BBC - Network Africa - President for a Day

[SayidSomal]

Imagine you are your country's newly elected head of state.

 

The BBC's Network Africa programme is giving you the opportunity to broadcast your inaugural speech.

 

What would you change? What policies would you pursue? Who would you work with and who would you sack? What solutions would you bring to your country's problems. Who would be your allies in the international community and why? How much would you want to be paid? What would you contribute to Africa as a leader?

some of the entries are quite tongue in cheek - here are my favourite one:-

But I have serious reservations about this very democracy which brought me to power.

 

For this reason, my government will like to practice true African democracy and it will be based on the following conditions:

 

Firstly, if you cannot properly reason as a citizen, even if you are 18 years and over, you will not be eligible to vote.

 

Secondly, if you know that what you say is not meaningful to my government, then you should be quiet and keep your opinion to yourself.

 

-His Excellency, President Alhaji Yankuba Kenneh of Sierra Leone

 

&

 

I am mildly confused as to why you, the people of Nigeria, elected me. I'm only 19, I do not even have a degree but most importantly, I stood as a joke.

 

However, we must not look back, what is done is done, you have made your bed and now I am president.

 

To those of you that are expecting a speech about all the wonderful things I am going to do in the next four years, I advise you leave the stadium because if you stay, disappointment is sure to ensue.

 

Yet it is better that you be disappointed now than when, like my predecessors, I fail to deliver the goodies I promised.

 

So no, I do not intend to put any Nigerians on the moon or to catapult green and white satellites into space.

 

In fact, I will not even go for the middle grade lie and promise that there will be an underground system in all major cities by the end of my tenure.

 

-Her Excellency, President Chibundu Onuzu of Nageria

[SayidSomal]

Can any of you Somalis do any better??

 

send your speeches to BBC - President for a Day

[Jacaylbaro]

,, Crazy Africans ,,

[Jacaylbaro]

I believe Ngonge can make a great speech here ......

[SayidSomal]

^why don't you make speech as the president of SL - if you do and its published - i'll make one as the president of Qardho - what you say?

[Jacaylbaro]

No, I'm not gona do that ,,,, I better be the President of the Horn of Africa

[NGONGE]

^^ It has to be only three hundred words.

 

Here is what I came up with (though the gaalo won't get it):

 

 

My fellow citizens, I stand here amazed and awed by your wise decision to select me as your next president. After decades of stumbling, fighting and falling out, you have finally chosen a man with the ability, lineage and intelligence to take the hardest job in the known world.

 

Fellow citizens, I do not blush or flinch at the thought that I am the best man for this job. As you all know, I am Abdullahi the son of Yusuf the son of Siyad the son of Barre the son of Riyaale the son of Abdul Qader the son of Sharif of the Somali clan. In war, my people are the most ferocious and in peace the most generous. I AM, the missing link to all your problems.

 

You all know of my great grandfather Sayid the pious, you all heard of my grandmother Hawa the brave and you all know of my cousins Ali and Warsame the fishermen. These are people you knew and admired all your lives and I am the son, heir and descendant of such people.

 

My people. Today, Somalia is at a cross roads and you have given me the opportunity to lead you to a prosperous future and sure present. Very well, let me make you a promise right here and right now that Somalia shall never suffer from any war or conflict as long as I am president. Somalia after all does not have any natural enemies. Nobody has the lineage, history and nobility to qualify as an equal to us. Our only enemy has always been...ourselves. Today, as a result of my election, that enemy has been finally vanquished.

 

I look forward to a presidency full of busy projects, foreign debt and a concubine or two.

 

Thank you.

[SayidSomal]

please for the sake of Allah - do not post that. - i am going to compose mine.

[NGONGE]

^^ Why not?

[SayidSomal]

Ngonge - you can do better then this ethiopian - tell us what you would have done about the secessionist?

Like I promised, my first task would be to bridge the chasm created between us, especially by my two predecessors.

In the name of sovereignty, one emphasized unity over diversity whereas the other trumpeted diversity at the expense of unity under the pretext of respecting the rights of 'Nations and Nationalities'.

Apart from tearing us apart this has achieved nothing in terms of augmenting human dignity in Ethiopia.

Rather, impunity has become the order of the day.

The ethnic liberators became adept at oppressing us through divide and rule whereby the enrichment of the oligarchy was portrayed as economic boom whilst millions perished due to famine.

In its place, I intend to bring an economic system that ensures social justice, transparency and accountability.

Good name

On internal security and foreign policy, I will pave the way for a free debate to seek reconciliation and moderation by exploring all outstanding issues such as Oromo nationalism, the crisis in O-g-aden and the unresolved border issue with Eritrea.

I will guarantee that Ethiopia fights no proxy war pretending to combat terrorism to cling to power through external support.

My government will always recognise that its power base is the Ethiopian people.

Hence; it will never trade off the vital interests of Ethiopia.

In short, I will work tirelessly to restore Ethiopia's good name in Africa.

[Faheema.]

Originally posted by

NGONGE

 

Fellow citizens, I do not blush or flinch at the thought that I am the best man for this job.

As you all know, I am Abdullahi the son of Yusuf the son of Siyad the son of Barre the son of Riyaale the son of Abdul Qader the son of Sharif of the Somali clan.

In war, my people are the most ferocious and in peace the most generous. I AM, the missing link to all your problems.

[NGONGE]

Siyad, this Xabashi is taking himself too seriously. I was following the lead of the others.

[SayidSomal]

Salaamu Calaykum Soomaali oo dhan ey – salaanta kowaadi waatan idinku imi – salaanta labbaadna waatan idinku xakumo. A thousand humourless humble greetings to you all. As you are all aware, you did not elect me – so let us not waste time with niceties – as the self appointed president of the Kingdom of Qardho – I here by declare the following:

 

Changes from the old guard?

It is illegal to display my picture anywhere in the country (And no I am not ugly).

 

Policies?

It is either my way or the highway – but I will accept suggestions as long as they do not contain the words “share power or stand down”.

 

Who I would work with and who I won’t work with?

I would work with women and I won’t work with men – hence all the cabinet ministers should be women.

 

Solutions to the country’s problems? Everybody should have an equal access to guns and the mantra is facaa iska dhici (defend yourself against your peers) followed by kii adkaada ha la toogto (he who wins faces the firing squad).

 

 

International Community?

Friends: Brunei, Monaco, Liechtenstein and Qatar – because they are smaller than the Kingdom of Qardho and are rich.

Foes: Amerika, Britannia, Ruushka and Ferenji - because they are big bad devil himself.

 

How much should I be paid?

I should not be paid any money – in return I must be given what ever I want without question – all I have to do is point.

 

Contribution to Africa?

Absolutely nothing!- safer that way.

[Beer-Gaal]

but why work with women only ??

[ailamos]

The Sierra Leonian has characteristics of the African dictator:

 

"Firstly, if you cannot properly reason as a citizen, even if you are 18 years and over, you will not be eligible to vote."

 

"Secondly, if you know that what you say is not meaningful to my government, then you should be quiet and keep your opinion to yourself."