Baashi Posted September 11, 2005 Essentials of Friendship 9/11/2005 - Social Religious Education - Article Ref: IC0509-2789 Number of comments: 3 Opinion Summary: Agree:2 Disagree:0 Neutral:1 By: Saadullah Khan IslamiCity* - A cardinal principle in the equation of human relationships is that all members of every human community should learn ... to care deeply... about themselves about others to act in ways that are supportive of the vital interests of... ourselves and of others Wise ones have said that among the most important ingredients in the formula for a successful and fulfilling life, is knowing how to get along with people. Friendship is Necessary Human beings are by nature social beings that interact, that are interdependent, and thus, in need of friends and companions. Much of our lives are spent in such social associations, and friendship is indeed an essential component in human relationships. Friendship is ... Friendship is a voluntary, reciprocal and interpersonal relationship that is mutually productive and characterized by mutual positive regard. Friends are .... Friends are people, who seek the company of one another; who like and wish to do well for the other, believing that the other party reciprocates these feelings with good intentions. In Islamic literature, the root meaning of the terms used for friend indicate some of the essential qualities necessary for friendship... sadeeq (truthfulness/honesty) khaleel (associate/link) wali (protector/overseer) rafeeq (kind/caring) Who You Choose as Friends and Why? When choosing your friends, which qualities are most important ... Social status/Popularity Income level/Wealth Looks/Appearance Race/Ethnicity Faith and/or Character Political Affiliation Intelligence/Education Interest/Hobbies/Skills Compassion/Care Loyalty/Reliability Kinds of Friendship: 1. for pleasure - could be positive or negative when pleasure is gone, friendship is gone. 2. for usefulness/utility - could be positive or negative when usefulness is over, so is the friendship. 3. Proximity - could be positive or negative when you move, gone is the friendship. 4. Common enemy - precarious The enemy of your enemy is your 'friend' until ...? 5. for virtue = friendship of character must be positive 6. natural friendships = between father/son, siblings...ought to be positive Choose Friends Wisely 1. Prophet Muhammad advised that ... A person is influenced by the lifestyle of friends; So, be cautious whom you befriend. If one is negatively influenced by those we associate with then the consequence could be disastrous. [Qur'an 43:67] Prophet Muhammad said; "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk compared to the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows. As for the seller of musk; either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from his perfumes. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows; either your clothes could burn or you will get an offensive smell from the smoke of his fire." 2. Greek philosopher, Aristotle said: "Complete friendship is the friendship of good people similar in virtue; for they wish good in the same way to each other in so far as they are good, and they are good themselves. Such friendship last as long as they are good; and virtue is enduring." 3. Sayedna 'Ali advised: "Befriend the righteous, flee from the transgressors, avoid the hypocrites and do not associate with deceivers." A-Z of Friendship A Friend ... Accepts you as you are Believes in you Calls you Doesn't give up on you Envisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts) Forgives your mistakes Gives unconditionally Helps you Invites you Just in all matters Keeps you close at heart Loves you for who you are Makes a difference in your life Never betrays 0ffers support Picks you up Quiets your fears Raises your spirits Says nice things Tells the truth Understands you Values you Walks beside you Xtra caring to your concerns Yearns to assist in everything positive Zaps you back to reality when you lose focus True Friends True friendship is ... based on trust, warranted loyalty, mutual respect and genuine care. "Remember that the best relationship is one in which your care for each other exceeds your need for each other." [Dalai Lama] Remember the response of the sufi sheikh to the man who wanted to marry his daughter and tried to impress him with his knowledge; "I do not care how much you know, I want to know how much you care." A true friend .... warms you with his/her presence, trusts you with his/her secrets, remembers you in his/her prayers, is there before you know it, lends a hand before you ask for it, gives you love when you need it most; doubles your joy and shares your grief. That is why ... True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. [author, Amanda Kunkle] True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost. [cleric and author, Charles Caleb Colton] Are You a Good Friend? "A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be." [Author, Douglas Pagels] "The best friend; according to the estimation of Allah, is the one best to his/her friend." [Prophet Muhammad ] Source: Islamicity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Warrior of Light Posted September 11, 2005 Bashi, thank you for the interesting article, comprises most of the qualities of friendship but failed to mention the Adab of friendship. Friendship is a wonderful tool, from it springs love, acceptance and a togetherness which makes freinds become brothers,families clans, nations empires. But it also needs a balance if lost the friendship's beauty is lost. An example, regarding limitations .... Hadrat Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) observed: "Your love should not assume the form of madness, nor should enemity excite you to perpetrate torture on other". I submitted :Sir, how should we do so?' Hadrat Umar(May Allah be pleased with him) observed:"In this manner that if you love someone you start hugging him in a childlike fashion and display forms of childish behaviour. And if you feel angry with someone, you resolve upon the destruction of his life and property and utter ruination." Al Adab ul Mufrad, excerpt from the book Etiquettes of life in Islam on the chapter of ettiquettes of freindship. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nazra Posted September 12, 2005 I wonder,... why i always become friends with gurls who stab me in the back, envy me, and gossip about other ppl. So unlike me,.... no wonder why our friendships never last. Thanks for that baashi, my aunt always tells me: "stop forming frienships with these ladies there are no good for you" It always happens to me, not my sista's. :mad: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baashi Posted September 12, 2005 Nazra, your aunt is right. Choose your friends wisely. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muhammad Posted September 28, 2005 Nasra this is for You: Advice on Friends! A real friend wishes his companions well, He's not one who allows them to get close to hell, Always be careful of the friends you Choose, So, in the end, Jannah you will not lose, If you find your companion is not stopping your wrong, then, be weary, his friendship is not strong. If you see the pattern made, that when you are under your friend's shade, Your Imaan begins to fade, Leave the worthless creation, make friends with Allah, Surely that is a high station!. A dervish who had knowledge of our present situation, Once told his students the following dictation, "The meeting of people will never enrich you, save with the gibberish of useless gossip. So diminish your meeting with people, except for knowledge or to improve your condition" by Imran Ibn Zarkhan Al Shafi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nazra Posted September 28, 2005 Muhammad, every year i have some sort of goal, inspiration or a poem on The first page of my diary. Its always something to improve on or achieve. Diary of 2006 will include this beautiful poem on friends. Thanks for that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muhammad Posted September 28, 2005 ^ Adaa Mudan! A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it. keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest a w a y Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
