How He Married: What do you think of this man?

[SCORPION_SISTA]

This guy, in the first relationship, came through the door of the house and then tried to sneak in through the window, which absolutely made no sense…It is normal for people to fall in love with someone else when they are in a relationship…Having said so, he should have been honest and told the older sister that he had developed feeling for her younger sister and that he couldn’t honestly make her happy…Instead he went with the cheap manipulation technique of trying to push the woman to make sacrifices and finally when she is pushed too far to break up the relationship…Obviously he didn’t understand the older sister and therefore didn’t know how far she was willing to go to keep their relationship alive…Then he proposed to run away with the younger sister, cowardly behavior (not surprising based on his conduct), and then he became obsessive with “betrayal” give me a break…And then came the pitfall that is unavoidable in relationships that are built in that fashion…He married the woman he loved but then he couldn’t stop thinking about how she betrayed her sister and then dishonored her family by eloping, I mean wouldn’t she be capable of doing it to him!!!!!

 

The younger sister, hmm what could have she thought when her sister’s fiancée came onto her!! Her behavior isn’t surprising there always seem to be this tendency of competition among women and even some sisterly relationship…It isn’t always loyalty and honky dory out in the world…Maybe if she truly loved her sister, despite falling for the guy, she wouldn’t have done anything about it…Kept her secret severed in silence and rejected the guy outright when he tried to flirt…But she didn’t did she, so what sort of mental state was she in, can’t know for sure…As to running away, it probably seemed romantic to her and again let’s not forget she was 16 years old, imagine yourself at that age and your mentality…And again came the pitfall of her story, she married the man she loved, but he was the man who while dating another woman began a relationship with her…He was the man who didn’t speak his intention and cowardly went about his courtship to her…He was the man who asked her to elope with him, what does that say about his moral character or his character as man over all!!!

 

The older sister she was blessed in two ways in my opinion…First she was able to forgive her sister and realize that because of the age she probably didn’t think things through and made a mistake…To have that kind of nature of forgiveness is not easy and understanding…Second blessing, Allah was looking out for her, that he saved her from a marriage to a man such as the one she was engaged to…Imagine what kind of marriage life she would have had obviously his character wasn’t going to be different and someday he would have flirting and pursued another woman and in the process destroyed her self-esteem beyond repair.

 

bee bye

[Abaay Heylay]

^^^good pnts scoprpion sista.

This story might sound so bad but lets not all forget it was calaf. I am sure many peopel can relate to A&T's stry. Two years ago my friend introduce to this guy she was dating. I notice the guy has been paying attention to me when I am together with them. After a while, he started calling and started telling me how he feels about me. I told him he was crazy and will never talk to him. The guy broke up with my friend and she found out that he likes me. My friend blamed the whole thing on and hates till this day eventhough I am engage to different person and made clear for her that I had nothing to do with their break up. When I see her i tried to say salam to her but she doen't even respond. My mom told me to forgive and forget and move on.

[- Femme -]

Whether or not this story is true -- these kind of scenerios do actually happen.

 

Forget about sisters, cousins or other family members --- I wouldn't even DREAM about having ANY KIND of relationship with the guy of a distant friend. SICK SICK SICK. Some people have no boundaries or loyalties anymore it seems. There are too many men in the world to be falling for that kind of dumbassery.

 

After reading that story I didn't get a whiff of bravery anywhere. It just reeked of the lowest kind of scumbag behaviour on both the younger sister and guy's behaviour. And age cannot be blamed - a 16 year old is old enough to know right from wrong. Truly, the elder sister lucked out.

[Som@li]

and what was the cause of her death?

 

AT&T, You have to repent, otherwse she will haunt you forever.

 

BTW, are you enjoying by naratting this sick story over the net? Mate, you need an immediate medical attention.

[xiinfaniin]

A & T, waxbuu jeclaaday si xalaala buuna wax ku raadiyey! The only sin he committed was following his heart, and not his head. That’s ok. It happens all the times. That he didn’t marry his late sister in law was a pure calaf…you cant blame the man for the things that were not meant to be…

 

The bravery is there despite my friend’s bashfulness to claim that quality of his. How else would one describe the audacity to come back to the same family and ask their daughters hand whose sister you just dumped? I mean that takes some balls, maaha? Of course, in the benefit of hindsight A & T recognizes his lapse of judgment in that ordeal. And that’s a good thing…for the love of Allah I do not wish the man to continue switching and doing like he did before. There is some level of disgrace, but the man have not committed a sin…so stop making it like he did !

[- Femme -]

^I would call creating a rift and bitter feelings between family members a pretty big sin. And as he said he didn't ask her hand...they eloped and then he asked for a hand that was already his!

 

And I doubt that this story is about A&T's life --- I'm commenting on it generally. I know of a slightly similar case and it just sickens me.

[Buuxo]

^I would have to agree.It is digusting and he was not in anyway brave, they eloped and then basically forced the familys hand in giving the daughter to him in marriage.

[Oz]

Originally posted by Femme Fatale:

^I would call creating a rift and bitter feelings between family members a pretty big sin.

The sister is much to blame also. She chooses a guy over her sister's relationship. Relationships and lives have been altered because of her actions. It is sickening. No one was happy, after all.

[Geel_jire]

Ladies aren't you overreacting a lil bit here.

 

I fail to see anything wrong in what the man did , he did not set out to deceive anyone, while pursuing one woman he met another whom he believed was better for him. He was still in the market for a wife & since he hadn't made any firm commitment this is natural course of shukaansi. Was it unfortunate that both women were sisters ? ..maybe, but not his problem.

 

 

I don't know any man who would have done any different ... the fact that many replies in here have personally witnessed identical or similar cases should be an indicator how common this is.

 

 

Allah was looking out for her, that he saved her from a marriage to a man such as the one she was engaged to…Imagine what kind of marriage life she would have had obviously his character wasn’t going to be different and someday he would have flirting and pursued another woman and in the process destroyed her self-esteem beyond repair.

^ even if he married her , is it still not his god given right to still pursue other women ? ... the western concept of 'betrayal' is incompatible with our faith, because if he has the right to pursue other women while still married it can't be betrayal of anyone can it ?

[Oz]

Geel-Jire you are right. The man didn't really do anything wrong but fall his heart. Maybe the blame is on the sister for the betrayal :confused:

[Abtigiis]

Originally posted by Dabshid:

and what was the cause of her death?

 

AT&T, You have to repent, otherwse she will haunt you forever.

 

BTW, are you enjoying by naratting this sick story over the net? Mate, you need an immediate medical attention.

Maybe, It is part of the healing process! Kolka arin aan qofka ku dhicin laga hadlayo, it is always easy to say he/she should have done this or that. It is also easy to pass judgement. But, not everything that we face in life is explicable. I saw what you think about the man in the story, and in many ways the reaction is less condemning than I predicted.

[-Lily-]

Apart from lacking honour and self restraint, I don’t think the man is to blame half way near as much as the sister is. At 16 you know right from wrong and you most certainly know what would hurt your sister. Age is not an excuse.

 

Judge, he was engaged to the older sister when he met the younger one. An engaged man has promised a woman he will be her lifelong partner, that promise means they will both quit looking for & at others. As far as I remember breaking a promise is a highly unislamic act. Having said that people break up all the time. It is the deception and the way he went about it. He could have honestly broken up with the older sister, even told her the full truth.

 

Anyway A&T, it happened, it was lowly and not a good start. Something that was build on deception and the hurt of others can never end in happiness. All the same, get over it, if Allah can forgive you, you should be able to forgive yourself. Life is still for living.

[Malika]

^Indeed, life is for living, and how can one claim to have lived,if they havent experienced the ups and downs of life it self.

 

May Allah rest the older sister in Jannah,she was a true gem and had surrended to your love wholely, unfortunate you werent matured enough to see beyond the desires,and see her for whom she was.

 

The younger sister was a mere 16yr old,despite knowing what is wrong and what is right,she didnt have the maturity to analyse the long term effect and consequencies of her actions, not only to her sister but her relationship with the man.Nevertheless,what was due had happened A&T now forgive yourself,the younger sister and move on..[we learn from our mistakes,experience good or bad tends to lead us to make right choices,so I am hoping you have learned your lesson and are much more wiser when making certain decision..]

[Ibtisam]

^^Can you imagine if he did it all again in his next marriage. Acuudubillah that would be madness.

 

I agree with Malika. I hope he learnt a lesson.

[xiinfaniin]

The 'engagement' piece good Lily revealed would certainly change my stance on this story. But i didn't notice that in A & T’s narrative. I thought he was only doing the shukkaansi thing when he was overwhelmed with the young sister. It was only after uu la baxay that he actually went before the family with his elders, as it’s customary done.

 

Waryee xaaska cusubi walaalo ma leedahay? Hadday leedahay ma ka yar-yaryihiin? Hadday ka yar-yaryihiin isku meel ma joogtaan?

 

Haddaad ku jawaabto yes for all the above qs, please meesha isaga guur saaxiib. Old habits die hard, and I am not at all sure if you learnt how to manage your courage…