Give up your carier for me....would you?

[Pucca]

^mind you i would not have her bothered with little ones that are still in diapers...or leave them with her for the whole day. Ma needs her beauty naps too. As for their uncles and aunts... i'd leave them there for months and months.

[Cara.]

Originally posted by NGONGE:

Oh the woes of the privileged!

Beat me to it.

 

Any woman who claims to want to stay at home to take care of children really just enjoys the experience of finally being smarter than everyone around her.

[Miriam1]

LoL interesting exchange between everyone. After four pages..it almost feels like its

 

Poverty/Avg Husband/Kids Vs Money/Career/Jaguar..(the jag is a personal dream)

 

Whatever happen to choice number 3?

 

Adoption and marrying a younger man at 45. Think people think!

 

Ps. What's with all these women marrying Bus Drivers? What happened to the cliche taxi driver?

[ilax]

The issue has to do with the individual choice and guiding principle. I see there is difference in perspective. If you look at the religouse perspective, then AALIYAh is perfect for her choice to stay at home and play a reproductive role or a housemadam.And this goes beyond the calculation of 'opportunity cost', if you have economic backgrounds.But, if you look at the perspective of westernisation , like IB, then its issue of decent life and to enjoy the fruits of this short life.Then, use the principle neo-clasical principles.

Then, I am in favour of AALIYAHAs position for her religouse conciouseness. Ilaah ba reerka risiqisa kafaala qaadaye, weeye marka ay u xuntahay

[Valenteenah.]

Originally posted by Cara:

Any woman who claims to want to stay at home to take care of children really just enjoys the experience of finally being smarter than everyone around her.

Ha ha. Good one!

 

Variations of this topic come up every so often. And it's always the same paradigms, ala stay-at-home-mum = good Muslim children/working-mother = bad children.

 

Personally, I think both domesticity and working are overrated. I would rather travel than do either.

[Faynuus]

Malika it was just a hypothetical question.am in school now again on my way to a new career but as i said earlier i really wouldn't enjoy being a trailer for someone. for my kids on the hand, anything and i mean i would give up/sacrifice everything except for my ibaada.

 

CL and Aaliyah what a lively debate.

 

Hayam just wondering if ur considering ur propposed choice number 3?

[Faynuus]

Val so u got the passion for adventure.good luck.

[Valenteenah.]

^ Who doesn't? I would like to be a permanent holiday-maker. If I could be so lucky.

[Aaliyyah]

Ps. What's with all these women marrying Bus Drivers? What happened to the cliche taxi driver?

Hayam, way dalcmeen is idhi hada bus drivers noqdeen.

 

Btw i dnt know any bus drivers, maybe in the uk most of the guys are bus drivers lol

 

As for your option i have nothing against adopting. I intend to adopt kids if allah wills on top of having kids if allah wills again...bt marrying a guy younger, i found that idea quiet distasteful...he cant even be younger a day :mad:

 

ibti i didn't see your post there..bt in the scenerio you gave if you have so much debt to pay back which was accumulated through medical school you can always work two years pay back all your debts...take couple years off..and then go back to ur job ofcourse while taking farther training. But girl what are you doing with a bus driver if you are a doctor?..something is amiss there. Usually women look for someone with higher credentials. now you see where you went wrong

[Miriam1]

Faynuus. Who knows, what one could consider acceptable. I will stick to hopefull in my 20's. Perhaps at that age, it will be a reasonable plan.

 

Aliyah distastful eh. um I don't know. Khadijah R.A didn't think so, did she?

She was exactly in the same position that some women find themselves in. Older, succesful and looking to fulfil half her deen (as some say)

 

For example. Is it so awful, for an older woman in her early 40's to marry a man in his 30's? Lots of intelligent young men in East Africa, looking to begin a career in the U.S or Canada. Both people get what they want.

[Sir-Qalbi-Adeyg]

I see we have battle between traditionalist muslim women(aaliyah) and the new age bra burning feminist quasi muslim women(Cynical lady).

 

As always, the traditionalist common sense approach triumphs over the feminist selfish approach.

[xiinfaniin]

Folks heed to good Malika and Aliyah!

 

CL soonkii baa ka tanbadiyey, and so is Ibti!

[ElPunto]

Women are individual human beings apart from a common biology. Some are happy with simply staying at home ; some want more than that. Some like chocolate ; some don't etc.

 

If a couple does have kids - that implies you have to take care of your kids - and hard choices must be made. I find disturbing the sentiment that daycare is equal to a stay at home parent. It's not! Only those with heads in the sand would believe that.

[Malika]

Originally posted by cynical lady:

Mpenzi we need to cut your monthly subscription to Mills & Boon.. *I choose to share the rest of my life with him, not give up my life for him* and that has nothing to do with being compassionate/ understanding nothing what’s so ever. Women/wives and mothers are historically the bearers of the sacrificing/compromising why? It takes two too produce a child/ hold down a marriage and its high time the men/husbands and fathers own up to their share of the sacrificing/compromising. A woman should not have to give up her career regardless of the profession her husband inhabit and the issue should never be an either/or question, I am a confident believer that a woman can have her cake and eat it.

HaHaHa@ Mills Boons, how did you know I spent a chunk of my teen hood reading those books, dreaming of a segsi geel jire with his white horse sweeping me off my feet to the Comoro Islands.

 

Hunno,am all for empowerment of women, nevertheless I don't see a staying at home woman as an oppressed woman. Its all a matter of choices, indeed one can have it all, but personally I think its over exaggerated this 'having it all' phenomenal, there is no such a thing as having it all, something will give eventually,if its not the career then its the relationship/kids etc. I also believe everything has its time and come in stages in life, when one is studying , working and having a family.Once a husband and children come into a woman's life, however, priorities change.

 

As I said its all in the matter of finding a balance in life,what works for moi,might not work for another woman..[in other words,I would kindly obliged to him going to work and moi to enjoy the fruits of his labour]

 

Ibti Struggling to thrive in education/work shouldn't be a hinder to being a mother or a wife, these all serve a purpose in a persons life.Unless one is saying,once educated and with a career,one don't need a man/child. Wouldn't that be cheating oneself?

 

 

ps.CL,am no sell out,will still be attending that 'empowering women and overpowering men meeting next week.

[Faynuus]

I think CL, hardline feminist she is, didn't compare daycare with stay at home parents but she compared the outcome. do kids raised by parents at home grow up to be scccessful and disceplined than the daycare ones.

 

Spending those first years at home with your kids and puting their needs first is the best thing a parent especially a mother can do for her kids but if financial burden forces her to be out, then she has no choice.

 

those of us who also opt to have more kids won't find staying home until all kids grow up idea very appealing. i want to be a good mom, iam i think and want to have a career, be productive and be part of society at large. i dont want to be confined in my home. am an adult and believe that we have the capabilities to be more than a mother, wife or just a freaking career women. we can have most of what we want alltogather but if our trains jam, then mom it is gonna be for me.