Something wrong with somali parenting

[Modesty]

why is it that somali parents, especially single mother's don't understand their kids? When I say "somali parents" i don't mean all parents, but the ones I have encountered.

Why don't they support their kids, I talked to many teens in the west, and one of the reasons they've gotten into trouble is because their parents never seemed to support them in anything they do or any progress they made. I think our generation should change this pattern of parenting, and start supporting our children instead of saying everything is "ceeb" and giving them smug looks at their dreams.

[nemo]

Assalamu Calyakum sister

 

 

I don't know what part of parenting you are talking about, but I think the Somali women do everything for their kids to try to improve their chances of success in life as much as possible.

 

I mean some work acting as the father figure and at the same time mothers for their children. If you are talking about the education part where the parents try and help their children studying and homework, most it's impossible due to them not knowing the homework themself. Even those that have been educated back home it's still difficult to help their children, one because the work is different and two there is no time to help them. Especially the Somali women as they are acting as father and mother figure.

 

Our Somali women are one of the hardest working women I know. When do you ever see white women "Australians or non-Australian" rising 5 or more children all by them self’s and still make it work. Take their kids to school and still put food on the table. Even worst to a new country half way the world and speaking different language. You never see that and impossible for most. Some even still straggle in the comfort of their own countries.

 

If anything the fathers are the ones who are lacking parenting because I see all the time the women seem to be doing ALL the work or MOST of the work, even those that are around.

 

I also think the children them self’s need to plan more into their studies/future. If they want help and finding their studies difficult there is always help from fellow students, teachers and even tutors. It’s really sad to see some mothers work so hard and at the same time their kids are failing in their studies, what does a mother got do in that situation. When I say the Somali fathers are failing to parent their kids I don’t mean ALL but however most are. I don't know if it's the “I am a man†and that's for the women or wife to take care but there is surely something wrong with the Somali men and their parenting.

 

PS Allah help our brave and strong women and make them happy. They need a break. Amiin.

[winnie]

i think we are culturally inclined to see our kids as a reflection of ourselves and in turn while raising them have alot of demands on them so they dont hurt our self image.what i mean is in our somali parent/child relationships the emphasis is on meeting the demands we create on them rather than creating an environment of trust and understanding. trust is earned, even if you are the woman who brought me into this world. the father bashing here is disconcerning. i can only guess that many of you were raised primarily by your mothers and its only natural to feel protective of them but not all mothers are saints and not all fathers are monsters.

[Wiilo]

MODESTY SXB I DON'T KNOW WAT KINDA PARENTING U R TALKING ABOUT, BUT OUR PARENTS DID WAT THEY COULD TO RAISE US, AND WE OWNED TO THEM, THE ONLY THING WE COULD DO IS TO THANK THEM AND APPRECIATE THEIR HARD WORK, THEIR WAY OF PARENTING DEPENDED ON THE ENVIRONMENT, THE CULTURE/RELIGION, AND HOW THEY WERE TAUGHT TO DO THINGS. IF WE WANT TO CHANGE PARENTING, WE (OUR GENERATION) CAN START PARENTING OUR CHILDREN DIFFERENTLY. BUT WE CAN'T NEVER CRITICIZE HOW OUR PARENTS RAISE US PERIOD......

 

SOOMAALI HADDII AAN NAHAY WAXA INOO DIIDAY HORUMARKA WAXAA WAAYE WE CRITICIZE TOO MUCH, WAXNA ISKUMA DAYNO WITHOUT CRITICIZING OR SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT IT...NOW WE ARE QUESTIONING HOW OUR PAPRENTS RAISE US, INTAAN DHIHILAHAYN WAALIDKEYN WAY DADAALEEYN WAYNA INA SOO KORIYEEYN IYADOO DHIBAATOOYIN BADAN LA KULMAYN...

I SAY LET'S THANK THEM AND APPRECIATE THEIR HARD WORK INTAAN NAC NACDA ISKA DAYNO.....

 

 

GO FIGURE:............

[chubacka]

Modesty

Honestly I can see where you are coming from...I am honestly frightened what the millions of little Somali kids (8,9,10..) running around London will do when they are in their teens...I cant blame the mothers though lets say the average Somali woman has 5+ kids all of similar age, minimal help from the father, other family pressures to deal with and probably can not speak English too well therefor cannot even communicate with her children whose Somali consists adding a "ka" to english words "ka"(toilet - ka) even worse (stairs- ka)

 

Is it any wonder that somali children tend to go off the rails at a certain age?

 

I work in a primary school and honestly even at this early age it is the somali children who present the behavioural problems and not jst the boys.

 

Any family in which the father is there, at home taking an active interest in the lives of his little children I think will be more functional than one in which the mother is there trying to be everything all at once.

[WILDCAT]

I believe in neutering all the selfish, oppresive, hedonists who care for no one but themselves... that would be the male of the species on the planet, of course... survival of the fittest needs a bit of a helping hand...

[Animal Farm]

The Somali family is under a great threat, and this is so because sperm donor fathers have disappeared without a trace – thank god we have loving mothers – the men even failed to bring home the bread, in Somali many of the business people, even abroad are women, they are often the hustlers in the household. Thou the new generation, we dare not to follow the paths of our fathers – we choose to participate in this thing we family.

[Abaadir]

Originaly posted by Modesty

Something wrong with somali parenting

Why worry how somalis parent their kids. I thought you will not get marry, therefor will not have kids. but thanks for the concern.

[Umm al_khair]

The problem is with the Somali fathers they are never there for their kids. They expect the wife to do everything and they have no sympathy for her. How much can a mother do when she has to cooks for them cleans the house, washes their clothes, iron their clothes, take them to school, do the shopping, give the little ones a bath and feed them with no support but more problems from the husband.

 

Most Somali fathers are in the maf’rash, and they need to get out of the maf’rash , stop the qat and pay more attention to their role as a father.

[RendezVous]

Originally posted by Modesty:

why is it that somali parents, especially single mother's don't understand their kids? When I say "somali parents" i don't mean all parents, but the ones I have encountered.

.... I think our generation should change this pattern of parenting, and start supporting our children instead of saying everything is "ceeb" and giving them smug looks at their dreams.

When you see the mud that is , Somalis coming from the far off lands especially the west, you will realize that there is a problem with parenting.

 

You will find kids who are hopeless.Yacni as in identity crisis.You ask anything about his family, he knows only his father and mother.Ask him/her about his uncles/aunts, ask him/her about Islam, his/her religion, they know that, there are people called Muslims who pray..Ask where they face to when praying, he says ..Just this way..Pointing to that specific place..He/she don't know the Qiblah by name.

 

Expect that kid to nurture his own kid then...That is a whole generation of families that is LOST..

 

Allahu Aclam..

[Resistance]

^^^ Bro i think the knowledge of Islam amongst the young ones who grew up in the West is quite healthy and gnererally know more about the deen then their own parents. While there are some fanastic parents who natured their kids well, most children here tend to find their own feet and take upon themselves to better their future lives.

So for you paint an image of utter iggonorance in Islam amongst the Somali youth is wrong.

 

Also the trend shows those who find it difficult are the ones that arrived here in their earlly teens and are often playing catch up or go astray. While those born or arrived here at a very young age understand the system here and know whey they fit in.

[-Lily-]

I agree with Hizb, I don't think it is so much as parenting as it is about expectations. You cannot expect to raise children in one country and not expect them to have that culture, expecially since the children are much more assimilated into that culture. It is naive for them to assume their children will stay unchanged. Personally, I think this whole 'Somali dhaqan' is overrated.

[me]

Ok a question then.

 

What would be acceptable Somali parenting?

When is a family successful?

 

Could we find what makes a family a successful and use that for other families as an example that they can follow.

 

Could we maybe write a book on the “modern†Somali family or start a project that tries to improve Somali family lives?

 

In my opinion a sort of Social contract would work.

 

That involves

-the couple that is marrying

-the imam that is conducting the ceremony

-the two families

-the surrounding community

And all these parties pledge to make this new family a successful one.

 

This marriage will then not be just an affair between the bride and the groom, since there are more stakeholders then just those two.

 

If any conflicts or problems arise all stakeholders should be brought together to solve the problems.

 

The kids (the products) of the marriage also belong to the community, so the community should have a role in the way these kids are brought up.

 

And maybe we should also change the way people get married, by preparing the couple for their new future,with more focus on the new family instead of just a party that costs a fortune and afterwads they get plunged in the deep. With a little help more families could survive.

 

I am not suggesting any new radical ideas, all I am saying is lets just fine tune the processes that we already have. Most of the things that I suggested already happen, the problems are they are only a ritual that’s not taken serious.

 

Anyhow one can only solve these problems only on community wide level.

 

 

But this is how it is

 

Crisis in the families >>> Crisis in the communities >> Crisis in the country

 

It also works the other way around.

 

 

If we are discussing the problems, lets also discuss the solutions.

[RendezVous]

^You see just too far and that is ok...

 

Lily, The "Somali Dhaqan" ceases to go away..Imagine we shifted from Somalia 120 years ago and we still the same somalis even in kenya..

So how does the "Dhaqan" go away? Unless you are running away from your Dhaqan itself..

 

n

You know what swahilis say in their proverbs..

 

"Mwacha Mila ni mtumwa"..He who leaves his "Dhaqan" gonna be a slave..

 

That is what we are almost..

[me]

Rendvous there is nothing going away.

 

It’s just a change with times, but Somali dhaqan will never go away. As long as there are Somalis, Somali dhaqan will exist.

 

We are talking about the issue of family here and there is also a tread on Somali language.

 

http://www.somaliaonline.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=11;t=000126;p=1#000014

 

We need to discuss one issue at the time.

 

So on this tread lets only focus on the issue of family and parenting.

 

What the problems are and what possible solutions there are.

 

So everyone please whatever problems you raise also post what you think the solutions will be, use your imagination