what would you prefer?????????

[Warrior of Light]

what I see is a misunderstanding in this whole issue. Education is important for the mother and the society =Educate a women youve educated a nation. Yes she is incharge of her childrens welfare but also the community. If you seclude this women from playing a role in the society you deny her a chance of applying her knowhow to the use of the society. You may call it ambition but at the end it is for good.

 

I do not see wrong in a women workin having a career and raising a successful family. Brothers you forget that the Mothers of Islam played a role out of their households too. Bi Khadija RA, was a successful wife, mother and bussinesswoman. And she didnt compete with her husband. Other Mothers of Islam B i Saudah RA was good at tanning and practised craft to earn for the family. Other members had surgical and medical skills and they were able to tend to the wounded at battlefield. So please dont overlook this..

 

It is true some of our sisters have gone overboard over their careers . But dont generalise.And put yourselves in the females shoes to try to understand.

 

What is important is every work is Ibadah be it housework or working in an office. Whatever we do it should be a chance to propagate Dawah. We are but in this world for one sole reason to worship Allah .

[Qac Qaac]

Sisade, u r right, and u r one of those intelligent woman that i said would understand to brother 508. i agree with u 100%.

 

if your role model is Khadija and Sauda, and mothers of the believers. all the power to you. is just we see the other ones most of the time, so forgive us, if we tend to generalize sometimes. ok.

[pearl]

i think the quality of parentin should be discussed instead of talkin about who sits at home or not...that is beside the point...

 

i have seen mother who stay home all day and dont lift a finger, the only time they communicate with the child is to order them around..."come here, do this, do that"....and when the child goes mad and starts running around the house throwing everything in sight, the mom runs to the t.v. and turns on the simpsons, not knowin that is an adult cartoon. at the same time, there are mothers who fill the role of motherhood and do what is best for the child.

[OG Moti]

no wonder why devorce is too high on the muslim community now adays.. almost 70% do u believe that 508

Brother Qac Qaac, I believe that, that is statistics that can not be denied, and it also concludes how far some muslim women went in immitating westerns, it is the influence of westerns saying freedom of women, and islam is against women!! what a joke, instead of listening and observing the role model of islam women .. like Khadija and Fatima and others, who more than 1400 years reflected a great impact on women, when the western women were slaved and shared like pigs, I am for educating women, but for a purpose.. the purpose is clear, i repeat again the purpose is for building a new strong educated generation at home...

Of course women can work, but again it should be for a purpose, career and challange a man and be on TV oprah show to show-off is not a career, sitting head of a table in a room full of men telling them what to do is not a career it is simply a show off. so like the good sister said we shouldnt take far, westerns or i should say western men found away to make the women be exposed by using freedom of women, amazingly some sisters think being a fashion model is agreat career, execuse me i dont get it, walked half naked in front of men and showing ur flesh for men "wolves" aint a career, money without dignity aint nothing... so stay at home, build the nation, stop this "rubbish" as our british somalis say... peace

[Tuujiye]

Og-moti And Q'Q I agree with you guys 1000,000%%%%..lol..But Juxa has a point too and you guys are misunderstanding each other. Their is nothing wrong wrong with women working and having a career; but usualy when a woman is chasing her career, she usualy forgets her parenting ways. this is very true and is fact. Look at these western people, they work paycheq to paycheq. Day and night. how could they know what is happening to their kids. This is happening to our community today. The fathers are gone to some other city to make more money while the mother takes walfare and sit home and think of how old her living room is or her daah. She makes food her kids in the morning and sends them to school. She know nothing about what goes on at the school that her kids go to, what kind of her friend her kids have, exta...the mothers that chase their career and the one that stays home and does nothing like pearl mentioned are harming our community specialy here in the north were kids could be easly influenced.

I'm not judging every stay home because every good girl and boy is from a good family.

 

My answer to the question would be just like how 508 answered because the strugle we are going thru here in the west is because of the mothers not being their for their kids educationly because a smart mother would be educated and would stay home for kids in time like this were the kids are taking the wrong path. The fathers are to blame too because imaan la'aan baa wadanka ka saartay. Inta ee raadinaayaan lcagbadan oo familkiisa ku filan iyo wax asaga jeeb gilis u noqda, caruurtiisii buu duur cidla kaga tagaa.."wax badso waxbeel baa laga helaa" Women should be educated and stay home for her kids and if she wants have business at home while keeps an eye on her kids. This 50/50 things is good we you don't have kids specialy teens. But if you are a new wed, like ma man rudy 50/50 is must so you could get the money spend on the wedding back..lol..

 

any ways I hope i made sence and sorry about the spelling wrote this in 1 half min..

 

jaaaw

[NGONGE]

Stop walking on eggshells guys. Some guys like to marry a stay-at-home type of wife. They’ll tell her in advance what their idea of a marriage is and she’ll either agree or disagree. Some women also like to be a stay-at-home wife and they usually meet their match in the man they marry. On the other hand, some women don’t approve of staying at home. They want to fulfil their ambitions and have a successful career. They usually marry men that agree with that way of life. Birds of a feather flock together, different strokes for different folks and all that.

 

I personally I’m more than happy for my wife to stay home and look after my kids. I told her this on the day I married her and even though she was working at the time, she still agreed to it. Go on girls, work and have your fun while you’re single but on your wedding day, you’ve got to present your husband with your P45 as proof of your dedication to that marriage.

 

 

PS

For those not in the UK, a P45 is a form that gives details of an employee leaving work.

[checkmate]

Ahlaan Wasahlaan!

 

first n formost i would like ta say that no one has the right over anyone but one's own self i for one find it quite disturbing when a brother says (oooh yeah my wife has ta stay home when we get married i don't care, this is the right way for a muslim women) see my young brothers it's not unilslamic for ur wife ta work providing the type of work she does for instance teaching and medical are the best jobs for a muslim women not ta mention prospering faculties, the thing with us men is that soon as the thought of our wifes working comes ta mind we automatically think bout her associations with other men.

 

i think ngonge said different strokes for different folks my point precisely brah. If u live in a country or a place were the husband is making enuff money ta support his family then there is no need for the wife ta work, but if we live in north america or the western world were we(single ppl)are challenged for our daily bread, how do u imagine a family of four will servive if the mather n father don't both work or u guys suggest that we do wat some wadaado are doing right now in toronto were they works as a cab drivers while his wifes and kids are collecting welfare (socail worker cames in n says were is ur husband, wife says oooh were divorced, socail worker says i understand ur pregnent is't from a boyfriend or ur X-husband, if boyfriend does he work? wife says it's from a boyfiend but he left me ) these are every day scenario's walaalyaal, sometimes we hav ta balance the perspectives of the cercumstances.

 

me and my wife both work right now and we are not expecting or anything right now but if we hav a baby she gets the year of maternity leave and after she gets back ta work i hav the 6months of parental leave and after that day care....

 

asxantu

[Paragon]

Aside from cultural expectations, there are some scenarios Nomads: (UK only)

 

Scenario one: Mr. X and his wife doesn't work. They both stay at 'home'. Scenario two:Mr.Y works but his wife doesn't work and stays at 'home'. Scenario three:Mr. Z works and his wife works and so his wife doesn't stay at 'home.

 

The common denominators in these 3 scenarios are 'home' and 'work'. Home = Shelter (Primary Need) Work = Provision of Food (Primary Need).

 

And to have a family with strong foundation, you must own a home. You can rent, but then, this may bring financial uncertainty. Any minute when work finishes, the family's foundation may hang in the balance. How can one escape this uncertainty?

 

[/b]There are 3 options [/b]that are open to Husbands and Wives of scenario 1,2, and 3.

 

Option one: BE ON THE DOLE (social security income) and land on a council house[/b]. This is surely an easy way out of the uncertainty one might be facing, but if the intention was to build a family with a strong foundation, then another problem arises. Council estates usually home impoverished families (who, because of their income can't afford to buy a home), and since unemployment and social exclusion are rife, such evironment may hinder one's efforts to establish better family with strong sound foundations.

 

Option two: HUSBAND WORKS and earns salary, but faces the difficulty of buying a home in a short period of time (usually mortgates stretch years (at least 20) on end). Allahu Yac'lum, but the chances are that you might run into financial diffulties, if, incase one runs out of contract or work. This unemployment may affect the provisions of the family and the process of buying a home. Again this brings with it a sudden turn of events. Who knows what else could happen? The wife may leave.... and so on.

 

Option three: BOTH HUSBAND and WIFE WORK. At least this way, both parties may contribute to family income and buy a home together more quickly. I know this is very attractive, BUT, who knows, one could be financially secure and not comfortable in other matters of the realtionships. The reason could be that the Husband may need more attention or may feel jealous in whatever way or even intimidated by the wife's better earning. However, if there is no such thing as jealousy, intimidation and crave for attention or even no such thing as egoticism, Option three sounds viable, financially or maybe otherwise.

 

If anything, I'd like to be sure that my future wife is who she is when I first marry her. If she is who she is, then, it will show in even when she earns more, works in a better job and contributes more than me. That is, if my male ego doesn't shadow my judgment and reason.

 

PS: thats strickly my opinion .... and I am sure there is a difference of opinion. And as it stands, birds of different feathers flock together.

[NGONGE]

The point that you both miss in your analysis is the childcare part. If both the husband and wife work, then someone will have to care for the children. Childcare costs are as much as most people’s average salaries these days. Now, unless the wife works and earns much more than the husband earns, the logical thing for her here is to stay at home and look after the children rather than squandering that money on some nursery or child minder that will fill your child’s mind up with all sorts of Western hocus pocus! On the other hand, and I’m talking about myself here, if my wife goes out to work and earns more than I do, I’ll be more than happy to sit at home and look after the kids. How hard could it be? As long as we’re not talking about an infant less than a year old of course (I’m not designed to breastfeed)! :rolleyes:

 

As for the house buying bits, where does the “usury” part fit into all of this? Better play it safe and rent you a council house.

[Paragon]

The point that you both miss in your analysis is the childcare part

NGONGE, You could say I missed a point, though I only analysed work and home not childcare. You mentioned a crucially important aspect of the family life and in that aspect, the wife has to do all a mother must do; to look after kids. Breastfeeding and other necessary maternal issues come into the category of preliminary needs of the child. Such categority has to be satisfactorily dealt with.

 

NGONGE: ...the house-buying bit; why not go into business

 

PS: I think we need a topic called: Influence and Education: Preliminary Years Of Somali Infants:Child (conceptional engineering).

[checkmate]

NGONGE brother there is always a loop hole/way around it ta every thing and ur right kids come first, but then again it all depends on the engineering dynamics involved in such plannings time,economy and sucrifice by both parties.

 

J11 i couldn't have said it any betta brah .. agree 100%

 

asxantu

[Warrior of Light]

Pearl I agree with you that the quality of parenthood is very important. Its easy to bring a child to the world but the real task is raising them.And the key ingredient is knowledge.

 

Whether the mother works or stays at home she needs knowledge. It is the first command in Islam .Knowledge in both secular n spiritual and important of all general knowledge to answer -why do stars shine?(science)..They will ask about Allah n His creation... Where does Ayeyo live(geography)? and many more. Be the mother or father you need to be prepared to this challenge n engrave in your child a love of knowledge, deen, curiosity.., respect...

 

I also agree that there are jobs which suit women better. This is my opinion.

 

As Ngonge said child minding/care is an option if both parents r working. I beleieve its an open door for any Muslim mother because of her innate nature of caring . As she will contribute to the community by easying the responsibility of a sister, teach the islamic tarbiyat-(contribute the to childs education- no western hocus pocus) And also be a source of income.

 

Other jobs which lack active female muslim participation are teaching (all levels n systems), social workers, counsellors,medical field( getting tougher these days for mothers though, unfortunately reconsidering my choice but its necessary to take care of females needs in our community), art and craft, dressmaking and design( need some smashing muslim attire )media and publishing(can be homebased- freelance writer/ editor),and secretarial( some muslim business owners are searching for muslim secretaries). What is important is to create an atmosphere where as muslims we can support each other and create a community.

Personally if i will have to work, I would be happy to leave my child with a trustworthy muslim sister.

 

(socail worker cames in n says were is ur husband, wife says oooh were divorced, socail worker says i understand ur pregnent is't from a boyfriend or ur X-husband, if boyfriend does he work? wife says it's from a boyfiend but he left me )

Xisbi , I know this is a fact but as a muslim I feel ashamed of this character. Isnt it high time ppl take care of their responsibility? What do the parents teach their children?? Religion says not to cheat or steal ( the man made law says that too )and right in their childs innocent face the parents are cheating the government. Thus letting the children accept the notion of cheating anyone due to the circumstances which arise. And when these children grow they can perform fraud coz its ok?? Its a shame but alot of parents do not see the consequence of their actions which can affect their childrens future.

 

J-11 Thats a gr8 analysis of the options in the western world.

[Qac Qaac]

wat some wadaado are doing right now in toronto were they works as a cab drivers while his wifes and kids are collecting welfare

Walaal Xisbi in here u generalized the whole wadaado which is wrong, also i don't know about u, but i know wadaad as a person who fallows islam 100%. but as the scenario u gave us it looks like is someone who pretends to be wadaad, coz wadaad shouldn't be lying, it is a low in islam, and in many religions like christianity, cofucious, and many more... wadaad who drives taxi, and tells his wive to lie about their marriage so they could get more money, that is not wadaad bro, that is SHUQUL SOOMAALI, MARKAA WADAADA KA DAA AFLAGAADADA MACALINKA.

 

about the other things u r saying they have to survive, both ppl have to work ofcourse if the money of the father is not enough. but that should be last resource or last plan.

 

as for brother 508 bravo again, truely u lived long and seeing lots of stuff, i wish everyone was like u.

[checkmate]

wat

some

wadaado are doing right now in toronto were they works as a cab drivers while his wifes and kids are collecting welfare

Brother qac'qac if u read my post carefully u will see that i have said some wadaado NOT all wadaado, so should clearify the issues of generalization. the second thing i would like ta mention is we are all sinners wadaad or no wadaad (no body's perfect) and it's wasn't my intent to discount the wadaado or any1 else brother wat i have wrote is a true fact which happens everyday, i just can't believe you were that oblivious in subjects of that matters (living in the heart of gossip town)

but on the real walaal qofna maanan aflagaadeyn, run uun baan sheegay

 

asxantu

[Warrior of Light]

XISBI,

I beleive that your intent wasnt to turnish the wadaad, you were reflecting a problem in our society. It doesnt happen in Toronto only u can also see it in Uk. Its very common. So my questions still stand .

 

 

Another question which arises is how do you define a good parent?/parenthood . As far as now we have been discussing the wife to be based at home and be educated. though it takes 2 to keep the household running.

Any ideas ?

 

J11 - your suggestion also sounds good. So starts posting?