Kids, Parents and Gadgets

[xiinfaniin]

March 30, 2009, 10:16 am

 

When Dad Banned Text Messaging

 

Text messaging is a dominant form of teenage communication, but reports of cyber bullying and texting-related driving accidents have some parents questioning whether to allow their kids to text. North Carolina parent Debbe Geiger writes about the challenges of banning text messaging and whether parents should even try.

 

By Debbe Geiger

 

My 14-year-old daughter believes she and my 11-year-old son might be the only adolescents on Earth not allowed to text their friends. Six months ago, my husband blocked that right from their cellphones. They want it back.

 

Debbe Geiger and her daughter.

And I can understand why. I check my blackberry on the way home from work, after dinner, before I go to bed, and as soon as I wake up. It makes me feel connected and important. And in today’s world, texting is how kids stay connected with their peers. It’s as ubiquitous as the notes we used to pass in school. For many kids, it’s a major part of their social world, and not having it makes them feel like an outcast. At least that’s what my daughter says; my son doesn’t care as much. I feel her pain.

 

But for now, my husband’s wishes prevail. It’s hard to argue with him about the benefits of lifting the texting ban. I do worry about the effect of texting on kids as future communicators as well as the bad social habits it seems to encourage. And so my argument loses steam. Why, my husband asks, can’t the kids just talk to their friends on the phone?

 

My daughter began texting in earnest a few years ago when we moved to North Carolina from New York. She wanted to stay in touch with her old friends and quickly made new ones. Within a few months she seemed addicted to the vibrating buzz that signaled a new message. She was texting in the bathroom, during homework, during car rides and when she went to bed at night. She was even texting at the same time she was sending instant messages on the home computer.

 

When I would see her, my ‘How was your day?’ was not nearly as important as the dialogue she was having on her phone. Clearly she couldn’t focus on the people she was physically with when she was constantly being pulled into a virtual conversation with someone else.

 

When the phone bill listed more than 3,000 texts in one month, we told her it was time to chill out. Granted, we had unlimited messaging so it wasn’t costing us any more. But does that make it O.K. to send an average of 100 messages a day via text? What could she possibly say in those sentence fragments and abbreviations that was so crucial? And what exactly was she talking about?

 

As it turned out, it was what other people were saying to her that began to concern me more. That’s when I learned about the mean-girl texts, the ones no one would have the nerve to say to a person’s face but are easy to send from one nonconfrontational phone to another. “We all hate you,” I saw on the tiny black screen one night when I picked her up from religion class. First it tore my heart out. Then I got annoyed. Why was she texting during religion class?

 

Then the school called. She was caught texting in class. Trouble was, it was with me. I had texted her to let her know I needed her to babysit after school. But she was given in-school suspension anyway. As it turned out, she had been texting more than just me, but I still feel partly responsible for putting her in that position.

 

The truth is, I like texting with my kids. It makes me feel hip to communicate with them in a way they actually respond to. I liked being able to find out where they were, who they were with and if their plans had changed, and to tell them when they needed to come home, without having to talk on the phone. I would text my son an ‘I love you’ when I knew he was home from school. He’d immediately send me one back, and I knew he was safe. That was important to me because he’s not a big talker.

 

However, there is plenty about texting I don’t like. I didn’t like that my daughter rarely spoke to her friends in New York anymore, relying only on texting to communicate. And I certainly do not like hearing about kids who send around half-naked pictures of themselves. They’re too young to fully grasp the ramifications such actions hold for the future. And the overuse and misuse shows they’re not mature enough to use these expensive gadgets responsibly.

 

While my son makes an occasional half-hearted attempt to plea for a return to texting, my daughter regularly pleads her case. She tells us other parents think we’re ridiculous. When I ask, the parents tell me they wish they had our strength.

 

My daughter says she’ll pay the messaging bill, insists she’ll be more responsible, and says she’ll even agree to certain limitations. Phone companies now let you pay an extra fee to limit the unlimited texting you pay for in the first place.

 

Whenever the subject comes up, my husband calmly shakes his head no and stands his ground. I leave the room. I don’t want to disagree with him in front of our children, yet I secretly hope he’ll come around.

 

Debbe Geiger is a former freelance writer and is now a senior media relations officer at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, NC.

[Geel_jire]

An example of how ridiculously out of hand things have gotten when it comes to kids and texting.

 

 

Student arrested for texting in classroom

 

In this particular story .. the girl was asked to stop or get out of the class, but the teacher cannot force her to leave for fear of a sexual harassment lawsuit .. he had to call in school security who in turn had to call in the principle .. everyone is afraid to give her a well deserved smack .. the only option was to call the police who in turn had to call in for a female officer to assist.