Abyan Posted August 12, 2002 First of all,i´m very happy to take part of these discussions although I haven´t done it yet and secondly,I´m looking forward to be spending much time with my nomads insha allah.I just got to know about this site a while ago and what do you know, I´m already here.I´ve read some topics and they´ve really been educational and interesting so far,although some are just aight..... I seeking for an advice and if it´s af lagaado OR caay, then don´t even bother just sneak out of the exit please... Here it goes...I met this guy at a wedding eight months ago, he looked fine and we had eye contact and all that but we never spoke to each other.(he doesn´t live at my city) Later after four months I meet him at a ruwaayad and again as usual we exchange looks again and I went home regreting and asking myself why I didn´t try to speak to him.Days,weeks and months passed and I kept talking about this guy every single day.Walaahi saaxiibaheeygi nafta aan ukeene sidaa xaajigaan uguhadlaayey.Then after a while, I meet him at a party while I´m dancing with my two friends.(a guy and a girl.)And I´m like,oh shit,he is here.To cut the story short.My friend knows him already and he introduces him to me, and we start dancing while talking.I found out that he remembers me from the wedding and ruwaayat and that he never had the courage to approach me coz he was afraid to be rejected and I thought what a missunderstanding(and the funny parts are our mothers are good friends and we grew up in the same area.) We are know seeing each other,getting along and have a lot in common BUT the problem is I think he is too young for me(don´t laugh,I´m 18 and he is 20)What I mean is that I never dated a young guy like him and I don´t get down with this boyfriend girlfriend shit,I´m simply aiming for marriage.And the guys I usually date are 24 years old, by then someone knows what he wants.I really like this guy BUT I know that a 20 years old guy doesnt know what he wants or just wants to enjoy life...I havent confronted him but if he really knew what he wanted,he would have approached me in the fisrt place. (don´t get mad guys but some of the girls know what I mean,U can´t approach the guy. That is his work coz you really have to have some dignity.Right sisters?) So what do I do know........ :confused: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sMiLeY Posted August 12, 2002 hey sistaa well .....i'm juss like you.....i dont believe in dating young guys(teens and early 20s) as u said they don't know what they want...... plus .... young guys expect a lot ( they want everything na'mean) anyways .....in ma opinion don't be direct and ask him if he's into marriage or not......cuz that scares guys and girls...... what u should do is ......go around the subject.... i mean.......ask him how he sees himself in the next 3 or 4 years......and if you guys are not heading toward the same thing......don't waste ur time with him..... p.s 18 is really young to think about marriage..... so why not just date and get to lknow the guy and see where it ends.....that's juss an advice..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abdinuur Posted August 13, 2002 SMILEY, BEST, BEST ADVICE...that's genius!!! But you're 18 and he's 20? And he doesn't have the same qualities as the ones you date?...hmmm.. Then, I guess you can wait for him for another 4 more years and then try to get back with him. I mean, he'll be 24 and you'd be 22...(did I do my math right?...)Anywayz, If you can't wait, then forget about the age factor. I mean, people mature at different ages and have different perspectives, as they get older and wiser. But if you focus on SIMILARITIES rather than DIFFERENCES like the age factor or what have you, you should be okay. Get to know the brotha UP CLOSE PERSONAL and find out what he wants. At 20, he should be able to acknowledge his needs and desires. Wish you luck and Insha-Allah everything should be alright. P.S.-------Don't underestimate or assume things about guys who are 20 years old or what not. You can never know or tell...na mean. :rolleyes: Peace and Love. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Rocks Chick Posted August 13, 2002 Sulekha, Little reality check; Some guys are immature, no matter what age they are :rolleyes: . Having said that, Smiley and Abdinuur already said what I was gonna say. p.s. arent you too young to get married anyway? ...oh well, that's your business Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abyan Posted August 14, 2002 Thanx guys...I really appreciate this advice that you´ve given me and one more thing, we talked today and you know what?His longest relationship has lasted for only one month unlike mine which has lasted one year... I REALLY like this guy but walaahi I don´t know what to do..I asked him how come it lasted that short and he said that he didn´t have any time coz it was his last year in school.And he was like "now that I´m through with school, I´ll have plenty of time with you" After that,sarbeeb aan ugeliyey and he started saying that he loves me and that I´m really the right one for him and he wants to introduce me to his mother. :confused: Now that you´ve heard this too....what do you think fellows? :confused: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted August 15, 2002 Sulekha, here's my advise... I believe 18 is way too young to get married... You might think that you've matured and all, but the fact it you are still new to the game... What I mean is that a girl at the age 18 could not have experienced life... I am sure you've dated a short while, and a lot of reponsibilities come with marriage... You are barely out of school, and without education ppl would not have respect for you... Your number one priority should be school (educating yourself better), NOT marriage... What happens if you have kids at the age 19, how do you plan to support it with only little education... Education goes a long way, but marriage is only 50/50... Noone could ever take your education from you, but you know how guys are... I've seen men who've been married for years, and then leave thier wives for another chik, or balwad... What are you gonna do if you are in that situation (God forbid)... N'way, you should take your time, enjoy life, educate yourself better, see what's out there for you, keep your options open... DO NOT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE... And if really like this guy, as much as you say, give it sometime... Age ain't nothing but a number... I would rather have a 20yr old guy who treats me with respect, love and honesty; than a 24yr old guy who treats me like trash... It ain't about age, it's all about personality, education, respect, and everything else that follow... If he wants you to meet his mom, meet her if you think you're ready for that step... Besides like you said she and your mom are friends so it shouldn't be a big deal... That's all ama say now... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lefty Posted August 15, 2002 I used to wonder When I heard or saw some chickz who have been treated like trash or this way or that way, the reason why....but as soon as I heard how narrow minded are some of them, I suddenly realize why. THe one who said immature...Keep the crap and bulshit to yourself.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blessed Posted August 17, 2002 Damn, Lefty I don't know but some how everytime I come across Ur posts u sound peed off at something! life is too short.. bro/ sis Suleekha Sweety do wat you feel is right for you. I think and can be wrong that your not exactly sure about what kind of a relationship you want. If u really like the brotha give him a chance u nevah now..... I think it is adorable that he wants to introduce you to his mother..... not many guys would do that and I doubt that you'll meet many that will. Hope that helps and not confuses a bit more! P.s Imaturity is not number dependent, i know 30 year olds that act siller then my baby brother (no exaageration) and most 20 years olds are pretty cool these days! Best of Luck sis and welcome to the nomad family! salaamz Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abyan Posted August 18, 2002 Thanx sis...I really appreciate the advice. And lefty, I´m not gonna bother replying to you coz it´s better for both of us sababtooo thats how most bad arguments and aflagaadooyins start....... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lefty Posted August 18, 2002 Sulekha..don't misunderstood me..I wasn't referring to you or your post..my comment is for one of the other replies. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muslimah Posted August 18, 2002 Bismillahi Ar-Rahmani Ar-Rahiim All praises are due to Allaah. We praise Him, we seek His help and His forgiveness. Assalaamu Alaykum Dear sis Sulekha Did you know that it's the right of every muslim to get good/sincere advice? Alhamdulillaah, Allaah has given me the ability today to give you such advice inshaa Allaah. First things first, dating is not cool...really..... it's not. I mean no guy, no matter how great or fine as what, is worth the anger of Allaah. Nobody can punish like Allah can punish. Allah protect us from such a punishment. But you, alhamdulillah, at least have a goal which is to marry. Still, even though you may be dating for the intentions of marriage you should still be really really really careful. Imagine that on the Day of Judgement when Allaah is scaling (did I spelt that correctly?.....ah well)our bads deeds and our good deeds, and your bad deeds outweight your good deeds because of this ONE sin. Imagine your regret if your final resting place would be Hellfire instead of Jannah. If I told you that you will end up with this guy on the condition that I break both your legs,would you accept? You'd refuse of course, like any other sane person. Now I ask you, for the man you aren't willing to have your legs broken for, are you willing to possibly enter Hell for him? I think not. And may Allaah protect you on that day when there are no protectors except Him. And there is no refuge except with Him. My dear sister, a person who truly loves you will do his/her best to steer you clear from the disobedience of Allaah because the only thing that we are sure of is death. Secondly, by no means are you too young to get married. Everyone develops emotionally, mentally and physicallly at different rates. It's not as though Allaah has progammed his all slaves to be ready for marriage the second they are done their university/college and a couple years of work. In fact the reason why I think you are in this big mess is because you aren't married. We as humans have needs that need to be taken care of, be they physical, emotional or whatever. Furthermore, the Prophet's (pbuh) daughter Fatma, may Allaah be pleased with her, was married at 15 to Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him, who was also young at 21. Age aint nothing but a number. If you're old enough to be judged by Allah on the Final Day then you're old enough to marry. My advice is to ask the brother straight up what he wants. If he wants to marry then marry (if you want to) so that everything and I mean EVERYTHING is halaal for you. The Prophet, pbuh, said a person will never be a true believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. I love Jannah for myself and I love it for you. Please think carefully of your situation. Every second we live, we are a second closer to death. I would like to first apologize for the length of this post. If I have said anything wrong or have insulted anyone or have hurt anyone in anyway, it is from myself and the shaytan and I am sorry. If I have said anything good, it is only from Allaah, the Most High. O Allaah I ask you to accept this from me. O Allaah I ask for you to show Sulekha the right way and make it easy for her. Ya Rabbil 'Alameen, forgive us. Dear reader please say amin. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abyan Posted August 19, 2002 Sorry for the misunderstanding bro/sis And sis muslimah, thanks for the advice :rolleyes: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Diaspora_Dude Posted September 3, 2002 Dear sis, it's too early to start thinking about marriage for both of ya'll because marriage without foundation is like a building without lights, and that I mean a marriage without career is a marriage in public assistant. So sis I would advice you to hold back the temptations of marriages as long as you can hold, in order to achieve your dreams. However, you guys can now perform the "Meher" ceremony and continue with ya'll daily activities and when you guys reach a level where both of you can support each other then you guys can hold the big and long waited ceremony "Aroos". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooyo Posted September 17, 2002 Suleka iam the mother u were suppose to meet, welocome daughter, i would love to meet you, my son tells me what a great girl you are. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
