How He Married: What do you think of this man?

[Abtigiis]

This is a real story a friend relayed to me. What do you think of him?

 

How I married

 

Believe it or not, everybody envied my love with U- and that we will get married to one another in 1996 was not a big news to tell somebody. Even her Eeddo, who I was introduced to by her –formally; commented joyfully ‘Maashaa-allah’ waan idin duceeyey’. Our relationship started in the Sport field. Me, a football player for the town, she- the star of the volleyball team. For a long time, I refused to go to their house-although she insisted at each encounter. One reason was, because I wasn’t sure if I could marry at that early age and didn’t have the financial muscle to do so even if I wished to do so, I didn’t know on what capacity will I be meeting her family? The six sisters and two brothers, and her parents. The case with her eedo-who lives in a different town, was different. Different because U insisted that she told everything about me and my intentions to her (who she could talk to at ease) and the old women approved of me.

 

But the real day arrived, and I went to their house. Not to meet the parents and brothers but to meet the sisters. So, I met them all as M, and was enthusiastically welcomed. Four of the girls were younger than U. Nothing happened that day. But I started to come on and off to the house with the new legitimacy I acquired. Then something happened. I started to be attracted to the Youngest of all- C. I quickly realised why I am coming so frequently to the house is actually because of her. Why? Because I noticed that when I am told the bigger one (U) is just out and will be coming in twenty minutes, instead of being sad, I actually relished the opportunity and managed to ask few questions to the young and shy one. Not anything direct. Quickly, after several months, it was clear I was tilting to one end. And finally, I took the risk and asked the young one on what she thinks about a relationship. You may think it is so nasty, and I agree, but at the time, it just happened as a normal thing. After initially hesitating, saying what about my sister, to which my answer has always been ‘I think I like you’, she succumbed to the pressure but with the condition that it will be ‘a clandestine affair’ no one should learn about.

 

To justify the inevitable shift, I started nagging U about her commitment to me and that I don’t think she will be a good wife to me. A key entry point was the ‘volley ball’ issue which I used to push my agenda. I said she should stop playing volleyball, should do this and that. All this to create a rift! She duly obliged to all. Then, I changed the story and come up with ‘I am not ready for marriage for the next five years. So if you can’t wait till then, I think we should talk about what to do’. It wasn’t lost to her what my intentions were, but I genuinely feel she cared about me and tried to save the relationship. In the meantime, the Sheeko with the young one was blooming and suspicious growing among the neighbours. Finally, it reached the ears of the elder. Then the showdown, ‘how dare?’ came up. I jumped from one line of argument to another- from I did it to annoy you because of so and so, to complete denial. It went well and she admonished me not to go that way again.

 

It didn’t take long before I got mad with love for the young one, who didn’t love me as much as the big one did. I think she was not sure of what she was doing. And guess what, without notifying the big one-who bragged to all her friends about when our engagement will be, I decided to propose to the young one. Their family, by then have heard of what as going on, and have sent a clear message that such ‘a disgrace’ won’t be tolerated. So, I and the young one have to elope (secretly). Me, 22 - her 16 and do Nikax in a far town. By then, I have started working and was doing very good economically. Waa la is mehersaday, to influence the decision of the family. After two months of that Nikax, My odayaal (big ones) were at the doorsteps of their family in formal proposal. I knew of what was going on in the family and all the divisions that the issue brought. Her brothers refused, her father refused, but the mother was influential and said ‘if it is her Calaf, let it be. Why disappoint her?’ I later learned that it was actually U who influenced the decision of the family-convincing her mother that she shouldn’t object to the proposal for fear of disappointing her. And with youthful and nin-jecel-hayo Indho-adayg, I walked into the same Xaafad U took me surrounded by best-men and with the chants of ‘Aroos Khayr leh, Aamiin’. When I think about it now, I am lost for breath. Then, I was so sure that I was doing the right thing!

 

Well, U died two years later (nothing to do with the initial heart-break), and I lived in good marriage with the young one for 10 years. I got three kids. But the last of the ten years turned bad, and the marriage ended. Somehow, I still believe that ‘betrayal’ factor has ruined my life as I always remained half-hearted in the marriage thinking the young one will punish me one day (as she comprehends with the enormity of my sins and hers too). So, at last it happened. With constant naggings and wareer, I nearly become insane. Interestingly, the nine years were full of peace and love. The torture went on for three months before I decided to end it with divorce. A painful one as I have never thought of raising kids without a mother. I dreamed of the perfect family, but with what I have done and many that I haven’t told, I am content that I deserved whatever I got!

 

Perhaps, that experience is why I am so obsessed with ‘betrayal’ these days. Ironically, this time, it is me who hates it!

[cynical lady]

For the love of god get a therapist.

[STOIC]

So this guy measured his love by the volume of his adrenaline when he visited his girlfriend’s home? Why would anyone set for a sister of his squeeze unless of course she is some sort of exotic bird This story calls for some slapping of your friend even after clock ticking has finished…….

[MZanzi]

why would someone have to look inside the same house again. Well humans can be very adventurous.

[-Serenity-]

If its true, he is one brave boy!

 

But really, is love worth sacrificing your family values and sister-ship? I know I couldnt do it.

 

AT&T, I dont like you very much, but I like your stories - keep them coming.

[Abtigiis]

Serenity,

 

I really would like to do as much as possible not to be disliked by you. But I understand you must have good reasons to hate me. I respect you.

 

CL

I have been asking NGONGE to join me for the medication. I think we too need one. Thanks for the advice.

 

To All

This is not fiction, or just a mere story. It is the REAL life of someone in this forum. Make the distinction between my 'fables' and when I am talking real.

[MZanzi]

Originally posted by Abtigiis & Tusbax:

 

To All

This is not fiction, or just a mere story. It is the REAL life of someone in this forum. Make the distinction between my 'fables' and when I am talking real.

i hope it's not you

[Abtigiis]

What if it is him?

[MZanzi]

A bit crazy if u ask me

[Abtigiis]

[N.O.R.F]

^^Waa runteede waa nin waalan

[Ducaysane]

A&T is one fella who understand what this forum is about, that is to have fun. keep us entertaining dude...

 

PS: I like your stories. So far the "UP and DOWN" one is the best.

[Abtigiis]

North

 

That is my story. I have struggled whether I should share my secrets and what people will think of me, but that I shared my guilt and ordeal to others is already refreshing!

 

EDIT

 

NG- adiga iyo anigu we need psycho-therapy. Let us not pretend we are normal!

[NGONGE]

Bah! Another coffee shop story.

[cynical lady]

:rolleyes: