Aaliyyah Posted October 3, 2008 sister, if you don't know that women's place in islam is to stay at home and nurture her kids and take care of her family then who am i to tell you right...it seems you made up your mind. anyhow, a man can ask you to stay at home if he can provide a good life, if his income can offer a decent live when kids are in the picture. Otherwise, he can't ask you to give up ur career just so you can cook his meal. That been said, many guys these days are willing to compromise and work together whether its household chores or work.So, in that case by all means work...make your business. work as a doctor, nurse and whatever else. But, if a man says you know what hun i can provide, i can have you live in style you have no need to work but to raise our kids...who are you to object?...and lets not underestimate how important it's for our kids to be disciplined in the west.. just look around you and see how the somali community is failing their kids and believe me thats all due to parenting...where parents just don't care, where they drop them off at the daycare center at the age of one... Anyways, you dont have to agree with me sis. But a mother who stays home and raises her kids islamically...will produce much better kids then those who are dropped off at daycare. that's all for now and inshallah I hope you were not offended when I said nonsense...perhaps I shouldnt have. I should have had a lil more respect for your stand. My apology. At the end of the day we will make our choices and live to see the immense affect they have on our lives. I just hope we are those who think twice before they make a decision, who try to look how this decision will affect our life down the road say 20 yrs. wa salaamu alaikum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cynical lady Posted October 3, 2008 My dear Ibti, if we employ the logic above you should not join such profession but more importantly you should study such subject only to increase your value in the marriage market and once you manage to snap yourself an average faraax, you should quit this nonsense/resort the production & upbringing of your family. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ibtisam Posted October 3, 2008 ^^^Unless you drop stock because they think you are overqualified Or you are too old at 29 already stock reached -10 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted October 3, 2008 cynical loool your sarcasm humors me...anyhow we will have to agree to disagree... bt i also have a question say your husband can provide, say he's a doctor makes abt 300 000 a year if not more...and he can offer a good life...why do you have to work? specially when you have kids who need your love and nurture? who without it can be deviated....?? why do you want the society to raise your kids for you (i.e daycarecenter)..when you have everything...house car money??...I know it's important to work and it gives you selfworth and enhances your self esteem and what not? bt whats more important your kids? or your career? and thats if you had to give up your career. Believe me you might not if you have a man who is loving and supportive who's willing to be a stay at home dad half the time..bt this is just a scenario? what would you do? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thierry. Posted October 3, 2008 99.99% of Somali men would agree with Aaliyah (Nuune we still have a few liberal appeasers in our midst). Give up the “Professional” career temporarily, raise and educate your children until they grow up then get back to whatever you were doing. But then again this is a hypothetical question, when inshallah you get the little cute kids and persuasive husband we shall see what your choice was. Ibti lets not patronise bus drivers especially as he will be paying for your burdensome student loan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted October 3, 2008 ^ I never said a women had to give up her career for good. Merely to raise her kids and then go back to her work when they are old enough and reach school age. Again, i said if a man is willing to take care of the kids half the time. it's all good. I'm merely dead against taking kids to daycare centers. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cynical lady Posted October 3, 2008 who are you to object?... are you saying she has no right to object? Mashallah I don’t mean this in a bad way Aaliyah but you would make a good wife to a somali man someday... As for this “anyhow, you dont have to agree with me sis. But a mother who stays home and raises her kids islamically...will produce much better kids then those who are dropped off at daycare” I have seen enough Somali kids in the streets of London whose parents are staying home/ aqwaans to rig me of such nonsense. Most of them have the manners of boar let alone amount to anything remotely close to “better kids” Ibtis- true ohh god true loooooooool... Aaliyah- So, he can provide me with a good life so what? Following your eg then perfect I can start my own little business when I can have my own mini day care near my desk and keep an eye on them/ employ the help to keep them entertained when I have things to do… children should not alter the core of your life/you should not live vicariously through your children. Your should have your own life and your kids should be part of it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Che -Guevara Posted October 3, 2008 Cl & Ibti Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
-Lily- Posted October 3, 2008 Ibti, that is why she should have married a specialized engineer who can hire a nanny while she goes back to work at least part time. she worked hard she doesnt deserve to live a difficult life. Anyway, my dream job is not a 9-5 nor does it require me to work for anyone so I guess this doesn’t really apply to me. As for Aaliyah and CL, no point debating personal choices. There is no point having a child if you cannot at least try to raise him/her to be the best human being they can be (eg. kind, compassionate, conscious of the world and others, an asset to society & humanity at large), regardless if you choose to stay at home or drop them off at daycare. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted October 3, 2008 cynical i said raise your kids islamically..which means spending time with them. teaching them abt the diin and what not. Not the typical somali moms who stay at home yet are not disciplining their kids.. Those i wouldn't even use to illustrate a point as you just did. Those mothers are aqwan?? says who? am not judging them? bt wearing jalbaab doesnt make you religious when your kids are running around the streets dealing with drugs and whatever else. Religion is more than a piece of cloth on your body. You need to implement it in your life... to answer ur question she has a right to object, bt merely it wouldn't make sense. IF he's providing you with a good life, why not use that chance to raise god fearing disciplined children. lol@ my own mini day care..why waste all that money?? why not just take care of your kids. whats soo bad about staying home and spending time with your kids??...anyways my example is a bit off, there isn't rich somali guys out there. You would be lucky to find a man who will say that..most of them are holding minimum wage jobs...so in that case you will work obviously..lets just hope you will get a husband who will babysit the kids half the time...just dont ever let a stranger raise your kids for you... Lily I tried to alter her personal choice, it would have been my good deed of the day. but, this girl is stubborn...I'm giving up lol thats all ... am out... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cynical lady Posted October 3, 2008 Lily lol AAliyah, am a fundamental believer in every woman has a choice so if that’s yours my dear then good luck and i wish you well in it? Che- Am seriously thinking of freezing my eggs just in case to counter that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted October 3, 2008 Cynical yeah dear sis we will just respect each other's choices and move on. I do also wish you only the best as you are my muslim n somali sister... wa salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Che -Guevara Posted October 3, 2008 ^LooooooooooooooooooL...Governments and employers need to do something to accomadate women.While back Americans and feminist were worried IV League women who accomplished leave leadership roles to raise kids. These bright women abadon everything but some though say they don't regret. P.S. Nancy Pelosi is prime example someone coming back after raising family but I guess she might be the exception. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pucca Posted October 3, 2008 For him? No, i put alot of time,money and spent sleepless night worrying about midterms not to mention missing numerous eid celebrations to just give it all up for a ...man? korean brother better be rolling in serious money to ask me to give it up. For kids? Maybe, if there's no one else to care/watch them. My kids will inshallah know their deen whether im working or not, one doesnt need to be at home 24/7 to teach a child about the deen. For myself? Heck yea! I'll gladly sit at home and look pretty while he goes and makes the $$ and the kids run around in either mom's house or that of their uncles and aunts(this is just one of the many reasons i love that i have so many siblings..) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted October 3, 2008 ^ lol so you gonna be at home while he works and ur kids will be at ur mom's house...priceless Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
