Male-free Zone.

[Ibtisam]

^^^Loool Now now Malika easy there dear.

 

C&H: Running must have been going on its own because I've been having a hard time getting up for work let alone jogging- it is so so cold- you could not pay me to go out now! LOL

 

The Moral of the story is that even when they listen- they jump to ahead rather than asking for more details.

[Ibtisam]

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny

 

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

 

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

 

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

 

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

 

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

 

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

 

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

 

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

 

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

 

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

 

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

 

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

 

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

 

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

 

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

 

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

 

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

 

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

 

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

 

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

 

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

 

'Tripod?'

 

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

 

Mrs. Smith fainted

[Che -Guevara]

^I red that before, still funny.

[hodman]

lol Ibti dat's still naughty

[Ibtisam]

^LOL

 

People have far too much time and too much hating on women. I cannot help laughing at some of these.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Lee Majors

 

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Al Gore

 

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

 

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Mike Tyson

 

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

George Clooney

 

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Bill Clinton

 

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

George W. Bush

 

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Rudy Giuliani

 

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

Michael Jordan

 

"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.� The third gave me more children!

Donald Trump

 

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Shaquille O'Neal

 

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Kobe Bryant

 

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

David Hasselhoff

 

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Alec Baldwin

 

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Barack Obama

 

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Tommy Lee

 

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Brad Pitt

 

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Jimmy Kimmel

 

Honey, what happened to ˜ladies first? Husband replies, Thatâ's the reason why the world's a mess today, because a lady went first!â€�

David Letterman

 

“First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffer...ing!

Jay Leno

I don't think the names of who said them is correct though- Bush can hardly get a saying right- let alone a joke

[Faheema.]

We could go see Cat On a Hot Tin Roof

[cynical lady]

Bloody hell, I still can’t believe they did that; an all back caste for Cat On a Hot Tin Roof. Just can’t believe it. How couldn’t they? It’s my favourite film I just love it, seen it a million times (remembering young Paul Newman mhhhhhhhhh) seriously how can they capture the essence of that film with an all back caste. Its political correctness gone all wrong in my books.

 

Yes you didn’t ask for my opinion but I give it nonetheless; since people are trying to drag me into watching it.

 

yes Juxa i'm venting too

 

ibti-That’s why I’m an honoree member of the men bashing club.

[-Lily-]

^^ I love the orginal movie too. Elizabeth Taylor was great, as was the dreamy Paul Newman, also the woman who played his siter in law was enough to drive you mad.

[Ibtisam]

I'm up for it if it has black people in it- even a few will do- but if theya re all black, write my name down.

 

I aint seen the orginal nor do I know what it is or who is in it.

[cynical lady]

I know especially when she butts in/listens in to the conversations…my favourite part is when she calls out to big daddy and how he snubs her- sister-woman. Heheheheh

 

And the ending, aaah the ending when he says Maggie lock the door. **teary already.

 

 

lol@ibti

[Faheema.]

^LoL don't give it away too much won't you lady

 

lol@Ibti, I knew you would be up for it, after the expression on your face on ones Nehanda suggested

[cynical lady]

Jusmi- You simply have to watch the original. seriously watch it.

[Faheema.]

^Alright, will see if I can catch it online before seeing the play.

[Ibtisam]

Nehanda ones sounded like a bunch of white people speaking in old English and doing the Irish dance, with boring suicide church music in the background.

 

I cannot believe if getting teary :eek:

[Faheema.]

^LoL, That isn't so bad is it, a change from the usual