I Have Stalker

[Nephissa]

Ay Kutubeey, hope you're not too busy reasoning with the stalker. This is a follow up post lol, What steps did you take, and how did the advice given assisted you?

 

Xoogsade: Maya bes waaye lol. Waan kaa cabsaday

[shyhem]

Did u say Stalker.....i had no idea Ay Kutubeey was that famous,So did u go to the Beverly hills cops or did u call the big gun L.A.P.D.

 

 

Anyway, if its that serious give dem cops a call or better u can marry in a hurry and show the stalker u'r new husband.

[Modesty]

Wow! Abaayo, this sounds like an incident I wrote about 1 year ago on SOL!!.P.S. Don't walk alone lest this 'weirdo' tries something!!!

[underdog]

Originally posted by Shyhem:

......or better u can marry in a hurry and show the stalker u'r new husband.

Thats the best solution I've heard yet. so next time you see him you can say "no, thanks, I already have one"

 

 

or here's another plan...get some strong basbaas, vinegar and salt in a blender and use one of those little refillable spray bottles...aim for the eyes.

 

If cops catch you with it...salad dressing.

[sheherazade]

Just because a man's seen to be stripping away his dignity, it doesn't give the rest of us a right to join in. Quite the opposite.

 

Empathy- what's wrong with that? Think about it for a second. What self-respecting man in full control of his behaviour/personality would relentlessly chase after a woman while blind and deaf to her rejection? Something can't be right! Maybe he's aware of how he's coming across but can't help but behave in this way. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes; not for a milli-second. Nor would I want to send a possibly vulnerable man over the edge with unnecessary actions. That's just me. When something bothers me I ask myself who else it's about. When I had to face that situation I knew that I'd rather be me annoyed, irritated and embarrassed by excessive attention than be him desperate and chasing the illusion that was me.

 

My main worry was that I would lose it and say awful things if pushed- there goes the compassion- so I prayed to God and asked Him not to put the guy in my path as I left home every day. I didn't want to be harsh to him even though he was making life a little difficult for me. That's just me. Anyway God answered my prayers; I only ever saw him twice very briefly thereafter; other than that I would arrive somewhere only to be told that he'd been there looking for me but never actually bumping into him.

 

More than anything I want Allah's mercy and I won't get it by being unkind to others. God loves gentleness and wants us to show forbearance and forgiveness especially in times of difficulty. For every problem an appropriate solution must be found. Losing yr head and lashing out just to get yrself out of a situation with no regards to the other party may lead to wrong doing on yr part.

[-Serenity-]

The problem with you Sheherazade, is you have somehow managed to personalise ay kutubeey’s story and make it yours.

 

Lets talk objectively about the issue of stalking. While I have gathered you like to add that humane touch to all your dealings, it’s not fair for you to role reverse and interpret the victimiser as the victim. Something definitely isn’t right with a man chasing a woman unremittingly. So who should deal with this? – not the victim me thinks, neutral people or the right authorities. If some maniacs dealings infringe on my right to live without fear, my first and foremost priority to secure my well being and peace of mind. I can feel all the sympathy, compassion and empathy in the world…but self-protection comes first.

 

Don’t misunderstand me as I see where you’re coming from. But getting a restraining order and advising the right authorities hardly strips any1 of their dignity. It merely states your stance clearly for the hard headed ones. Should the stalker be persistent after the intervention, it is but fair to take them off the streets and into the right institutions.

 

The issue of Somali and Muslim shouldn’t even come into the equation. A stalker is a stalker. It can be confusing why some1 of your own nationality and religion would do it you, but it shouldn't nevertheless deter you from pursuing the same course of action.

 

Lastly, Ay kutubeey, I hope you have not taken your situation out of proportion. Stalking is serious business and should be dealt with accordingly. Although, some1 showing up at the places you’re most likely to be is not stalking but trying to get your attention – after all, you have giving the get-go with the starbucks incident.

[NGONGE]

A couple of years ago I saw a girl in a wedding. I was enchanted, besotted and taken by her beauty. I asked a friend to find me all of her information and get me her phone number, I really was into this lady and I wanted to know more.

 

After a long and tedious search, I got her number, address, name, shoe size and social security number. My friends did all the research for me and it even turns out that we had a mutual friend (me and her). I plucked up the courage and phoned her. She refused to talk to me and said that she did not talk to strangers (which was her right of course). I almost lost hope and decided to let it go. My friends egged me on and told me that I should not let all their hard work go to waste. She’s a young and spoilt girl, they said. She’s probably playing hard to get, they said. She might even be shy, they said!

 

I decided to give it one more try. I did. She still didn’t want to talk to me but the tone of her voice was not as firm as it was the first time. She was wavering! In fact, she almost seemed playful.

 

I kept on calling her for a few more days and asking her out, she would talk to me for a bit, have a short conversation and then repeat the same old line “I don’t go out with strangersâ€! I was confused. Does this girl want me or does she not? She even spoke to me about her former boyfriend! She had a boyfriend!

 

I decided to persevere and see if I can charm her into meeting me for coffee just the once. To my surprise, she finally agreed! My friends were right, this lady was really playing hard to get (I will never understand women).

 

We met for our date and went to a nice and secluded coffee shop. She looked amazing and I was glad that I made an effort by dressing well and polishing my shoes. We sat at a table, stared at each other’s eyes and began talking.

 

This girl’s idea of “talking†is to conduct an investigation. All she did all night was to fire one loaded question after another at me. I tried to answer them as best I could and suppressed the urge to tell her to stop asking me all these questions and just relax. But those eyes, ooh those eyes, how could I be rude to those eyes?

 

We spoke for what seemed like hours. I didn’t mind having to make most of the talking. I reasoned that, like the phone calls, it took her a while to come out of her shell and finally talk to the “strangerâ€, so here, the same process is likely to be followed. I told her all about myself. I tried to be entertaining and keep her interest. Her shyness got the better of her and she kept on avoiding my gaze! Oh if she knew how those eyes mesmerized me.

 

She said that she needed to visit the little girl’s room. I even got up when she got up. I sat back down and watched her majestically glide away. What a woman!

 

When she got back, I watched her as she walked back to the table, all the while trying to peer into those lovely eyes again. This girl was very shy; she looked anywhere and everywhere but my eyes! Despite herself, she would instinctively glance at me and then quickly move her gaze to something else. Oh the torture!

 

She sat down and smiled, it was a nervous smile. If I didn’t know she was a shy girl, I’d have said that it was a fake smile. But no, nothing about this beauty was fake, nothing at all.

 

Her phone rang. She picked it up, I pretended not to listen, in fact I tried hard not to. But then I heard the awful words; she had to leave! I hated whoever it was on the other side of the line. I wondered if I’d ever get to see her and sit with her again!

 

I offered to give her a lift home. She refused; I didn’t want to let go of her yet. I was panicking; she was going to leave me sitting in a coffee shop and just walk out. I mumbled something about her sadness for losing her former boyfriend and how she told me she was still feeling the pain of that separation; I told her that it’s best I drive her home lest she do something silly!

 

I’m not sure what it is that upset her, but she snapped at me and asked me if this was a trick to find out her home address (those eyes looked even more beautiful when angry). I told her that I already knew her address and everything else about her. I told her that I’ve been seeking her for four years. I saw the panic in her eyes and knew that my words came out all wrong. She thinks I’m stalking her! Am I stalking her? I can’t stop thinking about those eyes.

 

 

:rolleyes:

[sheherazade]

Amethyst, sis, when I write I make sure I say what I mean to say. When I have spoken of my particular circumstances I have been clear about it. When I have spoken of the possibility of the man mentioned by the poster being vulnerable I have said, 'Maybe'. A lot of the advice I received- mostly unsolicited- was harsh and extreme. People panicked on my behalf; they wanted me to get rid of him asap and use whatever means. I wanted to be rid of him too but with whatever means necessary; to find a solution appropriate to the problem.

 

Self-preservation is instinctual. None of us need to tell the lady how to take extra care. As women we are a lot more safety conscious as it is. She knows how to stay safe, safer, if need be. So how else can we help? As it stands, I don't really see a problem yet. If a problem arises..

 

A stalker is not a stalker. Nothing in life is so black and white. It is easy to be harsh to someone that has been depersonalised. Each individual, each situation is unique. Know thy enemy(if u see him as such). If he's Somali, then she can use it to her advantage. Someone always knows someone and she'll know just who she's dealing with- a ruthless man; a bumbling young man or a vulnerable person. She can take it from there. If he's a Muslim then she has added responsibility for his welfare and how she deals with him should he become a problem. That is inescapable. I'm not making the stalker a victim, I'm saying personalise the guy and deal with him appropriately. You can not deal with a man that is vulnerable and one that is not in the same way. If you want to be part of a just and fair community you have to take into consideration the circumstances of the individual who does you wrong and act accordingly.

 

I talk about my own experience as an example. I don't remember many people reminding me to be just or appropriate in my approach. Most just wanted me to be safe and to attain that state in any way possible. I found that unacceptable and unworkable with my principles. I was not going to start throwing punches when a nudge could have done the trick. I was frustrated, sure but it didn't mean I had the right to talk to him or about him derogatively. It is possible to be kind, measured and compassionate and get the right results. Allah expects us to behave in this manner- to be kind to the unkind, giving to the ungiving, fair to the unfair. You can not abandon your principles when u feel threatened or done wrong. What would that make you?

 

Narrated 'Aisha (r.a.): "Allah's Messenger said, "Be calm, O 'Aisha! Allah loves that, one should be kind and lenient in all matters."

 

Surah 41:

34. Nor can goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: Then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate!

 

35. And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint,- none but persons of the greatest good fortune.

[-Serenity-]

Sheherazade, I find it hard to gather the will to reply to you (I’ve a splitting headache too). Your whole argument revolves around assuming the guy needs help and is vulnerable. 2ndly talking about him as if he were the same person you dealt with. 3rdly not talking about the matter(stalking) objectively, not necessarily in ay kutubeey's case which I understand can be easily construed as small. 4thly, using the Quran and Hadeeth to support an argument whose context couldn’t have been further from the intention of the quote.

[sheherazade]

This is going nowhere sis. I can't say any more than I have.

[Pujah]

Ngonge

Walaahi caadi matihid, i almost fell of the chair laughing laakini it would have been nice if he had your sense of humor dee

 

Thanks to all the nomads that gave me their 2 12 cents I really appreciate it....all is well and the stalker situation is under control

 

Xoogsade

maxaa dhahday beezaniyaa u egtihin yaah... u egtihinle maa wali maroona...bishaaro cadeey beezani nimo waxeeda way dhaafen...atariishada bezaniyaasha waaye...anina wee itaba baroosa hada

[Xoogsade]

Ay Kutubeey, saan haddaa tababar ugu jirto, markaa kasoo baxdid ha isoo marin lol. Besides, Bishaaro waa inkirsan tahay her worth. in laga dido ma rabtaan u maleenaa si hadhoow lama filaan ugu noqoto war jire moogga madaxa la galo. Duruus dhigoow qof ka cayaareyso warkeeda ma sahlan yahay?

 

 

Bishaaro.

 

Haddaadan iga cabsanin anaa kuu cabsan lahaa Caqliyaa leedahay.

[Wiilo]

Ciyaal Xaafadda inaga daaya nooh, beezaaninimo aa isku barbaryaysiin miyaa, waraada ani waaba iska daayay wax ladho beezaaninimo sxbyaalow maxaa yeelay beezaaninimadii aaba dhib keyntay hadda, ani xataa waa iska sheegtaa nooh....

 

aside from the jokes, Ay kutubeey ani waan kuu qiraa beezaaninimada sxbtay rageedii aa tahay nooh, laakiin markii kuugu imaado Capital Park haddii i soo dhaweynweyso waa kaa xumaanaa nooh, ani markii la isoo dhaweynaayo waxaa leygu soo dhaweeyaa Moos Bukooni iyo Qaxwo qaraar nooh, kadibna waxaa la ii tilmaamaa meel aan banooni ku cayaarikaro nooh, abaayadiis waan iska kaftamooyaa nooh, ha iga xumaan dear. but iga jilci stalker ka aad sheegeyso nooh, waraada haddii koo mar walba kuu sheego inuu ku jecelyahay laakiin adi aad rabin mala dhihikaraa waa STALKER? Just wondering dee...

 

Salaama Ka Dheh:.........

[Xoogsade]

Wiilo, Bishaaro "beyzani" dhinaca qaldaney u fasiratey. The word has a bad connotation sometimes, laakiin aniga waxaan ka wadey, qof caqli leh waaye oo taqaanno sida loola dhaqmo clueless somali males. Wey ku sax san tahay according to her understanding. Waxaan ka heley markey dhahdey ninka la diidaa ugu daran oo ka daba ordo gabadha diidey.

 

Dadkaa isku groupka eheedeen waa kuwaan, Ay Kutubo iyo Ay bishaaro.

 

take care.

[Tuujiye]

Waraa beentaan la isku afuufaayo naga kala joojiya nooh...tii been aheed intaa badeel u soo qaadateen aa bacaad celis camal nugu duugteen....

 

wareer badanaa!!!!