MARRIAGE AND MOTHERS

[Khayr]

Salams,

 

Just wanted to ask nomads if they ever

came across a 'CONTROL FREAK MOTHER'

that has come in btwn someone's marriage???

 

If Yes, how did you react towards them?

 

Are they still a 'CONTROL FREAK MOTHER'?

 

Fi Amanillah

[Juxa]

sa wr wb,

yes brother there are control freak mothers, mothers who cant let go of their sons/daughter and feel that they have lost the grip they had on their child's life.

 

this of course is natural reaction, and one should respond towards the parent(waalid) with sensitivity, and show them kindness.

 

 

i think the best way to deal with them is to get them involved. ask their opinion, show them respect, dont see her as a mother-in-law, bt see her what she actually is A Mother .

 

a great friend of mine once told me, how she dealt with her mother in law, she said i made sure she knew i was her daughter too, by making my home, her home too and now her mother in law is her best ally and friend.

 

dhib la aan bay ku dhashay, marka ha dhibsan waa hooyadaa oo kale eh

[Nazra]

Must watch movie: Monster-in law. After I watched that movie I realised how some mothers can be control freaks who interfere with relationships. I think Jennifer Lopez did a good job handling the mother in law. But I wouldn’t recommend her techniques (they wouldn’t work in real life).

 

That was only the freakiest scariest horrible mother in law character I watched, let alone met one.

 

I pray for a maskiin future mother-in-law,…they can be witches who put a spell on your husband to leave you. (How scary)!

[Tuujiye]

Is very often that Somali Parents do interfere with their kid’s lives even after they are married. Our culture is so tainted now especially after the civil war that changed everyone’s live. Some parents mix the love they have for their kids with the love they have for their necessitate and their pride. They fail to see at what their kids want and his/her constitutional rights of getting it. Some mother-in-laws get involved because of your wife’s family, qabiil,lacag, ficil…Sorry to say but this will always exist in this world weather they Somali or ajanabi .

 

Wareer Badanaa!!!

[sheherazade]

U ask their son/daughter to tell them to butt out. If they don't or it doesn't work, you tell them yourself. Expecting a control freak not to do what he/she does best is a pipe dream. Once a control freak always a control freak. Be polite but firm.

[Socod_badne]

Tell her to get lost!

[NoVa]

^^^lol kalay r u telling me u'll say that 2 ur mother in law like dat if she was a control freak??? isheeda lee yeysan kugu dhicin....Treat her with kind and respect that u would want ur mother to be treated.

 

Many people have this idea that "oh i'm going to try my best to Stay away from my Inlaws". You know in reality that doesn't work out like that. Once your married, you become part of that family also. Therefore, you have to try ur best on calling them just like you call ur own family and visit them. After'all, shis is your wife/husband's family. You ought to show them that u aren't stranger that is trying to take their son/daughter away from them. Another thing be polite, and if u'know that they need help, offer them the help that they need.(since u took their son/daughter that use to help them out).

 

I"m sure when they realized that your very kind 2 them, they won't be hostile 2 u anymore as time goes by. SO show' them the kindness and be gratefull that they had that daughter/son of theirs as ur husband/wife.

[Juxa]

^^^^^^^^ agree, kindness and respect is best policy. treat them like strangers and all you recieve will be hostility

[Jacaylbaro]

I recall one time ,,,,, someone i know wanted to marry a girl ,,,, he went to inform this to her mother ,,,,, do u know what she said ??

 

She told him that She want him to bring a photo of what kind of house he is taking her doughter to ,,,,,, ,,,,,,,, the girl didn't say anything coz she was afraid of her mother and he ran away and soon married to another girl who is relative of that Monster in Law

 

So some mothers are really EVIL ,,,,,, but the person can treat them whatever possible to avoid problems ,,,,

[Som@li]

Some years ago, A man couldn't cope the way his mother-in-law was was interfering with his life, she was there all the time, nagging abt Qs, creating all kinda problmes, He consulted one old man,who adviced him,next time she coming home,when she knocks, Don't put any clothes,and open the door for her,u naked.He followed the istructions,and it worked well,She never visited her daughter again.

 

So some mother-in-laws are evil, and the best advice i would recommend for any1 is to live as far away as possible.

[Khayr]

Salams,

 

Ya ikhwati,

 

thanx for the response but I think that

if you are MARRIED, you would have a

very different view and response, wal Allahu yaclim!

 

I didn't mention about mother in laws,

 

I was refering to the 'MOTHER' of the husband

in particular.

 

I heared the other day of some nightmarish stories

where this girl b/c she was xameery, the mother and the mother's sisters made life difficult for the girl such that the girl was DRIVEN OUT before the Wedding Day aka Runaway Bride....AND all b/c the groom's family was from Somaliland and she was xaamary. They made up terrible rumours about her and to this day they do....

 

FI Amanillah

[Nazra]

:confused: isn't the mother of the husband referred to mother-in-law??? It goes both ways.

[Pucca]

get married and move away(another country...seperated by large large bodies of water), you'll have no trouble except for the occational phone call which ofcourse you can just "uh-huh, right, yea true" your way through.

[nafta]

'CONTROL FREAK MOTHER'

Walaal, it's common courtesy to have respect for one's parent. Calling your mother, or your partner's mother a "Control Freak" is disrespectful in its sincerest.

[Rahima]

The in laws issue is solved in a few ways:

 

1.Always maintain a sense of extreme xishood for then there are borders which neither will cross.

 

2.Treat them as you would want for your husband to treat your family, with respect and dignity.

 

3.Never live too close, same suburb is a no, walking distance is a no no, same house is murderous.

 

4.Limit intermingling to a healthy amount, hadii too much la is dhex galo waa la is qabsan. I never understood girls who are everywhere with the mother/sister in-laws. Do they not learn from other peoples mistakes?

 

5.All of the above applies to the average family of in-laws. More lenient for friendlier families and far more strict for in-laws from hell.