Advices to all muslims !

[Bambina]

Assalamu Caleykum, brothers and sisters hope y'all doing great, I wasn't in SOL for years. I see some familiar names, SOL is still active, nice to see that.

 

I decided to share my thoughts with you just like I did back then about the things that disheartened me the most in our community. I'm getting older,trying to be closer to God, my perspective on life is changing.And hopefully you will learn, become better, and share the good.

 

One day, you will be parents,and be responsable of littles creatures . So what are you going to teach them ? Because you will be their first teachers, and so be careful, because I'm going to give you examples of things you should do/not do as parents.

 

1-Marriages are the work of Allah, for He is the One who chooses us partners.You can't avoid the one Allah has chosen you. So therefore parents should not blackmail their kids with the du'ua or haabar finger when it comes to marriage. Because if your kids happen to marry Chinese or white as long as they are Muslims, there's nothing you can do about it, except being happy for them.

 

2-Be careful not to mix religion with culture. For example I find it bizarre that mothers need to shop for the beds their daughters or sons will spend their wedding nights in. It is not an obligation, and if mothers insist,tell them it's a private matter.

 

3-Don't be scared of the du'ua or haabar (curse)threat used by elders to trick you. Only things meant to happen will happen, for Allah is the best Protector, so seek His protection against Djins and mankind.

 

4-If your marriage or love relationship fails, it's not a reason to destroy other people's lives by spreading gossips. If you are divorcing, please refrain from talking bad in front of the kids about the other parent.

 

5-Sometimes mothers forget religion and try to compete with other mothers to prepare their daughters' lavish weddings. Money should be spent wisely, and besides doesnt always bring happiness. Check the divorce rates.

 

6-Learn to respect people's times, the somali standard time is annoying, and your kids will just become you.As for weddings, the early, the better, people can't always wait.

 

7-Avoid bad company, because it will affect you. Stay away from people who gossip about others on a daily basis, you will end up like them. Advise them kindly, and help them. If they don't like you after that, they're not worth to stay with. Never compromise your faith for people, in the side of Allah, you're always a winner.

 

8-How much will cost the dowry is a private matter between the couple, parents should refrain from mingling in that.

 

9-Mothers please do not go to your daughter-in-law to control what kind of living rooms or curtains she should have, it's none of your business, unless she asks for it.

 

10-Always check the neighbours before you move in. If you live in an area filled with drugs and prostitution, think about the future of your kids first. I say this, because a lot of families live in subsidized areas, it's better to live in a private apartment if you can afford it.

 

It might not be easy for newcomers in the beginning, but people who came 15 to 20 years ago don't have excuses,plan ahead and save to get your dream house.Can't afford it, rent an house or apartment away from bad people. Some women rather live in an subsidized area just to be close to their friends,don't and move on. Phones do exist, as well as buses to see them when you feel like it.

 

11-Please refrain from sharing details of your sexual lives or the lack of it with friends and families, it's distasteful and haraam. It's nobody's business to know if you or the man you love is scoring zero or not.

 

12-Dear sisters do not listen to your moms if they tell you that it's OK for you to sleep once in a while with your husbands, it's haraam. Just because they've done it, they think it's OK, it's their culture, and it's wrong. Unless you're sick,tired, or have your periods, you have no excuse to join your husband.

 

I'm telling you this, because if you hold on the cookie too long, no man will stay with you forever, no matter how much he loves you. People don't talk about it,but it's a major issue that destroys even happy couples.

 

13-Your kids will have to learn about sex.It's easy to say there's no sex in Islam, but believe me it's an obligation to tell them what's haraam (sodomy,fellatio,masturbation, adultery,sex before marriage)and what's halal. Allah will ask you about it.

 

14-When raising kids, be fair to boys and girls, to Allah we are all equal. Islam never forbids household chores done by men, again it's a cultural thing to say the opposite.All prophets (saw)worked hard in the household, and regularly helped their wives, are men nowadays better than them ?

 

15-Somali moms like to spoil their kids with food, but not enough with wit, they need to teach the kids how to be independant. Make the kids volunteer at early age to teach them some skills.

 

16-Avoid going out too much, unless there's work or specific reasons. You can't see your friends everyday, if it's daily it's usually about gossip, same thing for men. Avoid talking on the phone all day long, past a certain time, don't answer phones,unless it's urgent, or long-distance.

 

17-People marry and don't talk to each other, some are not born romantic, but your religion is your best source of advice. Study how Prophets (saw)behaved with their wives, you will not believe how romantic they were.

 

18-Never spill the secrets between husbands and wives to others unless it's a mutual agreement. Sometimes couples might have financial issues, times are hard, don't go out there crying your heart out, you would be surprised by how some people would smile at your misery.Always smile, even if you want to cry, Allah knows your misery, and only Him will provide for you.

 

19-Always communicate with each other, even with your kids with kindness,because life is short, death is around us.Ask about each other's opinions,and listen. Wonderful memories will last forever.

 

Conclusion: study your religion, and don't be afraid of what your parents will say, if certain things are against your religion, do not follow them. This is how you will raise offsprings and become better yourselves, yours goals should be Jannah, so plan ahead. Feel free to add ur advices.

[Baluug]

Wa alaikum salaam walaal, great advice

[Juxa]

Originally posted by Bambina:

12-Dear sisters do not listen to your moms if they tell you that it's OK for you to sleep once in a while with your husbands, it's haraam. Just because they've done it, they think it's OK, it's their culture, and it's wrong. Unless you're sick,tired, or have your periods, you have no excuse to join your husband.

 

I'm telling you this, because if you hold on the cookie too long, no man will stay with you forever, no matter how much he loves you.

wsalaam sister, wonderful advice baad bixisay lakin mid uun aan kugu darsado, no mother worth her gareys would advice her daughter the above, yacni our culture is strict and does not allow such a discussion to take place between hooyo and her daughter.

 

ps: the cookie thing, is it even relevant today? mind and body react in unison, if the mind/soul is unhappy the rest will follow. marka marriages fail for a reason.

[cynical lady]

Wcs wr wb.

 

With that out of the way....Are you serious? Is it an advice to Muslims or framed as such to problematize women/mothers? Out of your 15 silly advices, 6 of them solely refer to the female sex, which leads me to question the sincerity of your so called advices. Next time if you have nothing positive to say about women, do us a favour and say nothing or keep them to yourself.

[Juxa]

^^ oh you dagaal-jecel, dhaaf gabadha

 

i am always amazed on all do's and mostly dont's are geared towards women

 

dont women have haq? do we not deserve our needs and dreams be fulfilled?

 

what about men's religious obligations? surely they can not keep us forever disappointed?

 

oh well......

[Faheema.]

^

 

Welcome Back Cynical

[Valenteenah.]

^ LoL..CL maybe she is advising females because she's a woman?

 

Welcome back Bambino. I love your new outlook. I guess it's essential to do your best with an open mind and heart regardless of what position, role or situation you find yourself in. And to believe in and turn to Allah (SWT).

 

Juxa - I agree. Never heard of a mother giving such advice - waa wax laga yaxyaxo.

[Juxa]

i dont know if you lot notice but when Some women are in love or about to be married, ma istiri rule-book baala siiyaa oo once they read they come back star-eyed

 

YOUR DUTY IS TO SERVE? if you want JANNAH xaadir ahow 24/7

[Valenteenah.]

That's just the nature of love. Unsustainable optimism. A few years together usually takes care of it. "Cunto aa? There is the microwave--->"

[Bambina]

Assalamu Caleykum, advising people always backfires, lol, I always know that, but it's the first signs of hypocrites described by all prophets: getting unconfortable with the truth. My advices were geared towards both genders, I don't know why would men feel left out.But considering women give birth to the ummah, I find it bizarre that I'm even asked this question.

 

I don't need to be in love or close to getting married to give such advices, Allah made us responsable to teach others, learn from each other. Any man can add their 2 cents, that's why this forum is for.

 

Juxa, I can go and be back at any time, and talk about anything,that is my right.C'mon if I were about to talk today about food in Islam, you'd probably think I was away on a diet right ? lol. Hilarious walahi.

 

As for cynical lady, keep being cynical and bury your head in the sand, you won't get anywhere, I merely repeating what Allah prescribed and proscribed, nothing new about it. But then again, somewhere along my advices you got hit, and I can tell you must have certain issues that you need to work on.

 

If things were that positive can someone tell me why would there be a judgment day ? 1 of every 100 will go to Jannah,and women would make most of the residents in Hellfire. I'm sure you get the point.

[Malika]

^ ,the ego got bruised huh? Dont allow it to ruin your first intention which was to give da'wa..[and you did have some good advice].

 

ps.Your tone is far from one of the principles of giving da'wa..Dont allow anger [gentle of speech is very important when giving da'wa]to reason,be patience with people.

[Juxa]

bambina my frustration was not directed to you dear, i was merely referring that women too have rights and should be treated fairly.

 

i got fed up with wixi xunba xaawa leh attitude that is all.

 

you advice was good as i said in my first post and you are totally entitled to voice your opinion.

 

my question was, why should he be treated like a king when he acts like sheemo? hypothetically speaking of course

 

ps: if you are on diet i would feed you canjeelo and malab on daily basis

[Ibtisam]

Hehehe lol, haha *Ahem*

[nuune]

None of you who responded to this topic got the point Bambina was trying to make, come'on people, it is not difficult, just read around the lines and not between them!

[cynical lady]

Deleted-Thanag you.

 

Malika-mpendwa mac mac kor iyo sideways. Za hali, za maisha? Leta story?

 

Val- she has that right, but it’s the constant usage of women as a bad example to elaborate on her points that i have a problem with. The woman is doing a disservice to the women folk:

 

“For example I find it bizarre that mothers need to shop for the beds their daughters or sons will spend their wedding nights in. It is not an obligation, and if mothers insist,tell them it's a private matter”.

 

Qst whats wrong with a mother wanting to shop for a bed for her own children? More importantly how many mothers do you know that do that? A fig perhaps? Mhh!!

 

“Sometimes mothers forget religion and try to compete with other mothers to prepare their daughters' lavish weddings.” Like OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS....wanting a lavish wedding is an exclusive women thing and how is this even a problem escapes me...

 

Are you freaking kidding me.....??

 

As for the i have issues and i need to get my head off the sand....woman please!!! You’re the doolally one.