Ladiif Posted November 13, 2002 Salaamu caleikum Divorce rate among the somalis in the "QURBAHA" is drastically increasing by the day. I guess u all noticed this ill-thing among the somalis nowdays....unless you are not concerned. I haven't got married yet but it just makes me wonder what is the cause root of this? What are the motives of getting married and divorcing few days in time?..Being a single mother/father has become what we value these days..at least that is the way it seems to me.This is what is going on especailly, in Minnesota. Look around and count how many single mothers/fathers you know personally. Then, You will realize there is a truth to this. I haven't done any researches on this but am sure it worth a while to write a thesis on this topic...Too bad am a business major. For those who live in Minnesota, you all know what am talking about. Seeing your friend getting married today and getting divorce few weeks later is a wierd thing and discouraging for the singles too. Lets see if we can agree on if such thing exists, if its, what is the cause root? and what are the solutions? Salaamz to all of you sisters and brothes Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating_SouL Posted November 13, 2002 I personally think it's time investment. If he/she commits to marriage eitha for, money,looks,family background, etc without really knowing the real person inside than of course divorce will be the lead to it all. But on the other hand, if time is well invested ' say bout 2yrs if not more than i would those couple would have more understanding level, and comfort wise than someone one else in need or rush to get married eitha their getting too old n can't 'flip it' or simply beacuse of a urge.' But good topic thou, even thou i don't live in the minnesota area's i have seen my shares of divorced nomads because of language difficulties as well. Take this for instance, well educated brotha is need to get married and by all means looks back home as a way of fishing out one, and when she is brought face to face n dilma's occur because the mentality level is distant.. so for you single peeps, make sure you plan on getting married once and take your time rather than rushing to something that doesn't exist...what was tha quote again ... " what comes in fast , goes out fast" Enough said one xxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Adna Posted November 21, 2002 Salaams I personally think why devorce in crease among these days???? because when they first getting marreid they don't based on religion all what they have to warry about is how they will be able to get hotel and party all night and evey sheydaan?shaydaamad has to go over ther. also, people who met your wedding any dabi ay sameeyaan it's on you cuz madaxaada ayay u yimaadeen so,what you expect guri aanan diin la gu dhisin in dhisnaado hell no!!!!!!! so, that is all what i can say byeeee peace and love Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted November 21, 2002 I see most of the ppl getting married without getting to know their partners first... I know of some ppl, who've only known each other for a couple of weeks and they got married... Now, tell me how in God's name you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you've only known for weeks? I think the main reason is that, they don't take the time to get to know one another... They meet someone and mistake infatuation for love... My advise to them is take your darn time and get to know the person... See what his/her dislikes are... See the thing you like about each other... See the things you have in common... See the qualities each has to offer... The list goes on and on... But at least get to know each other...Aight... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Honesita Posted November 21, 2002 I so agree with deeqa.....anythin' that starts with allah's macsiya, dont hope for it to go a distance....!!! Yes some pple make the mistake of getting married without knowing enough about each others....but the length of time they knew each others has nothing to do with the marriage being successful or not.....!!! I have 3 friends who got married to men they knew less than 2 months, and they r all very happy......on the other hand i heard about pple who got divorced even though they dated for years....!!! A good friend of mine just got divorced recently....and he was dating his wife for 3 years...they were married for 6 months....!!! Ladiif Jaleel......dont let those divorces scare ya brotha.....just be confident when u're making the choice about ur future wife....and tawakal cala allah....!!! Salaamz Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
abdulraheem Posted November 26, 2002 my brother even though i don't even live in the states let alone minnesotta it's very scaring situation and i couldn't agree more with sister deeqa it seems we loosing our identity so fast wherever we are including those back in somalia and the future looks dim by the day somany kids grow up without ever knowing where they come from and who they really are because the parents are busy chewing or one died in the civil war and the other is busy raising him/her so all we can do is pray and hope for a better tomorrow than today. :confused: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted November 26, 2002 I agree to some extend, that some of the ppl who get married don't base their marriage on religion... And that might be helpful... But I still say it is more on the fact that they don't know each other enough to get married... If the guy is abusive, obviously, he ain't gonna abuse you in the first couple of weeks/months... If the waman has bad habits, she ain't gonna show them in the first couple of weeks/months... Only time will tell... Yes, some ppl get married soon after they meet and the marriage lasts a life time (more power to them)... But what are the chances of any marriage lasting a life time, when you don't know your partner... I'll admit there are those who date years and years, and when they get married, it doesn't workout... But that is life... Like they say "Geedkii OROD lagu koro, OROD aalooga soo dagaa"... So if you rush in, you'll MOST LIKELY rush out... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ladiif Posted November 27, 2002 Thanks to all those who took the time and gave us a piece of their minds. Your time and efforts are appreciated. Thanks Correction: I did not mean to say that Minnesota somalis have more divorce rates than other cities or even countries, but I only used it for illustration purpose. I apologize if it sounded like I was puttin down the Minnesotans. So far,we have 6 posts and these posts raised 2 causes of the topic at hand-They are absolutely positively true and I couldn't agree more, but are they the only ones or the main ones? My Possible causes are:- 1. Lack of communication. A fact: somalis don't discuss and listen to one another. 2. We are culturally changing and don't value marriage no more. The list could go on and on, but most of the mentioned causes could be challenged by saying well, these things are not new but existed so many years among the somalis but the divorce rates were lower than this so, these things could not be the reasons and the causes. There were always lack of communication, less time investment on marriages, adultry and macsiyo before marriages and not basing the marriages on our religion. In fact, in the earlier times, there were men who saw their wives maybe one day and the next day,they either ask for her or abduct(labixitaan, carar,fokasho, iwm) her and they could be hus&wife for many yrs and really life/lead a happy and good life....So, time investment is in limbo i guess. TO those who said Marriages are not based on religion,I think that this is only partly true since we all know that many somali men used to marry their wives without even asking their in-laws. What our religion says these kinds of marriages? Not valid. U have to ask their "walii" if possible. Go ahead and do your own research please if you doubt this. I guess this one too,is in jeopardy--you may wanna rethink on this claim. Thanks again fellas. I have to say thanks for your encouragement Honesita, it was nice of you sister!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Odd Posted January 6, 2003 Hey people.. I'm not sure if this is going to post but it's worth a shot. I was reading through the different threads and found this to be a very interesting one especially since it pertains to me "married wanting a divorce". I've been married well over 1 year and have learned alot about what marraige is and how it works that I well quite honestly didn't know before. I've had my share (3) of little fights but now everythings is cool and settled.. The thing is I just don't like the marraige thing period. Walahi I don't even understand myself. My husband is possible the sweetest fella on earth. I love him but just can't bother to go through married life and all it's issues. My life was much simpler when I was single (though I'm still at home haven't moved out yet) I really see no point in waiting to move out getting pregnant etc and seeing anymore of what marriage is about . I weighed it out and came to the conclusion that I love him but I love my simple life much more and that marriege isn't really high on my list of needs and priorities now and possible forever. I'm 21 and am unbelievable happy at home don't want to leave knowing where I'm headed it doesnt seem like a good enough reason to leave home walahi...... The other thing is I also feel that though I love my husband greatly and he loves me even more then life it self it would be more beneficial for the both of us to go our seperate ways for many reasons that I will not mention. But unfortunetly we don't agree on my solution plus divorce is such a big fuss can't be bothered (explaining especial since what I'm saying doesn't make sense " I'm not made for marraige you know not a marriage person).. you wouldn't believe how tedious it is getting a divorce I've seen it happen and I can't deal with all that.. Oh and most importantly my sweet husband he might shoot me and then himselve... don't know why though I mean I'm being very honest about how I feeel...thats life for you. Anyway please feel free to comment Q. A friend of mine said that it's cuz I don't truely love him? I disagree becuase aside from my family I don' think I've cared about someone so much in my life. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Loyan Posted January 6, 2003 Even though we may never know scientifically the causes of our high divorces in diaspora, after thinking over the issue I might be able to shed some light to this matter and bring something close to formal statistic. At one time I was living in TO as single guy with big apartment, I accomodated 15 guys who were having merital problems over the span of 7 - 8 yrs of years. Here is trend I found: 15 of them did not pray salat. The lack of "salat" in the family plays major role in the high rate of divorces. This is not an opinion for me, it is a fact: I do not know a single devorced person who prayed salat while married. ODD ... sister, I am saddened to hear your story. I hope you want to remain a good muslim. We do not have councillors in our society but you might need to educate yourself about the responsibilities of being a wife before making a dicision you might regret. If reading is bothersome, you can find lectures by well known sheiks at many of the somali stores. There is a good reason why another name of marriege is "settling down". So long... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nazra Posted January 7, 2003 1 in 3 couples get dirvorced and i'm assumming in the somalian marriage it's 1 in 2. SAD, but it's life! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
