Would you marry cadaanka?

[Nin-Yaaban]

Cadaanka aniga waxaan kajeclahay, noocyada kale. Cagaarka, Guduudka, iwm.

[Narniah]

Chimera;869178 wrote:

Juxa ' leave Narniah alone', what did I do?

 

 

 

You said the following:

''Seriously though, our sisters nowadays want men who love the deen. That's why they marry reverts, so Somali guys need to get with the Quraan and start practising the deen more ''

 

- You make the false claim that sisters only 'nowadays' want men who love deen, which is absurd because that has been a condition for marriage for at least a millenium.

Why are you over analyzing everything I said. No. It's not the condition for marriage for everyone. FYI there are some Somalis who don't care about the deen at all, they just base their decision on wealth. All Somalis aren't practicing Muslims, some parents only care about the wealth/tribe of the suitor not necessarily his deen. You can find this unbelievable or turn a blind eye to it, if you like.

 

- You insinuated that because they 'nowadays' want men who love deen, they have chosen reverts over Somali brothers, thereby indirectly stating that 'Somali men don't love their deen'.

What is so shocking and unbelievable about that? There are Brothers who don't give a toss about religion, and in those instances yes some sisters have chosen to marry reverts in stead. Of course they could have looked for a more practicing Somali brother in the community but not every practicing Somali brother is necessarily 'marriage material'. Such matters are in ones fate, and not something we can question.

 

We are not questioning here if Good Muslim Somali brothers exist, they certainly do exist. There are other important aspects of ones character that must be weighed before embarking on such a major decision such as marriage. This of course goes for reverts too, not every revert is marriage material.

 

- Worse is the part where you claim Somali men need to pick up a book they have been studying for a millenium, and you had the nerve to call me patronizing?

Some of them do need to pick up that book, no? Are you telling me every Somali guy on this planet is on the Deen? Like I said I can't speak for all Somalis, I can just speak about what I have experienced and personally encountered that's all. I don't want to get into too much detail about our brothers, cause no one is perfect at the end of the day but yes we do have some bad apples that need reforming.

 

1+1 = 2, if you claim 3, then I will correct you on it, there is absolutely no reason for you to become so angry when I do.

Alright, fair enuff.

 

 

People usually ignore people they dislike, and despite your fallacious arguments, I don't dislike you, in-fact you have created many interesting topics in the past.

Just because I disagreed with you doesn't mean I dislike you too.

 

Its one of my character flaws, but at the same it exposes non-sequiturs quite well in the opposite debator, so I guess its also a positive characteristic.

I don't usually get into debates with people and now you know why, it's not something I'm good at.

 

 

No it supports my case that we don't suffer competition when it comes to marriage.

I see.

 

I said your argument is bs, not you, but its clear I went to far considering your above furious reaction, so consider all I have posted irrelevant and non-applicable to you and your arguments.

I felt like you were on a mission to have a go at me and were very harsh towards me at times. That's why I reacted that way, but I didn't mean to insult you like that.

 

oba hiloowlow;869160 wrote:

Cadaan is just hit and run material for me, somali girls for mustaqbal ,period.

What makes you think you are deserving of a Somali girl with self-respect when you never safeguarded your own dignity and self respect? It doesn't work that way. In Islam men & women are equal when it comes to sin. So if you can hit n run, you might as well stick to the one you did that with as that's the person you deserve to be with according to the Quraan.

[Taleexi]

Nin-Yaaban;869443 wrote:

Cadaanka aniga waxaan kajeclahay, noocyada kale. Cagaarka, Guduudka, iwm.

Isku cudur baa ina haya.

[Wadani]

Narniah;869528 wrote:

This of course goes for reverts too, not every revert is marriage material.

And in here, Narniah, lies the problem. Somali girls throw themselves at these reverts despite many of them being unsuitable for marriage. It's as if his conversion to Islam absolves him from living up to any of the standards Somali girls would otherwise use to measure up Somali guys. For example, from a Somali guy she'll demand 10,000 dollars in meher, but the revert is soooo masha'Allahhh, so a copy of the Qur'an will suffice as dowry right? Disgusting, and wreaks of self-hatred.

[Miskiin-Macruuf-Aqiyaar]

Gabdhaheena maxee saan iskugu raqiisiyeen ilaa hadda la yaabanahay. Look at what they are discussing in non-Soomaali forums:

 

Somalian women and marriage

 

I have noticed in America and the uk that alot of them are doing everything 2 marry white men no matter in what shape they come...i see them in mosques litarally asking for white men and not even caring about there imaan

 

i'm not a somalian nor am i judging them but why are they acting these way?

 

i dont see pakistani and arab sisters being so desperate

Ilaa hadda wax aanan fahmin was why the reverts only go after Soomaali sisters. It seems it is pretty much, much, much easier to get them than other communities. Iyagiina, the sisters, weyba isla qumanyihiin. Just look at this thread. Shuud.

 

No Soomaali sister would tolerate any jaamac giving her a kitaab for meherka. But to reverts who gave them kitaab for meher, no questions asked, oo sidii xaraash camal la iskugu dhiiboyaa, meher iyo soori iyo yaradba midkood haba sheegin. Plus xiriirka reerkeeda xataa waa laga goynaa, fully controlling her. Markee iswaashana (and in the end wey iswaaleysaa because waa Soomaaliyee oo xornimo kusoo koreenee), banaanka ayuu u soo tuuraa. Iyadoo ka shaleysay ayee reerkeeda orod iyo raaligelin ugu soo noqoneysaa.

[Aaliyyah]

Mma you are generalizing walal I am sure what Somali sisters demand from the reverts or Somalis would vary depending on the financial situation of that guy in question and the girl's personal choice. I'm sure it has nothing to do with him being a revert or somali. Just the same way many Somalis get angry when some girls insult their Somali brothers it wouldn't be fair to see all revers in the same light

 

know that I'm in no way encouraging one to marry nonsomali. You can even see my posts as far back as five years ago pointing out that I prefer my Somali men. I'm merely saying let's be fair and respect people's choices. Somalis have been living abroad for more than 20 years their values are bound to change although as Somalis it is really gradual not that many Somalis be it men or women marry outside their ethnicity. Ilama aha sheeko sa usi ridan

I'm typing from my cell I hope that editing thingy didn't edit my words.Sometimes that auto edit changes my words completely lol

[Blessed]

Actually, MMA and Wadani, Unlike traditional girls, wadaad girls tend to do that for wadaad brothers, Somaali included. It' why wadaads idiinka xaasas badan yihiin. LOL.

 

From personal observations, I do think that in some circles and with certain halaqah communities, pressures to marry / remarry and put up with crab are pretty common and some Somali sisters as well as sisters from other communities tend to get caught up in this but anyway, lax walba meeshay is dhigtaa lagu qalayaa. Things like this shouldn't be thrown out of proportion and turned into an issue for the Somali community because individuals make choices based on their own experiences and sometimes this could be based on unfounded generalisaions and prejudice.

 

Also, in truth most Somali men and women tend to choose a mate from within but it's not always a lovely dovey affair on this side of the grass either, and no I’m not saying this to justify convert marriages because there’s only one valid justification for whom you choose to marry anyway, but this too is something that is often exaggerated which also needs not be turned into a communal issue. Let’s just live and let live, shall we?

[Narniah]

raula;868987 wrote:

 

Narniah....call me Ayeeyo

& don't take it personal sis..you have my support in whateva you decide.

 

As for the post: I will only marry Cadaanka..if they spoke swahili & grew up (~)10 yrs in Kenya/TZ..other than that..unless i was born in the diaspora..kinda hard for me to put aside my somaliness/sijuiness (or wateva culture i grew up in). In any case..at this point "my calendar is booked" so no chance for Cadaan or farax any time soon

 

***there are so many posts that say..would you marry ____& _____....i wonder if there is one our there that says..would you marry a farax/somali ? its a plausible question me thinks.

Raula lol so it's strictly sijui for you huh that's understandable considering you are one (am I right)?. Thanks for the support it's appreciated. I don't think there is a thread titiled 'would you marry a farax' but i'm sure it would cause a lot unnecessary drama though and many disputes. /:

 

Wadani;869534 wrote:

And in here, Narniah, lies the problem. Somali girls throw themselves at these reverts despite many of them being unsuitable for marriage. It's as if his conversion to Islam absolves him from living up to any of the standards Somali girls would otherwise use to measure up Somali guys. For example, from a Somali guy she'll demand 10,000 dollars in meher, but the revert is soooo masha'Allahhh, so a copy of the Qur'an will suffice as dowry right? Disgusting, and wreaks of self-hatred.

I'm aware of this and I'd like to conclude that I'm not all for this. However, we must ask ourselves why? I imagine they were either born/bred here or grew up here from a very young age. It's hard growing up in two different cultures and balancing that as an adult becomes even more challenging.

 

I think the reason some of these sisters accept less from reverts, is because they don't always have the support from their families (even in the case where the parents are ok with it's the extended family that creates issues behind the scenes. This can be ignored but it still has a negative affect on the entire process. When you have the love/support from your family, I think you have a room to think more of yourself and demand accordingly.

 

I also think the families in a lot of cases undermine their daughters indirectly and treat them differently when they bring a non-Somali man. When a Girl brings a Somali guy the family wants to immediately help out with the wedding, outdo the mans family, show how much they love their daughter. There's a sense of closeness/Love, you feel like you have a family.

 

Unfortunately this is not the case when the girl marries a revert. They know this deep down that's why they're accepting of less. The family too knows there's no other Somali family that they need to impress, It's just a revert his family are most likely gaal so who cares what they think of us right? Were they Somali, the family would be bending backwards to make a positive impression on the in laws.

 

I know a friend of my sister who married a revert. When her older sister married a Somali guy. Everyone in her family helped out with the wedding. The girl was treated like a princess (the way a bride is suppose to be treated) She got suitcases of the most expensive traditional clothes/Gold/Money as gifts. However when the younger girl got married, she just had a small nikah , no one gave her gifts or even suggested she too should have a wedding at all. It was so sad cause I know both of the sisters and the apparent injustice at play was for all to see.

 

These are one of the ignored factors that contribute to the problem you mentioned.

 

Miskiin-Macruuf-Aqiyaar;869600 wrote:

Gtabdhaheena maxee saan iskugu raqiisiyeen ilaa hadda la yaabanahay. Look at what they are

discussing

in non-Soomaali forums:

 

Ilaa hadda wax aanan fahmin was why the reverts only go after Soomaali sisters. It seems it is pretty much, much, much easier to get them than other communities. Iyagiina, the sisters, weyba isla qumanyihiin. Just look at this thread. Shuud.

 

No Soomaali sister would tolerate any jaamac giving her a kitaab for meherka. But to reverts who gave them kitaab for meher, no questions asked, oo sidii xaraash camal la iskugu dhiiboyaa, meher iyo soori iyo yaradba midkood haba sheegin. Plus xiriirka reerkeeda xataa waa laga goynaa, fully controlling her. Markee iswaashana (and in the end wey iswaaleysaa because waa Soomaaliyee oo xornimo kusoo koreenee), banaanka ayuu u soo tuuraa. Iyadoo ka shaleysay ayee reerkeeda orod iyo raaligelin ugu soo noqoneysaa.

Brother I think you need to read my post above. Your post is filled with generalizations. You are just highlighting the 'problem' but you avoid to discuss the 'cause' or why this happens. As long we keep turning a blind eye to the 'whys' we will never move forward or make positive changes.

[oba hiloowlow]

Wadani;869534 wrote:

And in here, Narniah, lies the problem. Somali girls throw themselves at these reverts despite many of them being unsuitable for marriage. It's as if his conversion to Islam absolves him from living up to any of the standards Somali girls would otherwise use to measure up Somali guys. For example, from a Somali guy she'll demand 10,000 dollars in meher, but the revert is soooo masha'Allahhh, so a copy of the Qur'an will suffice as dowry right? Disgusting, and wreaks of self-hatred.

+1

[oba hiloowlow]

Narniah;869528 wrote:

Why are you over analyzing everything I said. No. It's not the condition for marriage for everyone. FYI there are some Somalis who don't care about the deen at all, they just base their decision on wealth. All Somalis aren't practicing Muslims, some parents only care about the wealth/tribe of the suitor not necessarily his deen. You can find this unbelievable or turn a blind eye to it, if you like.

 

 

 

What is so shocking and unbelievable about that? There are Brothers who don't give a toss about religion, and in those instances yes some sisters have chosen to marry reverts in stead. Of course they could have looked for a more practicing Somali brother in the community but not every practicing Somali brother is necessarily 'marriage material'. Such matters are in ones fate, and not something we can question.

 

We are not questioning here if Good Muslim Somali brothers exist, they certainly do exist. There are other important aspects of ones character that must be weighed before embarking on such a major decision such as marriage. This of course goes for reverts too, not every revert is marriage material.

 

 

 

Some of them do need to pick up that book, no? Are you telling me every Somali guy on this planet is on the Deen? Like I said I can't speak for all Somalis, I can just speak about what I have experienced and personally encountered that's all. I don't want to get into too much detail about our brothers, cause no one is perfect at the end of the day but yes we do have some bad apples that need reforming.

 

 

 

Alright, fair enuff.

 

 

 

 

Just because I disagreed with you doesn't mean I dislike you too.

 

 

 

I don't usually get into debates with people and now you know why, it's not something I'm good at.

 

 

 

 

I see.

 

 

 

I felt like you were on a mission to have a go at me and were very harsh towards me at times. That's why I reacted that way, but I didn't mean to insult you like that.

 

 

 

What makes you think you are deserving of a Somali girl with self-respect when you never safeguarded your own dignity and self respect? It doesn't work that way. In Islam men & women are equal when it comes to sin. So if you can hit n run, you might as well stick to the one you did that with as that's the person you deserve to be with according to the Quraan.

I didn't say i do it, what i mean is i see them as ''hit and run'' material its their own fault i categorize them as that ma garatay if a somali man really wants a good girl he should marry a Somali one, period, don't blame for thinking that way you dont know how many cadaan girls at uni or in clubs who wanted me to take them to my place, so why in hell should I marry one?

 

The somali girls have sharaf and knows their religion and culture thus they are Wifey material.. Do you get me now??

 

 

BTW dont get fooled by these reverts the only reason why they convert to Islam is to get that fine chocolate that is hard to get believe i've seen that stuff i know this girl she was dating a friend of mine when she asked 14 000 dollars for the meher he refused because it was too much for him he just graduated and all, anyway she ended up marrying a unemployed Jamaican revert who didn't even had one penny but it was okey for her, kawarama,waxaas baa dhiiga igu kacaa!

[A_Khadar]

^^ War ha isku kicin dhiiga, there is a reason for every madness! May be there is another reason(s) bigger and more important than race and money that she may have chosen for the Jamecian dude over the somali dude. Wax fahan ninyahow you sound like reer magaale but you're acting unlike waa kusee .lol.....

[Somalia]

I wouldn't marry cadaanka but I love them. These are my favourite cadaan.

 

[oba hiloowlow]

A_Khadar;871073 wrote:

^^ War ha isku kicin dhiiga, there is a reason for every madness! May be there is another reason(s) bigger and more important than race and money that she may have chosen for the Jamecian dude over the somali dude. Wax fahan ninyahow you sound like reer magaale but you're acting unlike waa kusee .lol..

...

Nicca please those girls are attention-seekers they wanna make a revolt against the Somali Community and the irony is that those girls gets divorces by the foreigners markii laga daneystoo. Serves them right too belo idinku dhac.

[Khadafi]

I acctually have a Italian half brother (from another bah) who is now in his 50-ties, maxaan isku sheegna? Half cadaaan waaye , he behaves as if he was 100% caddan. I would recomend the xalimos and somali men to the stick to each other. If a divorce happens between you, smile your kid will atleast be raised up as GAALO!

[chubacka]

Probably not, better the devil you know as they say.