MY APPOLOGIES---NOW LETS TALK BUSINESS(child abuse issue)

[silent-sistah]

Salaam Alaykum

 

first i would like to give my deepest appologies that my other post was deleted...it was my fault, i asked admin to delete it, because of the first few negative replies,,,,

i was giving in (ma bad- i guess im real weak) i thought that the people here were not ready to find a solution, to the problem, so i asked for it to be closed, didnt see the point of being slagged off, when no benefit was going to come.

 

 

benefit did come...and i had jumped to conclusions again....i guess i should be more patient ---InshaAllah ill work on it.

 

I found that alot of sisters and brother are willing and ready to discuss the issue, and look for the solution.

 

 

to help our little brothers and sister that are living it bad, i would like y'all to give your ideas, on what we can do ...and how...

 

sister nefertiti , came up with the idea of setting up a website, for children having a hard time, she was saying that they could get online for support and advice, and maybe later we could turn it into a phone-in help line,

 

 

all possitive ideas are wlcm...and if you feel that one idea is not constructive,,,please dont just diss, give us the reasons (why u disagree),,,and an alternative if possible.

[Bambina]

Wassup Silent-Sistah ,I appreciated ur replies in the false claims abuses topic.Now ,let's talk about the child abuse issue,the idea of a website and the help line are great.Let's also run sessions in somali community about the child abuse(includin' false claims abuse).Thoses sessions have to be on the children's rights as well as the parents and maybe offer sum counselling for both the children and parents.In the website for example,though it might be hard for sum children ,it should feature testimonies of abuses,so ppl cant really ignore dat dis is a major problem.Im runnin out of ideas ,I hope others might be inspired and come up wit other solutions.Bye.

[Instinct.Poet]

Child Abuse some serious shyt..This actually alters

Youngsters mind in their Adulthood.Body scars and

The Idea of being scared of getting whipped may

later turn into some serious disorderness or some

kind of phobia.In somalia We didn't really consider whippin the children was that serious

More of just teaching them "Adaab" respect in otherwise.I'm kinda Glad my parents took the road to teaching me "Adaab".

 

There is always another alternative to teaching the kids respect or adaab.

Why do you see so many somali kids acting so bad and rude.

This kids depend on whippin to show them the way.

But if you ever took the time and tough them

right from wrong maybe they might have used the

common sense or responsibility.

[Khayr]

Child Abuse?

Where has this concept come from and the need

for 'foster parents' originated from?

Unless parents are hitting to the point that

its effecting your five senses to the point of losing them (seeing, tasting, touching, hearing and the other sense (help me out here),

then its not ABUSE.

 

Child Abuse is a too overrated and I have seen many children try to use that against their parents when they wouldn't allow them to go outside with their friends or are being punished for doing Haram things.

 

Silent Sistah, you where right in CLOSING you thread b/c it brings about many negativities.

 

It distrubs me when I say a young muslim being sent of to 'foster parents' who are usually nonmuslims.

This is where the Muslim Community and the idea

of having a Shiekh to lead a Community instead of some elected officals becomes very important.

I think that the idea of relatives and yes-Qabil

that children should be applied to incases of crises, if there is no closely knit muslim community, which there isn't where I'm at.

 

You know how what shame some ****** teenager

brings to a family, qabil and muslim community

when they CRY OUT CHILD ABUSE to some nonmuslim

who just wants to take them away and put them in a world that would destroy the SOUL of that teenager.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am against giving children a BEAT DOWN.

But you better have some witnesses when you crying out CHILD ABUSE that that can back your statement up.

This is why people who make false ACCUSATIONS

Destroying the FAMILY STRUCTURE brings a big

FITNAH to the muslim community.

[LuCkY]

SiLent-Sistah i wanted to ask how are we suppose to make the future website or hotLines/whatever eLse avaiLabLe to the youth?

Some of them dont have access to the above.

 

Here is what i was thinking:

 

A youth center(run by somaLis/musLims)who heLp the kids with whatever they need such as schooL work, emotionaL distress, stress, someone to taLk to, a counseLor-some pLace they can come to when they are in troubLe knowing that they wont get scoLded at rather have a mentor.With a recreation center-sport courts...to keep them off of the streets and away from the drugs and gang bangers. A pLace they can caLL home-which is run by the community so that they dont seek heLp from the gaaLos.

 

Any comments or suggestions are weLcomed!

[Valenteenah.]

Originally posted by Lucky:

Here is what i was thinking:

 

A youth center(run by somaLis/musLims)who heLp the kids with whatever they need such as schooL work, emotionaL distress, stress, someone to taLk to, a counseLor-some pLace they can come to when they are in troubLe knowing that they wont get scoLded at rather have a mentor.With a recreation center-sport courts...to keep them off of the streets and away from the drugs and gang bangers. A pLace they can caLL home-which is run by the community so that they dont seek heLp from the gaaLos.

 

Any comments or suggestions are weLcomed!

I think that's a great suggestion Lucky and easily doable should the effort be put in by the community...or even a few dedicated individuals.

[- diamond princess -]

Lucky...that is a great idea, but there is a little problem with that. You see children are being abused everywhere in the world. So building a support group is hard, specially when not alot of Somali's are willing to help.

 

.:peace n luv:.

[Nefertiti]

Silent Sister, thank you very much for taking my suggestion on board. Children are the future, so in that sense I am prepared to do whatever in order to help.

 

Secondly, I didn't agree with the idea of deleting the whole topic in order to stop people getting deregotary. I thought that was also a part of brushing the problem under the carpet. I think this what we need to do: We need to confront the problems facing us and our youths today. Your post was extremely beneficial. It showed most Somalis true colours. It showed that a lot of us are superficial, they are acters who breeze through life. Life has a meaning, Allah put us on the world for a reason, and instead of re-evaluating our actions and doing things that matter, things that would enhance our chances of being a good MUSLIM, we preoccupy ourself with insignificant matters. It's truly a tragedy.

 

 

The idea of a youth center is briliant. The only problem with that would be how to fund it. A lot of these centers close simply because they can't afford to stay open anymore. In order to avoid that I think we need to raise awareness amongst famalies. Perhaps start PROPER councelling for Somali mothers (and fathers if they're present)and explain to them what PROPER childcare is. I don't think we should dive in to the issue of child abuse as they will only take this the wrong way. To start with one can explain to those parents the differences between DISCIPLINE and actual ABUSE as most Somali don't know this. This is very important as this will give them perspective.

 

However I am not aware of how realistic this all above is. Silent Sister, I honestly can't see any major changes occur in the short term, but maybe if the good people like yourselves keep pushing for change, then maybe who knows?

 

Sister Good Luck, and if you need any help do not hesitate to get in touch. May Allah bless you.

[LuCkY]

Thanks Barwaaqo and Diamond Princess-i know that abuse is worLd wide but we cant get rid of it aLL over the worLd overnite...its going to take some time.Its better to start in our communities and work our way up throughout the state, the country and aLL across the worLd.

 

I know we(somaLis)are reLuctant to beLieve certain things such as the existence of abuse but we wiLL have to educate our peopLe especiaLLy our generation so that such things dont take pLace.

[silent-sistah]

bambino ....thanx very much for your ideas sis....i like the the part of including the parents in the setions,,,,i guess they will find out for themselves that we are incouraging the kids to stay at home, and we can teach the parents how to stay on the right side of the law, so they wont loose their kids.

 

instinct poet , i dont know if you read my previous post on how i was beaten black and blue as a child by my Aunts husband,,,,

 

you talk about emotional scares,,,,hmm, i guess that what hurts more than the pumps and bruises, till 2 years ago, i used to have nightmares, of him beating me up.....i cant go into the gorry detail...but lets just say, i used to wake up in a cold sweat....when i was younger, and i shared a bedroom with his eldest daughter (younger than me) if either on of us has a nightmare, she would wake the other one up, we would push the beds 2gether, and sleep on one big bed (rather than 2 seprate single beds)

 

i guess, im most passionate, about setting up a help group, because of my personal past....and im glad in a way that i had that past, because if i didnt ....i might have turned out like these naive, insensitive, and pre-judgemental so called nomads in here.

 

khayr

Unless parents are hitting to the point that

its effecting your five senses to the point of losing them (seeing, tasting, touching, hearing and the other sense (help me out here),

then its not ABUSE.

bisinka and with your knowledge of the deen,,,,i expected better of you.

 

when hitting a child for discipline,,,i suggest that somali's should :

 

first tell the child that what they are doing is wrong, and if they do it again they will get smacked.

 

if the child repeats the bad act, then they should get a smack,

 

when getting the disciplinary smack, the child should never be hit on the face, head, or chest.....in fact the only areas that a parent is permitted to hit are the hands (arms), feet(legs) and bottom,

 

the parent should not over power and make the child feel helpless and weak, they should not use full force, and should not leave any blood, bruises or marks.

 

 

Khayr ,,,,maybe you also missed the previous post…mistakenly deleted by me.

 

You don’t have to wait to be put into a coma for you to realise that you are a victim of abuse. I guess a lot of us Somali’s are lucky that we (by qadaar of Allah-Alhamdulillah) survived the abuses dished out, the batterings that we endured.

 

Khayr my sister…you are quick to jump to conclusions,,,this was a meant to be a break from negative vibes, all I asked for is a positive contribution, as to how we can improve (stop) child abuse issues.

 

Lucky …I was talking to sister, harmony angel , and she has already got a geocites website already,,,,she was telling me that its free, and she is good with setting up cites, so, I guess im publicly asking her to go ahead with that part, InshaAllah.

 

She also told me that, we could later change to a dot.com website, but we need to pay a small fee (I don’t know the exact but she estimated £9.99 per year)

Or we could skip the geocites website and go str8 to the dotcom..

 

I guess, it’s a start, we could collect and post guideline of discipline for parents and children, as we are not encouraging children to run to the authorities, I think that we should include, religious issues, that deal with abuse, and families.

 

 

Nefertiti

….I didn't agree with the idea of deleting the whole topic in order to stop people getting deregotary. I thought that was also a part of brushing the problem under the carpet. I think this what we need to do: We need to confront the problems facing us and our youths today. Your post was extremely beneficial. It showed most Somalis true colours. It showed that a lot of us are superficial, they are acters who breeze through life. Life has a meaning, Allah put us on the world for a reason, and instead of re-evaluating our actions and doing things that matter, things that would enhance our chances of being a good MUSLIM, we preoccupy ourself with insignificant matters. It's truly a tragedy.

walaal, I know, it was another brush it under the carpet,,,but I almost gave up talking to somali’s all 2gether, (SubhanAllah), you share a personal experience with them, and I guess the first few replies did break me. I wasn’t expecting it. I mean, I just thought that , I don’t know what I thought, I guess I expected too much….

 

Alaa kuli haal khayr, its all worked out Alhamdulillah,

 

and I think that those of us that are willing to co-operate and make a difference are still here, talking in this thread, so we haven’t lost anything, in fact I just think that I have gotten away from the ciyaal, that were changing the issue of making a difference to attacking the credibility of my story.

 

Diamond , sis, it isn’t that hard to get youth project up and running, I guess you need the support of a few gaalo along the way, (I cant see those somali’s that know about community work helping us, they would probably take the idea for themselves,, or they would take the funds)ß-in saying that because I heard a lot of shiit about Somali communities at the present.

 

I seen a lot of Somali communites, that are set up for youths, but the people that run it, are old men and ladies, no different from their own parents, I dotn see the kids approaching their parents best frieds with their problems,

 

Naah, I think that we, as the young adults, should run it. And help our youth. we have more understanding of the school, social, and family life from a kids perspective, we could relate to the kids, and therefore could better advice them.

[- diamond princess -]

Lucky And Silent-Sistah...I hear you guys completely...I was tryna say that older somali people would think this is kinda "caab" if we create a a support group/community. They put pride before alot of things and they think that creating something like this will show gaalo the wrong point of view of somali's. I don't agree with the elders obviously but I had disccused this with my mother who told me this is how they'd (some) respond.

 

.:peace n luv:.

[Lefty]

Silent sista

 

First...The thread about the child abuse that you have posted shouldn't be deleted in my opinion. Criticizing and disagreement are the principal of better discussion and how else an issue is suppose to be debated without looking it in different angles from different of point-views.

 

Getting back to the issue...Harsh discipline method is one thing and calling every physical use an abuse is another. People like me would always argue that such a tactic results well manner behavior from kids can not be called "ABUSE". My whole point is every parent loves their kids more than anyone else and just because some soceities have their own way of living doesn't mean we have to abandon ours and follow their leads all the time. Some consider touching your daughter without her consent is a sexual/physical/emotional abuse, and there's the contradiction by having more disgrace systems like boot camps and others.

 

 

As far as the real real real Abuses such as Child, sexual, and other types in Somali community is concerned, well they are known and indeed they have existed and will continue to excist no matter what but it's unfortunate some people to jump up and always circle around things that aren't necessary to waste time like 'we have to accept its existence, we can't deny it..it's shame and blah blah. The bottom line is there's no fix or changeable the variability of a whole society of parenting or even the general behavior like Somalis but every individual should do acceptable lead and the best way of raising their kids. Other than that, I called spoiling and the next thing you know is teenage run-away drama!

[Rising Phoenix]

^^^ Lefty, I agree.

 

Originally Silent-Sister:

I was talking to sister, harmony angel , and she has already got a geocites website already,,,,she was telling me that its free, and she is good with setting up cites, so, I guess im publicly asking her to go ahead with that part, InshaAllah.

I hereby accept the challenge . In all seriousness, whatever you need doing I'm your girl. I'm guessing that as long as someone takes the first step, others will follow (with some throwing off the curb... )

 

So what do you have in mind?

[Xafsa]

These are all very good ideas walaahi!!! If there is anything I can do to help let me know.

As somali's we tend to have the same mentality as Kheyr.....hopefull by addressing this problem we can change all that.

 

1luv

[silent-sistah]

I hereby accept the challenge

harmony...my angel..

 

MashaAllah....thanx for acepting ....well, i guess everything that needs to be included in the website,,,,alll the ideas ect, shall come from us here inthe forum....

 

its our site,,,featuring our ideas, advice,,,,ect....now lets all discuss it ....

 

 

i really and truelly, think...that both parents and children,,,,need to know their Islamic, guidelines, the do's and dont's (when it come to discipline....

 

so InshaAllah....we can all go off, and educate our selves, (if like me we havent got the relevant Ahadiths to hand) and we get posting....

 

lefty ,,,,i agree that i should not have deleted the previous post, but, walaal, when u tell a personal story, to help people understand a situation....i guess i didnt see what there was to argue about, or how they could be so judgemental,,,the post just turned into me defending me self, and some naive people concentrating on my weaknesses rather than talking about the issue that i was addressing...

 

flying-still

.....i guess we are here to proof that change is not always bad....and from every culture you take the good and abandon the bad,,,,our aim here is not to imitate the kufaar, but we need to solve a sitution that we are facing in there society and since they have been here alot longer than us, they are better quipt at dealing with these situation, (the somali 'its ceeb dont say it way isnt working), so i guess we need to educate our people..young and old.

 

well, end of the day....all possitive ideas, about what we should put into this website to help parents and children, survive in the western society is help full...

 

 

i also think that if any person online,,,has had any personal experience, with abuse, harrassment, with/from parents, schools, peers, drugs ect....then it would be usefull if they shared their stories, telling us (plus the children and parents reading) how they felt, how they coped, and what they would advice. (ofcourse all posts will be anonymous.