Not house keepers anymore .......

[underdog]

I would think this is probably one of the most complex yet simple situations known to man (or woman).

 

I really don't know what the "European way" is but what I do know is that I "prefer" that my wife would stay home and handle the homefront. That preference is by no means based on not letting her meet her full potential and having a servant to take care of me and my kids, not at all. It's based on the bigger picture, I don't want strangers raising my kids. I don't want to subject my wife to long work hours where we both come home dead tired. it's Wajib on me to provide for her and the kids and there's a bit of pride that is damaged when my wife has to support me with "my duty".

 

Now as far as house chores go, I was raised in a super-conservative home, Boys weren't allowed in the kitchen. I even had a sister who got offended if I ever told her I would go in the kitchen and get "it" myself. Apparently the Home is the woman's domain. She calls all the shots in there.

 

So is it fair to say (in my own little world, at least) that the man's "main" responsibilty is to solve all external problems and create an environment in which the woman raise the family?

[underdog]

Originally posted by Athena:

The article is full of BULL. Keeping that aside, I think Magnoona girl should get her head out of the gutter and stop trying too hard to please :rolleyes:

Did it actually cross your mind that who she's trying to please is herself and her family?

 

did you not read her whole post as to what she wants?

 

What would you rather be doing? we haven't heard your opinion on this.

[A7LA-SHU]

asraa i hear ya sis coz i been workin ever since i was 16 to this day non stop... and u got it not milioner yet, so atleast i can relax for ones and take care of my cute lil kids... but some of us get lost when they come here sad ain't it

 

 

Athena excuse me?? well for one thing i don't give a $h!t of what u think. who am i tryin soo hard to please?? there is no one in this forum i wanna please, what i said came straight up from the heart. and the reason i said dat is coz i believe that is the best way for me to live. so if u don't think that is good for ya, don't mind me sayin what i believe. and do me a favor if u don't like what u see then don't read it. :rolleyes:

 

underdog thanks sweety. and yes u are right i wanna please me n my family..

[MaLikah]

Underdog- I'm glad to see that you categorize what you believe as merely "preference", whereas many other males would love to impose their religious beliefs to justify their way of thinking. This article touched on alot of issues that are facing married couples outside of Somalia. I found it quite interesting that they said 74% of married men realize that divorce was caused by their lack of adjusting to their environment, or to quote, the fact that "women were adjusting". In a society that demands shared responsibility when it comes to household and income, men have abandoned their children and wives causing the women to become independent. They didn't ask for it- but it was a result of our men running off. Instead of being proud of our women for suckin' it up and doing what they had to- we critize them for their "feminist" views. How funny people are.

[A7LA-SHU]

Athena well read this and tell me who am i pleasin.. peace out..

 

From the rights the husband possesses over his wife is that she fulfills the duty of tending to his household and not coming out from it except with his permission. The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “The woman is the caretaker of her husband’s household and she will be questioned as to her responsibility.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

 

 

Another right he possesses over her is that she fulfills the duties of the household and that she does not make him hire a female servant, which will cause harm and due to which there will be a risk of danger for himself and his children.

[mangalool]

asalaamu caleykum.

waxaan filayaa inta aynaan kadoodin arimahan in uu qofwalbaaba bal dib u eego, meesha uu kayimid ama cida uu yahay, diin ahaan dhaqan ahaan, malaa wax cusub oo aynaan ogayn bay dadka qaarkii og yihiin, waa yaab!!, ma diintiibaaba hada laleeyahay hala saxo? dhaqanka waaban garanaye.flashback inaynu samayno weeye bal oo dib uugu noqono diinteena suuban iyo dhaqankeena dahabiga ah.

ninkii ka tegayaaba haka tagee anagu waanu haysanaynaa, looooool , laakiin habloow hadaanu guriga idinkala shaqayno soow ok maaha? waxaan filayaa inaad ku qaboobi doontaan insha alaah, sidii dawadiinu kujirtaba la idiin yeelye ina dejiyba bal, aduunba waa gabaabsiye

[kiLLaflows]

Originally posted by OG_Girl:

wallalo, no disrespect between us, coz simply i don't know u and what is ur freaking CLAN is... so that lil steriotype is invalid!! ... so please GO school and learn either ENGLISH, ARABIC OR FRENCH... if u learn Arabic would be thankfull

 

OG-girl what the heck are u talking about leave the brothe he has his onw choice

afsomaligi maaba wax lagaa faano noqday yaa rabi

 

PS. Stop runin' your mouth all overe tha forum

[mangalool]

asalaamu caleykum.

OG-GIRL, arabic or english or franch, miyaa kula noqday wax weyn, waxaan filayaa inaynaan ahayn isku cimri, waayo halka aad wax qiyaasayso ayaan arkaa, luqada waa lagula yaqaan lagaana badiyaa , laakiin waa qofwalba iyo dookhiisa,,,,heestan miyaad maqashay?.

af qalaad aqoontu miyaa? maahee af qalaad aqoonntu miyaa? maahee waa inta qofba eebe geshaa.

(shalaad barataye waala shubi jirey), walaashay bal socodka yara dhin , shimbir duul duul badani af-libaax bay ku dhacdaaye.

waxa inaga dhexeedyaa waa ixtiraam,inkastoonad wax ceeba sheegin hadana socodka yaree......MASTER-MAFIA, tnks sxb waynu iskuleenahay , hana ila baqan , meesha hablo kalena wayjoogaane,

mr-mafia------mamaqashay? wiyil raaxa joogtoo kudabaalataa webi maba oga wakhtiga dhacay? just like that weeye inantuye siidaa

[mangalool]

OG-GIRL----- :mad: -wlc to the battle field,like a roman empire, and get your shield and spear, we will challange each ather, no excuse no complain.

be ready then i will know wether you are an adult or a minor.

MR MAFIA please siidhiga noo qabo-aniga iyo yarta , looooooooool waa anigii iyo hada yartiiye lasoco

[Blessed]

She wanted to study, to work if possible, to socialise and join in with the new culture. Ali, a devoutly religious man, felt differently. Like most other Somali men, he firmly believed that women should remain at home, provide meals and raise the children.

You know what, I think this was the sole purpose of this article. To attack Islam and the Somali culture and idolise the european way of life. This silly xaliimo got used.

 

Qouting Magnoona...

 

i just have one lil advice for them ladies who think she wanna work and all that blah blah. don't get married easy as dat.. and most importantly don't have kids please.

 

That is a tad bit harsh don't you think? There is nothing wrong with a working mother sis, sometimes it is actually a neccesity and can be benefitial for the marriage, the children and ease finanicial burdens.

 

My mother worked when we were kids and we were looked after by my habo, I couldn't have asked for a better upbringing. And now, my hooyo looks after my sisters children when she is at work.

 

There is an increasing number of working Somali mothers and childcare is susually provided by close relatives. I think it is really benefitial for a child to have so many carers and to live with a large family network, that is how culture and religion and family vales are maintained. As long as we keep our tradional extended family network being a wroking mother is cool.

[-Serenity-]

Originally posted by Magnoona-girl:

and i hear this from alot of wacko somali ladies why do they think they are treated like slaves, if she stays home? my mom was house wife and to this day she wouldn't trade dat with anything.. and all she did was make sure her kids are doing the right thing. while ladies who think workin and runnin around like chicken with out head loss their kids to drug and gangs. that is lame. :rolleyes:

You generalised and assumed if a woman works, her kids will grow up to be social mis-fits. My mum worked all her life and she does so upto this day. This has encouraged us to be independent as individuals.

I've nothing against women who decide to take care of their children and stay home, but we have to realize that we live in a different generation as compared to our parents. Shared responsibility of household and child upbringin is a must from both sides. If staying at home and feeding your kids and clothing them does any good, we wouldnt have so many juvenile delinquents hailing from single mother homes (or homes where the father refused to share the duty).

 

i just have one lil advice for them ladies who think she wanna work and all that blah blah. don't get married easy as dat.. and most importantly don't have kids please. :mad: :mad:

^^ surely you dont expect a civlised response to this :rolleyes:

 

Underdog

I can see that she pleased U

[A7LA-SHU]

Athena i wasn't talkin about our moms going to work back home. coz my mom was house wife and was runnin her business too. but my problem was ladies who got no one to take care of their kids yet they wanna socialize and have time to themselves, and that workin crap, if she don't got kids well she can work her @$$ off 24/7 if she wants i couldn't careless. but ones there is kids in the story u tell me who should be watchin after the kids?? if the husband is workin long hours and she is doing the same thing? and that is where my comment about not havin kids came from, she wanna do all those then sure just don't bring kids in to this crazy world and yet not have time for them..

 

 

sorry if i sound i was generalizing but that was not my intentions.. coz i was talkin about the ones i see here my town.. and believe it or not i see kids at the age of 8 or even order not knowin anything about her religion(while my 3 yrs sis prays with my mom just about every prayer) and if u ask kid what song is new they'll sing for ya word for word. and when u ask them how come. the answer is our parents aren't around so we come home and watch tv till we sleep or hang out some kids who god knows what they are.. i don't know about yo'll but last time i checked that wasn't raisin kids. is more like just pop them out to this world and they'll raise themselves..

 

 

Athena u sure have something interesting to say huh hahaha it is all good.. and no i don't think i pleased him or any body else sweety..

 

Ameenah it is good if u have family to help out. but me personaly i told my mom i wouldn't have her baby sit my kids unless i was really sick or had to be somewhere important other then dat i like to have my kids with me 24/7... but that is just me..

[Nefertiti]

Very interesting article, thanks for that, Ameenah. However I found that it lacked perspective. It also seemed to muddle up many issues and didn’t have a clear flow.

 

She dresses like Carol Vorderman,

How does Carol Vorderman dress anyway? This is sooooo sad. What a dreadful comparison :rolleyes: .

 

We were both enthusiastic about the prospect of building a family,’ recalls Shakur. The future looked bright. They knew each other intimately, although the relationship between Muslims precludes sex before marriage.

Look at the amount of contradiction and hypocrisy here :mad: .

 

Ali, a devoutly religious man

If he was such a religious man, then why did he sleep with her before they got married? I think the reporter was biased toward the man’s view, and this biased opinion was reflected throughout the article. The usage of religion whenever it is suitable is appalling. You take the good with the bad, is it not? You dont choose which parts of religion to apply whenever necessary and abandon Islam the next moment. Unfortunately, this is what seems to happen more and more.

 

What we need to do as a nation is analyse why such behaviour occurs in the first place. People are always quick to point fingers at each other, but unfortunately that is not a solution to the moral dilemma that our community is facing at the moment. The blame lies not with one nor the other, but rather both. The Somali people cannot say the men are the only cause of the problem here. Let’s look at it like this: if a child plays with matches, and no one tells the child to stop, will he/she? In the same way, the Somali men have not been stopped chewing Khat and going to the mafrish, and have not been shown how to look after their wives and families. Therefore it is the women who are permitting such behaviour and all of a sudden when they have come to Europe or America they want Somali men to show some humanitarian emotions because of the circumstances. Well that is not going to happen over night. It will take a long time for Somali men to reform.

 

London is one of the most expensive cities in Europe and in order to survive there you need to have a remote income. However 99% of the Somali families in the UK live off state benefits. It seems to me there is entirely too much emphasis on the woman working. Tell me; is it not a sin to claim benefit when one is fully capable of working? These men are so willing to jump and use religion as a means of justifying their wrong doings where in principle that is not how our Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) lived or how Allah told us to live.

 

The bottom line is that the so-called ‘Western culture ‘ is not to blame for our miss fortune. There is the lack of education in our society and the issue of ignorance. No Somali person can identify what the Western culture really is. Everything that deviates from what Somali people do is seen as Western, which is completely wrong. I don’t think there is anything wrong with women going to school/college/university to further their career and their potential. This would benefit their children as well as the mother is able to support her kids with their homework.

 

I would definitely work and also expect my husband to pull his weight around the house. You don’t study for over a decade for nothing.

 

So dont lay the blame just at the women’s feet. If we all pull together and start acting as a nation rather than a sad bunch of people thrown together, then maybe we might come out of this stupor without too many scratches. But as it stands, we sadly fail as a nation.

[-Serenity-]

^^ Well said

[Xafsa]

How I missed this topic..I don't know.

 

I think the whole problem stems from the fact that women don't think that what they do at home has any importance. The truth is no man on the face of this earth can do what we do at home. Taking care of the kids, the house the husband...thats alot to deal with. We can survive in the men's world but they can't survive in ours...thats just a fact.

 

I don't think that a women who goes out and gets a career is better than a women who stays at home...its just a matter of personal choice. Raising those kids could be the most imortant thing you will ever do in your life...thats just something we need to keep in mind.

 

These western countries are built so that you have to choose between a career and a family? Why should I have to choose? Why can't I have both and succeed at both of them?

 

 

It is true that alot of somali men are stuck in the dark ages...but make no mistake that has nothing to do with religion. Like someone mentioned before..the prophet (SCW) used to help his wives with the house work. It just all depends on how comfortable you are with your manhood...washing the dishes is not a threat to that man hood.

We all need to realize that marriege is a partnership...you make decisions based on what is good for the family unit not the individual.

 

 

The woman in that article needs to sit down and think about this " european culture" she keeps raving about.