What if?

[cynical lady]

I have just found out that a work colleague of mine died, she apparently bumped her head on Christmas eve went to the hospital and came back home and yesterday the neighbour noticed the TV was still on and they have not seen her… they called the police and found her body in there…I cant believe it are we so detached on each others lives that we don’t even notice when one of us dies? Don’t get me wrong living by myself is something I love and enjoy but these just shocked me to the core… what if? I know its easy to fall of from the communication bandwagon esp with some peopl due to your hectic life style, I also know it’s a growing trend now that people are not that bothered when someone does not reply back to a text or phone call for days but should we get worried? Especially if they leave by themselves should we go and see them?

 

Ps do you even know your neighbour anymore? Do you talk to them? Are you involved in there life I mean enough to know when something is amiss? I am known for always saying I don’t want to talk to my neighbour I don’t know you and don’t want to I adopted the just because we leave near each other don’t mean we have to forge some sort of relations attitude now am just taken back….

 

p.s.s I was listening to the same thing today morning on BBC 94.9 on my way to work they were talking about the growing lonely people who die and have no one to mourn them or come to claim there bodies, is these part and parcel with modern life or living in a cosmopolitan city?

 

Not long ago I was informed of a Somali young guy who moved to Canada lived with his girlfriend who was not Somali, he died after a car accident and since she did not know his family she buried him and the guys family who lived around the area didn’t even know until 3months down the line... The family were deprived of seeing there son buried according to deenta… it seems this is not a one off incident but emerging in different forms…. I hate nosy neighbours and relatives etc and employ different methods to avoid them at all cost, my hoyo even screams at me about these she always says don’t call me if you didn’t not even bother to visit or speak to my brother who lives in same city as you and I reply by saying I don’t have time am busy I even tell her don’t give my number out to them….

 

In haste to cut of contact from people who might be just looking out for us are we placing ourselves in danger? I know a lot of young Somalis these days do the same thing so What if it’s us?

 

 

As for me well I think I will knock on my neighbour house today and say hello and happy New Year! Who knows if I form a relationship with them they just might notice if I don’t come out of my flat tomorrow morning….

[Che -Guevara]

I do know my neighbor. She is hot mamasita from Brazil.

 

P.S. I think someone is in trouble when family and friends become something to tolerate. That's case here in the west.

[Malika]

Indeed it worries me sometimes as I get more reclusive due to supposedly busy schedules which at the end still leaves one feeling empty and lonely..but ofcourse you numb those feelings by indulging on couple of hours of TV,Internet etc..

 

A sister I know [may Allah rest her soul]passed away last year in similar circumstances.Her neighbour reported her missing after not seeing her come in and out of her apartment for a week.He knocked and there was no reply but the tv was on.She used to say hello to him as he was the only other Black living in that apartment complex.What was sad was she had family and friends whom didnt physically go and look for her after her not returning their calls.They just assumed she is within her episodes,mood swings as she was someone battling the western disease of "depression".

[-Lily-]

CL, it's our Islamic duty to keep the ties of kinship & even neighbours but it's easier said that done. One thing people forget is that 'it's not all about you'. Being very self-centred and adopting an 'I'm too busy for all lifestyle' might work now but it's not something sustainable in the long run. Will it kill you to actually visit that loud relative? Spend your whole Saturday driving around the aunt who wants you to take her from one side of the city to the other? Spend a couple of hours, even after work, with that cousin who is alone at home with small kids all week? We’re very lucky to have large families and then relatives, something we often take for granted.

 

I think the dying alone is an extreme and sad case. The point is, after selling your time (in employment) 5 days a week, surely you can afford to give away a few hours? It shows that you care.

[NGONGE]

Get yourself a guard dog. If you die, he'll bark the neighbourhood down the minute he gets hungry.

[Ibtisam]

If you are dead, why would it matter if anyone notices or not?? not like you are going to know or care.

 

It is only polite to say hello to your neighbours when you see them. When the old man who lived four doors down from me died, he was in there for a whole week before the nurse who visits him weekly got the police to break the door down. We should be lucky that as Muslims we keep better ties with family. It takes so little to give just a little bit of your time to others, check on your family members, visit the elderly etc. I hope I never live in a world where no one cares and everyone is too busy. It is good to know that your family or friends will dig around for you when you drop out of sight.

 

P.s. Happy New Year people.

 

P.s.s. CL I’m glade this will have a positive effect on your life.

[Paragon]

I think the dying alone is an extreme and sad case.

I wouldnt say that. I wouldn't wish to die in a loud place. You can't die amid a crowd. Somewhere quiet would do. In peace.

 

PS: The body is just a body - what happens to it once you're dead makes no difference.

[cynical lady]

Did I tell you that I leave with my sis….. Yes and my brother and sis-in law down the road who will notice my absence yes, and my mum and dad and bunch of sis-brothers whom am close to who ring me everyday to exchange the daily gossips! So thanks Ng I don’t need a dog yet, there costly and stinky not to mention haram

 

Ghanimo, you die and no one notices it or mourns you that’s just a sad life lived don’t you think I would like to think there will be scores of people who turn up and mourn me and miss me so terrible and alhamdhulilah I have those people…. But I do understand its polite to say hello to my neighbour but I choose not to hell they are the same as me, as for the Islamic duty of visiting ones extended family maybe you guys are better people than me but I simply don’t have time or that’s what I tell myself 2days that’s all Saturday and Sunday how can you cramp all the things you have to do at the same time visit that cousin who gave birth, the other who is getting married, yes the aunt who wants help with filling an application etc?

 

But take me out of the equation, as Dahl, stated its easy to fall in the reclusive trap especially in the west so can you balance your Islamic duty and your career/education/lifestyle? Is it easy said that done to give up your 2free days to go and visit the extended families/call them when you get back to work or are you finding your self more and more defining family the western way ie whatever my father and mother produced and you limit that Islamic duty to them only?

 

 

Ghanimo you say you know your e neighbour and say hello, is that it or are you active ie will you notice there absence/ if there sick etc do you talk to them apart from hello do you have tea with them? I mean these are things I used to do back home, we use to go to my neighbours and exchange foods sometimes but hi enough with the questions for now can I get some answers or experiences or your take without throwing why don’t you…

 

 

Ps since its ok not to return phone calls immediately these days from friends or family when is it ok for you to get worried and give them a visit?

[Aaliyyah]

It is certainly a good idea to keep contact with your families, relatives, friends, and neighbors. Specially, to keep in touch w/ those who live on their own or have young kids. It is good to help them out whenever it is possible. Sometimes I go to my aunts’ and neighbors’ house just to give them a day off, since many of them take care of kids 24/7 and don’t have time for themselves anymore. Like the old saying goes “ you shall reap what you sow” today I am blessed to live with my large family alhmadu lilaah. But who knows about tomorrow? I might be living somewhere on my own? Or maybe I will have kids and I will need help? So it is nice of us to go out of our way to help our relatives and neighbors and those who are in need, and doing that good deeds for others Allah swt will take the time to never leave you in need, he will remember you, because you remembered others for his sake.

 

p.s. Isseh it makes a great deal of difference whether you die alone, or in the middle of your family and loved ones.

[Ibtisam]

CL We exchange food with the Bengalis in Ramadan and Eid, and I've never been inside their houses. I will only notice them if they disappeared for weeks, not a day or two I guess, and even then I'd assume they went on holiday or something, I would not stress of worry about them.

 

I get worried when people don't answer my calls or text. I always think something must be wrong. Most of the time it turns out they forgot their phone, did not want to talk to anyone or were busy. I mean how hard is it to pick up and say, hey I'm busy, let me get back to you. So selfish to let me worry for no reason.

[cynical lady]

Ghanimo then I have one thing to say to you since am one of those who never return a phone call, don’t ever change do continue calling million times you just never know you might save your friends life one day hell we need you even though we don’t let you know….…but waiting for a week before you choose to intervene do you think that’s bad? Or more important when should you intervene? I know there is a thin line between nosy neighbour and looking out for you, so where should we draw the line…. Since we are living in a society that values privacy what price are we paying in its maintenance?

[cynical lady]

Ps exchanging food in Ramadan and EID enough? Or should we start having tea with them by first initiating the first visit to out homes? Or is the act of exchanging food enough to satisfy thy shall love my neighbour principal?

[Ibtisam]

Lool @ calling million times, I'm more likely to just turn up at your door.

 

I don't feel responsible for the well being of my neighbours, if they ask for help or they are in obvious distress I will help them. Otherwise it is their friends and families responsibility to check on them and care for them. I can only be polite and helpful when it is required. We are closer with our Muslim neighbours and the Somali families around us, rather than how close they live to us. I guess selectivity is a strange thing. Although we've lived in the UK for ages now, in my area there is a sense of community (within the Somali community) they are always checking on each other, visiting the sick, weddings etc. and someone always notices when someone is missing for a while. “naa toolow heebla ama hebel meeyeh” I think it is nice, special for people who don't have big families in the country.

[Pujah]

I actually know almost everyone in my building and my next door neighbor will definitely notice if I am missing for more than a day and I didn't tell them I will be out of town. We even exchanged spare keys in case of emergencies or for days like yesterday when I locked my self out in the middle of night. I guess getting to know my neighbors was high priority for me because I live alone and closest family lives too far.

 

But I know how easy it is to live in a place and not even notice who your neighbors are let alone taking the time to get to know them. I was such person before moving here so I suppose it's matter of priority. I certainly don't want to be in my apartment for a week before anyone notices. That would be horrible. Allahuma najinaa

[umu zakaria]

I was called reserved all the time but not anymore. Those were the days when i was in the middle of a very large family. Alxamdulilaah never getting 5 minutes alone. I miss that though i didnt appreciate it then.

 

I hope we dont die alone. it is scary. May be i should write a will now just incase and pls foregive me if i hurt anyone of you. Especially sister Da'wa.

 

I dont know why, but when i hear some die, i feel i will be next one. do you feel like that or scared?