silent-sistah Posted September 18, 2004 4get me going to a married man and becoming 2/3/ or 4, if my current husband married a 2nd, i would divorce him i would make him sign a prenup stopping him remarrying and if he does, our marriage is over. if he refused to divorce me -i would make his life a living hell, till he gave me my paper. i know that the prophet and the sahaba did it, but im not Aisha (radiaya Allahu anhu), i dont have the same selfcontrol or patience as them....and today is very far away from the time of the Prophet(pbuh). no way in hell can a man raise and treat 2 families, 100% equal in this day and age--- that simple facts stops men claiming their right to marrying 4 wifes) yes im jelious i wont deny it, im extremely jelious and the thought that the man i married, is screwing another woman and 2morrow will come home and try screw me? with the same filthy toothpick excuse for dick...hell no, id rather castrate him then let him come near me! if i wasnt satisfying my husband, he can divorce me and get a new wifey...however, if im satisfying him - doing my best left, right and centre, him getting a new wife is insluting to me. p.s., i have been in a situation with a married guy. i was with him before he got married, he got married without me knowing, and started talking to me after he got married but by then i had found out he was married....a$$hole wanted to have his cake and eat it. now i was heart-borken,shattered and thought i would never recover coss i was like head-over hills for him. it has taken me 3 years to get over him.....and even if it killed me, i would never ever have gone near him - id rather die than talk to a married man Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Qac Qaac Posted September 18, 2004 bisinka silent sistah this topic pressed a bottom haye. ar yaa waaye kaas aan kula soo dilnee looool. is daji abaydiis, waaba iga bajisay ani bisinka, iyo macbuudka. yaa rabbi. Let me say thnx bro that is QACBARO(Wt does it mean by the way)for wt u said though i know that u r happy with our responses just becos it satisfies ur male EGO adiga yareey Charisma waalagu faaniyay, kadibna waa isku bog tay haye, the reason aan kuu faaniyay ma aha in ay my big ego ee rabto da ba al yahay is i thought, u were doing it because allah said it, and no matter how hard it is to u, pleasing allah is much important to u.. I guess, i was wrong.. jaaw yarta. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent-sistah Posted September 19, 2004 qacbaro, my attitude to married men has nothing to do with him, see the reason i mentioned him was because, one could sy to me -- u have never been in love with a married guy so u wouldnt know how u would react---so i was just letting one know that i have been their and i practice what i preach. married men are a real put off! plus i have heard a few cases where the somali man does not tell the 1st wife that he is looking/found/getting married. she just hears about it when the deed is done. i personaly know a sister, came to the uk from dubai. she met a somali guy, he said he was divorced, she married him, and on the weekend after their wedding, he gets a phone call and she picks up the phone, a women asks her were so&so is (husband) and the new wife asks who r u?...well the women on the fone tells her im his wife. men are such gits, i dont see the point of even stressing myself with marriage!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sheherazade Posted September 19, 2004 F, a woman who chooses to be a second/third/fourth wife is just as likely or unlikely to be in Allah's good books. It's about choice, get it? Wanting to be the only wife does not make a woman less of a Muslim, get that? Choice, get me? Q, u failed. Charisma has mentioned some of what I would have told u about yrself had u passed. Alas, u flunked. Better luck next time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Charisma Posted September 19, 2004 Qacbaro walaalkiis , maxaawaye adiga waaba iska xanaaqey( u cant take things). besides maxaa ii dhahee dhabaal, just coz i told u the truth or half of the truth( coz u really cant deny u liked wt i said coz its wt men eventually want. yes Allah subxaanahu watacalaa said that in the quran, but he also said but if u cant be just n fair to all of them then on is enough,but do u think u guys are fair, i think not( atleast most of them cant or wont or worse still will not bother) so bro i know my religion , am sorry if u felt bad coz of wt i said, but the truth is owwwwwwwwwwwwwwtch lol salaam. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Charisma Posted September 19, 2004 shahrezade( ur nick is too long i hope did not mispell it) plz sis dabkaa hasii kicinin ,banziine haku dariin . wt he said is between me n him, u can tell him wt ever u wish without me being ur spokesman/woman. peace. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Warrior of Light Posted September 19, 2004 Asalaam aleykum Sister sheherazade Be afraid SisSade. Be very afraid. Its only Allah who I need to fear. I count it as another trial in life. If it is meant to be. At the end the major person who will be hold responsible by Allah will be the husband so he has to be Adil - just which is tough but can be attained if he fears Allah. I would prefer to stay away from the major sins so instead of letting my husband a man I learnt to love and care for divorce me and live a life of loneliness counting the days that pass n go. Its hard getting remarried now adays.. And live in a house where I know that on these particular days I will hear his voice and share a compromised family life. Besbaaso sister, ...believe me i would have made his life hell...if that happened.. Making his life pure hell isnt part of the picture especially as Islam does allow men to forsake their wives beds. Something no woman in the world will like to do as the psychological impact is hard to carry. so the divorce would be better. The qn though is you have young children and they need a father to father them . will u forsake the security and fatherly love they will receive because of your habits?? The idea of sharing as I see being put has also different impact. The approach the family will have and the relationship the husband will have with every wife be different due to her educational background, upbringing, culture.... So diversity will be found and the husband will be really tested on it. So th BEWARE sign should be addressed to that male figure who wishes to venture such waters. May Allah help him. Charisma But the good news is, my sisterS that, according to the islamic sharica u can actually write an agreement ( a contact like thing) with ur guy before HAND lol, if u remember that of course. n it will say i will never marry another woman , if u make him sign it , he can never be married to another n if he does ITS XARAAM infront of ALLAH( that is if he knows ALLAH). I agree with you fully. Such a contract is allowed in Islam unfortunately, not every sister is aware of her rights in Islam. So, its either divorce or have the decree nullified and have a co-wife, at the end the choice is yours. Originally posted by raula: SisSADE-salaamz dada. Niko tu hapa kwangu-hamna matatizo, masomo tu(mwaka wa mwishi sasa -insha-allah)-alxamdulilah tuko wazima, na nawatarajiya familia wako na wewe afya bora dada. Raula, nimefurahi sana kusikia umzima wa afya na familia yako. Alhamdullilahi nami na wazee wangu wote wazima. Mie pia niko kwenye mwaka wangu wa mwisho na ninaelewa namna gani inavyokuwa ni ngumu na taabu. Mwenyezi Mungu akurahisishie masomo yako. Amin And thanks bringing this topic back 2 track I dont beleive there is any human on earth who wouldnt be jealous of the affection which other humans may share and especially if its your spouse. But you can fight it as its a part of your Nafs ( We fast in Ramadhan overcoming our pangs of hunger as we fear and ask for Allahs grace)which is in our hands to sublime.so instead u make sure when the husband comes to your quarters you have an enjoyable time. Spoil him to the maximum . I remember a hadith which says If a human was allowed to worship another A wife could have had to be subservent to her Husband. So either be the first or only wife it is a womans role to be the best as in take care of his affairs, children and possessions. Qacbaro its a choice polygamy and as Sheherazade sister said Its Allah who makes the judgement who is in His Good books and not. Its only our duty when we make a promise to do something it should be in the accord of the Almighty and not according to our whims. So , if there is a reason which presses me to confer to the decree of Polygamy I will whole heartedly.Though I beleive I will be praying extra hard for the male figure for the choice he made as it will cause fitnah whether you like it or not. Thats why men have been reminded in the Quran that they will be tested by their children, wives and possessions by Allah. A heavy burden. And I would prefer living in different quarters if possible definitely different houses.But again will depend on the provisions available. This is my opinion but Allah knows better . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bess. Posted September 19, 2004 Originally posted by silent-sistah: 4get me going to a married man and becoming 2/3/ or 4, if my current husband married a 2nd, i would divorce him i would make him sign a prenup stopping him remarrying and if he does, our marriage is over. if he refused to divorce me -i would make his life a living hell, till he gave me my paper. i know that the prophet and the sahaba did it, but im not Aisha (radiaya Allahu anhu), i dont have the same selfcontrol or patience as them....and today is very far away from the time of the Prophet(pbuh). no way in hell can a man raise and treat 2 families, 100% equal in this day and age--- that simple facts stops men claiming their right to marrying 4 wifes) yes im jelious i wont deny it, im extremely jelious and the thought that the man i married, is screwing another woman and 2morrow will come home and try screw me? with the same filthy toothpick excuse for dick...hell no, id rather castrate him then let him come near me! if i wasnt satisfying my husband, he can divorce me and get a new wifey...however, if im satisfying him - doing my best left, right and centre, him getting a new wife is insluting to me. p.s., i have been in a situation with a married guy. i was with him before he got married, he got married without me knowing, and started talking to me after he got married but by then i had found out he was married....a$$hole wanted to have his cake and eat it. now i was heart-borken,shattered and thought i would never recover coss i was like head-over hills for him. it has taken me 3 years to get over him.....and even if it killed me, i would never ever have gone near him - id rather die than talk to a married man sis silent sister im not going to offer any condolences for the situation u found urself in....cause as i can see u overcame the "man" and u sound the better for it...u know sis..what they say.."what doesn't kill, only makes u stronger"....like the girl said...it is all about choice....i know myself and there is no way i cold live like that, it is impossible...i would love my husband very much and sharing him is just not an option...inshallah....and i can't be like anyone is .....all i can say for u women out is that know urselves...and what u can live with...if u can handle it....then it is all good ...but if can't don't let a man make u miserable...be honest.....its ur life too...u know...u don't have to live with his choices if they don't make u happy....and for the men too...ur actions have consequences....and u have a responsibilty to ur wife and kids...and u should always think of thier health physically and mentally.....and to tell u the truth marrying a second is very selfish....y do u want another woman...if u r not satisfied with ur 1st one...tell her and move on....but if u want to have ur cake and eat it...well u r just gonna have to face the consequences of ur actions cause not all women are likely to be happy.... :rolleyes: peace Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuujiye Posted September 19, 2004 Hadal badana dadkaa. Muran badanaa dakaan. seef labood badanaa dadkaa. Suuro badanaa dankaan. Istusutus badanaa dadkaan. Kibir badanaa dadkaan. Isla weynaan badanaa dadkaan. Wareer badanaa dadkaan!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Qac Qaac Posted September 20, 2004 sheherazade whatever ur name is... maxaa tiri. maba ku fahmin ku soo celi... Charisma.. abaydiiss.. kow horta wax yar aa lagaa dhahay oo fiican, waxaa la soo booday your man ego wants it. labo diintayda waan aqaan meesha maba taalaba, haddaas yaan aqoon, hadana diinta ma aha wax lagu faanaba sidaydaba... aniga marka aan ku faaniyay, waxaan ku malee nayay in ay ilaahey dartiis ay kaa tahay, sababta ah, waan ogahay in ay gabar walba ku adagtahay in lala guursado.. but i thought u over came that. I GUESS I WAS WRONG.. u r just as them.. sababta is waxaad ku sheegtay ur later jawaabtaada, because of ur men ego.. 3xaad abaayo i know, my deen what i have to do.. if i marry 2 or 3 or 4.. marka no need in aad igu soo cel celiso the whole day, waad in aad labadaba u xaq dhoortaa come on.. qof xanaaqsan meeshaan ma laha. laakiin u disappointed me, i thought u were different.. u r same.. mac salaama.. don't get mad, don't hate me hate the trueth... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Qac Qaac Posted September 20, 2004 oh yeah, and for all u girls who is saying the man has to tell his first wife.. if he is planning to marry 2nd... pls bring me that hadith, or the ayah.. where does it say in the deen or diinta. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sheherazade Posted September 20, 2004 Charisma, can I help it if we agree on something ? I merely pointed it out. I wasn't using u as a voice, apologies if it came across as so. Anyway, if Q can't differentiate between who said what and meant what, someone will no doubt break it down for him. However, I have noticed that he does play the 'ma fahmin' card often when he doesn't want to respond to a post yet can't let it go unanswered. SisSade, when I said 'be afraid, be very afraid', did u really think I was being serious? I was being humourous just as I am being now: Q will be on the next plane to yr country of residence(Turkey?). He will want yr hand in marriage. What say ye? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Warrior of Light Posted September 20, 2004 Originally posted by sheherazade: Q will be on the next plane to yr country of residence(Turkey?). He will want yr hand in marriage. What say ye? will tell him to head to Tanzania and pass the mehr-gabatiga( ??spell check) to the old man there. Though will warn him before hand the old man will put him to trial :eek: :rolleyes: On a serious note I knew you were teasing me. Just wanted to pass the message to our brothers. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raula Posted September 20, 2004 ^^nakutarajiya mazuri na mola akusaidie pia dada-Amiin (sisi wote). Insha-allah labda siku moja our paths will cross. Till then, will keep it on SOL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Warrior of Light Posted September 21, 2004 ^^ Amin dada. Ni poa tu au kizanzibari Tukijaaliwa Mola atupe Uhai na uzima. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
