Guled92 Posted April 2, 2003 Unless you are one of those fortunate few who met their soulmate in grade school, married right out of high school, and spent the next 60 years in wedded bliss you are going to go through what millions before you have gone through, and what millions after you will go through - a broken heart. The pain experienced during a breakup is as individual as the millions of people who go through it. While some simply shake the dust off and get right back into the dating game, others are left so devastated that they never date again, spending the rest of their life in bitter solitude. Why the difference? Could some of us just be stronger than others? Do some people love harder than others? Are some loves more connected than others? For most of us who experience a breakup a normal grieving period will occur: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. But for some, the grief and devastation are so severe that they end up hospitalized, and even suicidal. Others remain either bitter or so afraid of getting hurt that they never date again, closing off their hearts to just about everyone. Yet, some don't even grieve at all, subconsciously choosing to simply transfer their feelings for one person immediately onto that of another person in what is called a rebound relationship. Why the variation? Well, a lot of it has to do with our loving style. There are many loving styles ranging from the very healthy, to the desperately needy. While one person may love another in a supportive and healthy way, another person may cling onto their mate simply as a way to fix what they imagine to be wrong with themselves. They use their partner as a method of dealing with their own imagined inadequacies or feelings of unworthiness - feeling good only as long as they are in the relationship. Others simply like the 'high' of being in love. This high becomes addictive to them and they hop from one relationship instantly into another - often times head-over-heels in love by the second date. They recklessly seek 'love' much as an addict will seek a 'fix', and are often so in need of being in love that they imagine their partners to have all the qualities they are looking for in a mate - whether their partners actually possess these qualities or not. Still others simply surrender themselves into their relationships quickly losing themselves and their own sense of individuality, becoming 'the relationship'. Should the relationship end, then shall they, too. A healthy view of oneself, one's partner, and one's relationship is essential to withstanding the ups, and downs, in our eternal search for that special someone to share our lives with. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Unsigned Posted April 2, 2003 Is an interesting analysis Guled92. My question is when love ends should it not depend on the circumstances the relationship ended. ? For instance, if it was a mutual agreement between the two parties concerned, then surely you would agree that not every one goes through the “Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance” process. --------------------- --** Each day is new, and living one day at a time enables us to truly enjoy life and live it to the fullest.--** Faridah = Unique & Matchless Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted April 2, 2003 Originally posted by Guled92: A healthy view of oneself, one's partner, and one's relationship is essential to withstanding the ups, and downs, in our eternal search for that special someone to share our lives with. Eventhough, I agree with the above quote, it is neva that clear or easy...There is alwayz that gray area... Great analysis, I can certainly relate to each and every paragraph... :cool: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guled92 Posted April 2, 2003 Faridah, I never said it was that linear. Consider the preceding sentence "For most of us who experience a breakup a normal grieving period will occur" This means most of (Not all of us) us will go through that process. I, however, agree that there are cases where individuals concerned mutually cease their relationship. Kool_Kat, Nothing is easy and straight in life. BTW I like your nick. :cool: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Unsigned Posted April 2, 2003 Guled. You also said “But for some, the grief and devastation are so severe that they end up hospitalized, and even suicidal. Others remain either bitter or so afraid of getting hurt that they never date again, closing off their hearts to just about everyone.” From my understanding this covers all others you have not mentioned. So, my question still stands. If the love ended because they no longer felt the same about each other and that agreement was due to mutual understanding, why would they be “bitter or suicidal”? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted April 2, 2003 Guled92, thnx walaalo... Faridah, I believe in any break up, whether mutual or not, there's alwayz some bitterness...Ppl don't just stop loving each other the same time, or agree to go their saperate wayz at the same time...What I am trying to say is that in any relationship, only one of the two ppl decides to end it...Then they might both agree that they are not getting what they want out of the relationship...Then decide to go their separate wayz...But the luv is still there, therefore, of couse one will be bitter to lose that love...The same luv he/she agreed to end with their partner... I hope that makes sense... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guled92 Posted April 2, 2003 Doctor Phil can you please respond to FARIDAH. KIDDING....... I would agree with Kool_Kat. Although it was mutual decision to end the relationship, they may still be bitter about the failure of it. CAPISH... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Unsigned Posted April 2, 2003 Kool Kat. It makes sense and I can see your point, but I do think "Bitter" was a strong word to use for such circumstances. lol. Guled lets agree to disagree. Macasalaama. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faarax-Brawn Posted April 2, 2003 Our somali version of OPRAH and her splinter DR PHIL? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guled92 Posted April 6, 2003 Faridah, I can see why you are unique & matchless, you do analyze things to death. The same way you would, perhaps, analyze your better half. After all, we do have something in common, we are both SHRINKS. LOL.... See, this topic was never meant to be your ultimate guide for relationships/love/break-ups. Love ya all, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Unsigned Posted April 6, 2003 Brotha-Man. I wouldn't go that far. Guled. I've been called many things but never a Shrink. I'll be sure to add that to the list. The topic was interesting and it was well thought of. People can relate to it in one way or another. I just think that you have overlooked small detail that I have mentioned. Peace p.s. Was I that Analytic? --------------------- --** Each day is new, and living one day at a time enables us to truly enjoy life and live it to the fullest.--** Unique & Matchless Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guled92 Posted April 8, 2003 Faridah, Were you analytic ?...Well, no I thought you were cute ...LoL..Lol... Hope did not offend you by calling you a shrink. I am hardly a polite guy... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
