Not a girl, Not yet a woman

[Valenteenah.]

Sisters,

 

So, you have finally grown up. The world is now your overly large oyster. You are supposed to take the reigns of your life firmly in your hands from here on. No more hiding behind mummy and daddy. The onus is on you to create and maintain your own family. But has your mentality really changed?

 

Do you consider yourself a fully grown woman, or do you still think of yourself as a little girl? Do you feel a great deal has changed from when you were 14/15? Or do you still feel as lost and confused as ever?

 

When does a girl actually become a woman?

 

- As soon as she hits puberty?

 

- When she reaches 16? 18? 21?

 

- When she marries for the first time? (Or rather, considering current trends, when she first becomes sexually active?)

 

- Or does a girl only become a real woman when she finally takes up the responsibilty of motherhood?

 

Tell me ladies (those in their 20s and unmarried), do you consider yourselves girls or women?

 

*"Must stop listening to Britney Spears"*

[raula]

Since I was a kid, I was treated/considered as an adult-and I have grown up to be a TIMELESS,TRADITIONAL LADY Therefore, A WOMAN is what I call myself, not a GIRL anymore(I stopped the 'oh gals just wanna have fun-popular tune in the late 80's blondies song ' way back when I was 12 ( goes on sing a long one of XALIMO MILANO's song ...)

[Passion_4_Fashion]

^^^xaliimo who>

 

i concider myself as a mature woman....I am now actually becomimg what I will be for the rest of my life. there was a time when i was a girl, but thats ancient history now.....(thank God)

[SCORPION_SISTA]

Before I answer this question I wanted to say the eternal question of "womanhood" is relativism, meaning there would never be an absolute definition of what makes a female a woman or a girl but merely its meaning is relative to each individual...Having said that let me answer your questions relative to my own perceptions:

 

1. Do you consider yourself a fully grown woman, or do you still think of yourself as a little girl?

 

Hmm this an interesting question and it's hard to answer briefly...A lot of times there isn't that much different of what grown woman wants/thinks and what young girl wants/thinks...As young girls most want to be successful, have fun, find prince charming, be good mothers but mostly importantly be loved for themselves...The only difference is how as girls we viewed that list and now how we view it as a woman with the distortions caused by living life...Defining myself as a grown woman I am accepting my development...And defining myself as a little girl I am embracing my faith in possibilities regardless of experiences and bitter realities.

 

2. Do you feel a great deal has changed from when you were 14/15? Or do you still feel as lost and confused as ever?

 

If I said no I would shoot myself now...Honestly though I was one of those female who never experienced teenage years...I was intense as girl and stubborn...I never felt lost or confused in terms of who I am as a female because as my uncle loves to say "I followed my own drums"...Once I set up my standards I followed them regardless of what the trends were or who my friends were at the time...Being different or un-cool weren't labels I was afraid of...My change from young girl to grown up woman is viewing life in different shades than black and white.

 

3. When does a girl actually become a woman?

 

All those mentioned by you are part of it...As girl hits puberty she realizes she isn't like one of the guys, first step...At 18 yrs she understands her responsibilities in determining the woman she will be from then on, second step...Recognizing her own sensuality, have nothing to do being sexually active or not, is her third step...Compromises and tolerance skills learned from marriage is her fourth step...And the final one being truly a mother, not meaning only to take up responsibilities, she transcends everything else

 

 

I got to run right now so can't double check hope i made sense though...Bee bye

[nuune]

xilligii boojaalaan ahayee i barbaari wey ka tageen, xiligii waan bakhtiyayee i jiidna meysan gaarin, waxay dhax marayaan waan bislaadee i cun

 

abaay brwqo, inaad dhuntaan u heestay maba joogtaaba, yaab badanaa

 

 

IGA RAALI AHOOW YAAH LAIGUMA TALA GALIN MEEJAN INAAN KA HADLO

[Kool_Kat]

My Mom and her friends still refer to each other as girls, does that mean they are not women yet!!!lol...Maanta dhan waxay kudhehee "Naa heedhe gabadhii ina hebel ma'isoo wacday"...Sure, GABAR!!!

 

N'way, I consider myself to be between a young woman...I am still maturing, everyday...

 

Marriage doesn't make you a Woman (as some ppl get married for the wrong reasons)...

Having a child/children doesn't make you a Woman (a 13yr old can have a child)...

Age doesn't make you a Woman (well, let's just leave it at that)...

 

You make yourself a WOMAN...Your mind, your courage, your understanding of life, the way you take care of yourself and others who depend on you, is what makes a WOMAN!!! along with so many other things...

[Juxa]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^ well said.

 

queen bee, iam not sure about the others, bt personally i always was saqiir-waayeel, so its hard to say waqtigaas yaan woman noqday.

 

i believe when u become a woman, is when u realise, men are all talk and nothing bt trouble. when u decide those are creatures which u can wind yr lil finger. when anything they say never make a sense

 

u become a woman, the minute u know right from wrong, the minute aa reerka kala wado, oo isku wado, the minute u decide dar ale inaad ku dagto

 

i know pronounce us WOMEN

[Qac Qaac]

thank god atleast 1983 aan dhashtay maa wada dhihin,

 

waraa boolbaro how did u get away with that. ar kanaa.

[Passion_4_Fashion]

even though I concider my-self as a mature woman now...I dont think im still mature enough to become some ones wife to be frank with you. give me couple of years....then i can handle the maskax xanuun oo nagala maqan yahay guurka

[Qac Qaac]

iyaah guur madax xanuun waaye hayye. ana waxaa ku darsan lahaa in uu yahay calool xanuun too.

[Rahima]

I consider myself a young lady.

[Curly]

Aeryn Sun I’m wondering what got you contemplating such things, is a bout of depression? Well if that’s the case join the club!

 

-Do you consider yourself a fully grown woman, or do you still think of yourself as a little girl?

 

You know I've always thought of myself as a girl up until one day when I was 19 and I was surprised to hear someone refer to me as a woman, ever since then I've thought of my myself as a woman and it definitely did wonders for the old self esteem for a short while.

 

-Do you feel a great deal has changed from when you were 14/15?

 

Yeah obviously a lot has changed other than just physical changes, I’m now responsible for myself and I’m finally perusing the goals I set out for myself when I was around 14 and 15 years old.

 

-Do you still feel as lost and confused as ever?

 

To be honest I think I’m more lost and confused now then I was when I was younger, at least back then everything was straight forward and as clear as crystal. Now everything is distorted and unnecessarily confused and complicated. Sometimes I wish I could return to the good old days when growing older was a far away wishful dream made of happy ideals and promises of a better life. But now it’s a disappointing muddy ditch that you’re trying desperately to crawl out of, but only to find yourself slipping further and getting stained and filthier on the way. And they say it’s supposed to be the prime of your life! Don’t get me wrong there are good days when you stop struggling to get out and look up to admire sky when it’s not dark stormy and raining.

 

-When does a girl actually become a woman?

 

I’d say that you can’t put an age on it; it’s different for everyone, because our mothers were considered women when they were as young as 14 and 15. It’s all about maturity so I would say that a girl becomes a woman when she’s responsible and able to deal with responsibility.

 

But in the Somali culture you’re not a woman until you’ve been married!

Because I’ve seen 30 year olds being referred to as girls just because they’re virgins which I think is hilarious!

[NGONGE]

Aeryn Sun,

 

This question can also apply to men. Everyone is 16 years olds really. They just have more experience (and probably more wrinkles). There is nothing extra that you need to do or feel. One day you’ll become a mother, you’ll be responsible for a small family but you’ll still be the 16-year-old girl that you’ve always been. Time will pass and you’ll become a grandmother, you’ll act all serious and tell your 16-year-old granddaughters to behave and be responsible, but you yourself will still be that 16-year-old girl that you’ve always been. When people refer to you, they’ll refer to you as a woman but you’ll still get a shock every time you hear it. There is nothing for you to really worry about here; it’s natural to wonder about such things. Be happy and stay feeling sixteen. Just don’t do what they do.

 

 

You’re too long in the tooth to start experimenting with drugs

[Valenteenah.]

^^Are you saying am too old to try some E? NGONGE, am I to take it your still a kid at heart? Then again, I should have guessed.

 

LoL @ Rahima...erm, what does that mean exactly? Girl or woman?

 

Many thanks for the responses, am just a little anxious at the fact that I seem to be the odd one out here...I dont think I have ever consciously thought of myself as a woman! Except for the few occasions I deign to dress myself in a dirac (then I do feel very womanly). I cant seem to shake the morose little girl I used to be though...or maybe I just dont want to? There's a thought!

 

Kat n Scorpion,

 

It does seem to be all about self-perception, doesn't it? Both my younger sisters consider themselves as women, albeit young women (revolting phrase :rolleyes: ).

 

Sue,

 

To be honest I think I’m more lost and confused now then I was when I was younger, at least back then everything was straight forward and as clear as crystal. Now everything is distorted and unnecessarily confused and complicated. Sometimes I wish I could return to the good old days when growing older was a far away wishful dream made of happy ideals and promises of a better life. But now it’s a disappointing muddy ditch that you’re trying desperately to crawl out of, but only to find yourself slipping further and getting stained and filthier on the way. And they say it’s supposed to be the prime of your life! Don’t get me wrong there are good days when you stop struggling to get out and look up to admire sky when it’s not dark stormy and raining.

Precisely. Thats exactly how I feel. I have changed somewhat since i was 14/15...but in many ways I havent really changed. I feel more confident as an adult, more capable, less shy and a lil more comfortable in my own body, but thats about it. Everything else feels the same.

 

So is that it? Thats all it takes to become a woman? No radical changes? No superior inner knowledge? Nothing?

 

Refomer:

 

even though I concider my-self as a mature woman now...I dont think im still mature enough to become some ones wife to be frank with you. give me couple of years....then i can handle the maskax xanuun oo nagala maqan yahay guurka

Reformer, I find it interesting you should say that, because I pesonally think being ready to take on marriage is the surest sign of maturity...wouldn't you say?

 

Now that I come to think of it actually, I am sure one of the main reasons I refuse to acknowledge myself as a woman is because I don't quite feel ready to get married yet.

 

Raula n Juxa,

 

LoL...I know you guys were habro even as babies.

 

 

Boolbaro n Qacbaro,

 

Since u didnt answer, do you ladies consider yourselves girls or women?

[ferocious]

It varies from one person to another.

I became a woman as soon as i stepped into the real world, took responsibility for my self and became confortable in my own skin.

To be a woman is not about being a mother or having a sexual intercourse to me its more comlex.its realising who you R?; being strong and goal oriented.

TO answer your questions; i consider myself a woman but not a fully grown one . i think i just entered the area and i need to get grasp of the whole womanhood. that gets to be confusing at times. alot has changed after my early teen but i think i am the same person i was just alot mature , reliable and more confident. Most importantly my dreams arent dreams any more their my reality.