Are Your Cats Old Enough To Learn About Jesus?

[Castro]

People often ask me when they should teach the Good News to their housecats. I have but one answer: "What are you waiting for?"

 

A pet is a beloved part of your family, and as a Christian, you should do everything you can to guarantee that this valued member of your family receives the glorious eternal reward for which Christ gave His very life. Think of the alternative: your cat mired in darkness for eternity because you put off a 10-minute conversation.

 

My own cats accepted Jesus into their hearts before they even opened their eyes. The light of salvation has brightened their lives, but perhaps the most noticeable change has been in me. I am filled with warmth knowing their eternal souls have been saved.

 

Kittens' hearts, at birth, are filled with what theologians call "original mischief." Mischief, if left to grow on its own, can sprout into evil. That's why you must fill their hearts with Jesus instead. If you wait, your cats might find seductive role models among the back-alley strays and rough felines from the wrong side of town. You could also end up with an unwanted pregnancy.

 

That's why it's so very, very important to tell your cats about the life, crucifixion, and resurrection of Jesus as early as possible. The Nicene Creed is a good place to start: Recite it to them when they are about 10 weeks old.

 

Remember: If you give a cat a fish, it eats for a day. If you teach a cat to fish, it eats for a lifetime. Perhaps that's not such a good proverb to use in this case, since fishing is actually instinctual in cats. But Jesus is not. Your kitties need to know early on that there is a fisher of men and cats alike who can save their souls.

 

A lot of people say, "Oh, but Whiskers doesn't even answer to his name yet." They raise a good point: Sometimes you have to teach your cat at its own level. If you give your cat a rubber Jesus to play with, it will sense that there's more to this toy. If you give it a scratching cross, it will contemplate Christ's love and ultimate sacrifice while it stretches and sharpens its claws. I myself have put an image of Jesus at the bottom of my cats' food bowls. That way, when they finish their food, the face of He who provided it is revealed unto them.

 

Teaching your cats the Gospel of Christ isn't just important for their eternal souls, it is also the only way to ensure that they know an eternity of damnation awaits them if they scratch your favorite chair. Before they cough up a hairball on the rug or leave a dead mouse on the doorstep, they'll know—without being scolded—that they had better watch it, as a Final Judgment awaits at the hands of the Lord.

 

Of course, once your cat has accepted the Lord in its heart, it's ready to be baptized. The righteous cat is one that is born again in the eyes of the Lord. People think that baptism is a rite that requires a fancy baptismal font and a preacher, but that's simply not true. Just fill your bathtub with water, say a little invocation over it, ask your cat if it rejects Satan and all his evil, and then dunk it. Make sure it is fully immersed, in accordance with Scripture.

 

So now, all you have to do is choose your cat's baptismal name. My cats' birth names were Meowser, Fluff, and Mr. Boots, but their baptismal names are Ezekiel, Caleb, and Mr. Paws.

 

Remember, a cat may have nine lives, but it only has one eternal soul. We all must one day appear before the Holy Seat Of Judgment, and although my Oliver and Lady Twinkles passed on long ago from this vale of tears, I take solace in the knowledge that, when the time comes for me to receive the ecstasies of Heaven, all of my housecats will be waiting to spend eternity on my lap.

 

And don't get your cats vaccinated, either. The Lord will provide protection from feline leukemia.

 

Source

[codetalker]

Umm...huh?

 

Actually, lemme say it in Indonesian: Waht the fcuk is tihs atrlcie aoubt?

[Castro]

You didn't get it? Some codetalker. Or do you just talk code and not comprehend it.

 

Read it again and tell me if it ridicules:

 

1) Cats

2) People who own cats

3) Christianity

4) Jesus (pbuh)

 

Comprehension, good Yeniceri, comprehension.

[sweet_gal]

Castro????????????? And what in the world makes u think cats need to believe in the crucifiction of Jesus, when they are just cats....... Cats believe and know better just like every animal knows their true creator...And I bet they prais Allah in their own way..........

 

 

Tell me its some weird article and it has another message behind it other than cats should be christian.?????????? Maybe I am not understanding it just like codetalker?

[Castro]

You are misunderstanding it. Read it again and focus on ridicule and who's the potential target.

[Ibtisam]

where on earth do you find these articles atheerh. a Joke site;

 

in any case; i think if you take “cats" out and substitute it for “children†i might agree with it. There are enough people struggling with faith without introducing religion to Cats and animals.

 

On second thought, if cats are accepting Christianity there must be some truth to it.

 

i did not understand any hidden meanings and implications, i read it face value; so i probably misunderstood as well.

[Blessed]

I've only skimmed through it, but I think the piece in mocking Christianity.

[Johnny B]

It´s been known for long time that Cats are religious (mostly christians) and mouses are Agnostics, so nothing new there.

 

what is intresting in this article is both what resides in the hearts of the Cats naturally and the color of the Cats.

 

Black Cats has always been accused of working for Satan and were rejected in almost every religion except Budhism.

[Castro]

^ It's a satirical piece atheer. Animals don't have religions.

 

Originally posted by Blessed:

I've only skimmed through it, but I think the piece in mocking Christianity.

Right on. Even with skimming you got it. Now tell me this, is this sacrilegious?

[ElPunto]

^^^ LOL - I enjoyed it Castro - good laugh over lunch. Generally I like religious ppl unless they're psychos but this Jesus obsession in Christians is over the top. On any early morning Sunday - one could be channel surfing and be met with one high-pitched crescendo after another of - JEEEEEEESSSSSUUUUUUUS!

[Baluug]

Oh my Lord......all this time, my cat has been living in sin!! I'd better baptize him right now..........* cat screaming, water splashing, blood flowing from my arms and face *

 

nevermind..........

[Castro]

^ LOL.

 

The Point, indeed it's a very well written piece. The fact that the writer is intimately familiar with modern day Christian evangelism makes it even more hilarious. But once I finished reading it, and with the backdrop of the recent cartoon saga, I wondered how a Christian might feel about something like this. Clearly the aim was to mock and ridicule the doctrines of Christianity, is it not?

[ElPunto]

True - no doubt about that.

[makalajabti]

This article says more about the cat owner's mental health than the subject (cats and Jesus)

[J.Lee]

I believe the article mocks (more so) the believer than the religion: and this isn't applicable only to Christianity but rather most of the "world" religions (that is the underlying assumption in my opinion).

 

but this Jesus obsession in Christians is over the top.

The same thing could be said about Muslims who torch down buildings because of a drawing ( or rather because of their "Maxamed" obsession)

 

Maandhayaal:

 

If you wish for religious tolerance or respect, try practicing it yourself first: hadii kale, let everybody be a fair game.