Window to their past?

[Xafsa]

Lucky--exactly my point. The basic morals we learned from our parents will be passed down to our kids. We just may end up changing just the minor things.

 

Imperial lady- I agree there are two aspects to this ...the genetics of it all and the learned behaviors.

Magnoona- I know what you mean. My mom tells me she sees herself in me and that scares the sh!t out of her. So she tries to teach me what she has learned since she was my age so that I won't make the same mistakes she made. But I try to explain to her that I can't learn from her mistakes I gotta make my own. My mistakes have a more lasting effect on me. So the lessons stick with me longer.

 

 

Where are our nomad brothers...don't they have something to say about this?

[Rising Phoenix]

Salaam all,

 

Interesting topic, flying-still, thanks for that. Many interesting replies too.

 

However, I am not sure I agree with certain things:

 

flying-still:

Do you see yourself raising your kids the same way you were raised?

I can honestly say NO. My mom is a great lady, very nice, but we are completely different. I dont think nor act the way she does, and we have different dimensions on life. These are mostly brought by the differences in our lives. I have mainly grown up in Europe whereas she is from the "old school" back home. Even though she has give me the values of religion, morals, etc, I still wouldn't choose her method of bringing up children. And yet, I still love her

As for my dad :rolleyes: (Nuff said)

 

I believe children will always carve out their own path in life. For instance, children that grow up with alcaholic parents usually end up not drinking a drop of it in their lives. If your parents bring you up unpleasantly, it will be the most logical answer (and the most easiest) that you would mirror their behaviour. This theory stems from the Social Learning Theory of psychology, which states that you observe, imitate and model someone important to you, in this case : the parents.

However, this is not neccessarily the case. Many children (as stated above) will go completely the opposite way of their parents behaviour. These children will want to give THEIR kids the chances they themselves never had.

 

Malikah:

but it definite has a major impact on who they become, or don't become.

I agree. That is where Individual Differences come in. A bad experience can result in a good outcome.

 

Flying-still:

Where are our nomad brothers...don't they have something to say about this?

That proves their credibility then... Just kidding, guys. Let's hear your views.

[Xafsa]

Originally posted by harmonyangel:

I can honestly say NO. My mom is a great lady, very nice, but we are completely different. I dont think nor act the way she does, and we have different dimensions on life. These are mostly brought by the differences in our lives. I have mainly grown up in Europe whereas she is from the "old school" back home. Even though she has give me the values of religion, morals, etc, I still wouldn't choose her method of bringing up children. And yet, I still love her

As for my dad :rolleyes: (Nuff said)

 

I agree with you...I feel the same way about my mom. She did alot for me raised my well. But we have different views on life. I will still pass down the morals and lessons she taught me...but I would change of alot of other things.But the thing is will be able to go ahead with the changes?

I know my mom felt the sameway about her mom....she was doing fine raising us different from the way she was raised then bam!! she changes. She did a 180 degrees and went back to the old school way...which we know is not very favorable on women/girls.

So do you think you can stick to your plan Harmony?

[Rising Phoenix]

^^^ Thank you, flying-still, and yes, I can confidently say I will stick to my own path (IF ALLAH DICTATES AND IF I EVER HAVE ANY KIDS). Otherwise, I will d@mn well try!! There's too many preaching what they can't practice, and I would like to make a difference. In my own life at least.

[Xafsa]

^^^^^Good luck hon!!

Lakkad is the only guy that replied?

[Xafsa]

I thought these Ayahs would be appropriate for this topic.

 

 

Advice from Lukman to his son

Surah Lukman verse 12-19

 

 

12. And indeed We bestowed upon Lukman Al-Hikmah (wisdom and religious understanding, etc.) saying: “Give thanks to Allah,” and whoever gives thanks, he gives thanks for (the good of) his own self. And whoever is unthankful, then verily, Allah is All-Rich (Free of all wants), Worthy of all praise.

 

13. And (remember) when Lukman said to his son when he was advising him: “O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.¹

 

14. And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents, - unto Me is the final destination.2

 

15. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

 

16. “O my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed , and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well-Aware (of its place).

 

17. “O my son! Aqim-is-Salat (offer prayer perfectly), enjoin (people) for Al-Ma’ruf – (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.

 

18. “And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant boaster.

 

19. “And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice (braying) of the ass.”

[MaLikah]

I honestly would love to be able to raise (or rear, Opinionated lol) my children the way my mother did in many ways. But at the same time you have to understand that we're not exactly our parents so we wont necessary do everything alike. We have our differences that will be reflected in the way we will end up raising our children. There are some things I would do, or wouldn't do, that my mother didn't. We also live in a different environment that demands certain things that our parents didn't give us. Example, issues that our parents couldnt talk to us about, we'll have to bring up wit our kids. Most of us would love to be our parents when we become parents, i think we can come close but neva exactly be.

[Xafsa]

Originally posted by MaLikah:

[QB Example, issues that our parents couldnt talk to us about, we'll have to bring up wit our kids. [/QB]

Thats true walaahi...there are alot of taboo topics that a parent and child should never talk about.

I remember when I was in 6th grade they were starting a sex education class and you needed to get your parents permission to attend. My mom said that i couldn't go but that she would teach me all I wanted to know.....i'm still waiting for it!! i guess she couldn't bring herself to talk about it with me. I had to wait 'till 8th grade to find out about sex and boy was that Traumatic!!! :eek:

[MaLikah]

loool- thats hilarious flyin. Yea I'm still waitin' to get the "talk" from my motha- but I aint holding by breathe.

[LuCkY]

FLying-stiLL and MaLikah you might have to wait untiL your wedding nite before that taLk is brought up.

I mean what is so hard that they cant taLk about-its onLy naturaL and it certainLy aint a shame to taLk about such issues.

[silent-sistah]

wooow...all the girls be talking about mothers,,,

 

im told that, im the opposit of my mother (charachter wise) and posses the exact same persoanlity traits as my father.

 

but i wasnt raised by them for me to know.

[raula]

since I haven't grown up with neither of my parents,I am told most of the times that I possess some definate characteristics of both my parents. However, behaviour-wise, i would definately note that I have grown to take up some values possessed and instilled to me by my beloved aunt, since she raised me. I truely salute her strong standard values that she possessed and passed it on to the kids she raised. She is totally has a different characteristics as my mother..but due to genetic makeup, ofcourse they share some qualities together.

 

Bottom line, I think there are so many factors that play into the one's persona makeup, but I think environment might play a major of all the qualities.

[Xafsa]

Originally posted by Lucky:

FLying-stiLL and MaLikah you might have to wait untiL your wedding nite before that taLk is brought up.

I think my mom knows I already know all I need to know about that topic I was a biology major....sex is just a technical thing.. a means to an end

[LuCkY]

^^^^^Okay.But i think you know what i mean by that. I mean they are suppose to taLk to you about issues aLong those Lines when you are younger so you wiLL be better prepared ya know?

[Xafsa]

^^^ I know what you mean....The day my mom opens her mouth about that....man..... :eek:

 

Ok back to the topic---anymore thoughts?