7TH S.O.L Academy Awards.

[BOB]

I would like to Congratulate my dearest friend and the brother I never had Ayub Mohammed Jama aka "Cabdoow" and his beautiful and loving wife Ubah for the baby. Bro I am proud of you and as for life just hang in there and remember what I always told you "Expect not a better FUTURE without having a solid PRESENT that you built with the hard work you put in the PAST" the future looks bright and promising and WE WILL conquer and RULE Mzansi Insha Allah, I PROMISE YOU that.

 

 

The Story:

 

Just like the most of you I got a call from the Admin informing me about this unrivalled night where we honour the best among us for their contribution and the marvelous job they have done in sustaining and enhancing the reputation of this one big happy family known as Nomad Community.

 

The Admin gave a special emphasis on this night as it was without a shadow of a doubt the most important night in the history of Somaliaonline's existence and he went on and on about the dress code and urged me to wear my "Ciid Clothes" as this was going to be a night of glamour where every guy and girl dress not only to impress but also to kill and the Admin was worried that I might come wearing my Macawista but unfortunately he forgot to ask me if I had any new clothes or could afford any for that matter and when was the last time my parents bought anything for me including clothes but I assured him that I will do my best as always.

 

but the greatest advantage one living in Africa has is that, you can go to any Drycleaner and 'borrow' a dress or suit of your choice by bribing the Manager and in fact I know a girl who 'Borrowed' Charlize Theron's Oscar dress for as little as R10 (less than $5) but me being me, I decided to raise the bar and head to the Gikomba and buy the best Mtumba suit in the entire Southern Hemisphere.

 

 

Before I write about how mine and your night went and who was wearing what and who came with who and received the loudest cheers (and for my case loudest jeers) let me give you the names of those Nomads lucky enough to be nominated from the various categories and section of the site with their educational, informative and mind blowing topics or even their interactions with the other Nomads and without a further a due here are their names.

 

General:

 

Juxa (Happy Belated Birthday)

Kaleidoscopic (Ms Moderator)

Ngonge (Liverpool Who?)

Xu (Respect)

Wiilo (Go Figure)

Najma82 (Star)

Rudy (Ghetto Super Star)

STOIC (Respect)

 

 

Women:

 

Hibo (From Dubai With Dahab)

Femme-Fatale (Faadumo Faarax)

Rahima (My Favourite Name)

-Lexus (I Prefer Lambhorghini)

OG-MOTI (Respect)

Ngonge (Liverpool Who?)

Wiilo (Go Figure)

Nova_* (Respect)

 

 

Islam: (The Light of Life)

 

Nur (Preach On Brother)

Najma82 (Star)

*Diamante*(Bling-Bling)

Modesty

 

 

Sports: (The Love of My Life)

 

Soma_Inc (From Blues to Baggies)

Northerner (You’ll Crawl Alone)

Nuune (You’ll Guur-Guurasho Alone)

Viking (Channel O)

$187$ (Respect & Represent)

Quantum_Leap (Respect & Represnt)

Ngonge (Liverpool Who?)

Mojam (1 Luv)

Rokko (1 Luv)

Juma (Buona Liverpool Lakini?)

Qac Qaac (Try Kismaayo instead of Kaasa Bal-Balaare)

 

 

Poetry (Ah, my Favourite Holiday Destination)

 

Dawoco (Ms Arsenal)

Raula (From Rift-Valley With Mpenzi)

Ms_Word (War Belaayo)

*Diamante* (Bling-Bling)

Besbaaso (Ah, Ms Pilipli)

Dark Angel (Respect)

Najma82 (Star)

Jamaal_11 (Mzee Kumi Na Moja)

DeadlyVision (Respect)

NIN-NOOL (Respect)

 

 

Dood-Wadaag:

 

Wiilo (Go Figure)

Jamaal_11 (Mzee Kumi Na Moja)

Nuune (Guur-Guuro Alone)

Garab Tuujiye (Wareer Badanaa)

 

 

Caano Geel Awards (Special Award)

 

Pacifist (Chipolopolo)

Raula (From Rift-Valley With Mpenzi)

*Diamante* (Bling-Bling)

Dawoco (Ms Arsenal)

Femme-Fatale (Faadumo Faarax)

Kaleidoscopic (Ms Moderator)

Smilez (Respect)

Barwaaqo (Respect)

Qori_Xabaalan (1 LUV)

MALAIKA (St Paul’s Finest)

Psycho-Sue (Respect)

Rudy (Ghetto Super Star)

Conspiracy (Sup, Playa & Computer Whiz)

Checkmate (Axsantu)

Baashi (Respect & Represent)

Sophist (Respect)

Underdog (Aren't We All)

Cawo (Respect)

 

 

Humanitarian Award:

 

Pacifist (Chipolopolo)

Raula (From Rift-Valley With Mpenzi)

Emerald (Respect)

Barwaaqo (Respect)

Bishaaro (Respect)

mimi (Respect)

 

 

Jokes: (My Hiding Place)

 

Bachelor (Respect)

UnderDog (Aren't We All)

Besbaaso (Ah, Ms Pilipili)

Bishaaro (Respect)

Modesty (Respect)

Legend of Zu (Respect).

 

 

Chatroom: (Where I Seek My Soul)

 

X_Quizite(Respect)

Aorta (Respect)

Geel-Jire (Respect)

Miss_Desperate (Remember Me?)

Ayan (Respect)

 

 

The hosts were Ms Athena & Ms Barwaaqo who had the pleasure of meeting and interviewing all the nomads and asking who was their date and who designed their dresses/suits and jewelries and I have to say this, all the brothers complained about how badly they were treated, Rudy, me and Garab Tuujiye in particular who had a torrid time answering all your questions (excuse me, it supposed to be a brief interview laakiin) and not a marathon of humiliation, because in truth I felt like I was at some western airport going through all these horrific interviews that every poor Asylum seeker goes through and if I wasn't a fun loving person with no sense of humour I swear I would've boarded the next flight out of there back to Motherland.

 

I know most of the brothers think they had the worst time as they were pestered with endless questions by Athena and Barwaaqo and I also know that I told many of you that I didn't have any problem with them but you know what, I LIED, I know I shouldn't have and I am sorry for that because I thought I was the only one humiliated by these two cruel girls and I was too embarrassed to share my experiences as the thought itself scared the Caajiska out of me. so I decided to hide and lie instead but I am going to redeem myself and earn your trust once again by revealing all from the moment the limo picked me up from my 1 Star Hotel (yeah yeah, I know I said I was given a VIP treatment with a 5 Star Hotel and everything, but come on, you can't expect me to tell you that I slept on a bed with no mattress in a room with no lights and a bathroom and full of roaches and mice now, did you?)

 

First of all the Limo driver was insolent as he constantly shouted and yelled at me and reminded me all the time not to put my dirty shoes on the leather seats and to be careful with the interior and he also dropped me at least two miles away from the main gate and I had to go through God knows how many checkpoints and then there was this Security who threatened to unleash and set his Pitt-Bull on me just because I didn't look like a Guest but rather a house burglar and I had to produce my ID and swear that I was BOB and not a Tuug.

 

I finally made it to the main gates and I have to admit my heart skipped a beat and had to marvel at how everything seemed so perfect, the flowers, the blue carpet with the white stars (Forget about the fake and cheap red carpet, this is a Somali event and the blue carpet with the white stars represent the national flag of Somalia) I mean the whole scenery seemed beyond my wildest imagination and without a shadow of a doubt this was simply the best event I was ever involved in and I never imagined Hope Road had mansions as big and beautiful as this one where this particular Awards ceremony took place and I also have to reveal how a limo came close to running over me as I stood in the middle of the road staring the whole house and I admit I even stared at the sky just to make sure African sky and the Western one looked the same.(Ssshh, don't tell anyone).

 

To Be Continued....

 

 

PS. I would like to THANK each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts and prayers. I Appreciate it.

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[- Femme -]

First of all, wlcm back BOB! Missed your stories terribly.

 

*Sounds like an awesome night*

[NoVa]

^^^IT was wasn't it..2 many Faraxs and Maryooleey'z....By the way'why the hell Did u left the HOuse LOOking like that??? ala' Naa hana Ceeben' next time..Drezz'2KILL lol..plzz..This is'Award not going 2 the Suuqa'Bilaajo...for a second I thought i was back in Qaxooti' camp....

 

Didn't Bee and Kaleido remind u of Joan and Melisa Rivers????? Tryin'2 Interview every1 in the Blue Carpet...At least they had the Matching Dacas..lol..

 

 

and what was up with Nuune's Tuxedo???...it was halfway his Kneez....for a second i thought he was' wearing Shortz....

 

Oh'u know Who Looked HOt...just 2 Elegant and Smooth, I wish i can' say his name out loud but i'm afraid i'll get int2 trouble'...

 

Bob'Wlcm Back Dear, it's great 2 have ya

[BOB]

As I stepped inside I heard the most deafening noise my tiny ears ever had the displeasure of receiving them and as I turned to my left to see who was making this terrible noise and there they were, a crowd of people screaming and shouting my name and taking snapshots at me but i refused to stand and flash my 1 Somali shilling smile and pose for them because i didn't want to end up looking doqon by posing for a camera without a film (I somehow knew that) because you know how we Somalis are but majority of the poor girls fell for it and some of the brothers as well, like my homeboys Cabdoow & Qurumboow who must've signed hundreds of Autographs and posed for at least 15 minutes and then there was my friend Checkmate who must've thought that he was a real movie star and who can forget the tantrums that my mate Ngonge threw just to have his pics taken and I believe I over heard him boasting "some day my pictures will earn you few quids" and then there was Rudy who almost got naked because he was busy showing off his bullet scars after he fought single handedly Bloods & Crips after they snatched a poor Somali ayeeyo's purse and then there was Northerner who thought he won a ticket to Anfield as he came wearing Liverpool jersey and humming "You'll Never Walk Alone" and the crowd loved that (I let the girls off the hook because I know some of them acted like they were competing for the cover of Marie Claire, FairLady and it will be embarrassing for them if I mentioned and revealed their names one by one, but they know who they are)

 

Back to the story, and one guy in particular was screaming my name on top of his voice and he almost had me fooled there because I am from Africa where there are more deaths caused by stampede than Lions and the poor guy was squeezed between two extra large humans (it is utterly rude to call people OBESE ) and I thought he was suffocating and needed a helping hand, besides the Ellis Park stadium horror still haunts me on that fateful April night where 46 people left their loving families and homes just to go and watch a soccer match but ended up losing their lives.

 

I decided to investigate why this guy was screaming my name by going over to him and as I got closer he shouted (struggling to free himself...

 

"Can I have your Autograph please, BOB"? he asked and started to strip and expose his Chicken Feeraha, mumbling something I thought were "here, here, sign here please BOB" pointing at his midriff.

 

now, I can understand a girl asking for my autograph as I have always been too happy to oblige because I was taught never to say "NO" to a lady especially when she is in need which is why I always make sure I give them my phone number instead of my worthless signature but a guy asking me for an autograph? Please and I swear if he was back in Motherland I would've knocked the Gaalo Iska Yeelka out of him but you know as well as I do that here in the west even the bloody pigs have rights and I was told that you could be arrested for sneezing out loud (yeah, Somali style) in a public library so instead I decided to act Un-African in other words Western but not before wondering what was he going to do with it as its only a signature besides my bank account isn't anywhere near loaded incase he had an intention to copy my signature and commit fraud because a fraudster friend once said to me never buy anything with a credit card or cheque but with cash (in my case with coins) which is why I relied on them all this time as they made me the most famous client in my local bank where I am even more famous than Mr. De Villiers who happens to own half of the town and who can forget my favourite grocery store where even the security know me as "Mr Coins". Now back to the story.

 

"since when did the humans turned into ABSA BANK cheque-books"? I asked.

 

"what do you mean BOB" he replied innocently.

 

"War Awoowgii La Gub, where I come from no man exposes himself to another man and begs in LA SUMMADEEYO like he was our family's camels" I say clearly irritated but struggling to keep my voice down.

 

"hey, I only asked for an autograph and not a lecture you thick African" he replies and he continued to utter some words that I couldn't quite hear and understand because they started to scream and jump up and down at the sight of another Nomad lady who looked "Allah Hooyooy" type and indeed dressed to kill and I admit I forgot myself and kept staring at her shamelessly for God knows how long until the brother who was with her lost his patience and started to lecture me in Somali..

 

"Waraa, adiga shaqo yeelo nooh, dhoore, magaalo aa joogtaa, dadka sidaas looma fiiriyo jaahil waaxid, teeda kale hadaan mar kale kugu qabto adigoo gadaasheeda fiirinaayo wallaahi beerka aan kaa garaacaa" it took my friends Cabdoow & Quruumboow minutes to convince me that i was here as a guest and not as a groupie and i should get a grip.

 

after more than an hour of NUURSI and staring at all the beautiful ladies while getting on the nerve of the brothers that they were with i finally decided to go inside and even though some brothers came close to knocking the African out of me but thanks to my street-smart ways I managed to avoid a busted lip and a broken and bleeding nose.

 

I was ready to go inside and take my seat shivering with anticipation and looking forward to a night filled with fun and laughter but little did I know what fate had in store for me and the humiliation and the embarrassment that lay ahead but I could never imagine in my wildest dream that my (and the majority of the brother's) torturers will come in the form of two beautiful ladies wearing two gorgeous dresses and expensive jewelry (they were borrowed, I was told later on) known to you as Ms Athena & Ms Barwaaqo.

 

"Hey, where do you think you are going?" asked Athena pushing me back.

 

"I am going inside as I was invited to this party" I reply.

 

"who are you and show us your ID" adds Barwaaqo.

 

"waraa, this isn't Kenya where one has to carry his ID even to the choo or to a funeral, not that I am saying this event is neither, now if you ladies will excuse me" I reply politely.

 

"not so fast mate, you are not going inside without showing us your ID and I am trying to be nice and kind to you, believe me you wouldn't want me to get nasty with you and call the security" threatens Athena.

 

"no need to go there, I am invited by the Admin and here is my invitation" I say.

 

"look mister BOB, Chauvinist or whatever you call yourself, this doesn't mean we will let you through as it is possible this could be fake invitation so we need you to show us your ID, the original and not the copy" says Barwaaqo.

 

"Ya, Allah, waraa idinka why are you embarrassing me in front of my adoring fans, can't you see how they adore me by screaming and shouting my name" I boast.

 

 

"your adoring fans?" they both ask at the same time and start laughing to my face.

 

"waryaa,Dhoore, listen up, those guys are Newbie and those who were banned and they are only here because the Admin promised them a free life membership, given they convince the nomads that they are their true fans by screaming and even fainting if needed and threaten to cause a riot every time the Limo brought a nomad so those are not yours or anybody's fans but I see you undermined their acting talents as you fell for it" reveals Athena with a laughter.

 

"waryaa, you and your bloody Admin are heartless, how could you do this to all of us? I will tell the rest of the nomads about this and I promise you, we will sue you" I tell them feeling shell shocked.

 

"Sue us? for what and on what grounds? besides this is a dog eat dog world mate and now you can forget about going inside, go back to where ever you came from with your vintage and dusty suit" replies Barwaaqo.

 

"Boor badanaa wuxu horta, ma xamaali baa" adds Athena.

 

"Come on now, you know I was playing, please let me go through nooh, it took me hours and with three different planes just to get here and my whole village back in Africa are anxiously waiting for my return so that I can share my experience with them and you can only imagine too well what is going to happen and how disappointed they will feel when I go back to them without a story to tell" I tell them.

 

(I know many of you think I shouldn't Calaacal like that in front of Girls but wouldn't you know I saw with my own two eyes some of the brothers down on their knees begging while my friends Soma_Inc,Rudy,Garab,Qac Qaac and Viking were forced to do 50 press ups each while Ngonge,Northerner,Checkmate and Baashi were forced to water the whole garden with a small and leaking bucket, but you know how Somali guys are, denying everything)

 

"look, we don't care about your damned village and Africa for that matter,we are here to do our job so you either convince us or we will send you away" says Athena.

 

"war Awoowgiin La Jannee, what have I done to you to deserve this cruelty from you"? I cry.

 

"nothing personal aboowe, we are here to do a job and that is exactly what we are doing†says Barwaaqo.

 

"Aggah, this isn't a job but a torture and humiliation" I argue.

 

"waryaa, that is it, go away now or I will call the security" threatens Athena.

 

"no no, come on, you know I am only joking, you guys are the best and I promise I will mention your names in my speech after I win the Oscar" I tell them with a broad smile.

 

"yeah right,waryaa, let me refresh your mind, you are not even nominated which means you are going to win NOTHING, zero okey" reveals Barwaaqo.

 

"waraa fiiriya, iga qaleeya nooh, please aniga miskiin Africa ka imaaday aan ahay please, mid kale oo aa maskaxda yar ka waashaan waa heleesaan please aniga iga qaleeya" (never been a one who made mockery out of another's misfortune but in this point of time I was ready to do and say anything just to save my neck)

 

 

"I know your likes, you are only here for the free food and drinks but sorry there are no free food and drinks, not tonight and not as long as I am here, besides there is nothing you are going to contribute so you might as well leave before I call the security and ask them to kick you out" continues Athena.

 

"waraa, leave my suit of out this, just because I am wearing the best suit doesn't mean you should put me down by disrespecting my sense of fashion" I boast.

 

"is that supposed to be funny and make us laugh" asks Barwaaqo.

 

"if I thought I was funny I wouldn't be here, now ladies, as you can see the place is getting jam packed so please let me in before the front row seats are occupied by all these girls with their toy boys" I say acting tough.

 

"security, somebody call the security" screams Athena.

 

"no no, please come on, please don't call security, i am not here to cause trouble or disturb the peace, please just le me go in and I swear you will never see my face again" I beg.

 

"we will let you go but first you have to tell us who gave you this suit as a charity or should I say is it designed by King Kong for this especial occasion or did you inherit it from your great great Grandpa"? asks Athena.

 

"no, this is Mtumba and I bought it from Gikomba because I couldn't afford those at Ngara as my father doesn't work for the sarikali ya Kenya". I boast.

 

"what the BBC did you just say?" asks Barwaaqo.

 

"I see Tarzan failed to entice Jane or all the other females in the jungle for that matter with his lame words, is that why you came alone?" asks Athena cheekily.

 

“I write not seeking to entice yours or any other female's heart but rather save my male heart from my soul and save my mind from raping my virgin brains, I cling on the pen so my hands wont pull my hair out and I write to ease the pain in my chest and believe me I write not to impress but fight the stress through the thoughts I express for I am only a hopeful coed trapped in the mind of a legendary poet" I reply sincerely.

 

"whatever†replies Athena pushing me on the face.

 

"waryaa, who is Mtumba and Gikomba, did they lend you this ridiculous looking tent you call suit that you are wearing" asks Barwaaqo.

 

Before I could reply the crowd (yeah those same old fakers) start to scream and jump up and down like a bloody Chimp in heat by the sight of Garab with a stunning beauty in his arm and Athena and Barwaaqo give each other a quick high-five and tell me to disappear inside before they change their torturous mind and as you'd expect from any defeated and humiliated male I ran for the dear life feeling exhausted and who knows I might have broken the 100m world record in that little sprint of mine.

 

I stop momentarily to catch my breath and wipe the sweat away from my face thinking the opportunity I just missed as I didn't get to check out Garab's date and I have to admit she was as hot as Sanguuni in March so I decided to go to the bathroom and freshen up and that is when I witnessed his ordeal and it made me realize how lucky I was (even though I never believe in luck) as I got off lightly.

 

"hold your horses mate and where do you think you are going?" Barwaaqo asked Garab who was still busy waving and smiling at the crowd.

 

"I was invited to this party and if I am not mistaken I am also nominated for an Oscar" replies Garbo looking at his date as to say "I am the man".

 

"whoever invited you could've done a whole lot better but since you are here we would like to see your invitation and original ID" says Athena.

 

"ID? What for?" mumbles Garbo looking surprised.

 

"as you may know, there were a lot of complaints lodged by the girls last year as their expensive purses with their cellphones and make up kit stolen and we decided to step up the security and prevent the same embarrassing events occurring again this year" replies Barwaaqo.

 

"waryaa, is this a sick joke?" asks Garab already feeling the heat.

 

"look, we are not saying you are THIEF per say but you never know and we firmly believe the old Chinese saying "Better Safe Than Sorry" so instead of letting Ciyaal Jeeb in we rather turn back a decent brother" says Athena trying to be philosophical about it.

 

"waryaa, do I look like a ciyaal jeeb to you?" asks Garab fuming.

 

"look, we are still being nice to you so don't push it, you either show us your ID or be gone" answers Barwaaqo.

 

To Be Continued....

 

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[Seeking Paradise]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL@Bob. Great story.

 

*munches on popcorn*

 

Continues plse.

[BOB]

"ok, here is my ID" says Garab backing down.

 

"see,that wasn't difficult now was it?" asks Athena.

 

"I will make sure you two will never be hosts again wait until I see the Admin" threatens Garab.

 

"that is it, here (tossing Garab's ID into his face) now go and call the Admin and see if he can help you" says Barwaaqo.

 

"ok, you two I will see you outside, Hadaan Booca idinku dhufan" promises Garab.

 

"yaah, booca aa? Where is the security" come and throw this crazy man out" screams Athena.

 

"who are you calling Nin Waalan?" asks Garab, taking off his jacket.

 

"oh, I am sorry, maybe I should call you what you really are which is a thief looking to pick on people's pockets" says Barwaaqo.

 

Garab asks his woman to hold his jacket and then proceeds to unbutton his shirt as he wants to teach Athena & Barwaaqo a lesson while they both continue to scream for the security and the guests behind him were shell shocked as they've never seen a guy taking off his clothes just because he wants to fight two ladies.

 

Suddenly he turns and sees bunch of Sumo Wrestler look likes coming towards him and starts to change his attitude and completely changes his tone.

 

"Waraa tan weeba ka dhabeesay Security aan kuugu yeeraa, fiiri wallaahi waan kugu cayaaraaye nooh, please abaayo, waxaan feeraha ween leh iga qabo, waa ogtahay Cigaal Shiidaad inuu yiri Rag La iskuma Daayo" begs Tuujiye.

 

"Then you must do as we tell you otherwise we will unleash those on you" threatens Barwaaqo.

 

"at home its 911 and when we are outside there is a Security aa taagan, Wareer Badanaa, what is next bal if we are Somali men?" mourns Tuujiye.

 

"look if you want to go inside then you must get down and give us a quick 50 press ups with one hand" says Athena.

 

"Laa Xawlah Walaa Quwatta illaa Billaah, waraa do I look like a freaking Chinese to you, I am Somali for God's sake" cries Tuujiye.

 

"maybe we should ask you to do it with your index finger" says Barwaaqo.

 

"labada gacan aanba qaati ka taagnaa and you are talking about my index finger, please girls, iga qaleeya nooh, Qac Qaac iyo Soma_Inc iyo Viking aa soo socdo ee iyaga ku baashaala" he tells.

 

"Look, stop talking and start doing the bloody press ups already" orders Athena.

 

"war anigaa iska dhintay, girls, please don't humiliate me in front of my date because I told her I am the real deal and nominated for 5 Oscars in different categories, please iga qaleeya yaakhey, this is not the way to treat your Somali brother" begs Garab.

 

"nothing personal, but we just want to check your fitness level as you know its going to be a long night in there and we want to see how many guys could do 50 press ups" jokes Barwaaqo.

 

"Innaa Lillaahi, waraa I only came here for the free Sambus iyo Doolshe nooh and I swear I wouldn't have shown my face any where near this damned party if I knew you guys were recruiting for Somali Army, level of fitness kulahaa, wareer badanaa" cries Garab.

 

"Listen, you either get down and dirty or you are out of here, one of the two mate" orders Athena.

 

"ok, I see I have no other option but to do as I am told but please don't tell anyone that you made me do 50 press ups, please as I don't want to be the laughing stock in SOL" begs Garab.

 

"we wont tell if you don't" says Barwaaqo.

 

"besides, I promise you the next guy will do 50 sit ups and as it looks its going to be Viking" adds Athena.

 

My dear friend Garab goes to work and does the 50 Press Ups, don't ask me how he did it or how long it took him to do it but he FINALLY did it and don't worry about his "Wareer Badanaa" battle cries,he's managed it but the only down side of this is that we will never know who was the lady that was with his thanks to Athena & Barwaaqo as they chased him away without even asking who designed his suit and the dress for his beautiful lady with a dress to match and for that I SALUTE HIM.

 

But before my good old buddy Viking met his fate there were couple of very hot looking ladies ahead of him in the queue and as I found out they were Raula,Wiilo & MALAIKA who burned the Blue Carpet and got their fair share of screams and faints from our good old crowd and I admit I first thought that they were posing for Elle magazine with all that waving and blowing kisses at the crowd and smiles and since they are all real life pals it was no surprise that they decided to come together and then there was Pacifist,Ms Word and Besbaaso who must have thought they were at Cosmopolitan shoot and must've signed at least 50 Autographs each because the bloody crowd were determined not to let them off the hook easily and who can forget *Diamante* and Dawoco and Juxa in their fancy and expensive looking dresses and their excessive jewelries and then there was Faadumo Faarax better known to you as Femme-Fatale who seemed busy writing down her acceptance speech on the Blue Carpet and completely refused to pose for the camera or sign one single Autograph and i could hear people calling her rude but i call her "Confident Lady" if you ask me.

 

 

Now, I know most of you are clueless when it comes to what all these ladies were asked by Athena and Barwaaqo but I can assure you, they were asked nothing more than who designed their dresses and jewelries which made me realize there was some kind of conspiracy going on here as it was only the brothers who were subjected to the humiliation and the torture and soon my theories started to play up and as the minutes went by they piled up and finally realized that we (brothers) we deliberately targeted for no reason whatsoever and I also realized and accepted the fact that our two old friends in Nuune and Jamaal_11 failed us by not dropping the slightest of a hint about the trap that lay ahead and now I know why both of them gave most of us the cold shoulder, especially Nuune when I asked him to give me a large Bac madoow so I could take all these leftover Xalwo and Saambuus back to my village as a present from 7th S.O.L Academy Awards.

 

"Hey, Girlfriends, first let me congratulate all three of you for the nominations and I wish you nothing but the best" says Barwaaqo excitingly to Raula & Wiilo and MALAIKA.

 

"you both look Million Somali Shillings in these "Isoo Fiiri" dresses you're wearing" adds Athena with the friendliest smile and hug I have seen ever since I came to this party.

 

"oh thanks, you two look great as well and as always its wonderful seeing you once again and oh Barwaaqo I love your set of Dahab" replies Wiilo.

 

"Thanks Dear" replies Barwaaqo with a giggle.

 

"now,you know the formula, we can't let you go without revealing the designers of these dresses" says Athena.

 

"mine was designed by Mzee Shikamo Hamisi Bakari" boasts Raula.

 

"who is he, is he a new kid on the block" asks Barwaaqo.

 

"no he isn't new, he is the most famous designer in the entire Zanzibar island" replies Raula surprised at Barwaaqo's ignorance of (in her opinion) the greatest designer ever lived.

 

"what about this hypnotic looking piece that you are wearing?" asks Athena.

 

"oh, this is from Ujwong Jewelry in Zanzibar as well" boasts Raula with a broad smile.

 

"you and your bloody Zanzibar" moans Barwaaqo.

 

"what about you Wiilo tell us about the designer of this delicious looking dress of yours and its matching jewelry" asks Athena.

 

"the dress is designed by none other than Yaw and the jewelry is from Bobo" replies Wiilo.

 

"and what about you MALAIKA, reveal your secret" asks Barwaaqo.

 

"the dress is designed by Shaambile and the jewelry is from Zam jewelry from Copperbelt" replies MALAIKA.

 

Then they all start whispering into each other's ears and have a joyous laughter and then exchange hugs and move on as Raula, Wiilo and MALAIKA disappear inside. (call me paranoid, but I was convinced that Athena & Barwaaqo told those three how they humiliated me and my buddy Garab Tuujiye.

 

 

To Be Continued....

 

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[-Serenity-]

BOB.. Nice Story. Cant wait to see who wins the awards. * , nudge*

 

I know you've intentionally portrayed me as 'threatening'... be scared boy...be very scared.

[Conspiracy]

Can't wait , did i win? did i win? did i win?

[Pucca]

lol...good stuff

 

*waits ...*

[dawoco]

BOB welcome back. This is what I call arriving with a bang. This story is by far the funniest, especially sida aa u calaacashay. And Garab with his light fingers

 

Garab asks his woman to hold his jacket and then proceeds to unbutton his shirt as he wants to teach Athena & Barwaaqo a lesson while they both continue to scream for the security and the guests behind him were shell shocked as they've never seen a guy taking off his clothes just because he wants to fight two ladies.

looooooooool, that bit definately captures the spirit of soomaalinimo.

[BOB]

Faadumo Faarax, Nova_*, Dark Angel, -Conspiracy- (You have no idea what i wrote about you & Qori_Xabaalan and SoMa_InC )Athena (am already SCARED) Smilez and Dawoco---> Greetings To All Of You and ENKOSI.

 

Next inline was Pacifist, Ms Word and Besbaaso who was busy waving and smiling at their adoring and faithful fans and they all seemed excited and happy that they had real fans who stood hours and waited patiently under the hot summer sun of Hope Land. (i have to admit I came close to dehydration for wearing a winter jacket in a hot summer evening).

 

"Hello, all you gorgeous signoritas, how you all doing?? greets Barwaaqo.

 

"War Belaayo, apart from being almost blinded by all these flashing cameras which I feel they were being tested and trained on us I am ok" replies Ms Word wiping her eyes.

 

"OMG my eyes still hurt and not to mention my arm as I kept on signing an autograph after another and OMG the way they stared at me, it was SCANDALOUS" reveals Pacifist.

 

"I am not even sure if I signed with my usual signature because I was dying to get out of there as they kept on coming" cries Besbaaso.

 

"they all love you, as they are all your loyal & die hard fans ,that is all" replies Athena.

 

"by pulling my hair, is that how they show their love and their appreciation towards me" asks Ms Word.

 

"now, ladies, tell us the designers of your killer dresses and your jewelries†asks Barwaaqo.

 

"my dress is designed by Mwlishani and the jewelry by Wino and OMG they are my favourite designers and the best in the whole world" brags Pacifist.

 

"my dress is from Heybe and the jewelry from Timo Jilac and I tell ya, Tiffany's got nothing on Timo Jilac, Dayyum, and this is their summer collection and I got it for free, War Belaayo" boasts Ms Word.

 

"yeah, my dress is from Fakow and the jewelry is from Timo Jilac as well as me and Ms Word are their models" says Besbaaso.

 

"Lord Have Mercy on Faarax tonight" says Athena.

 

"What Faarax?" asks Pacifist.

 

"They will be all over you as the place is loaded with them and ladies i warn you, keep your purses close to you and i advice you not to give away your phone numbers to any Faarax" warns Barwaaqo.

 

"OMG, you are scaring me now, Faarax aa? let them try and see what happens but i admit i wont mind talking to a Faarax who can sign a Maxi Priest song for me and climb up on the table and dance in front of the whole crowd then i might be tempted to tell him my nickname" says Pacifist with a smile.

 

"Faarax iyo Word don't get along very well, unless his name is Bill Gates then i wont mind asking him to take me back to my home with his Helicopter, War Belaayo, i better hush before i get carried away and say things that might get me into trouble with my significant other" giggles Ms Word.

 

"I dare Faarax to even think about coming on to me with his tried and tested wack lines of "Abaayo, you look familiar, maybe we used to be neighbours back in SOM or was it back in Utange and what was your name again?" and they all laugh and again they whisper into each other's ears and exchange a hug and stuff and they move on.

 

"it is about time, now, before anything tell us what do you think of this atmosphere?" asks Barwaaqo.

 

"this is electrifying and crazy, what is this?" asks Juxa.

 

"this is bollocks innit, the way they scream and oh my god, this guy fainted right in front of me" says *Diamante*.

 

"no, i tend to disagree, even though their screams made me deaf momentarily but still it is always nice to know that there are people out there who appreciate the kind of work you do" replies Dawoco.

 

"Lovely, now how you all doing?" asks Athena.

 

"we are Ok, apart from that excessive posing and signings, we are ALIVE" replies Juxa.

 

"this is a question I forgot to ask Ms Word & Besbaaso, but I have to ask you two, (Dawoco & *Diamante*) since you two are up against each other, would there be any animosity towards each other or would either of you be genuinely happy for the other when one of you is declared the winner?"asks Barwaaqo.

 

"of course I would be delighted and genuinely be happy for *Diamante* if she won because I know the title is close to me as my friend won it and generally speaking, I will be happy for whoever wins because all the nominees are immensely talented and they all deserve an Oscar" smiles Dawoco.

 

"yeah, like wise, I admit the competition is tough, like Dawoco said, all the Nominees are talented poets and it wont hurt losing to any of them but given a choice I would like to win it and if not then I hope Dawoco does" replies *Diamante* (I admit, I was amazed with their acting skills but of course I didn't buy it as no one likes to LOSE and worse finish second).

 

"oooh, that is lovely, innit" says Juxa.

 

"Thanks *Diamante Dear*,that is so sweet of you" adds Dawoco.(these girls can ACT, i tell you that much).

 

"well, then, good luck to all three of you and remember to mention my name in your speech" says Athena.

 

As usual they again whisper into each other's ears and laughter follows and in this point in time, I accepted the fact that it was me and Garab who were getting thrashed and I could see my friend Viking was busy charming and sharing the fun with his lady but little did he know the torture and the humiliation that was waiting ahead and now he was only Femme-Fatale away from his fate.

 

"Hi Girlfriend, even though I am still mad at you for not calling me back last night but as always it is lovely seeing you FF" says Athena with a smile flowed by a hug.

 

"I am so sorry dear, but I will make it up to you" replies FF with a cheeky wink, "Barwaaqo, I heard you got a stalker from SOL, I am dying to know who it is" continues FF.

 

"I will tell you all about it later on after we take care of all these guys behind you, who if I may add kept looking at your behind, they are shameless" says Barwaaqo.

 

"Yaah, my behind aa? Who are they? please tell me" cries FF.

 

"Viking,(i thought the dude was Married) Qac Qaac, Soma_Inc, Qori_Xabaalan and Rokko and not to mention the other that are waiting inside and those still to come" reveals Athena.

 

"they all have no morals whatsoever but I feel sorry for the poor ladies that came with them, but wait until i introduce myself to their girls and i promise you, they will be dancing with each other before the night is OVER" laughs FF.

 

"don't worry dear, we will teach them a lesson that they will never forget all on your behalf" promises Barwaaqo.

 

"Please especially Qori_Xabaalan, teach him a lesson but don't tell him I said that otherwise I will be in trouble" says FF.

 

"consider it done" says Athena.

 

"now, FF you gotta tell us who designed this showstopper that you wearing and your jewelry" asks Barwaaqo.

“oh you like it yeah, the dress is from Haji and the jewelry is from Msawawa from Jozi" says FF with a delight.

 

"Good Luck dear and don't forget to mention my name or I will never speak with you again" threatens Barwaaqo.

 

"come on, you know I can'r forget you two as you are my girls, don't worry I will" replies FF and with that they exchange quick hugs but to my relief there were no whispers exchanged as Viking was just few feet away from them but busy waving and smiling at the crowd.

 

 

To Be Continued....

 

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[Seeking Paradise]

.....................NEXT!

 

So far so good.

[najma82]

Wow masha-allah this is a very creative, funny story. Please continue bro, and welcome back, once again.

[BOB]

"Hi Ladies, how are you doing?" asks Viking.

 

"We're doing great" they both reply at the same time.

 

"What a wonderful night huh?" says Viking.

 

"I hope that is what you will be saying after we are done with you" jokes Athena.

 

"Easy now, I am with my lovely wife as you can both see?" says Viking thinking Athena is coming on to him.

 

"We can see that which makes it even better" says Bawaaqo.

 

"I beg your pardon?" says Viking feeling confused.

 

"Never mind, now lets get back to business shall we? Your ID please" asks Athena.

 

"is this some kind of Joke, I mean you can clearly tell that I am an overage and besides this is a Muslim event where no liquor is going to be served, so why do you need an ID for?" asks Viking innocently.

 

"Goodness, yes we can tell that you are an adult and yes this is a Muslim event and yes there will be no alcohol served but that is not the reason we are asking for your ID buddy" says Barwaaqo.

 

"go on and tell me why then..." says Viking.

 

"it is a long story which we are not prepared to tell as we have a party to host and as you know you are not the only one attending it so please just give us your bloody ID or else.." says Athena.

 

"or else what? Eat me alive?" jokes Viking.

 

"even if I was a cannibal I wouldn't dare touch you let alone eat you as you are definitely not my type" replies Barwaaqo.

 

"Now, look, we haven't got all night so please for the last time show us your ID or we will call the security and ask them to remove you from the premises with force†threatens Athena.

 

"I didn't know cannibals had preference when it comes to meat and is this your way of trying to intimidate me?" asks Viking.

 

Barwaaqo calls for the security and my dear friend Viking thinks it is all joke and continues to argue until suddenly two fat (yeah they were fat and there is a huge difference between being Fat & being Strong)appear behind him and they lift him up and carry him into a nearby room and as you'd expect Viking tried to free himself but to no avail and I actually saw one of them hit him and suddenly rafikiyangu started to calm down and ask them to put him down so he would walk and all this happened in the full view of Qac Qaac and SoMa_InC who were pretending to be busy waving at the crowd and signing autographs and I admit that made me furious as I expected them to help the brother out. they went inside and locked the door, now I am not sure what really happened in there but after few minutes Viking came out shaking his head and staring in the sky and asking for a divine intervention.

 

He came back to Athena and Barwaaqo and started to plead with them but these two girls seemed hell bent to humiliate the brothers in front of their ladies and through this I realized that we Somali guys are real gentlemen indeed as there is no other race on the planet who would tolerate such treatment from their ladies..(brothers, I know we were humbled and humiliated but we won the respect of the feminist minorities in our Somali race and they awarded us with the honourary "Carweelo Award" .

 

"Please don't let my knowledge of football deceive you, I am just a couch potato and I am not even fit enough to be a ball boy, so please I can't do 50 sit ups, please†cries Viking.

 

"Look, we don't care whether you are a couch potato or PS2 wizard just do the bloody sit ups and we will let you go inside" orders Barwaaqo.

 

He mumbles something and Athena thinks he is cursing them and so she starts to call on the security once again..

 

"Now, what have I done wrong?" mourns Viking.

 

"what did you just say?" asks Barwaaqo.

 

"I was swearing at Nuune and Jamaal_11 for inviting me to this bloody party,they set me up and I am going to kill them" vows Viking.

 

"waryaa, we don't care who you kill or who you let live, just do the bloody sit ups and disappear" orders Athena.

 

"Now can I ask you a favour here please as your Somali brother?" asks Viking.

 

"go ahead" they reply.

 

"it will hurt my ego even more to do the press ups in front of the lads, so could you please ask them to move away so I can get on with it" asks Viking politely.(this almost brought tears to my eyes )

 

"Sure, no problem" assures Barwaaqo.

 

"Waryaa, go back all, hey you, yes you ,Haddaad, Maddaad, Gaddaad whatever you bloody call yourself, go away and come back in an hour and don't be late even a second and don't you dare come back early even for a second and the rest of you guys from you, Qac Qaac and SoMa_InC all the way to him go and play hide and seek somewhere and you ladies please go and freshen up and enjoy yourself in that room while we take care of business and we will all call you back when we are done and I assure you no man, not a single one of them will set a foot inside before all of you are safely inside" orders Athena and after few minutes my dearest friend Viking goes to work to earn his ticket to 7th S.O.L Academy Awards.

 

 

To Be Continued....

[Emerald]

Welcome back Bob,

I can't get enough of this spectacular evening's action, be kind and speedily post the next instalement of this gem of a story,

the suspense is torment

 

P.S I'm loving the sexist ill-treatment of our brothers

... I feel no shame

should I?, just this once