How to be a good wife

[-Serenity-]

How to be a good Husband:

 

1. You maybe married, but you’re still responsible for yourself: Easily translated, this means – do your clothes, washing and cleaning. Never expect your woman to fulfil your mothers role…she will not.

 

2. Understand ‘Marriage’: Marriage is not a union, its an intersection. Don’t expect your wife to help you become a better man or help you reach your career goals. That’s still your sole responsibility. You’re still two different people with different interests and that’s not gonna change.

 

3. Keep Clean: Cleanliness is next to Godliness goes a Hindu proverb. Lets not worry about the origin of the phrase but concentrate on the message. No woman likes a smelly man. Sweat is not sexy, neither is bad breath or yellow teeth. Shower atleast twice a day and brush after every meal… this is the only way you’ve a shot at ‘scoring’.

 

4. Don’t argue: Where women are concerned, you’re never right. You cannot be right – You’re a man! Do both of you a favour and say ‘You’re right honey’ or ‘I’m sorry’ to every looming argument. Then let her have her way.

 

5. Women aren’t low maintenance: Whats yours is hers. Stinginess is the cause of break-up in a lot of relationships. Go the extra-mile and give over your entire salary…lets her give you a small quota and decide how to do away with the rest. There is no other way, unless you fancy being alone…again.

 

6. Presents: Buy plenty of these. Pay attention to her when she is watching TV or reading Cosmo and her eyes start to gleam at the sight of that heavenly bag/shoes. Get it for her asap.

 

7. Good manners: They are not courtesy, they are obligatory. Don’t gross your woman out or else she will never sleep with you…and if she does…she wont be thinking about you.

 

8. Show respect: You wife is your queen and you should treat her like one. And know that you’re entitled to only one queen..so don’t ogle other women or talk to them without her permission. Be cordial, polite and never loose your temper at any time.

 

9. Foreplay is not a game: It’s a responsibility.

 

10. Women arent cars: You cannot ride them when you want. Wait for the right time and opportunity.

 

11. Birth control is for both of you. Practice it.

 

12. Do not over-estimate your role or importance. Remember that at all times… you’re wanted, not needed.

 

G'luck gentlemen

[Animal Farm]

Foreplay is not a game: It’s a responsibility.

 

I thought it was just a formality, good to know -- :cool:

[Sky]

3. Keep Clean: Cleanliness is next to Godliness goes a Hindu proverb. Lets not worry about the origin of the phrase but concentrate on the message. No woman likes a smelly man. Sweat is not sexy, neither is bad breath or yellow teeth. Shower atleast twice a day and brush after every meal… this is the only way you’ve a shot at ‘scoring’.

So if I smell like poop, my game-rating will be zero or less? I didn't know that. :rolleyes:

 

7 of nine, I'll print out your "How to be a good slave" list and use it as toiletpaper. :mad:

[Katrina]

Fidel, it's sad to say but many mothers and female relatives TODAY try to pass that crap onto younger generation.

An aquaintance of mine got married this summer. The week before her wedding night. Her mom and married female relatives ganged up on her with a list almost identical to this list. The most bizarre rule (in my opinion) was never ever say no to your husband's sexual needs or timing! Couldn't believe my ears when I heard that, I know what islam says about it but who wants a dead fish to copulate with?!

[Castro]

Originally posted by Katrina:

Fidel, it's sad to say but many mothers and female relatives TODAY try to pass that crap onto younger generation.

Times are changing. The list is really impractical more than anything else. And although it may be practised somewhere, living in the west makes it a bit difficult to implement.

 

7's list on the other hand is just a bunch of man hating bologne. Seriously, it's the wrong response to a despicable list.

[-Serenity-]

Originally posted by Castro:

7

's list on the other hand is just a bunch of man hating bologne.

That was genuine, sisterly advice! :mad:

 

Sky, good you found some use for it

[Katrina]

7of9, way to go sis and thanks for the ever so eloquently phrased national anthem of not to many self-respecting women. It was hard trying to choose which list item was my favorite but after much delegation I've choose #9,11 and of course my fav. #12.

[Castro]

^^^ You do know that #9 is haraam, don't you? I can google the fatwa for you if you like.

[-Serenity-]

Dearest Tolstoy,

 

Brave men like you go for the former list while brave women like myself for the latter. Its the cosmic’s way of maintaining the social equilibrium. Alas, we are not meant to be .

 

Castro, foreplay is Islamically encouraged.

[Warrior of Light]

Originally posted by Castro:

@WOL: good luck finding a man like that. That's why it's the perfect situation. It never would happen.

It has its rewards, I can tell you that. As the lady of the house has plenty of time on her hands she can still pamper her husband as an appreciation token for his efforts. And as its mutual, changes are allowed wholeheartedly

 

Originally posted by Sky:

Yada Yada Yada! And Warrior of Light, you wanna cause me a heartattack or something?

 

No for real though, such a wife would scare the shit out of me. I like daily fights in my house, neighbours calling the cops on us and shit, kids screaming. Than I feel comfortable in my house.

You need a calming down program, I thought a hard day at work was terrible. I cant imagine having such a disruptive household. Well, what rocks your boat.Good luck

[Castro]

Originally posted by 7 0f Nine:

Castro

, foreplay is Islamically encouraged.

Evidence please.

[-Serenity-]

Here There And Everywhere!

[Castro]

Originally posted by 7 0f Nine:

Here

There

And

Everywhere

!

Ah, forgot about Google.

 

That last link had me collecting my jaw off the floor. You can do that around here? And all this time I thought: can I possibly collect any more sins?

[Katrina]

Fidel said,^^^ You do know that #9 is haraam, don't you? I can google the fatwa for you if you like.

 

Subhanallah, in this lifetime Allah will show one everything...even the impossible!! Fidel, did you just mention haraam and fatwa in the same sentence?? What is the world coming too??

 

Miracles do happen :rolleyes: , I've been thinking about buddhism lately.

[Castro]

Originally posted by Katrina:

Miracles do happen :rolleyes: , I've been thinking about buddhism lately.

Careful there Katrina, with statements like these, you will be accused of being in a celebratory mode and condoning something or the other. Members of the elite prevention-of-vice-and-promotion-of-virtue squad will then be dispatched to eliminate you.

 

By the way, my fatwa statement was not a serious one. I know of no such fatwa. I was referring to the fly-by-night google articles that fit every claim made on SOL.