Muslimah Sexiness”

[Ashkiro]

I assure this topic is not inspired by the very colorful The-Siren . But from time to time I read the blog of Jamerican Muslimah, not that I agree with her all the time but the sista is really interesting! Anyhow I found this entry interesting and wanted to share with you ladies.

 

I had a very honest conversation with two friends of mine. Both are converts- one from Latin America and another one from the Caribbean. They admitted to feeling, at times, “frumpy” and “old” in the headscarf and modest clothing. They felt ignored, unattractive and undesirable in the eyes of Muslim and non-Muslim men alike. They felt that Muslim men often placed them on a “purity pedestal” and non-Muslim men simply looked passed them. By the same token, both women felt ashamed of their feelings since their feelings run counter to everything we have been told about Muslim women and sexuality. During the course of our conversation we realized we were trying to reconcile two very different identities and lifestyles- our old one and our new one. We were left with a few questions: How do you go from being a sexy, hot, Jamerican/West Indian/Latina to being a pious, proper, Muslimah? Can the two exist in one body? Do you have to wait for marriage in order to feel sexy and irresistible? And what if your husband (for whatever reason) doesn’t provide you with that attention? Can you be hot and a Muslimah at the same time? Should you even want to? Better yet, what if you are sexy by nature? What if you can’t hide it?

 

Before a chorus of “astagfirullahs” assault this post, hear me out. Let’s try to be real for once. Most women enjoy feeling loved, attractive, sexy, and wanted. Most importantly, many of us like the attention we receive from the opposite sex. I can already envision the comments suggesting if the woman is single she should get married. (Again, what if her husband does not give her that attention?) Or better yet, I can envision some of you saying, “we should not care about these things because the Akirah/Quranic teaching/Islam/Sunnah is more important.” That still does not resolve the dilemma. The question remains: Can you be a Muslimah and hot/sexy? If so, how and in what context? Is the quiet, demure, shy, Muslimah persona a universal one? What is appropriate Muslimah behavior? (Please don’t just post Quran or Ahadith, help me understand your perspective).

 

Let’s discuss.

[Ashkiro]

"Let’s leave aside the motivations of men for a second and let’s talk about sisters. Why do you think other Muslim women push the idea that we all have to be quiet, demure, soft-spoken, dull and practically afraid of men? If a woman is stylish (in terms of her dress), friendly, assertive , and outspoken why do some Muslim women rush to give her an “Islamic” makeover?"

 

For more go to her blog, Sorry can't link it since I seemed to have lost my address box for the moment.

[Valenteenah.]

She sounds very interesting. I suppose the problem with 'sexiness' is it's overtly sexual. Although a lot of people believe sexiness is more about attractiveness and attitude and doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with flashing your flesh.

 

But the crux of it all is style. Some people have it, others don't, regardless of how hard they try. Some Muslim women (and men, but we are not talking about men here) believe there is only one type of proper hijab and every muslimah should look identical to the next, others like to try different things, they like to explore and pick out what suits them, they like to stand out rather than go with the flow, basically they like to get off the beaten track. Is this Islamic or unislamic? I'm not sure what would make it unislamic. If God wanted everyone to look alike, they would have. We wouldn't have the variety of colours, textures and cultures that exist in the world if that were the case.

 

I guess it all boils down to good intentions, modesty, kindness and good manners. All universal characteristics that define Islamic etiquette. They will stand you in good stead no matter where you are and where you go.

 

 

PS: The tube is the best place for style-watching. I have seen some beautifully put together hijabis, really exquisitely dressed. Nothing outlandish or loud or attention grabbing. Just lovely outfits that you can see have been pulled together by someone with a great eye for style and attention to detail. Not an easy job when all the nice things in shops are a let down. Guess you've gotta put in a lot of work and hours to pull together a nice wardrobe if you are a style conscious Muslim woman.

 

There's a big market out there for a Muslim stylist! I would certainly like the services of one.

[Indhoos]

Very interesting topic indeed..

 

Val here has a very good point. You can be covered in rags and come out looking very attractive/sexy/hot etc etc. or you can be wearing the richest and fanciest of silks and appear dull/unattractive/ etc.

 

It all boils down to self confiendence, pride, and how you carry yourself. You can be wearing the biggest of jalbaabs, be covered from head to toe and still have the ability to have your presence felt in every room and by everyone, while adhering to quran and hadith...No need for vulgarity, baring of flesh or diminishing your deen and dignity.

 

Bottom line, have self confidence, don't feel opressed b/c you are wearing the Hijab, feel entitled, empowered, own up to it and carry yourself like a princess, enjoy that element of mystery that you possess thanks to the hijab...belief me you will be treated like a princess by all...

[Ibtisam]

The short answer is no, you cannot be a SEXY muslimah, it is an oxymoron, and it defeats the whole purpose of a hijab. You should look nice, presentable, clean and fresh, but sexy no.

Most women enjoy feeling loved, attractive, sexy, and wanted. Most importantly, many of us like the attention we receive from the opposite sex.

Yes, most women enjoy feeling loved and attractive, sexy and wanted by their partner not random strangers, and she has it twisted, as a muslimah we are not suppose to like the "attention we receive from the opposite sex" in fact we should avoid that attention, and it is a lie to say MOST, unless she is talking about ALL women, rather than just muslim women. Oh and the bit about what if she gets a husband who does not or would not yayad ya, it is grounds for divorce,along with other reasons such as not finding him attractive or not being satisfied.

 

we all have to be quiet, demure, soft-spoken, dull and practically afraid of men? If a woman is stylish (in terms of her dress), friendly, assertive , and outspoken why do some Muslim women rush to give her an “Islamic” makeover?"

What is wrong with quite?? As supposed to loud mouth?

Friendly and outpoken to who?? :confused: to men?? well then she does need a "islamic makeover"

 

Val, I agree, I see the mosy beautiful styles on the tube!I'm sure some sisters wonder why I keep staring trying to see how they did it. LOL

[Ashkiro]

^I disagree, it all would depend on one’s definition of what “sexy” means. Being familiar with Jamerican Muslimah views, her definition of “sexy” and the purpose of this entry was not meant to defeat the purpose of hijab, as she is a hijabi herself. Although I don’t personally use the word “sexy” (or hot) to describe prettiness, looking good etc, other sisters do and it’s quite innocent, not sinister. You have described the beautiful styles of Muslimahs you see on the tube, some may call that “sexy” or “hot”. The point here is there are various ways to apply hijab and to do so with personal style while remaining modest would not lessen one’s faithfulness.

[Pucca]

since when is being 'sexy' haram? i think i dress quite sexy(hot, pretty, nice) sometimes...other times i look like i got dressed in the dark(not so hot, unpretty, messy). *sigh*

[Ibtisam]

What do you guys mean it depends on what "sexy" means. Since when did it have different means. Sexy means arousing or intended to arouse sexual desire, or sexually appealing. How does that not defeat the purpose of hijab?? :confused:

 

As for sisters on the tube, they wear beautiful styles, bring out their own uniqueness, but I certainly don't mean sexy. Those who LOOK sexy show little understanding of the essence of a hijab, normally combining it with mini skirts, tights and painted on clothes. THAT is not hijab.

[Malika]

Being no stranger to controversy, it’s time for me to open up another can of worms. I want to talk about “Muslimah Sexiness.” I would like to have a very frank and honest conversation about being and feeling sexy as a Muslimah. Can we? Should we? Do we?

 

Let me start by confessing something to you. I am flirtatious by nature. I’ve always been that way. After I became Muslim I was fed a thousand and one lectures about the “appropriate way” to conduct myself as a Muslim woman. I was told I needed to be shy, demure, quiet, and formal- almost afraid of “strange men.” All of these things were against my nature. The fact remains that I am not shy, demure, quiet or formal (in that way at least.) Since I am not those things I tried my best to fake it. I emulated the behavior of the women I saw at the masjid. Somehow it didn’t work though. Instead of coming across as shy or demure when interacting with the opposite sex, I often came across as rude, aloof, stuck up, cold or unnecessarily formal. I just didn’t know how to make my interaction natural. I started asking myself, why is this hard? What is it that you used to do before?

 

Reading this bit on her blog,it shines a light upon her perspective, its about where the sister is coming from. Interms of her background and the circumstances she had become accustomed too prior to Islam. I believe this is where the conflict lies at,how is she to let go of what she had learned over the years.I believe she will need to have a deeper understanding of why its asked of Muslim women to be more,reserved in flaunting their 'sexiness'.

 

Again what does sexiness mean to me as a woman brought up in a conservative Muslim Somali household?

 

Certain principals were put in place since day one,flaunting baad tiri laughing out loud in a provocative manner used to cause offence and shun upon.

 

Perhaps,to a certain extent I understand her ranting about sexiness,then again I am left feeling she is confused abit about the requirements of a Muslimah. I think she lost me,when she said something about what was expected of her ..to be shy,quite and 'nearly afraid of men' , I think at this point I thought this sister is trying to excuse her 'nature' which in her own words said to be of 'flirtatious nature' which as Muslimah,it is a behaviour, she needs to nib in the bud, rather then come up with all sort of excuses.

 

I am rambling.

[Ibtisam]

^^^Not rambling my dear, but rather on point!

[Abtigiis]

ISKUSAATI!This was supposed to be for women!

[Buuxo]

"Muslimah sexiness" what an odd combination.It's obviously two contradicting terms. One encapsulates the qualities of haya and the other sexual openness or appeal. Let's not be all confused with the fuzzy meanings of sexy.

 

This is the dilemmas of living in the west,we become so climatized that we think it's normal to show-case our 'sex apeal' to all.And We start to believe that the qualities of 'Haya' is backward & oppressive.

[-Lily-]

I agree with Val, nothing wrong with being clean, neat & beautifully dressed. Sexiness is an attitude, an internal confidence and certain aspects of it should only be appreciated by THE man in your life.

 

As for being assertive, assertiveness does not have to mean being loud and in your face, that is unattractive and both a man & a woman regardless of their faith. You can be assertive & restrained person, you can be quiet yet strong person. I don’t understand why assertiveness necessarily gets equated with being out there and wild? Isn’t it more about getting your point across & standing up for yourself?

[Sir-Qalbi-Adeyg]

Sexiness is not an attitude or some other nonsense, you gotta show some T&A while wearing your hijaab and being conservative, if you want to attract men or else you'll be gumeys like many women.

[Chocolate and Honey]

They admitted to feeling, at times, “frumpy” and “old” in the headscarf and modest clothing. They felt ignored, unattractive and undesirable in the eyes of Muslim and non-Muslim men alike. They felt that Muslim men often placed them on a “purity pedestal” and non-Muslim men simply looked passed them.

I think she is a little frustrated with the lack of "Male Attention" that she used to enjoy before Islam as in "hi there sexy ."

I can see how it might be difficult for them to cope with the idea of not hearing "Damn you're sooo fine or bring that fine *** over here! :eek: " from noisy bystandards. Loooool. All jokes aside though, I dont know what she is asking. I mean she said brothers put them on a "purity Pedestal".. which is what we want :confused: and "non-muslim men simply looked passed them" which is again... how it should be :confused: .

Sexyness is an attitude, a state of mind. It has nothing to do with flashing your flesh. Dont believe it, noh? When summer comes, and come it may, watch how females dress and they will hit your gag reflex by the amount of flesh they showcase. And then, once in a while you'll see a woman dressed in a long tunic with a pair of trousers, hair pulled back with her baby and you just think thats sexy.