THE BUCOLIC 'PHARMACIST'

[Abtigiis]

The bucolic ‘Pharmacist’

 

Were it not for the noisy Nadiifo, who else would have brought out in the open the shames of Jawhar-farsamo? And the sad thing was must all that deep reverence for being the undisputed ‘Dakhtar’ come to such a discomfiting end. Not quite the end, but just about there. Professor Asrat Woldeys was the man many in Ethiopia believed to have been the best surgeon of the 20th century. Indeed, the late Surgeon had travelled thousands of miles across oceans to offer his services to whole host of dignitaries from Presidents, Prime Ministers, to the royalties of East and West.

 

Yet, for mama Asli, a long time client and admirer of this haughty man ‘schooled’ in Duufaan regiment of Jabhadihii 77’- Jawhar - is the ultimate healer- the messenger of health between ‘God’ and man.

 

“It is that he is from Somali, otherwise boqol Barafasoor buuna biyaha u kabbanayn,” she scoffs at his detractors when they suggest he is no more than a mere “Nurse Xoogweyn”. She was also among those who fought hard to clear his name when that Nadiifo came up with despicable and absurd allegations against him.

 

Hardly was it a secret to anyone in town that Jawhar has consistently appealed for the reversal of an earlier demotion to the laboratory (specifically as head of the stool examinations) after few old grumpy women charged him of ‘preferential treatment’ while administering injections to different age groups and sexes. They said, the young girls are given more time, and often emerge relaxed and with no visible grimaces on their faces; even after given the painful benzetine penicillin for Tonsillitis. As to the oldies, it was not uncommon to see them frantically rubbing their hands on their backs, with clenched teeth and contorted cheeks; as soon as they came out of the injection room. With men, it was always a big brawl. Most leave the scene threatening to break his skull once Jawhar comes out to the open. Or cursing, if not young enough to roll back the sleeves.

 

But, why they brought him back to his old ‘injection’ job and away from the embarrassment of ‘madaxa baadhitaanka saxarada’ is not because his unstinting appeals paid off. Oddly enough, it is because he made a big gaffe there as well, and the senior management couldn’t stand it anymore. First, it was said he didn’t do examinations on any stools sent to him because he felt it wasn’t in his lineage to indulge in such ‘dirty’ works. So, they said, he looked at the colour of the samples from a distance, and just scribbled the diagnosis off head.

 

If too dark, Goryaan weynn

If too white, Daacuun

If in-between kaneeco ama Qabsin

If unrecognisable, kor ha loo diro (referral)- for hawo-gedis.

 

Second, he was angry why he had no assistants, yet he was the head? ‘The head of whom?’ At least here, he was unreasonable. Did he not learn it is the love for empty power, even when deprived of associated privileges that makes much meaning to Somali’s? Didn’t he realize you sell every job to a Somali as long as you are crafty enough to put the prefix ‘Madaxa’ before whatever? War ninkani Soomali ma yaqaan miyaa, one wonders.

 

It wasn’t exactly any of this that put him in the hole, though. It was how he behaved when he ‘examined’ that of Cali-Kayse (the son of the District Chairman) after he was admitted on emergency. Cali-kayse was a big ‘chain chewer’ of qat. Claiming qat is more useful as a nutrient than food, Cali mocks that he ‘chewed’ his adult life. So, as his stool made to the lab, Jawhar was surprised and angry at the same time. Angry at the audacity of some people who are here to test his skills by sending in ‘animal dung’- just to check if he pays attention or not! So, fuming, he sneaked his head out of the tiny window and shouted, “Yaa meeshan keenay alaabta FARDAHA?” He threw the petite bottle away and admonished visitors against such foolish deeds. The Gudoomiye heard this and immediately asked for his head to roll before dawn breaks.

 

Call it a blessing in disguise or a justified return to where he was most needed, but Jawhar managed to regain the job he does with plenty of passion- injections. Another lucky break was that the ‘pseudo-modern’ Doctor Daahiye, who demeaned the healing powers of Jawhar’s herbs and kerosene, and wasn’t prescribing sufficient amount of injections to patients was fired that week. And in the rare instances when Daahiye sees the need for such treatment, Jawhar’s fate has been to administer injections to old women, disconcerting chidren,and men with cement-bottoms; as if there were no beautiful girls with big ‘bags’ in town! Jawhar wondered when it was the last time he injected something meaningful? A Fortnight ago? When he injected Sacdiyo?

 

In order to rein in the somewhat idiosyncratic moral fibre of Somali’s unrelenting ‘I run short of cash’, ‘tomorrow, I will bring’ and ‘nin lacagta iga soo qaada isoo raaci’ pleas; It was Jawhar’s idea to have all the prices posted on a big board hanging from the right end of the reception room. Just behind Jamaac’s executive swivel chair. That he cares about the business of the ‘clinic’ was the reason he got back into his romance with needles.

 

In case anyone thinks he can find a loophole in that the board is about prices but not about services on credit, the boldest message on the wall was reserved for just that purpose. And Jawhar, who is known for not grinding his words, authored it: ‘Busaarada ma daweyno! If you have no money, go back adigoo raali ah! Even Faataxada oo lagugu tuffo costs you here!” That is why some call the ‘little clinic’ – ‘Falaa-Taqrabuu Clinic’. Not by its certified name, ‘rugta baadhitaanka iyo daaweynta ee Tabantaabo.’

 

Clad in long sleeved ‘Pakistani Qamiis’ with a ‘kofiyad cad’ which he mistook for orthodox ‘medical attire’, and his elongated ‘Tusbax’ hanging from his thick sweaty neck, Jawhar alerts everybody to the prices for check-up consultations and medicines of highest value offered exclusively in this three-room ‘clinic’. [see the details in the Annex]

 

It is a man of this incredible ‘fervour’ for business and profession that the dim-witted Nadiifo says had rubbed her body under the guise of injecting her. Worse, she even says, hees buu ii shittay, only recollecting partially the first lines of what he supposedly was playing as … Kol baan is idhaa kuf oo kac bal kow dhee…’ ‘; as he took more than ten minutes with excuses of ‘dawaa kugu socotee ha is daqdaqaajin’, xididkaagii la ma helin, and waa dawo miyir u baahan ee samir’.

 

Why does Mama Asli have so much respect for this ‘medical man’? It all goes back when she found out her first child has a hearing problem. She went to all modern doctors who gave reasons from infections to deformities to the child’s ailment. Hopeless, when she finally came back to Jawhar, he asked her one simple question.

 

“Have you done the routine ninth-month ritual (sagaalaysi) properly?”

She replied,” yes.” Then he clarified, “did you make the indispensable Qasiido for the occasion?”

She jolted up in contrition and realised where things went wrong. Will there be any chance of redemption if I do it now, she wondered?

Jawhar opened his big stereo and the sound was deafening.

 

Madadan sitooy faadumooy

Siti faadumooy madadaan

Gabadhii rasuulku dhalee

La cizeeyayeey madadaan

 

And he ordered her to put the boy’s ears close to the big amplifier. A week later, the boy was said to be good enough for a VHF radio receiver task. True or false, coincidence or divine intervention, who can tell?

 

Mama Asli’s defence argument centered on one key negation of Nadiifo’s theory. How could he possibly would have tried it on that woman when Fozia, the lady who sells milk, and who is, by far ‘endowed’ with that crucial section of the body has been going to the same ‘Farmasi’ for so long without any complaints? Truth be told, Jawhar is said to be ‘cool-handed’, and so mellow when he chooses to be tender to his patients. Almost in a way locals say would put into the pale the magic powers of the hand in Murasaki Shikubo’s ‘the tale of Genji’. No wonder the name Farsamo, hence. He can also be so rough, as was the fate that befallen on poor Cameey when he was injected with a syringe that size of that used for livestock. Jawhar often says he would rather still tight at home than do anything outside injection rooms. And by his own admission he says, he never opened his mind to a life without a syringe!

 

ANNEX

 

Details of the services and medicines, and Prices

 

1. Murqaha oo Gaas lagu duugo Sh.Som 50,000

2. Biyo la diiriyey oo Milix leh Sh.Som 100,000

3. Taxaliil from as far as Sheekh Abaadir (mixed with Mineral water) Sh.Som 120,000

4. Qardhaas (depending on size & content)

4x4 with qul-acudu birabil falaq Sh.Som 320,000

12X14 with Tabaarak Sh.Som 500,000

Any size( leather-coated) Sh.som 140,000

5. Sinjibiil & Xabaasuud / hayl iyo qorofol (optional) Sh.som 85,000

6. Malmal & Toobin (by prior order) Sh. som 900,000

 

Daawooyinka Casriga ah:

 

Descripion Unit Qiimaha (Sh.Som)

 

1. Aasburo Xabbad iyo Jab Sh.Som 150,000

2. Abu-Faas half-litre Sh. Som 35,000

3. Ta feedaha iyo Xididada Labbo Xabo Sh.Som 220,000

4. Ta diiga furta & Ta joojisa Darsinkii (no less, for sale) Sh.Som 180,000

5. Saabuunta haweenka ugubka ah Afartii hal Sh.Som 210,000

6. Dhamaan Shuquladda is-daba mara Kolba say u kala daran yihiin is-af-garad

[Som@li]

“Yaa meeshan keenay alaabta FARDAHA?”

lol , inama caadi ma tihid, Soo quf, I really enjoy readin it.

[MZanzi]

Guesss who'z Back Abtigiis wlcm back

[Buuxo]

WLC Abtigiis. It was an interesting read.

[NGONGE]

[nuune]

Bravo yaa AT&T, soo noqosho wacan,

 

lol@If too dark, Goryaan weynn

[STOIC]

If too dark, Goryaan weynn

If too white, Daacuun

If in-between kaneeco ama Qabsin

If unrecognisable, kor ha loo diro (referral)- for hawo-gedis.

Imaginative taste for the comic.I'd like to see more of what you could do around here

[Ms DD]

Is this a comedy only blokes could get? I honestly dont get the purpose of your stories Abtigiis.

[nuune]

^^^ lol, qumaati u dhuux baan ku iri sheekooyinka huuno, oo maskaxdoo daggan dhuux, markaas adaa ogaan doona maxrushaadka iyo nuxurka ay la ciirayaan Odeygan sheekooyinkiisa ee maldahan!