Love Transcends Borders

[- Femme -]

Source

 

 

From the beginning, the wedding was about compromise: Two Muslim immigrants from long-warring factions — the bride Somali, the groom Somali Bantu — getting married in a Christian church with a neon "Jesus Saves" sign on top.

 

The festivities began Saturday morning when the first of several vanloads of Somali Bantu refugees arrived from Ohio, Kentucky, Maryland and Pennsylvania — at 4 a.m.

 

They had driven to Raleigh Court's Terrace Apartments, which is home for many of the 200-plus Somali Bantu refugees living in Roanoke. By 11 a.m. Saturday, they were spread out in apartments across the city, preparing a midday wedding meal of goat, peppers and orange-tinted rice.

 

Some friends hadn't seen one another since they'd left their Kenyan refugee camp, a place where food was scarce and rape and beatings a daily threat. They were Americans now, some with credit cards in their wallets and minivans and working two jobs to keep it all afloat.

 

Back in Africa, an ethnic Somali would not typically marry a Somali Bantu, a darker-skinned member of the long-persecuted tribe. As the bride had put it earlier in the week, "They would be killing about it back home."

 

And, true enough, when Balqiso Hassan and Mohamed Abdi went on their first date last summer — dinner at the Golden Corral — elders from both communities were none too happy about it.

 

One Somali man was so incensed that a fight broke out and criminal charges were filed. Months later, under the guidance of a Muslim imam and elders from both communities, the feuding parties finally pledged peace and the charges were dropped.

 

But what would happen when the pair pledged their love before a crowd of 300? How would the bride and groom pull off this only-in-America event?

 

An unlikely pair

 

Somali-born Balqiso Hassan was working as a caseworker for Roanoke's Refugee and Immigration Services when she met her husband-to-be.

 

"He was telling me he wanted to date me, but I said no because ... I was giving him a hard time," says the 20-year-old, who immigrated to the United States as a political refugee in 2000.

 

But she noticed that Mohamed Abdi, also 20, had a spark of ambition. He was one of the first Somali Bantu at Terrace to get his driver's license, and he'd landed a job — first in a bakery, later at a farm supply store — shortly after his 2004 arrival.

 

Perhaps even more impressive: Unlike most of the Somali Bantu refugees, Mohamed had a working command of English and was taking night classes to prepare for his GED.

 

Balqiso's mother had told her she was too young to marry. She wanted her daughter to go to college instead. Once a member of Somalia's ruling class, the family had owned a mansion and three stores in Mogadishu before civil war broke out in 1992.

 

"Our father would take the Somali Bantu in and give them jobs," Balqiso's sister, Naimo Hassan, said in a 2004 interview. "Unlike most Somalis who discriminated against the Bantu, he believed you were supposed to help those who weren't as well off as you."

 

The Hassans were targeted immediately by bandits for their food and money — Balqiso's father and two brothers were killed, her mother viciously attacked. To reach the first refugee camp, the surviving family members walked five days through the desert with no food or water, and people shooting at them.

 

But suffering was the great equalizer in the camps, where everyone competed for food and shelter, and everyone feared attacks from bandits and militiamen. Balqiso's family stayed in the camps for eight years, Mohamed's for 12.

 

When Balqiso explained that she was dead-set on marrying this Somali Bantu man, breaking the tradition of arranged marriage, her mom reluctantly agreed. A dowry would have to be paid to the bride's family, as is custom, and Mohamed readily complied.

 

"She said that if he's one of the best of the Bantu men, she didn't mind," Balqiso explains.

 

The family does not know of other Somali-Somali Bantu couples. "But my mother says it's OK as long as he treats me with respect and we are in love."

 

Anticipation-filled first

 

The mother of the bride is busy Saturday morning — along with Naimo and every Somali woman friend they know — slicing onions and green peppers and boiling spectacular quantities of rice.

 

In the family's Brandon Avenue apartment, Somali Bantu teenagers, mostly high school girls who will later stand in as bridesmaids, dance to traditional music. Curtainlike ceremonial cloths, called da, have been tacked to the walls, along with Muslim prayers. Colorful mats are placed on the floor, where the midday meal will be served.

 

In a relative's downstairs apartment, a similar room is prepared for the men, who will gather separately to eat. A short Muslim engagement ceremony, or Nekah, is supposed to occur before the meal, which will be eaten out of communal platters using hands in place of utensils, as is tradition.

 

But the bride is still getting her hair done at a salon, and the groom is busy shuttling visiting friends and relatives from his family's apartments at Terrace to the bridal family's apartments on Brandon Avenue.

 

Much to the confusion of some American visitors, the meals take place in separate apartments ... but the engagement ceremony never occurs at all.

 

Meanwhile, back at Terrace, Bantu women chop goat meat atop plastic mats on the floor and friends wander in and out of the groom's parents' apartment. A third celebratory lunch is being prepared.

 

There are 29 visitors in one tiny living room: a grandmother sleeps on one of the three couches, babies nurse and sometimes cry, and the women talk and laugh — not the least bit stressed by the chaos.

 

Across the apartment complex, the groom's older brother prepares the couple's new apartment at Terrace, arranging furniture and hooking up his new wide-screen television.

 

A group of Bantu visitors from Pennsylvania parade in and out of the bedroom, singing harmonies in Arabic, punctuating the rhythm with guttural, percussive sounds. "They're blessing the bride and groom and also praying for them to get good children," explains Abdul Bashir, the groom's brother.

 

Mohamed had saved to pay cash for the new rugs and furniture. As the bride had put it earlier in the week: "I've been here six years now, and I will no longer buy things that are used."

 

A melting pot with spice

 

"This is like a refugee camp reunion," says Iftin Iftin, 18, of the wedding, which is scheduled to occur at 6:30 p.m. in the gym annex to Ghent Grace Brethren Church.

 

"To have a Muslim wedding here at this Christian church ... it's incredible," adds refugee office director Barbara Smith, looking around at the hundreds gathered. "Talk about the epitome of being a good neighbor."

 

When they're not dancing, the Somali Bantu fill most of the seats. Most are wearing special-occasion red hajibs, or headdresses, and many have babies strapped to their backs — 18 have been born since the first Bantu arrived two years ago.

 

Americans who have taught and mentored the refugees at Terrace cluster at the back of the gym along with the refugee office staff and their spouses, many wondering what will happen next.

 

"These people wait well," observes Margie Scheuer, who has mentored a Bantu family since its arrival in 2004. "Something might happen, something might not. This is how it always is: Everything is Insh'Allah — God willing."

 

Anticipation is high as the groom arrives in his cream-colored suit to cheers and applause. It's now 7 in the evening, and the bride is ... nowhere in sight.

 

The men take turns playing music, alternating Somali pop recordings with Bantu songs, some of which are played by a Bantu drummer who came from Ohio for the event. A teenager persuades them to play an American rap song, and the boys gyrate in their trendy clothes, clutching their baggy pants as they dance to 50 Cent:

 

 

We gonna party like ish ya birthday, we gonna sip Bacardi like ish ya birthday ...

 

 

Only in America

 

An hour later, the bride arrives wearing a traditional Somali gown. Five bridesmaids dance around her in colorful garb while the flower girl and boy — dressed like an American-style ring-bearer in a suit and tie — throw plastic rose petals. The Bantu women gather around, whooping a high-pitched celebratory call, their tongues flicking like hummingbird wings.

 

Balqiso is a somber bride, rarely smiling or saying a word. Her eyes are downcast as she takes Mohamed's hands and they sway to a Somali love song. Asked to interpret the bride's mood, Binto Mohammed explains: "She's scared because she's going to be with a man tonight. We are not like Americans, you know."

 

An hour later, the bride exits — only to enter once again a half-hour later, this time wearing a traditional American gown: white with a flowing train. More dancing and high-pitched whooping ensues.

 

Asked if a ceremony is about to occur, the groom's American mentor, Eileen Montoni, smiles. "I have absolutely no idea," she says. "I think maybe it's over and we've just witnessed it."

 

At the reception table, the couple sit behind a large sheet cake with pink flowers, and guests approach to congratulate them, stuffing $20 bills in their mouths, a Somali tradition. Because the African-born guests ate their celebratory meal hours earlier, only the American guests are invited to dine. No alcohol is served.

 

After a minor squabble over music — a man attempts to play more traditional Bantu music, but the Somalis operating the stereo overrule him, insisting on Somali pop — the party wraps up at 11 p.m., an hour ahead of schedule. The bride's family looks exhausted.

 

It's been a day of cultural compromise, some of it awkward, but all of it a reflection of a new American life and a universal symbol of hope: two married people in love. Insh'Allah.

 

In her new apartment full of new furniture, newlywed Balqiso will follow the Somali custom of staying indoors for seven full days.

 

In Africa, the groom would stay with his bride for the duration, but Mohamed says regretfully that he can't. As is American custom, he needs the money, so on Monday he returns to work.

 

____________________________

 

Borders??!

[ElPunto]

^What an interesting and hilarious article. I love the part where the sister of the bride says the bride is nervous because 'we're not like Americans'.

 

After ruining their country and finding refuge in other 'African' countries - one would've thought Somalis would drop their ridiculous superior and racist attitudes to others. This story is going a step, albeit tiny, in this direction.

[Che -Guevara]

I have seen Somalis marry all kinds of people, but it is pretty unique.Back home, families will disown their gals if they ever fancy a Bantu. Best of luck to them.

 

Somali Bantus are pretty interesting people, and have alot of horrible stories to tell. Majority are hardworking, kind , and I gotta admit more patriotic that your average Somali.

[ElPunto]

^really more patriotic? Strange for a society that oppressed them for long. I wonder why they are referred as Somali 'Bantus'. They are as Somali as anyone except the society refuses. Are the rer Xamar referred to as Somali Arabs? Strange.

[Che -Guevara]

^^^We have sizable Somali Bantu community in our state, and I have interacted with them through work, and were able to befriend few of them. They are indeed more patriotic. They are more attached to the land and felt real sense of loss from being kicked out of their lands. I think they are actually more Somali than those of us from the nomadic tribes (Maxaatiri Somalis).

 

 

As for the Bantu term, I think they have adopted the term to illustrate their plight as persecuted group who were/are discriminated simply of their physical features. Somalis either call them by their Qabiil or by the term Jareer-Weyn.

[Khalaf]

more jahliyah cultural Somalis...bantus :eek: :eek: . getting married in church with the cross instead of masjid and having a half-naked bride :rolleyes: music iyo munkar...weddings looking like hschool dances..........jahilyaaaah

 

browing word my little sister yuuuuuuck!!!!!!!!

 

 

istagfruallah

 

peace out

[Som@li]

She's scared because she's going to be with a man tonight. We are not like Americans, you know."lol

 

The somali bantus have been thru alot, good to hear that they still love Somalia, where they suffered.

[Ibtisam]

more jahliyah cultural Somalis...bantus . getting married in church with the cross instead of masjid and having a half-naked bride music iyo munkar...weddings looking like hschool dances..........jahilyaaaah

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

 

Khalaf; My dear, take a chill bill, don't you know that that It is a wedding.!!! not a bin bag occassion or a Islamic Lecture. There is got to be a little something, something on display.

 

p.s. She is not half naked only her hair and one arm is showing, which is saddaqa. :cool:

 

What is the difference between an average Farah and a bantu farah? :confused:

[Naasir]

Cool,

She is marrying a Muslim man, Congrats to the sister. Some sisters are living with non Muslim man these days or claiming the man they are marrying reverted to Islam.

Also perhaps the hall is free since it belongs to the church. I have seen people using Jew halls and so on for the purpose of saving money and don’t care what is written on the walls. I do pray one of the study rooms of a Church on Fridays since the Masjis is far away from us and can't get back with in an hour. Some of us who work around here gather pray Jum'a and ain't nothing wrong with it.

Laterz:)

[bilan]

khalaf, do you ever think before you hit the reply button, they did not marry in the church, there are a lot of people who held their ceremony in a church for the lack of space. think son before you talk.

[Captain Xalane]

Khalaf lol,In any case bro,i agree with ya.

[Khalaf]

^^^right on brother i thought i was da only one bilan i do think mama i think

 

Originally posted by ibtisam:

 

Khalaf; My dear, take a chill bill, don't you know that that It is a wedding.!!! not a bin bag occassion

or a Islamic Lecture. There is got to be a little something, something on display.

 

p.s. She is not half naked

only her hair and one arm is showing, which is saddaqa. :cool:

[/QB]

loooooooool wax walan...I know u are only joking and u know diinta yaa Ib. I don’t want to get into this again lool.....as the hadith says If you feel no shame then do as you wish!!

 

Min fadlikum thou sister think about this ayat:

 

"And whosoever opposes the Messenger, even after the guidance has been clearly conveyed to him, and follows a path other than that of the Believers, We shall leave him in the path he has chosen and land him in Hell, what an evil destination." [soorah an-Nisaa 4:115].

 

 

mida kalee every act IB wedding or not in a Muslims life is an act of ibadah-a Worship of Allah Most Great. Inshallah when its your day my sister resemble the noble women of sahbah the women of paradise not the kufar corrupt women whom the prophet said will never smell the fragrance of paradise, sing the Praises of Allah Most Great takbir iyo Allah Akbar, not munkar iyo music, start that day under the shade of the Quran with a farah of course. :cool:

[Xalimopatra]

Masha'Allah....Insha'Allah khayr for our brother and sister Amiin...

[Legend of Zu]

Which borders are we talking about (with pretentious canadian accent)?

 

Salaamaat

[xiinfaniin]

^^

 

War waa bilaa xuduud bahalku---of course xuduud here is the macnawi !