Suspicious of Husband talk's with women of his kind.. Plz help?

[Hibo]

I'm a 20 year-old Swedish revert to Islam and I married 6 months ago. My husband is from Somalia and takes care of a lot of things in the little ummah in our town. He has Qur'an classes, works in the mosque and such things. Often different woman call our house to speak to my husband. They are also from Somalia and some times they can speak for like 1,5 hours in their language and I don't understand anything. My husband says that they're only discussing Islam and the Qur'an-classes, but still I don't like it. My husband gets VERY angry and tells me that I'm jelaous and that he can do whatever he wants, that marriage is not a prison. He tells me that he wouldn't be angry if I spoke to a man, but I know that the reality is different.... This makes me feel bad, I don't suspect my husband, but is it halal for a married man to speak on the phone with a married woman?

And then isn't it a hadeeth which says that two people can't speak one language if the third person don't understand? I have h eard this from my friend, but Allaho 'alam.

 

Please give me advice... Wa salaama

[LadyFatima]

Salaama Maryam.....

 

 

First of all, Allah knows what is best and Most correct... I would advice you to trust your husband and do not let jealousy drive you to suspecting him of bad things especially since your husband does the Dawah work and teaches the Qur'an. So, try to help him pursue this noble mission and do not become an obstacle to him sis.... Secondly, without accusing him Talk to your Husband in a calm manner and Explain to him that his long 'talks' with these women are bothering you!! Hopefully he will understand and shorten the conversation or speak in a language that you understand!!

3rdly, I don't know if you know this or not..but as Somalis we prefer to speak our own language with other somalis(since it's more comfortable then speaking with a broken ESL), and even though some speak English as their second language most somalis sis don't speak english that could also be another reason as to why your husband is talking with these women in their language?

 

 

Ma'salaama and good luck.

 

[ONKOD]

Poor Maryama...

 

I feel your pain sister. I have a question to ask. How long did you know the brother before you decided to marry him?

Did you know that poligamy is allowed in Islam with conditions?

 

I will mention that religion does not change people and their personalities. Look and see beyond the image he is trying to portray.

 

You also said to you when you ask him why he is being on the phone with onother female for about 1.5 hrs his response was marriage is not a prison. I would at least expect him to explain it to you in a nicer way. Specially after only six months into the marriage.

 

Sister his business with these ladies have nothing to do with Islam. Go back to when you two liked each other before you got married, did you two talk over the phone for hours? If the answer is yes, then the woman he is talking to now is most likely going to be his wife #2.

 

He is making our fine Somali brothers look bad. So many young females like you become Muslim at one point in their lives and end up going back to Christianity or what have you, because of a bad experience.

 

To all young women who are planning to get married to a nice guy watch out and be careful. Do not be fooled by the soft speaking timid looking guy who is planning to get his hands on you.

 

To Maryama I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. Have a private time with yourself alone and think. What do you want in life? Where do you want to be in 5 yrs maybe 10 yrs from now? Do you think he is the type of man that is going to commit to you and only you for as long as you both live.

 

Do not ever settle for less. Live your life to the fullest. Do not suffocate yourself for the seak of marriage. God wants you to be happy in every way possible.

 

To lady fatima stop talking about the mission that he is carrying. His biggest mission is to please his woman. He will be asked in judgement day whether his wife was happy or not, and if not then he will pay the ultimate price.

 

PEACE ....

[medman]

MAN, ONKOD

you are one smart somalian brother.

and LADY FATIMA, is speaking on the phone with other women for hours considered carrying a mission?

you cracking me up wallahi!

 

------------------

criminal minded,you've been blinded

[LadyFatima]

Salaama All,

 

 

ONKOD!........... Walaalo, for one as a Muslim man he is allowed not 1 not 2 but 4Wives...Even if the brotha is Talking with these women about things that are not related to his " Islamic classes" he is allowed to do so but also he has to respect Maryama in the process and Think about her own feelings as well..but don't judge him before you know him... There are Two sides to every story brotha or Sis.. we only know what Maryam said, we don't know his side of the story so lets not jump to conclusion!

 

Besides, As Somalis we talk on the phone for hours and hours, that is a typical somali thing.. so we can't really say or conclude his talks with these women!..but Maryama needs to put her kindness for her husband aside for a minute and slap the Sh*t out of him......lol....Wait... Plz Don't do that, I'm just kidding!..

 

LOL@Medman... Waryaa, wiilka 'soomaliyeed' naagtiisa ha ku dirina!...

 

 

Ma'salaama

[Buubto]

Asalaamu Aleikum

Mansha Allah first of all congartulations 4 converting to Islam discovering this wonderful religion. May Allah bless u & make u a great muslimah (Ameen).

 

Maryama I do feel ur pain & I am sorry about wat u going through. Sis Somalis majority of them r talkative ppl when they have something to say, they usually take the long way they don’t know shortcut. They could spend on the phone for hours discussing something yet haven’t reached the point. That just us. sis i reckon all this suspisions is part of getting use to new culture, since ur marriage is new. May Allah stronger ur faith (Ameen). Try to be patient, insha Allah after a year or so u will slowly adoubt this new culture.

 

Since ur husband is in dahwa he might be giving them some lectures over the phone or helping out Allahu ahlam. U got to communicate with ur husband in nice manner & tell him this bothers u. see wat he says insha Allah things will cool off. Try to be reasonable, don’t let the satan take advantage of u. But sis since he is talking to a married ladies, u have nothing to worry cuz they r married. the brother might be right helping them out. since our ladies r talkative firing one question after the other. (Alahu Alam).

 

Tell him If he is giving them lectures then they should come to lecture centres where he gives out the dahwa. so they won't waste his pressures time with his family.

 

Wishing u all the best hope everything works out 4 u, insha Allah it will just hang in there.

[Buubto]

ONKOD

walaal Wat is wrong with u the marriage is only six months old, usually the first few years is hard. Why r u already outlining the negativity side? beside our sis is new to somali community, so she needs to understand our culture & how we operate things. Bro I know u r fighting 4 ladies right, at the same time u got to be fair cuz u don’t know wat is really going on. Try to be optimistic here, cuz Allah loves the one’s who works building a family. Gabadha haka cabsiin see Alle kuu galay. sorry if i offended u in any way.

 

[This message has been edited by Buubto (edited 01-26-2002).]

[medman]

lady fatima, oo yadu miyaa waalantahay markee waxaan noola'imanayso

 

 

 

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criminal minded,you've been blinded

[Miskiin-Macruuf-Aqiyaar]

Salaan...

 

Maryam:

 

Sister, we see how you feel, but we might not know fully what is going on those conversations he has had on those phones. We just speculate it. First, sister, you have to understand the nature of Soomaalis. By nature, we Soomaalis are social and very social. That means, while we are on the phone, even with the opposite sexes sometimes, we talk and talk and talk very looong. That is the way we are. Just a part of our nature.

 

And to answer your suspicion you have about him, I don't know what to say. He himself is a wadaad and knows that flirting over the phone is as xaraam as in a real action. Secondly, as you guys are in Sweden, he can't marry a second wife. That means, if he finds someone on that phone, he must at least divorce you. But, that is unlikely and won't happen. But, sister, I assure you that on that phone, really he isn't talking something shouldn't be talked about. We Soomaalis care ourselves very much and we love that way. Yes, you have every right that he must make you to be in his priority. But, again, he is a preacher of adacwa, and he needs a time for people who call him personally about several Islamic related situations.

 

I hope you find the best of the possible in this position.

_____________

 

Macsalaama

 

[ONKOD]

Medman thanks!!!!

 

Lady Fatima .....please sister Ilaahey ka cabso oo runta ha ka leexanin. If he teaching classes there is the right place and the right time for that. Besides he cannot have a private lesson on the phone with another female it is against Islam.

 

You are right on one thing that there are two sides to every story. I am sorry I do not know the other side, and I have to respond to this given information. You also said we Somali's talk over the phone for hours, don't get me wrong from where I am from if two ppl talk over the phone for such a long time there is some sort of a chemistry going on.

 

Buubto you are right the marriage is only 6 months old and that is my point, he should be running home to her and be all over her. Instead of sharing time with her he is trying to avoid her by talking to other women on the phone shame on him. He is acting like if they have been married for 40 yrs, Wrooooong.......

 

Nobody is telling the sister what to do but we are just giving her different opinions. After all she is the one who is in a position to make that decision.

 

PEACE

[Hibo]

maryam or what ever your name:

 

I think the wrong thing here is that you were wrong both of you to marry each other, I mean you came a different culture and really sometimes like oil and water there is some thing that cannot mix each other.. I came acros a lot of pple who are arabs, non arab muslims, a converts who think they are better than somalis and forwn their own.. even if they marry somalis or what ever that always judge somalis and think they can tell them how to live and behave.. the only thing I can say is just endure other pple behaviour.. every body is free and no one has the right to control any other person.. wheather some body uses religious texts or what ever free dom and trust is more important than any thing else..

 

so if some body speaks a married women or men what is the big deal .. selfishness is condemned by religion it self.... i suppose.. mean while jelousy is prohipted by quran it self.....

 

any way , the pple are free to marry who they like and the same reason are free who they like to talk

 

 

[Hibo]

S.A.W.W

hi sister maryama, learning Islam is a first priority for you. You have alot of things to learn still. I have been muslim for two and half years and married to Somali man too. I don't go to this website but I noticed your message so I'll reply to you. Knowledge and Wisdom is the best answer for you. I wouldn't ask someone just because their somali but because their muslim. Go to your Imam and hear what his opinion is. You know what is right and wrong and if not then ask him, your Imam. Word of advice, alot of born muslims mix culture and say that this is culture so respect it, but they don't think purely of religion so becareful who you listen too. We have been married for two years and our cultures (My background Polish) never get in the way. We have respect for eachother and our culture is purely Islam, for our Iman and for our children sake. Not all Somalis talk alot atleast the ones I know. The somali sisters that I meet with don't associate with anyone who mixes culture with religion. They don't even talk on the phone much at all and never talk to the ones that participate in western way of thinking. If my husband talked to a somali woman for half an hour, that would show lack in his religious views. I don't carry conversations with brothers on the phone unless family of course and he would never even say much to a sister on the street that he knew except salam and replies. The difference is that your husband, brother, is part of the communtiy and sisters and brothers will have questions for him but even when I call the Imam for questions, The longest conversation is 10 minutes long. You get to the point and answer and if it demands more time then you meet with witnesses or sisters with you that come along. Hope I helped you out some, inshallah may you gain the knowledge you need and teach to others who need it

S.A.W.W

[Hibo]

war i dhagaysta ku ligiinba.

 

walaal maryam horta waxaad soo qortay waan gartay lakiin waxaad ogataa walaal somalida dhaqankeeda waa sidaas marka markaad wadaadka guursanaysay miyaa wax yabahaas kala hadashay dhaqankiisa iyo caadooyinka uu lee yahay.

 

sis waxaas ogataa in uu wadaadku gabdhaha uu la hadlayo uu cawimayo oo ay anaga caadi noo tahay in telefoonka wax badan lagu hadlo,

dee hadii aad ka shikansatahay wadaakaada oo naga badnaa wagiisii hore taasi waa sheeko kale, walaal iska dulqado oo shaydaanka iska naar,

 

sis i know you dont read somali but ask your husband to read these for you,

 

asalaamu caleekum,

[LadyFatima]

lol@Onkod!..........You're right there is a time and place for everything...you know? Nimanka "wadaada"ah wax ka shukaansi badan ilaahaye ma abuurin ? Malcaamad aan dhigan jiraye waa dhexdaasa ayaa, waxaa wax noo dhigi jiraye nin Ilaah baa wayne aad iyo aad u wayne almost his late 45-50's... Wadaadka Malcaamada intii gabadh ahayed oo dugsigaa dhigan jirtaye wuu shukaansan jiraye..intuu guryahooda soo waco ayuu wuxuu familigooda ku dhahaa "cashar" baan siinayaa 'heblaayo'..so they sent the girls to the dugsi... this has been going on for months(perhaps even yrs) Finally one of the Ukhtiise ayaa Waxaye dhashaye "macalin Mohamed Jr."........lol, to make a long story short! These Wadaado are something else walaahi(not most, but some of 'em) Maybe Maryan Odaygeeda he is another Macalin Mohamed on the Hunt!

 

 

But to be Honest, I think the "wadaad" is homesick!....that is all.

 

 

Ma'salaama

[Buubto]

lol@LF iyaa waa la isla wada arkay wadaada. girl horta i got to agree with u. taas oo kale wax u dhaw anaa arkay, in ey faq faq badanyihiin nimankaas. teeda kale 2 kayar maba ka dageyso in ey ka sii badiyaan moyee. anoo walaahi xan iga aheen. waa sida aad sheegtay miskiintaan shekadaas ayaa ku soo socoto aan u maleen. Ilahay amuuraheeda ha u sahlo (Amin).