Why can't money and [Halimos] get along?

[Castro]

For too many of today's women, money remains a scary and emotional topic.

 

By Marilyn Gardner

 

Liz Perle was only 9 years old when her elegant grandmother started teaching her what she considered the financial facts of life. Lesson One began, "Every woman needs money of her own that her husband never knows about. So she can do what she wants. What she needs. Remember that."

 

Lesson Two soon followed: "You never talk about money. It's private."

 

Years later, after a series of financial ups and downs, Perle realized that her grandmother was right about that bank account of one's own. But she also knew that Grandma had been wrong about remaining tight-lipped on financial issues. Women's reluctance to talk openly and honestly about money - with friends, husbands, children, bosses, divorce lawyers - harms marriages, careers, and retirement, she warns.

 

Perle lays out the sobering facts in her illuminating book, Money: A Memoir. When it comes to finances, she observes, women are in denial, big-time.

 

They often lie about what they spend, even shaving a few dollars off the price of something as mundane as lipstick.

 

Many are afraid to ask for a raise. Some invest more heavily in wardrobes and homes than in IRAs and savings. Lured by the siren call of marketers selling an unattainable American dream, they spend defiantly.

 

Whatever their financial status, women cling to conflicting dreams: They want to be independent, yet long to be taken care of.

 

As Perle writes, "Because I have often confused care with cash, there have been times when, sitting in the middle of a semicircle of income tax forms, I want nothing more than to pack it all in and let someone else show me how much they love me by taking away all my financial burdens."

 

Prince Charming, where are you?

 

Such dreams begin in childhood. Boys are still raised to be providers, girls nurturers.

 

When a girl starts baby-sitting, Perle notes, the parents hiring her may ask, "What do you charge?" "Whatever you want to pay me," the girl might reply.

 

If she does a good job, someone will say, "You're so good with children." By contrast, if her brother mows lawns to earn money, he's likely to win praise for being enterprising. No one will tell him, "You're so good with lawns."

 

Even in adulthood, women continue to give themselves mixed messages that "money is simultaneously vitally important and something we shouldn't show we care about."

 

Yet when Perle asks women about their top five nightmares, becoming a bag lady ranks high, along with not having enough money in retirement.

 

Women are typically more conservative investors than men. At the same time, their track record is often better because they don't trade stocks as often as men.

 

For everyone, the complexities run deep. "Money is never just money," Perle observes. "It's our proxy for identity and love and hope and promises made and perhaps never fulfilled."

 

Marriage, especially, can become an economic testing ground and power struggle. Massive social changes in recent decades have left many couples confused about who is supposed to supply what in a marriage.

 

Perle emphasizes that this is not a how-to book of financial advice. Instead, it could be considered a how-not-to book, showing how not to fall into financial peril and ruin.

 

With candor and self-deprecating humor, she offers herself as Exhibit A. Although she came from an upper-middle-class family and held well-paying publishing jobs, she often ignored basic principles of money management.

 

When she married, she turned over her economic life to her husband. The arrangement appeared to work until they moved to Singapore for his job. He decided he wanted a divorce.

 

As he put her and their 4-year-old son on a plane to San Francisco, he stuffed $1,500 in her hands and said goodbye. So much for fiscal stability.

 

Perle has met women who are very comfortable with money, who understand what money can and cannot do to their lives.

 

Still, so pervasive are the challenges that a majority of her readers will probably see themselves somewhere in its pages.

 

To call the book a memoir is to stretch the conventional image of that genre. It is autobiographical, to be sure.

 

But it also contains the voices of other women who make cameo appearances to share their own financial tales, along with the voices of financial experts.

 

Whatever its classification, the book contains a message that needs to be heard and heeded, not only to benefit women but also to give their offspring a better financial example.

 

As Perle cautions, "We're raising a generation of children with high lifestyle aspirations but no concept of how to achieve them."

 

Nine out of 10 women will be financially on their own at some point in their lives. Yet more than half of American women have no pension coverage, compared to a quarter of men.

 

Underscoring the urgency implicit in statistics like these, Perle says, "There comes a point in all women's lives where we have to take command of our economic destinies."

 

As her book makes abundantly clear, today would be a good time to start.

 

Source

[- Femme -]

^Nice read. How does one delicately bring up the topic of money when getting to know someone? It's very awkward subject even in close circles.

 

Tyra banks talked about the hidden saving account; she called it 'my fcuk you' money. Her grandmother told her, before she became a model, to always keep some money so that if a relationship didn't work out or some emergency came up; she wouldn't be too desperate.

 

It's also very comforting to know, that if I'm ever sick of being independent or tired of going to work; I can stay home and spend his money! Gotto love it.

 

Oh money. How I adore thee.

[Castro]

Originally posted by Kooleey:

^Nice read. How does one delicately bring up the topic of money when getting to know someone?

It is delicate. But being comfortable with it yourself is a step in the right direction. Clearly, if you yourself show discomfort to such matters, you won't ever reach your goals of independence or know the difference between a knight in shining armor and a two-bit, broke, Faarax.

 

Oh money. How I adore thee.

Rap on sister, rap on.

[- Femme -]

know the difference between a knight in shining armor and a two-bit, broke, Faarax.

I think every girl can tell them apart. It's just that there is more of the latter and the few of the former are so rare that only time one would meet them would be at the movies or in a book.

 

There is this old saying which rings true;

Don't ask a woman about her age nor a man about his money.

 

What do you mean by your thread title? Halimoos are the most frugal people I know; they can feed armies on a few cents.

[Castro]

^ It's the title of a book atheer. Below are the basic (psychological) needs of a human. In paranthesis, I translated that into material needs:

 

1) security or safety (nice ride and crib)

 

(2) effectiveness and control (ability to pay rent/mortgage)

 

(3) positive identity and self-esteem (nice clothes)

 

(4) positive connection and esteem for and trust in others (sex)

 

(5) autonomy and self-trust (nice job that pays well).

 

(6) comprehension of reality or world view (socializing)

 

 

Much of the above requires money. Love is not a basic need.

[Johnny B]

^^ Atheer, years back , i read it somewhere that Men spend a great deal of their time thinking of how to make money while Xalimos spend their time thinking of how to spend money.

 

The hunetr and gatherer relationship still holds, we make the impossible to make money and happily let those who know how to spend it best do the spending for us. impressive, pretty daring , kina super-heroing woulden´t you say Atheer?

[Johnny B]

DP

[sheherazade]

Originally posted by Johnny:

^^ Atheer, years back , i read it somewhere that Men spend a great deal of their time thinking of how to make money while Xalimos spend their time thinking of how to

spend

money.

 

The hunetr and gatherer relationship still holds, we make the impossible to make money and happily let those who know how to spend it best do the spending for us. impressive, pretty daring , kina super-heroing woulden´t you say Atheer?

Snort

[Baashi]

Money = power. With it comes with independence, influence, and power. Awoowe ninkii helaa maarma. Maansha ninkii ku hees lacageey.

 

Lacageey,

Raga kala labeeysaay,

Haween lahashadeedaay,

Liitaha gadhgaadhaay,

 

Lurkeedii habeenadan,

Hurda ladiba waayee.

 

Qofku waa inuu maarmaa oo uu deen iyo berya ka koraa qofkii soo mutana uu hagaajin karaa.

 

Financial freedom is the way to go buddy.

[Blessed]

^Salaams. Good to read you

 

I absolutely agree with Baashe everyone who has the ability to seek financial independence, should. Unfortunately, we're living in a world where nothing is promised.

 

That women tend to be poorer in retirement than men has much to do with the state pension system, which assumes an unbroken working pattern from the age of about 16 or 18 to 65. The system punishes women who take career breaks to have children: only half of all women qualify for the full basic state pension, currently £82 a week, against 90 per cent of men.

Imagine countries where there is no pension scheme....

 

Anothermistake made by many women is to assume that, in return for having to look after the children, their partners will support them in retirement. Since about half of all marriages end in divorce, reliance on a partner is not a sound strategy.

Read More

 

Another good read.

 

Why women can't save

 

In conclusion gabdho, sort it out!

[underdog]

Castro, good eye buddy but I think we all know women and their money are soon separated by some well placed ads or that belt magaceedi was wearing on that TV show.

 

I can't even try to enlighten our sisters on money mechanics so I'll talk to the guys instead.

 

Under no circumstances should ANY woman EVER know exactly how much money you make and have a list of all your assets. << the only exception to this rule is when you're on your deathbed.

 

Once you have that discipline down then let your xalimo spend her income as she sees fit. Lets see how spendy she gets when she's under the belief that we're teetering on the edge of financial disaster.

[Baashi]

Marwo Aamina sadiiqa wlc back abaayo.

 

Under dog i see this differently. Your wife should know how big your wallet is. In fact she should be in charge of the budget (my opinion). Take it from me as I'm an expert on this. Here is the trick. 1)Get a joint account with her. 2)Hand her the checkbook. Share your ambitions, plans, etc. 3)Have her keep her paycheck. 4)Have her handle the monthly bills. 5)Make sure you monitor the expenses on your own cuz you don't wanna your credit worthiness to take a nose dive. And 6)If she blows it make sure you blame her on the fact that you have to abandon your plan A because of lack of money. Trust me most of the them want their family to get ahead and become very successful.

 

Do that and you will see her become, slowly but surely, stingy. I don't have time now but one other important thing is not to control Directly what she can and cannot spend on your money. Inaad wax ka qarsanaysid markay tuhmaan ama ay kugu tuhmaan bilcaan kale waa marka ay ugu daran thay. Focus on the plans and ambitions you have and make sure she damn knows it. Gotta run now.

 

Again money = power use it wisely. If your current asset is in red ink...you get a problem...big problem.

[Maf Kees]

Baashi I agree with you partially. I don't remember who said this, but in order for any relationship to survive, Farah and Halimo have to have the same focus. And that focus is all about Halimo! She's allready there, she's waiting for Farah to come and join the party.

 

But once your wife is in charge of your dough. Than say goodbey to your hopes, your dreams and everything else that you thought this life would bring you.

 

Money = Power. Ain't that the truth. Wealth will set you free!

[- Femme -]

Excuse me? Why are ya'll acting like its YOUR money? Doesn't being in a marriage equal partnership? Just because one person brings in the money doesn't mean it BELONGS to them. By the 'simple' act of staying home, taking care of the food, children and the unending chores---that money is BOTH of urs. :rolleyes:

 

Or do you consider her a dependent?

 

Underdog, I guess your joking, but just in case someone shares that caveman mentality--- I just want to reinstate the importance of a woman being financially independent of her man---that way your aren't treated like a retarded, helpless child begging for lacag. Ewww.

[Castro]

^ By law she is a dependent. Look at any application for health, 401k, insurance, etc..

 

What she needs to do is remove the "dependence" on the income earner. As Blessed kindly pointed out, 50% of marriages end in divorce and while your ex-hubby is spending your wealth (accumulated jointly) with a hot and fresh 18 year old from Laas Geel, you're left to pick up the pieces of your shattered life.