The Diary Af A Non-Adventurous Nomad:

[BOB]

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

I always knew that there was a good and logical reason why Allah s.w chose yours truly to be born and bred in Africa otherwise who knows, maybe I would've been long dead by now after being bitten by a Black mamba or even perhaps eaten alive by a great white shark or worse bungee jumped to an early grave but as you can tell none of those tragedies I have mentioned above has happened to me so far and I pray to almighty that they never do indeed Insha Allah.

 

See, being an African is easy compared to our European cousins who seem to be oblivious to the dangers that exist within the unforgiving African jungle where danger is looming where you least expect and deaths stalks the inhabitants constantly.

 

I recently went to a Safari with my visiting friend from US and I couldn't believe what the European tourists that we were travelling with asked of our driver and tour guide to do after we spotted a fully grown hungry and hunting Black Mamba, few of them wanted to get closer and snap few shots away!

 

Getting closer to a black mamba? Excuse my Urdu, but are you retarded? Do you even know how dangerous this snake is?

 

As I suspected our European guests didn't know a thing about what type of snake it was and whether it was venomous or not, black mamba is arguably the most dangerous snake in the whole world and here we are contemplating on getting closer to the bloody thing.

 

Plus it's the only snake in the world that attacks anything in its sight instead of your usual snakes that only bite in self defence, its said the Black mamba is the only snake in the world that is territorial and it will attack and hunt down anything that steps into its domain including humans and once it attacks, you might as well lie down, safe your energy and pray to your maker as there is no way in the world that you can out run it as its faster than Osafa Powell (the world's fastest man) and god forbid, once it catches up with you, not only will it bite you once just like your ordinary snakes but multiple times and you are the luckiest nomad in the whole world if you make it to three minutes...and here we have naïve tourists who suggested to get closer to the "beautiful snake".

 

Thanks to the professionalism of our tour guide who politely explained how unwise it would be to tempt fate and we swiftly moved on to our original target which was a lioness and her cubs and again they wanted to get out of the vehicle and take few photos of the continent's most dangerous carnivore!

 

I asked myself what on earth was I thinking when I accepted to travel with bunch of Italians and Austrians who were visiting Africa for the first time, the ring leader was this loud Juve mad, pizza loving, Rooney look-alike Italian and I told him straight to his face that once he stepped out of the vehicle he can forget about seeing Juve play in the Serie A again ever and that was the last time he suggested to commit suicide at our expense and soon he and my friend began discussing about the three F's that Italians and most red hot blooded males around the world love to discuss about, Ferrari, Football and of course Females and once my friend told him that we were Somali he went on and on about Somali people and how he would one day love to visit his great grandfather's grave in Somalia...(Yeah Right).

 

 

We made our way to Victoria Falls and my friend wanted to try his hands with bungee jump and I suggested to him that he should write down his will before they bound his feet together and literally push him of the cliff and tell his family that I had nothing to do with it.

 

See, I am happy being a nomad who doesn't envy the adrenaline filled life style of the white folks and I swear I have no business in jumping off a cliff FOR FREE while still sane and if they ever try to tell you BOB got lost while climbing mount Everest for charity and he is unaccounted for or he went to skydiving or even went to swim with great white sharks just to show how adventurous he is, know whoever is giving you that update is LYING.

 

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[BOB]

Don't get me wrong, I love adventure enough to sit in front of the TV for hours and watch white folks torture themselves and I love swimming too, after all I was born in Kismayo, however, I am not doqon enough to tempt fate cause I firmly believe if Allah s.w meant for me to swim amongst the sharks and sea snakes he would've made me one but he didn't and there is a good reason why.

 

Can you imagine how heartbroken my beloved would be after they tell her how I was eaten alive by bunch of hungry sharks at Shark Bay down in Mother City (Kaap Stad) or mauled to death by pride of lions at Skukuza in Kruger?

 

I get goose pumps just thinking about it, it will be a tragedy if I were to depart from this world without fathering couple of babies to inherit all the crazy stuff that I have been writing down for almost a decade now and above all it will be sad to Bobo (my godson) who is already head-over-heels in love with my unborn future daughter, he calls her Aisha...talk about an active imagination!

 

He's only 4 years old and I promise you this kid would've still been smarter than me at the age of 10 never mind four. he knows the make of the cars of each of us drives including his daddy's.

 

Adventure, you say, my great grandparents were camel herders why not emulate them and walk for days and nights following that promising dark cloud in the horizon or if you want to denounce our nomadic roots we can go for a walk at the beach or ride a rollercoaster or perhaps go to the countryside and buy a fresh game meat from the Muslim farmers or better if you are in the mood for an indoor adventure we can have the adventure of our lives right in our bedroom without being the lunch or the dinner of some bloody overrated carnivores.

 

Anyway, I am happy to report that my friend did jump and he was lucky the rope didn't decide to go to vacation on him and I REFUSED to go inside a cage and "Experience The Most Breathtaking Moment of My Life" by swimming with sharks after couple of days but sadly I will have to live with the label of being a coward for the rest of my life but being the streetwise nomad that I am, I told my buddy if he ever mentions it to my teasing brothers and cousins he can forget visiting me again ever as I wont send his ungrateful behind a visa next time he craves for African adventure and I took him to a football match as a bribe between Barcelona and our local champions Mamelodi Sundown from the capital where we watched the goofy genius getting down to the local groove to the delight of the thousands of spectators who came out to support the good cause (yeah right, I went there simply to watch Ronaldinho so SoMa_InC would stop bragging to me about watching him so close).

 

Ati bungee jump, doesn't he know the reason why nomads don't make a great fighter jet pilots or astronauts is there are always people like me who believe those kind of jobs are best left for white folks as they love to commit suicide more than any race on the planet...as nomads we got no interest whatsoever in Mars or what's on the moon, we got all we need right in this planet, we got camels right here don't we. That is probably why you will never hear a nomad claiming to have been kidnapped by an Alien for we are intelligent enough to differentiate between BULL and SHIIDH.

 

 

PS. Please share your most recent adventurous whether crazy or straight up boring like mine.

 

 

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[Urban]

 

I don't think I've ever seen a black person bungee jumping before.

Looking back at my life.. all 20 years of them, the most adventurous thing I've done was probably climbing a tree to pick some beethan And I definetly don't see myself stroking a Tiger or skydiving in the near or distant future! Why the hell would any sane person jump off a plane thousands of feet above earth? just..why? One of the scaries moments in my life was being chased by a cow as a 9 year old.. good times

[-Serenity-]

Originally posted by *BOB:

PS. Please share your most recent adventurous whether crazy or straight up boring like mine.

 

 

Do we look like white folks to you?

[Ms DD]

Salaam aleykum brother Bob

 

What an entertaining peiace, even though it was a laugh at your expense. Nomads arent known for their cowardiness so a grown man such as yourself should always have an aura of fearlessness. When He roars, the jungle is silent and trembles with terror. The air in his cheeks should impart a thundering roar whilst thumping his chest. Puffing his chest out, he strides off in search of his mate. Oh well!

[Buuxo]

Lol Bob that was a good read,although i have not done any adventurous things in my life.I once had a fascination with skydiving and would like to do that. But i have people like you surrounding me,who would not even accompany me on a hot air-balloon ride , so this adventurous gal will IA try skydiving one day.

 

PS. not trying seafood doesnt make me less adventurous right?

[Pujah]

Few years ago I went with bunch of friends to Six flags and we got on this ride I cant remember the name of it but basically you are in this balloon and your feet are dangling and it goes up in the air few hundred feet than drops. The hardest part was the wait actually not knowing when you going to be dropped and your legs dangling outside means you feel like you’re about to fall of the thing...let’s just say my stomach couldn’t handle that

but it was fun in the end and I would probably get on that ride again if I am back there

[hodman]

lol BOB that was fun to read

the most adventure I can handle is eating all kinds of exotic food that my folks call bahalo...as for heights I wareer even looking at a tall building samada iska soo tuur iskaba daaye

[STOIC]

Bob, one of my boy did a bungee jump lately when he was vacationing in South Africa.I suspect it was Bloukrans bridge in Plettenberg Bay.I doubt I could do that in a million years.

[Viking]

BOB,

I usually tell my western counterparts that where I hail from, it is an achievement in itself JUST to be alive (life in Kibera and the whole Nairobbery is dangerous enuf man). So no need to make life "more exciting" by jumping of planes/cliffs/bridges, taunting a black mamba or a great white shark. BTW, I saw a piece on the news about teenagers in SA "train-surfing". Now that's some dangerous shyte there! Is life in the townships getting mundane?

 

PS: I once put a green mamba in a class-mates desk, after I killed it!

[Baashi]

^I've seen that doc too on the tube. Very dumb bunch I tell ya.

 

Speaking of adventure here is one for you homeboy. In the Viking country where the sun shines 18 hours straight in summer, I went out ya know to see places kinda sightseeing thing. Even though whale watching and bird watching (puffins and other exotic birds) is not my thing, haddana I thought I should try and see how it goes. So I did. Five minutes and I had it and out of politeness to my collegueos I pretended as if I'm having the time of my life.

 

Calaa caleek camal I swallowed my ciil and wasted a whole day! My man BOB you wouldn't believe how all this grwon up men react to one lil puffin flying from its nest to the next on the same rock...oooh OMG uuuh how adorable...this and that.

 

Anyhow that didn't go down right. On the next one I made sure I do something new and original. We headed to the North near 66 degree. One of my collegues informed me about hot spring kinda natural pool (gets its geothermic heat from tetonic plate..hope I spelled right)...

 

When we got there the hype turned out to be a manmade pool with natural hot spring (kinda engineered they put the water through pipe and brought to the pool). Technically it is natural hot spring with coctail of minerals in it (Ceel Caafimaad in Kista remmember, same buddy, locals claim that the spring has a healing properties just as the Kista folks thought about their Ceel caafimaad).

 

Long story short with all the seminaked blondes crowded in this tiny pool, I didn't get my dip. I went to an adjacent building to do my wayso...mise ka tag...it is a big bath lounge folks are to bath...the thing is they shower naked both genders.

 

That's about it. Not your manly man thang.

[Viking]

Baashi,

Lool, were you bird watching or bird watching? The geyser you went to qualifies as 'qulatain' (more than 200 kgs or was it litres of water). Bisinka intaad qabsatadid you could have done your wudu.

[Baashi]

C'mon Viking. Bisinka is invoked to initiate acts. Now what act the proposed bisink is for

[Baluug]

Originally posted by -Serenity-:

quote:Originally posted by *BOB:

PS. Please share your most recent adventurous whether crazy or straight up boring like mine.

 

 

Do we look like white folks to you?

All you guys have lived in more than one country. That's more than I've ever done!

[Nehanda]

Well recently I went paragliding at Chamonix. What an incredible experience that was! After the initial trepidation of jumping off the cliff, you feel such amazement. The wind was soothing; the view of the valley and glazier was incredible.

 

Another recent experience although not as daring as paragliding was horse riding in Iceland, beautiful scenery and at times difficult terrains