Politically Correct Fairy Tales

[- Femme -]

You have to be familiar with the original fairy tales to appreciate the humour in this.

 

Fairy Tales

 

Hansel and Gretel

 

Hansel and Gretel were lost in the woods when they came upon a house made of candy and cake. An old witch invited them in and then captured both of them intending to eat them. Gretel had a chance save both of them by pushing the old woman in an oven but she decided that it would be wrong not to respect the witch's cultural traditions. So Gretel and her brother allowed themselves to be cooked and eaten. The witch was so happy with the children's actions that she invited all of her witch friends to the area. Soon thereafter, they ate every child in a hundred mile radius. Soon the whole area was filled with nothing but child eating witches and all the witches were very happy!

 

The Moral of the Story: You must respect the culture of others, even

at your own expense!

[Seeking Paradise]

LOL. I liked this one.

 

The Three Little Pigs

 

There were once three little pigs. The first little pig built his house out of straw. But the big bad wolf easily knocked it down. Then he ran to the 2nd pig's house which was made out of sticks. But the wolf came there and knocked it down too. Then both pigs ran to the American pig's house which was made out brick. When the wolf came there, the American pig pulled out a gun and blew his stinking head off. Afterwards, both little pigs who lost their houses started

building their houses out of straw again. When the American pig asked them why they accused the American of being an "arrogant jerk" and of acting

unilaterally". But they secretly knew the

American would always save them, just like he did in WW1 and WW2 so they could afford not to be prepared.

 

The Moral of the Story: Even though Americans are helpful, they're real creeps!

[BOB]

LooooooooooooooooL...Femme-Fatale, that was nice Thanks for sharing them with us.

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[- Femme -]

LITTLE RED RIDDING HOOD

 

There once was a young person named Red Riding Hood who lived with her mother on the edge of a large wood. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house -- not because this was womyn's work, mind you, but because the deed was generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, her grandmother was not sick, but rather was in full physical and mental health and was fully capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult.

 

So Red Riding Hood set off with her basket of food through the woods. Many people she knew believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place and never set foot in it. Red Riding Hood, however, was confident...

 

On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a Wolf, who asked her what was in her basket. She replied, "Some healthful snacks for my grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult."

 

The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."

 

Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way."

 

Red Riding Hood walked on along the main path. But, because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house. He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself. Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist notions of what was masculine or feminine, he put on grandma's nightclothes and crawled into bed.

 

Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have brought you some fat-free, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of a wise and nurturing matriarch."

 

From the bed, the Wolf said softly, "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."

 

Red Riding Hood said, "Oh, I forgot you are as optically challenged as a bat. Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

 

"They have seen much, and forgiven much, my dear."

 

"Grandma, what a big nose you have -- only relatively, of course, and certainly attractive in its own way."

 

"It has smelled much, and forgiven much, my dear."

 

"Grandma, what big teeth you have!"

 

The Wolf said, "I am happy with and what I am," and leaped out of bed. He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her. Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the Wolf's apparent tendency toward cross-dressing, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space.

 

Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopper-person (or log-fuel technician, as he preferred to be called). When he burst into the cottage, he saw the melee and tried to intervene. But as he raised his ax, Red Riding and the Wolf both stopped.

 

"And what do you think you're doing?" asked Red Riding Hood.

 

The woodchopper-person blinked and tried to answer, but no words came to him.

 

"Bursting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do your thinking for you!" she said. "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's help!"

 

When she heard Red Riding Hood's speech, Grandma jumped out of the mouth, took the woodchopper-person's axe, and cut his head off. After this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the Wolf felt a certain commonality of purpose. They decided to set up an alternative household based on mutual respect and cooperation, and they lived together in the woods happily ever after.

 

SOURCE

[Senora]

I dont think any of these fables were funny..( i didnt read the red riding hood story)...

 

There were hidden messages that these Republicans were using, which some of you may not have caught.

 

i thought of suicide bombers in the Hansel and Gretl tale....and of the fivrolous lawsuits that the Reublicans (with the backing of Bush) are trying to rid of.....The Three Little Pigs story was so arrogantly trying to take a shot at France and Germany...and the Ant and Grasshopper story was taking a stab at the those "lazy" individuals taking advantage of the Welfare system.....

 

silly, classist republicans :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[Xoogsade]

Femme Fatale, Nice Humour. I also miss the stories you used to write about your guy aka the player, whatever happened to him? I hate to think he is Reformed now lol.

[- Femme -]

^^^ My heart was shattered. Now I write stories about the ways I would torture him if I got my hands on his skinny-as-qori neck. Wanna hear it?

[Xoogsade]

Femme Fatale, Thanks. That will be as much fun read as it was I suspect when you were the victim Somehow I think little torture is cool every now then lool. Nothing serious that would hurt Miskiinad like you, but a little something that brings out the Calaacal you know hehehe.

 

Haye, waa sugaayaa qoraalkaas ee show me the details and how advanced you are in torturing The Guy were you to find him in a weaker position

[- Femme -]

I was never a victim thats such an ugly word--implies helplessness. I am a survivor. Aight? :mad:

 

P.S. Ill PM it to you. I dont wanna be banned (on account of the squeamish pple here complaining)....my imaginations quite active and wild.

 

Hey Fiance I didnt analyze the story----I read it .......thought it was funny....and laughed. Thats it ......simple as A B C

[Xoogsade]

Femme Fatale, That would be fun My long-mouthedness(as we say in somali) has earned me something special. Thanks in Advance. If I wasn't selfish, I would have cajoled you into accomodating the admins while you try to keep the fun in your post and make it public, however, being who I am, PM it is lol. And Thanks again.

[- Femme -]

Cool and Special? Excuse me? In association with torture? Are you by any chance one of those guards at Gutaemala Bay or Abu Graib Prison? Cause I sooner as not tell you my plans. Gotto cover my back ya know?

[Bess.]

lol...

[Xoogsade]

Femme Fatale, LOL. The "torture" here is the kind your Guy used to do to you. The Mental anguish, the Jealousy he created in you and etc. The "special" thing would be the means you offered(PM) to share with me your style if the tides turned against him.