Where are the single mothers?

[shyhem]

Last time me and opala were here we were looking for a good housewife but sadly enough no somali sister wanted to be seen anywhere near the Title "good housewife" but this time around we're cautiously optimistic about making sense not that i'm interested in single mothers even though i wish 'em good luck.

 

Go a head prettywomen read the article and after you're done just tell me when u want to Bobbit me so i can run for my dear life,i do rather let the knife hit me in the back and die instantly than be half man-half yet to be defined what he is lacking man.

 

WHERE ARE THE SINGLE MUMS?

 

OYUNGA PALA stirs the hornet's nest with his views on why this breed of women are the most marriageable around.

 

It just hit me the other day. Finding a good man, if I were a woman would be quite a daunting task. Good in this instance could mean a zillion things, but let's keep it simple. When a woman says "I want a good man", all she is asking for is good manners, good looks, healthy finances, respect, infidelity-free, romantic, domesticated and tall. Which isn't too much too ask, considering lots of women do fit the bill of what most men think of as an ideal woman. Try and think like a woman for a change. Jump across to the other side, where the grass is supposedly less green and look again. I tried and trust me, it scared the

 

living daylights out of me. I picked out five of my mates for a random sample study and asked myself the poignant question, "If

 

I was a woman and I wanted a man to marry, who would be the fairest of them all?" All these blokes fell hopelessly short of the target qualifications. Steve has this annoying habit of constantly picking his teeth, even after a cup of tea. Odiero just doesn't fit the fidelity bill. Tony snores, Thomas has to lose the red socks, Moses doesn't make nearly enough to even support himself and Ndirangu is horizontally challenged. Yet, these boys - and I am not exaggerating will be among the more eligible bachelors in less than five years.

 

Clearly women are in dire straits. I think they have to lower their standards because, the close to perfect guy is just about

 

as elusive as the Kenyan shilling. Actually it is worse. It is as difficult as getting a legible road map to that spot they named Gee considering most women still haven't the faintest clue where it is. If you don't believe me, reach out for a calculator this very moment and do the maths with me. A good 40 per cent of men in the market are out of running already, either because they are too young (under 16) or too old (over 50). The next 30 per cent are either too promiscuous, drunks, incompetent, broke, overweight or are unable to mop the floor after using the shower. Which leaves us with 30 per cent. Of this slim majority, 10 per cent are taken, five per cent live outside a radius of 300 kilometres from you, and the other five

 

per cent are either gay, have issues or are suffering from SACOPS (Severe Acute Commitment Phobia Syndrome). That leaves you with a paltry ten per cent. And if you thought it would be freefall from then on, quit dreaming. You are competing against

 

some of the most complete women conceivable. The only way to remedy this serious imbalance is to reintroduce polygamy. Whatever happened to good old sharing? Which is why my heart goes out to the single mothers? Forget the single mothers by choice who use men as sperm banks for their own reproductive ends. I am talking about single mothers by default, who incidentally are a seriously untapped resource. Its amazing, that men are quick to dismiss women who have given birth for the presumably untouched. We need to drop that illusion because if you ask me, it is not nearly as hard to fall

 

pregnant accidentally. It's a game of numbers. The more you do it, the more likely it is to happen and bit like Russian roulette, those wet diapers are just a click away. I hear guys claiming that women want to trap them into fatherhood. I think that is the dumbest thing I've heard since that guy called Baraza who tried to milk a jumbo. Seriously boys, babies are not dropped on doorsteps by DHL, they are made. You are walking around with a weapon of mass production. If can't use it properly, I suggest disarmament. If you are not ready for parenthood, abstain. That's the only foolproof method but that's like telling the boys to substitute the brown bottle for Ribena. Either that, or make sure you have a year's supply of condoms.

 

Secondly, if you are in one of those VCT certified condom free arrangements please restrain from using the withdrawal method. Its error margin is too high. Don't even think of trying to figure out the moon cycles. I would suggest, just like I ask

 

every woman to carry the pack of condoms, that the man purchase the morning after pills. Make sure you have a glass of water by the bedside table and do not flinch until you see her swallow.

 

Hopefully we would have a lot less single mothers if everyone followed my advise. Too many brothers assume that the pregnancy is the woman's responsibility which would have made sense over a decade ago but certainly not in the Aids age. Why in gods name

 

would you think of sleeping with a woman you have no intention of marrying without a condom? You see, that's being dumb. Then

 

you blame the woman for falling pregnant claiming you were trapped. Seriously, are you brain dead! The only way to avoid stray babies is abstinence or use the rubbers because your life depends on it. Otherwise take responsibility.

 

Back to the single mothers who deserve more credit. Making a conscious decision to carry a pregnancy to full term involves a lot of nerves, though some women do make childbirth look as casual as popping open a beer can. To be a single woman in a country where state welfare translates to "We will stop your running water and interrupt your power but kindly honour the bill" is no joke. Just as women need to lower standards in

 

regard to ideal partners, guys ought to look these single mothers over again. They meet the criteria. What does man want in a woman? Sex, respect, responsibility, beauty, loyalty and economic viability and that's being extravagant.

 

Single mums have it. Work through the list. Sex! Oh, you know, she is not restrained. Respect! After the ******* who dropped

 

her even before she could say, "I think...", any man who can prove he is truly committed to her and would not be intimidated by

 

another man's child is getting respect. If you are looking for responsibility, it's the single mum. She can cook, clean, keep

 

house, rear a child and as long as you don't become her next child, you are hot property. Loyalty! Single mothers just do not trust men not after the crap they have been through. So the fact that she is giving you the time of day is loyalty right there.

 

She is looking for a father figure in her child's life, one she can be loyal to and the kid can look up to, unlike the numerous

 

'uncles' trooping in and out of the kids life. And finally, they have their own money. You don't pull single motherhood off

 

without sorting out your priorities. Maybe it isn't as much, but the fact that she has managed to get this far with an extra

 

mouth to feed and a napkin budget and still look good is sheer ingenuity. Some of these potentials in the market look so wasted

 

and unkempt I shudder to think what they would look like after childbirth.

 

So there you go. A few good reasons why you should marry a single mum. Fathering a kid is no big deal, and nobody ever got a medal for it. It's in the rearing that boys are separated from men. We live in a country that in many ways suffers from lack of

 

marriageable women, but if the only reason you are holding back is because someone was there before you, I think you need to

 

update. Just as women have to lower their standards when they go male hunting, boys have to tap into the single mother market.

 

The fact that she can take care of one, despite the bitterness, shows family experience. They say women change drastically after childbirth. If the single mum has changed and she is still tolerable, it's a better bet than sticking around and waiting for the cutie wrapped round your arm to go through her metamorphosis.

 

One slight draw back about single mothers though is the mother-in-law factor. She is too large to be circumvented. This means she will be hovering around your lives like an evil spirit. They also have no patience for economically unproductive men. If you can live with that, "then go forth, ye knight in

 

rusting armour, and find thee, the deflowered".

 

pala.o@jay.net