them there is more to life than dating? its this age that we live in where if you are not dating then you aint cool enough. I mean jack and farah and faxiya what abt me? lol..make sure they are smarter than that.

 

Ensure them with patience better things will wait for them. Patience is a virtue. Inshallah once they finish high school and start university and they are mature they can go and find that suitable man if they are ready to settle.

 

I hope that helps, I was just in the preaching mode ...

 

 

salaam

[Chimera]

Aaliyah sister i always take your opinion highly and today is no difference but i disagree, we don't live in Somalia we live in the west. This 'ignorance is bliss' attitude that Somali parents have adopted is counterproductive and is responsible for the many problems in our community.

 

I've analysed the lives of my sisters and figured out why they chose a Somali Husband and stuck close to their culture; they all grew up in the proximity of popular Somali guys at the blessing of my parents. My mother similary grew up in the same neighbourhood as my father who at times came to my maternal grand parents house as martii when they were kids.

 

If i tell them they cannot date then there is no telling what they might do. I know how the whole high school system works and the peer pressure that comes with it. I can't accept the advice of just staying patient or trust(they have my genes so i can't trust them) when i saw what happened to my childhood friend and the effects of being disconnected with your community.

 

I instead will find some good looking Somali boys and sneakily hitch them up with my daughters without them even knowing it. I will befriend the boys parents and have them reguraly visit our house. Even if the two groups don't end up marrying eachother atleast i will have created a diversion from the more horrible path of darkness.

[Aaliyyah]

I guess we will have to agree to disagree walaal, each on his own as they say. am sure your intentions are good, hopefully it will work out.

 

salaam

[Cawaale]

Originally posted by A.Z:

If i have daughters, then around the age of 15 to 19

...]

 

This way my daughters have fun, and at the same time they won't feel like they are missing out on something

when they go back to school with their western friends

and therefore they won't feel the need to rebel.

Originally posted by Canjeex:

 

2) Take them home for

'Dhaqan Celis' once in a while

, so that they don't forget where they came from!

^its Hypothetical question people, let's Hope that Home will be safe by then.

[Ibtisam]

This 'ignorance is bliss' attitude that Somali parents have adopted is counterproductive and is responsible for the many problems in our community.

I agree with this.

 

Adam theory might be a little mad, but which guy in his right mind is going to mess with a girl whose FATHER introduced them? It just might work. It is like your brothers friend hitting on you or something- it would never happen unless he was coming with a proposal for the next day.

 

If I have kids, I will bring them up on tight leesh and Islamic education, like I was. I wouldn’t raise them in a none-Islamic environment either, even in the west there are places which are more Islamic friendly than others. It is mean to make your children feel like an outcast alien in their social environment, so I will make sure there are few other Muslims, mosques and malcaamads around.

All of them boys and girls are going to have arrange marriage as soon as they reach 16<<< Indian side coming out strong. I don’t want istabo soco and nonsense’s about a 30yr old daughter/ son who refuses to get married when I am 80yrs old.

 

Adam you sexist so and so, I like how your bring up children rules only applies daughters

[Malika]

*You pray hard,every time you make sujuuda you ask Allah to select them to be among those whom he is pleased with, for him to guide them,for him to protect them from any sort of fitna..

 

You then live by example:-

 

1.Never to gossip with them or around them[if you cant help your nasty self] - You never want to teach your child this destructive behavior.

 

2.Never lie - Honesty being the best policy,for them to live in truth and by truth.

 

3.Be Charitable - Giving yourself/of what is yours to others,sets example to your child - for life isn't for oneself but its for the service you give to others and your Creator.

 

4.Let them see you being merciful,forgiving,g rateful etc etc - Teach them the value of humility..To care for others,for self etc..By caring for them,listening to them,being there for them..

 

5.Thriving for Success- In order for them to be successful,they need to see you thriving for it..

 

I am a great believer if you do good in this Duniya,you will be rewarded if not through you then through your children..

 

Ps.Adam, my mother did implement your theory,and I think that was a clever move by her..

[Chimera]

Ibtisam i'm not sexist bisinka, there is a whole different method i will be using on my sons. You see; men respond to different psychological mind tricks than women. To a son a father only has to be there as a male rock in their life and a good role model and they will follow his example. I will be one of those soccerdads who goes with them to every game, i will be dependable, but i will induce in my sons a clear dose of fear and discipline through intimidation. This is an avenue i could never take with regards to my daughter(s).

[SayidSomal]

Good advice Malika as usual.

 

A.Z. just pray your plan does not back fire. also just curious why only the good looking ones??

 

 

BTW - what is with obsession Somali this and that as if being Somali was perquisite to good moral upbringing or Somalis are immune misdemeanours/dembi. ?????????????????

[Chimera]

Great reply Malika but could you elaborate on the last part?

 

SayidSomal, never claim such! The boys being Somali is a personal wish but if my daughters were to find a muslim brother from a different race then i probably wouldn't mind. I however am sick tired of people trying to scrutinize or degrade my personal wish as if it's 'haraam' or as if i committed a crime. What was the point of Allah swt dividing mankind into different tribes and colors if preservation of these same tribes and colors is not allowed?

 

I'm very confident it won't backfire and what kind of question is that? Ofcourse they have to be goodlooking or else what is the point?, i want my daughters to gossip about these boys not mock them.

[Chocolate and Honey]

Install fear in them early on, thats my only plan. I grew up in the west and Lord only knows I was scared shitless of my Mom during high school AND college. Funny thing though, she only hit me once in her life. And to this day, if she says "Naayaa!" I feel that fear rising to my throat,lol. Alxamdullilah, it served me well. It's not so much a physical abuse I was afraid of but the disappoinment in her voice and the anger in her eyes would stop me dead on my tracks because she raised me preciously.

[SayidSomal]

Hold you horses A.Z. - i would never nor ever have categorised or degraded you personal wish as xaraam or anything as such – so you must be talking about someone else here.

 

As for the topic - first of all LOL@ "i want my daughters to gossip about these boys not mock them" but as they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. what you will consider beatiful in 20 -30 years from now might be "akhis" to your future daughters - unless you obviously asked them whom they find attractive - which then defeats the purpose.

 

Keep up the somalinimo but not to a prejudicial degree.

[Chimera]

Originally posted by chocolate & honey:

Install fear in them early on, thats my only plan. I grew up in the west and Lord only knows I was scared shitless of my Mom during high school AND college. Funny thing though, she only hit me once in her life. And to this day, if she says "Naayaa!" I feel that fear rising to my throat,lol. Alxamdullilah, it served me well. It's not so much a physical abuse I was afraid of but the disappoinment in her voice and the anger in her eyes would stop me dead on my tracks because she raised me preciously.

Mother: has the option to intidimidate her daughters without losing her role model status.

Father: has the option to intimidate his sons without losing his role model status.

Daughter: Father is good cop, mother is bad cop.

Son: Father is bad cop, mother is good cop.