The funny news of the day!

[STOIC]

If you were that immigration poodle who interviews asylum seekers will you have approved this girl's story?

 

I am 18 years old. My mother paid an agent to take me from Somalia to England two years ago but the agent left me in a street in Bristol. He said he would come back for me but he didn't. A stranger took me to stay with a Somali family. I left Somalia because it is dangerous there; soldiers use to come to our house and my mother was scared that I would get raped or killed. I didn't know I would end up in England. My stepfather treated me and my mother badly; he used to bring soldiers back to our house in Somalia to frighten us. I don't know whether he is still alive.

 

I last heard about my mother a year ago; I heard that she had escaped to Mombasa, Kenya. I have not had any contact with my mother since I left Somalia and I wouldn't know how to find her now. My social worker is going to get the Red Cross to try to find my mother for me.

 

Now I am a single mother and receive help from social services' asylum social workers in Bristol. They helped to find a place for me and my son to live in.

 

A lot of Somali people in my area don't speak to me because I have a baby and am unmarried. When I was pregnant I used to cry about what people would say about me but I talked to my social worker a lot and then I was brave. I am pleased with my son; I'd like him to go to school when he is older.

 

I also want to go to work but I am not allowed because the Home Office refused my asylum case. They say I am not Somali, so now I don't know when I may be forced to leave England. It is hard work not to think about what is going to happen to us.

 

If I went back to Somalia it would be difficult because there may be violence. My son is not of my clan, Reer Hamar, and life is difficult for this clan there. My son will be Reer Waqoyi clan.

 

Being an asylum seeker is not good because I read bad things that people say about us. I wish sometimes I could go to work and earn money for myself and make new friends. I could buy some nice things for me and my son and go on the bus to lots of places. Then I wouldn't feel so different from everybody else.

 

In September I celebrated Eid, the Somali Christmas, with my friend. We bought sweets for each other. If there wasn't any trouble in Somalia I would have a big celebration with my mother and lots of friends. When Eid comes in Somalia we buy new clothes, sweets and presents for our good friends and family. Everyone in the area joins in and celebrates together.

 

In Somalia we didn't go out when it started to get dark at night. I am not scared to go out in England but it is lonely without my family. Eid is different here because nothing happens in the street to show people that we celebrate Christmas. I am glad to be safe though.

[shyhem]

Stoic

 

Before i process her case,i want to do a wrist scan on her just to be sure that she is indeed 18 not 23yrs old.

 

And as for the rest of her story,she needs to show me more evidence that her life is in danger if she is deported back to somalia.On the hand i can grant her assylum on humantarian ground and also on the family reunion since her son is british citizen and it may cause more harm for them to be seperated nor does it make sense for the son to be deported with his mother and end up in somalia where he is not a citizen.

 

I will give my final ruling later

[STOIC]

^^^^Waiting for your verdict mate!

 

If this dog had hands he could have served you tea while in bed,check this amazing dog Amazing dog! .I always loved dogs-if only they were not harram.This morning i waked up thinking about what if dog was not najiis(impure),would i have kept it in my house?.Yes i would have owned a German shepherd since they are naturally protective.

[shyhem]

^^^^

I decided to grant her assylum on humanitarian grounds.I have found out that any girl who had achild outside of marriage in somalia is oftenly discriminated against and most likey physical harm won't be that unusual.Therefore she is free to stay in this country as long she continues with her good conduct like she used to be in the time she stayed in this country.

[STOIC]

" A Spanish mother has taken revenge on the man who raped her 13-year-old daughter at knifepoint by dousing him in petrol and setting him alight. He died of his injuries in hospital on Friday.............

 

Mom will always be the protector!

[Saalixa]

If I went back to Somalia it would be difficult because there may be violence. My son is not of my clan, Reer Hamar, and life is difficult for this clan there. My son will be Reer Waqoyi clan.

Terrible excuse. Me says DEPORT HER BACK! She can do much better for her sons future and herself in her home land. Like the brits would have relations with her son or his clan???They would not care otherwise. Really i feel sorry she can not see the reason for her exile and hardship.

[shyhem]

^^^^^

U didn't do any better either.U need to provide us with enough evidence that its safe for her azz to be deported back to her homeland and u also did not tackle the issue of her son been a legal british citizen.Are u assuming or u know for a fact that she will be able to do alot for her sons future if she is deported to somalia, and how did u come to that conclusion.

[-Serenity-]

Not news... but just as funny.

 

Washington Post Style Invitational

 

Ignoranus, Foreploy, Caterpallor and Osteoprnosis

 

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

 

Intaxication (n.): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

 

Reintarnation (n.): Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

 

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stup1d people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

 

Foreploy (n.): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

 

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

 

Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

 

Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

 

Inoculatte (v.t.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

 

Hipatitis (n.): Terminal coolness.

 

Osteopornosis (n.): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

 

Karmageddon (n.): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

 

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

 

Glibido (n.): All talk and no action.

 

Dopeler effect (n.): The tendency of stup1d ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

 

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

 

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

 

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

 

And the pick of the literature:

 

Ignoranus (n.): A person who's both stup!d and an asshole.

 

Link

[STOIC]

^^^^Fair enough-that was funny!

 

MULTAN, Pakistan - Seven Pakistani police officers have been fired after media reports that they sewed shut a prisoner’s lips to stop him from shouting insults at them, an official said on Saturday.

 

Police Accused of sewing prisoner's lip :mad:

[STOIC]

Ever wonder what the prisoners eat in Guantanamo Bay?.Aheem..there is a new book that is being published on the subject!Is this American propaganda(where are the conspiracy theorist?)to cool down the torture allegation? Hallal food book made in Gitmo

[STOIC]

Last night if you happened to watch on FX TV the reality show "30 days" you might have witnessed a muslim family hosting a west Virginia christian.One of my girlfreinds (meaning pure freindship )called me last night to alert me to watch the show!.Read on.......... When a conservative right wing christian visits a muslim house!

[STOIC]

Today in history the last remnant of Itlay's African empire became independent.The Italian banner was lowered and a five pointed five star on a white blue field was raised.Today the funny news thread staff and its contributors would like to send a message of solidarity born out of common language, religion, culture, and history to the Somali people all around the globe.We must all remember this was the day also then Somali prime minister Abdirizak Haji Hussein said "why does the world think only interms of white colonialism? there is a black colonialism too.Why should Somalis remain under Amhara or Kikuyu master".Somalia today trade stories of war on the ground and on the forums( ) to flame their miseries instead of threshing it in a civilized manner.

(Some of the news was adapted from Washinton post 1960)

[STOIC]

Happy post 4th of July celebration folks!.I hope the fireworks went all well without any sun burn(my co-worker is whining about it-thanks god for my black skin).

 

 

We all have heard about the cultural European stereotype that they don't take shower and take serious hygienic steps!.If there is one thing that will make them proud and happy, This will

[Baluug]

Hey STOIC,

 

So that's their excuse,eh?

[-Serenity-]

Taking regular showers could pose a health risk and even result in permanent brain damage, it has been claimed

 

Maybe this is why americans are such airheads.