Give up your carier for me....would you?

[-Serenity-]

LOL@last three replies. Ma anigaa wax fahmeen mise dadkani code-language bey ku hadlayaan?

[xiinfaniin]

I didn't understand NGONGE's and Vals response.

 

But mine is clear!

[Miriam1]

Tough one.

 

Really depends on the man! Is he worth it?

If he is, I would consider altering my career plans to build a stable home.

 

 

Heh. Its all hypothetical nyway. Once we get saddled with children and the whole nine yards. Two incomes won't even be enough to keep us afloat.

[Aaliyyah]

^ So true. Unless he has a professional job that pays really well like a doctor or so. Otherwise, two people need to work.

[cynical lady]

Absolute nonsense, over a man? Are you mad? No man is worth that kind of sacrifice.

[Malika]

^Ofcourse dear,the man you choose to share the rest of your life deserve,your consideration , your compassion and understanding and vice versa.

 

It all depends on what 'they' agree is a good quality of life, if both of them are working long hours and there isnt a balance in their lives, then a decisions has to be made especially if kids are involved.

 

If the decision is based on the husband being jealous, or just wanting to control the woman then there are more issues in that relationship then who works and who stays at home.

 

Faynus you didnt tell us, what is asked in details..Can the woman work part time or do volunteer work?

[Ibtisam]

It depends on what he does and what I do; My cousin just gave up working after her second child. She is a specialized neurological nurse, he is a bus driver. She gets paid 45% more than him in a month, it makes no sense to me for her to quit. :confused: I am waiting to see how they will live on standard minimum wage with 2kids, particularly as she has never been poor or watched what she spends.

[cynical lady]

Mpenzi we need to cut your monthly subscription to Mills & Boon.. *I choose to share the rest of my life with him, not give up my life for him* and that has nothing to do with being compassionate/ understanding nothing what’s so ever. Women/wives and mothers are historically the bearers of the sacrificing/compromising why? It takes two too produce a child/ hold down a marriage and its high time the men/husbands and fathers own up to their share of the sacrificing/compromising. A woman should not have to give up her career regardless of the profession her husband inhabit and the issue should never be an either/or question, I am a confident believer that a woman can have her cake and eat it.

 

Take ibtis eg since she was earning 45% more than him it makes sense for him to relinquish his services and take care of *His* family since she rigs in more than him but ohhh NO she has to sacrifice/depromote herself. Is that fair? This viscous cycle of producing Stafford wives needs to end, every woman should aspire to be as successful as their mothers and more not to regress. Working is more than money to some people its an escape from child rearing/ wifely duties and no man has the right to even suggest she should give it up that decision rest on her and hers alone.

 

 

P.S I can understand diverting ones career for the sake of one kids but giving up ones career for man is sheer nonsense in my books.

 

P.s.s god forbid he replaces you/ or marries another one on you 5 or 10yrs down the line….what then? nothing wrong with looking after you, coz he most certainly is.

[Aaliyyah]

Cynical enough with this nonsense, you know a mother has to take care of her kids. I mean it's good for a man to help out at the house bt dnt expect a guy to take over the household chores.

 

Even non muslims know that women's place is as a caregiver, whats with the muslims?? and remember ibti's example the girl gave up her career for her kids. Not her husband. If one doesn't have kids ofcourse there is no point sitting at home and polishing ur nails lol..you need to work. But with kids in the picture, there is no one better than a mother. Ofcourse a father can raise his kids as well if the situations requests.

 

not here to argue walahi just trying to put things at perspective..

[NGONGE]

^^ I have no idea why the single guys in here are not hitting on you already. I think nuune would say kuwa bislaaday bad mid ka tahay (you would make a great mummy too, I bet).

 

But, do me this favor and leave mere laddo alone to freely rant on this occassion. This has been her longst post since the day she joined the site and we need to encourage that. She'll make mistakes here and there but....

[Ibtisam]

**Sitting and watching CL and AAliyah. This should be good.

 

 

Not on the point of the debate but I have a question for Aaliyah, which is if you would kindly answer. 1) So considering that in your view women should give up their jobs/career at the drop of baby/ husband as she is the "caregiver" (rather than the one with less important/pay/ promotion career as CL is arguing) Then should girls invest less time, effor and money on picking and building a career? As following your answer logically and when kids arrive, she has to give up. Should girls pick careers that only take a few years to qualify or allow you to start and stay on a decent (but not great) wages. Should their career be a waiting room for until they get married?

 

I would be very interested to hear your answers.

 

Meantime I'm waiting for CL reply to Aaliyah.

[Aaliyyah]

^oh thank you I intend to be a good mom if Allah wills.

 

That been said just cuz i said women's place is at home taking care of her kids doesn't mean men are free of responsibility. They most certainly have to give time to their families and discipline their kids. They also have to offer a good life with good income, if a girl is to be a stay at home.

 

To answer ibtisaam's question I don't think we should invest less time in building our career. You should strive as high as your hard work will take you. Be a doctor, engineer and whatever else you dream to be. You never know if you will be married or if god forbid one day be divorced...anyhow the point here is that you are the one who primary will take care of your kids. However, if you have a loving husband who is willing to take care of your kids half the time. There is no reason for both of you not to work together outside of the house hold and do the household chores together. But, most cases women give up their jobs, thats the reality..and in that case a man is to provide for his family.....till at least your kids reach school age. which afterward you can proceed with your career.

 

that's all for now!!

[nuune]

100% of Somali men would agree with Aaliyah, or any sensible Muslim man, maashaa Allaah.

 

That aside, men shoudl take care of their families too whether they work or not!

 

Make du'a for all of us walaal.

 

 

Ngonge lol@bislaadey

[cynical lady]

No I didn’t know that a mother had to take care of the kids SO please enlighten me? “I mean it's good for a man to help out at the house bt dnt expect a guy to take over the household chores.” Whatever do you mean? Why not it’s his house also? It’s this kind of mentality that gets me all vexed, seriously are you kidding me? He most certainly can cook/clean….

 

Lets not be quick to generalise here, not all of us possess “caregiver” gene… So you have kids? I know plenty of women who have kids and run a successful business/hold down a demanding job why must you give it up, I can understand diverting your career or going on flexi hours but giving it up come on now. It takes 2 to produce a child and I see no reason why one should be forced into the role, do you?

 

As for the putting things at perspective what perspective? Don’t get me wrong it’s your opinion at the end of the day not mine.

 

Old man- it is, isn’t it my longest post lol…..and am not venting btw

 

p.s. let’s not use kids as excuse here….its sheer stupid1ty in this day and age for a woman to give up her career at the request of her husband sheeeer styupid1ty.

 

p.s.s Aaliyah do you think a man has the right to ask a woman to give up her career?

[Ibtisam]

AAliyah I feel like you are contradicting yourself in your answer. So lets take examples.

 

I, ibtisam decide to become a doctor for example. I go to college, 10years of university, 2yrs newly qualified training. I have 31K in student loans to pay off at the age of about 29. If, I then decide to have a kid (or two) and I quite my new position. How is that logical or normal or wise, or cost effective?? After 2.5yrs of non-practicing, I cannot no longer go back to work as a doctor, unless I undertake further training. IS that not a wasted career, money and effort?

 

BtW; My wonderful, really nice husband is a bus driver.