Xalimopatra Posted June 13, 2005 Salaams people, The way children turn out is based first and foremost on the parenting and upbringing that they have recieved.Self-control does not happen automatically or suddenly within the child. Infants and toddlers need parental guidance and support to begin the process of learning self-control.The signs of self-control usually begins to show by age six.Dhalinyaro experimentation and rebellion may occur,but most pass through this period and become responsible adults.Especially if they had good early training. I have seen alot of hyper-active displaced Somali kids.Alot of them stayed at home alot during their early years(No playgroup,nursery ect) and their parents would not take them to do activities outside.Just being cooped up at home all day long.By the time they reach reception(kindergarden for you yanks) they are loud,violent,dont know how to share with other kids ect.Familarity and lack of awareness(Reer Badiye mentality that hasn't adapted to this screwed up western society) is a reason why some mothers and fathers can not help their kids with their education&principles.We need to raise awareness within the community of displaced western Somalis about how to adapt their parenting because we ARE residing in a different society.Explaining to them that things like taking them out to the park or local playcentre ect in the early years can keep the kiddies entertained and inturn relaxed and less aggravated. There are only a few parents who dont hit their kids and use their voice or emotional blackmail to discipline them. My parents used this approach and my siblings and I were relatively quiet,conscious children.Just the thought of disappointing my mother stopped me from doing naughty things.A slap on the hand/bum when necessary was the last resort and hooyo hardly ever used it. There are people who practically beat their kids up.They need to understand that there is a fine line between discipline and mental/physical abuse. I have seen many parents who continually hit their kids and the kids are so used to it that they sometimes laugh back or just recover after 2 minutes and are back to doing whatever it was that got them into trouble.Continually beating the living daylights out of your kids is NOT effective in the long run....They need to be able to speak to their children and give them the attention that they are sometimes crying out for.A little conversation here or reading to/with them goes a long way. I'm starting to see SOME of our generation raising beautiful,well adapted and socially consious kids Masha'Allah.There are still those parents who need a little guidance and awareness...Lets keep up the good work up and do our parents proud.Kids need both role models..Both hooyo and aabo.Please be there for your kids men..Anyways dhamaan I wish you all the best with your future/current offspring I hope to see future Doctors,Lawyers,business people,entrepreneurs ect Insha'Allah Q.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
J.Lee Posted June 13, 2005 Horta, my mom, and dad (May allah bless them,and have mercy them) never laid a hand on me, they would just talk to me (spoiled me really), and I turned out fine laakiinse how my freaking brothers (the bane of my freaking existance) disciplined me is considered illegal in all 50 states. micnamalaho though cause ilmahooda ayaan ka aari. What goes around comes around! evil vermins. A slap on the hand/bum when necessary was the last resort Are you kidding me, a last resort? That was how I was greeted as soon as I entered the house. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stpaulchick Posted June 13, 2005 I wasn't raised by my mom and dad...but aunts and uncles. Though they never beat me up and look how I turned out..just fine. I don't think hitting solves the problem. But what I hate is these white people that have their kids run there lives. I already know how I'm gonna raise my daughter. NO raising my voice for no apparent reason..NO hitting them aggressively(smack in the bum isn't bad)..NO cursing or putting them down. And that's all u need...oh and some ground rules. Oh MsWorld I though u said that ur mom and dad never raised their hand at u but u say that they always welcomed u with a slapping :confused: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abdulladiif Al-Fiqih Posted June 13, 2005 Nice topic sis......JazakaAllahu Kheyr The problem with the Somali parents is they think that raising their children is simply providing them with clothings, food, and shelter and maybe taking them to a public school where they might be taught Un-Islamic things. To the contrary, we should all raise our children, the rulers of tomorrow in an Islamic ways and instill them with religious principles and good moral values at an early age. Islam has ordered parents to take care of their children and to bring them up according to the Islamic manners not just raising them physically but mentally and morally and prepare them so they can become good Muslims and contribute in building an Islamic Ummah It might be necessary to spank them alittle when they misbehave but this choking, beating and worst of all CURSING them is just un-called for. Especially, hooyooyinku waa inay ilma habarka kadhaafaan!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faarax-Brawn Posted June 13, 2005 Familarity and lack of awareness(Reer Badiye mentality that hasn't adapted to this screwed up western society) is a reason why some mothers and fathers can not help their kids with their education&principles You ve got to be kidding me!. No seriously, You kidding right? So, Lack of Knowledge by a reer baadiye Mom/Dad, is totally responsible for all discorse?.mhmm..... .Just the thought of disappointing my mother stopped me from doing naughty things. Not because,it was wrong;but because you were scared to dissapoint mom. Noted... Explaining to them that things like taking them out to the park or local playcentre ect in the early years can keep the kiddies entertained and inturn relaxed and less aggravated. Thats all they need huh? Anyways dhamaan I wish you all the best with your future/current offspring You're welc, But count me out of this RAISING kids society. I dont want kids. Little rascals. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abdulladiif Al-Fiqih Posted June 13, 2005 ^^^^You dont want kids...hmmmm.....oo hadana ...hmmmm western mentality or is it the reer baadiye mentality that Qurux has just spoken abt!!toolow waa midkee? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faarax-Brawn Posted June 13, 2005 You dont want kids...hmmmm.....oo hadana ...hmmmm western mentality or is it the reer baadiye mentality that Qurux has just spoken abt!!toolow waa midkee? NO i dont want kids. Personal choice. You lost me on the whole baadiye/western thing. Bal be more comprehensive.Saves me a lot of time, am more concerned right now about the MJ verdict. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Posted June 13, 2005 Who the hell wants kids? They smell like xaar, destroy your house, destroy your car, raise your blood pressure, cost too much money and they piss themselves. But if I would end up having kids by accident, than I would probably beat them up to tough them up. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faarax-Brawn Posted June 13, 2005 ^You are a very violent man. Are you sure you were not abused as a child? Given the chance,you will prolly beat the heck out of your very own shadow. Whats the Matter Sxb? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Posted June 13, 2005 Afromalic, I'm not violent sxb, I'm Somali! I used to be a militialeader back in the day, but I gave up on that "too fast too furious" life and became a miskiin qaxooti in the west. I miss my boys! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faarax-Brawn Posted June 13, 2005 ^I hear you. It'will really help if you woke up out of that deep slumber. I see, a slightly overweight[chubby cheeks] kid in you. Youve got to let go of this childhood traumas. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lol Posted June 13, 2005 Sky/Afro Take ur games out will ya? Quruxleey, we need to talk about this issues so that the younger generation can do something to help their children.. .and I completely agree with A_LAdif on this! parents need to take parenting more serious than just being providers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stpaulchick Posted June 13, 2005 That's right Hibo...we do need to take our future(kids)..they'll be the people of tomorrow. I think Sky u were abused as a child. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
checkmate Posted June 13, 2005 Maansha Allaah awesome topic quruxleey i] posted by Quruxleey: The way children turn out is based first and foremost on the parenting and upbringing that they have recieved [/i] This statement could not have been any more true[r]. A child learns the world through his/her parents/guardians. One of the biggest things you can do to help your child’s upbringing is [R] ESPONSIBILTY, assignments to complete with due date, problems solving scenarios at very young age helps their brain grow faster. The biggest problems we Somalians face is that we don’t treat our kids like the young adults they are, [C]ommunication is a key factor when your kids are very young as well. Taking the time to actually talk to your kids about world, culture, religion, etc related issues. That’s building their thinking abilities with better know-how’s, judgments, consequences so on and so forth. If you give your kids responsibilities and you communicate with them, while doing what Ilaaliye briefly talked about such as food, shelter and education on being muslin before everything. I promise you, you will be exceptional parents. asxantu Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xalimopatra Posted June 14, 2005 Afromalic..No your not getting what am saying at all.Listen..back home we had our neighbourhoods where everyone looked out for each other kids and knew what was going down...THAT right there is whats beautiful about living in your own society. But alas alot of us are displaced around the world away from home and the Reer Badiye mentality(you make it sound like it's a bitter taste on the tongue)does NOT conicide with this western society..Some foreign parents are too trusting in this warped society.Sometimes even letting their kids go stay over other peoples houses and the like because it was what they were used to when in all honesty they need to learn how to adapt and they also need awareness.....I hope you get my point walaal because you seem like you think I am belittling my beloved Xalimos and Faraxs when you couldn't be more further from the truth.... A_Ladiif&st paul&Hibo your right and keep that optimism shining! Checkmate...Thanks saxiib....I concur with your valid points.'' Taking the time to actually talk to your kids about world, culture, religion, etc related issues''...That's so true..My aabo used to read to us and watch the news with us and although I used to think it was a bore then I couldn't be more grateful to my father for inspiring my love for humanities.... I will get back soon Insha'Allah must dash....Waasalaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
