This is it!

[Warrior of Light]

^^^And I thought it was only the turkish men who did so, Disappointed big time.

[shyhem]

BAASHI

Follow Saddam's advice on women to the G.I's. "look for a woman who is not too smart or too dumb,Awoman who can cook and clean." ofcourse pretty like her mother.

 

Trust me brother,u don't want to dive into the business of fixing women.It takes time,energy and capital to fix a woman, and even then the results are far from what u desired.

 

Saddam lied about wmd's, but when it comes to woman, i think he knows this field better than anticipating the enemy's moves.

[Rahima]

Hibo

 

I still don't think its the man's work to do the house chores.. but I think its his duty to do that when his wife is ill or pregnant. Or if he just wants to help when she is tired... but I believe there is no need for a law to decide the private affairs.

How about if you also work outside the home just like he. So are you then expected to come home and do all the household chores?

 

Life in the west sister is not like in the UAE (I’m sure you know that) hence what you are saying does not hold ground. We do not all stay home, we do not have maids to help us cook and clean. Many of us must work, bear children, cook and clean.

 

It is only but natural that if a woman is a stay at home wife, then she take care of the majority of the household duties for he is working outside to make a living, but then what would you say if this was the case and both are outside the home?

 

The point and the responsibilities change then and in that circumstance it would be very unfair to put all the work on the shoulders of the woman for she too comes home tired after a hard day. We too are human beigns and we too get tired. Men even without laws being imposed on them should be thoughtful and caring because by marrying this woman they supposedly attesting to loving her, so why would he sit on his behind and watch her slave away and get more and more tired over the years? It’s heartless to say the least and a man who does that to me does not deserve my respect or love- I’d be better without him. It’s not even about the actual household chores; it’s about caring for what some term your significant other.

 

Xafsa

 

no matter how much we want the men to help us around the house...it most likely won´t happen,,,siiba the somali men its like they were porgrammed to sit around coffee shops and gossip.

I think it depends on the man- I know of a few “new age†brothers who help out at home. They were all iskaabulo at one time hence they didn’t always have a mother or sister running after them-they learnt how to cook and clean hence once they got married their wives didn’t spoil them and they learnt to help out around the home. I personally believe it’s what you teach a man. Many sisters get perfectly good house-trained men, yet they turn them into complete novices by running after them for the first year and when baby 1, 2 3 come she begins to yell that he never helps her-well duh woman! You taught him to be so incompetent and hence wuu kibray.

[Valenteenah.]

I think it depends on the man- I know of a few “new age†brothers who help out at home. They were all iskaabulo at one time hence they didn’t always have a mother or sister running after them-they learnt how to cook and clean hence once they got married their wives didn’t spoil them and they learnt to help out around the home. I personally believe it’s what you teach a man.

Many sisters get perfectly good house-trained men, yet they turn them into complete novices by running after them for the first year and when baby 1, 2 3 come she begins to yell that he never helps her-well duh woman! You taught him to be so incompetent and hence wuu kibray.

Ditto.

[NGONGE]

[Valenteenah.]

^^ ^^

[Senora]

LOL @ Ngonge

If you don't work and stay at home,then doing the house work is YOUR job.I have a job and that puts the food on the table.That's the way it goes.

Absolutely. But its a differrent story when the wife is working/ kids come into the picture. Then were talking 3 jobs = 1 job for the husband. This isnt fair. And quite frankly, if the husband isnt helping around in this type of situation, then any law enforcing such is welcomed in my book!

[STOIC]

Ngonge...you had me cracking this morning Ha-Ha!

[-Serenity-]

ROTFLMAO @ NGONGE.

 

I abhor any law that interferes with family structure and function. All families are different and its impossible to expect otherwise. On the other hand, women/men who allow themselves to be treated like shyte..deserve it.

 

In the words of Saskia - End off!.

[Xafsa]

Originally posted by Rahima:

I think it depends on the man- I know of a few “new age†brothers who help out at home. They were all iskaabulo at one time hence they didn’t always have a mother or sister running after them-they learnt how to cook and clean hence once they got married their wives didn’t spoil them and they learnt to help out around the home. I personally believe it’s what you teach a man. Many sisters get perfectly good house-trained men, yet they turn them into complete novices by running after them for the first year and when baby 1, 2 3 come she begins to yell that he never helps her-well duh woman! You taught him to be so incompetent and hence wuu kibray. [/QB]

True..but most men come already spoiled. for those men that change when the wife has a baby....anyone with half a brain can see that his wife needs help. Its the deep rooted mentality that it´´s a women job to take care of the children, clean the house, cook the food, feed him, do his laundry, and iron his clothes.

 

Are we all gonna pretend that a somali man actually works? There are some men that do have an 8 hour work day...but the rest sit at home while his wofe collects welfare. Those types of men should be fed twigs and leaes...but the women who allow it are worse.

[lol]

^^ couldn't agree more..

 

Rahima When I talk about the house chores being the duty of the women, the implication is dat the man works outside and she is a stay at home. Nonetheless, if its like it in the West, mind you alot of women in UAE work as well, then the house chores is a shared responsibility. I would never let my husband, sit around at home while I did the same work he did outside. Never. But if I was a stay at home wife, then surely I would have everything ready before he even got there. I hope its clear now.

 

By the way, in Islam, a muslim woman should never leave the house without her husband with her, so even if I was a stay at home wife, I would tell him to do the grocery shopping and everytime i felt like going out... I would tag him along , believe me by the time I was done with him, he would beg to share the house chores

[- Femme -]

For those men who stup!idly claim that "housekeeping isn't a man's job"...the Prophet (scw) wasn't a man miyaa? Thats who all men should look up to as a role model and this argument of mine will never die. Forget about Faraxs who usually have 9-5 jobs and earn quite enough...compare to the Prophet whose "job" was 24 hours a day and still had time to help his wives, mending his own clothes and all the rest and was still living way below his means?

 

Moving on, I have learned to stop worrying about men and what they do for my mental health. Those men belong to other women. Women who tolerate their crap time and time again. Women who don't seem to care about themselves and their well-being. What I also learned is to take this all as a lesson and make sure that my life doesn't turn out that way, Inshallah. The only thing I should be concerned about when it comes to the subject of men and their habits, is how my life is going to be affected by it. Thats it. Forget about all the others in their world. I have no control or influence over them. Ultimately some woman choose him and liked him the way he was. Why should I put myself in their business? I certainly do not need the headache.

 

P.S. Yes. Some women don't see it coming. They might have been tricked in the game of shuukansi. But who said they should stay and live like that? No one.

[STOIC]

We all know that individuals behave in a way they can explain to others in their society why they reached decisions they made.When they do explain to others why they behaved in a certain way-this leads them to follow what the society dictates upon them.Women do stay at home and do the house core in the Somali society because of two main reasons,the first one being due to economic based bagaining power.Men do earn more and got better jobs than their spouses.The second reason is gender expectation by the society.In our society women are expected to structure their identity around men hence leading them to abide the society norm.Individual interaction within the Society leads to multi-level cultural operative.The society may change like a piece of glacier melting slowly!.When both the husband and the wife are working, indivdual spouses may compromise their household activities to certain level because many women do view the house labor as an indicative of family commitment.The feminist claptrap may not agree with this half-hesitant negotiation but it all depends on the spouses choices.Household wifery has been institutionalized for long time.Some may view as a male priviledge society taking advantage while others may view it as women dominated tasks!.We all know that women do value time spent in the household core than men do.It starts at an early age-i remember when i was young my sister playing with the cooking pot while i was after big trucks.This does not mean that women are predisposed in doing the kitchen stuff!.It is an indication of where priorities starts.Nowdays in women sense marital sense can only be reached if men participate in the household chores.Many men have given in to this notion for the sake of saving the marriage and taking a little responsibility!.

[Rahima]

Rahima When I talk about the house chores being the duty of the women, the implication is dat the man works outside and she is a stay at home. Nonetheless, if its like it in the West, mind you alot of women in UAE work as well, then the house chores is a shared responsibility. I would never let my husband, sit around at home while I did the same work he did outside. Never. But if I was a stay at home wife, then surely I would have everything ready before he even got there. I hope its clear now.

It is and mahadsanid for the clarification-your first post was not as explanatory and I suppose many of us took it in another way.

 

What you’ve stated and what many of us believe is only but common sense. It only but makes sense for me to do the household chores if I am staying at home and he going to work, however if we both venture out for work then logic and human decency would dictate that the chores are shared.

 

If he chooses to watch me burn myself out after we have both arrived from work, me running from one chore to another and he sitting on his lazy behind, then I suppose we have bigger issues then household duties- I’d be living with a man who basically is saying I don’t give a rats a*s*s about you, your body or feelings. And then as Rain said, adios mate, to you is your way and to me is mine. Contrary to popular myth, divorce ain’t the end of the world-not that I’m advocating for it lightly but I’d never stay in the marriages so many of our women do-perhaps they are more patient than I. I’d exhaust all other avenues first, try to save the marriage as best as possible but if I am seeing it is to no avail, then I’m gone.

 

By the way, in Islam, a muslim woman should never leave the house without her husband with her,

What? Where did you get this from? Perhaps in some Arab countries but this certainly is not Islam, Arab culture maybe but not Islam.

 

Could you clarify this and more precisely tell us where you got it from?

 

 

Xafsa ,

 

I blame our culture for the way the household unit is, i blame our culture for all the screw ups basically and mostly i blame the women for the way the men are! Reason is we women are the first teachers of the child, we teach our boys to be incompetent, we teach them this thinking of household chores are a womans job, we make their sisters do everything for them at a young age therefore it then becomes our fault when they get married and expect the same from their wives.

 

If we begin to teach our sons otherwise, inshallah things will change-at least for the next generation of girls. In the meantime i pray to Allah that i end up with a man who sees the ills of this backward thinking and who actually cares about me beyond seeing me as a child bearing vessel that was created to serve his every need and want.

[Castro]

I think that if you work hard and get a good education that leads to a well paying job, you would be able to afford eating out and the services of a nanny and MollyMaid. House chores suck. Let someone do them for money. I don't care if it's a man, a woman or a sasquatch, as long as it ain't me.