Is a HOUSEWIFE really unemployed?

[Animal Farm]

There will be some change in the future, at least for those in the west. It seems Somali women are attaining higher education with higher paying jobs than Somali men. Even if we look at post-secondary enrollment rates, we can clearly see the gap. I think the Somali housewife syndromes are disappearing. More Somali women are now educated and well informed about their rights – we’ like to call these women feminists. What is a housewife anyway in the twentieth century? We have got smart machines that vacuum, clean dishes, and even cook meals for us – without demanding much attention. You might say what about the children? Well technology takes care of that as well - TV and PC have raised me well if I may add. Let’s not forget daycares too – I’m not taking credit away from mom dukes, but I’m saying the new generation of Somalis will have different family dynamics than the old. I mean we might be discussing the concept of ‘house-husband’ very soon.

[NGONGE]

Yes. The majority of Somali housewives are unemployed. Being a mother is not a job (in the traditional sense). Most Somali housewives are also, sadly, illiterate.

Even if they’re released from their motherhood responsibilities, not many can obtain jobs (good jobs).

[Valenteenah.]

Baashi,

 

Hello!

 

I am not painting a gloomy picture for anyone, what I wrote is what I have noticed in my everyday interactions with people. I'm also not trying to influence anyone. I'm sure any woman who decides to become a housewife feels it is the right thing for her, so I'm not going to stand in her way. I would rather wish her luck.

 

However, having said that, I don't exactly feel comfortable with the 'being a housewife is the greatest thing that can happen to you' campaign. It isnt always the greatest thing, or even a good thing for that matter. But I'm sure everyone makes their own observations and reaches their own conclusions in regard to issues like these. Maybe I should have clearly stated it as my sole opinion and nothing else.

 

I agree with you in that it is most unfortunate that I only ever seem to see the negative aspects of the Somali marriage/family model. Sadly, I don't ever remember seeing an interaction between a husband and wife or a mother and her children and thinking "thats what I want my husband to be like" Or "This is how I want my family to be like". No, my first instinct is always to recoil and fervently thank Allah that its not me in that position, followed by a vow never to fall for the fairy tale, because thats exactly what the supportive/happy family-image you hold is to me...a fairy tale. A big fat myth!

 

But I hate to generalise. I know this is a big world, and millions of ppl are happily married and content with their families. Similarly, I don't know much about other Muslim cultures, so I cant really comment on them (although the family is very important in Islam and most people try to make it work. I always enjoy watching those news clips of Arab families shopping or eating out in those huge UAE malls - heartwarming).

 

But when it comes to the Somali community, yes I do have huge reservations, (although I don't want to generalise here either: I know we are scattered all over the world and we all interact differently with our families, so it isnt the same for all across the board) and no, it isnt because I dislike everything Somali. Its because the Somali model of married/family life leaves a lot to be desired in its current format. Its because I know I won't be fulfilled by the type of union that exists today in our community.

 

Happy families do exist. I'm sure they do. And happy housewives exist too. I just have yet to see them.

[Valenteenah.]

Kruella,

 

How are you dear?

 

So what if women look haggard and old, who cares if you lose sleep and drag grocery bags with four chipmunks in tow. At least you can say you did it for your family rather than put all that effort into a company or a job where you can’t reap the long term benefits and the CEO is enriched by your “grand†efforts. I prefer to be the unpaid home-based CEO who in tattered clothes, wrinkled face and hunchback, smiles and sees her kids happy, well fed and well educated by mommy dearest

Well, of course, bringing up happy, well-fed and well-educated children is a reward on its own. And despite all the hardship, most women put in a lot of sacrifices to make that happen (sacrifices that may not be necessary if the man helped out more). But at the end of the day, it is still a personal choice and will depend on the determination and strength of the woman in question. And as I said, some women are more suited to it than others. Its not a one-shoe-fits-whole-gender thing and shoudn't be expected to be.

[NGONGE]

I have always wondered why when men get married wey dhalaalaan, but when women get hitched they lose their sparkle and start looking haggard. Its probably because of this 'housewife' business.

It’s because you’re a single girl and single girls, naturally, are on the look out for suitable husbands. I’m of course talking on a subconscious level and not pretending to be able to read your mind here. If we take away all the layers of civilisation and morals, the basic animalistic duty of a male is to impregnate as many women as he could possibly find. Females on the other hand, excluding black widows of course, are usually satisfied with the one viral stud. Once they find their stud, the necessity for blossoming is no more. Meanwhile, the stud will have to shine in order to attract more females to his pride.

 

That’s probably why the men shine and the women look haggard. Though, strangely enough, only other females notice this ‘haggardness’!

[Almas]

I think we're getting carried away here. The question posed was not which job is more difficult, fuffilling, enjoyable,or has the best benefits or whatever.

 

The question was are "housewifes" unemployed...and I think the answer to that is a obvious and simple hell no.

[Baashi]

Thanks for the clarification Zephyrine. We are now on the same page as far as the need not to generalize is concerned. I also agree with you on the point that each of us “reaches their own conclusions†from whatever issues that’s being observed. You are sure entitled your own opinions. However, no one is entitled to their own facts and the fact of the matter is that “Somali model of married life†is not a generic one. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all there. Highlighting the bad and the ugly (even though you said these are the only ones you have encountered so far) is not a fair assessment of the overall picture methinks. That’s all! and you have rightly clarified this for all of us lest some of the nomads misunderstood what you have said in your post.

[lol]

One thing that really crosses my mind everytime I think of somali families is, why is the father missing out on the family get togethers? I mean here in UAE, everytime I go outside, I see familes strolling on the magnificent gardens. I see fathers playing with kids. If I ever see a somali is, two women walking. How come we don't have that bond? How come Somali men loose their interest in taking their wives out, given that at the time of courting all he looked forward to was the day he was gonna take her out? She is yours now, legally, so why not romance up your lives? Why not take her for a date or share a walk with her outside the house?

[Blessed]

Some “housewives†have it all wallahi. Yes, there are “housewives†that have caring, loving, and responsible husbands and yes the husbands are not foreigners!! Some don’t feel over employed or overburdened with the trivial house chores.

..and his plastic for those all important shopping trips. The modern Somali man is a Godsend. Alhamdulilah :cool:

 

 

However, traditionally it's difficult on the women. But as they say ri kastaaba waa meeshay is dhigto...some women like playing the super-wife or even super-wife PLUS the super career woman role and don't expect gratitude for it. Ha u macanaato, I say! If she's happy with it, then it's all shaah xawaash leh

 

Once they find their stud, the necessity for blossoming is no more. Meanwhile, the stud will have to shine in order to attract more females to his pride.

Hayaay! A min-yaro searching Farax's best excuse, eh?

[Castro]

Its because the Somali model of married/family life leaves a lot to be desired in its current format.

True. Please remain single, employed and fabulous.

 

Its because I know I won't be fulfilled by the type of union that exists today in our community.

Fulfilled? Sweetie, you'd be lucky if you're not run over and crushed. Your individuality, uniqueness, contributions and anything you have to offer will be put on the back burner.

 

Here's my laba kumi iyo taano: if you haven't already done so, go to graduate school. Work for at least a decade to have enough money saved to cruise for a few years. Find someone (gender irrelevant) who is all that and a big bag of chips. You will then be in your late thirties and concieving should start to become an issue. But with new technology, it can be taken care of. With your dual incomes and fat savings, you can easily afford a nanny, au pair or full time care giver for your child. You can then have your cake and eat it too.

 

Don't suffer from the if I only knew then what I know now syndrome. Live your life the way you want it.

 

Peace.

[Viking]

Originally posted by ofleh:

...Find someone (gender irrelevant) who is

all that and a big bag of chips

. You will then be in your late thirties and concieving should start to become an issue. But with new technology, it can be taken care of. With your dual incomes and fat savings, you can easily afford a nanny, au pair or full time care giver for your child. You can then have your cake and eat it too.

ofleh,

First it was questionning God's existence, then telling people to drink alcohol and now promoting homosexuality?

 

WooooW :eek: You do it so subtly that the admin and mods don't even see the wickedness being promoted on a website run for and by Muslims.

[Valenteenah.]

Originally posted by ofleh:

True. Please remain single, employed and fabulous.

LoL...

 

I would rather be married, employed and fabulous, but we can't always get what we want.

 

 

Find someone (gender irrelevant) who is

all that and a big bag of chips

. You will then be in your late thirties and concieving should start to become an issue. But with new technology, it can be taken care of. With your dual incomes and fat savings, you can easily afford a nanny, au pair or full time care giver for your child. You can then have your cake and eat it too.

Am I being mocked? :eek: Oh..how the mighty have fallen.

[Castro]

I would rather be married, employed and fabulous, but we can't always get what we want.

Oh yes you can. The formula is as I described it. What you want is be married, employed and fabulous now with farah, three kids and a bimonthly trip to dahabshiil for remittance. Forget about it.

 

Am I being mocked? :eek:

Not at all. Ok. may be a little. It's nice to be young and full of dreams.

 

Oh..how the mighty have fallen.

There's a lot of haters out there.

[Goonle]

Just off the bat im not a chauvanist, lol how im defensive. U know what a womans place is at home, or at the mall depleting the families finances with no regard to the pain and suffering of a man that goes out every day to a job he doesnt like. What does the man come back too after a hard days work? An over weight beast that nags about how shes maxxed all the credit cards. Lets put in perspective who really suffers here. Were talking about somali women here ofcourse lol. Now a white woman will bear 4 children have two jobs, cook dinner, and hit the gym while she's. All with a smile. How can we get these somali women to have just a little regard for their bodies after they get married its ridiculous. I mean 25 yr old gals with pot bellies.

[Niciima]

To me the thing that makes no sense is how you can hire a maid to do the house chores for you and she gets paid but when you do it your self you dont get a cent. Why is that? Your doing the same if not more chores then the maid? This world does not make any sense.