Clown...thats tempting You'll do it for free huh .... peace and luv

Dear Mother and Dad: It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down... Okay? Well, then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival, are pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get three headaches a day. Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it is kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show. Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am now taking daily. I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know you expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good, too for I am told that his father is an important gunbearer in the village in Africa from which he comes. Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have syphillis and there is no boyfriend in my life. However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in Science, and I wanted you to see these marks in the proper perspective. Your loving daughter, Dorothy

A woman was sitting at a bar, enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20---on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed from her purse a $20 bill, which she pressed into the young man's hand, along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully, whispered. "Clean my house."

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want.. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1.. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Happy 23 section6er!! You excepting applications huh?!! Good luck bro....hope you got your battle plan all ready peace and luv

Here is a question for my fellow nomads....Do you think there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone? I have discussed this so many times with so many different people and the females usually see the difference..but the males think its all the same..they just see it as an eloborate play of words that females made up to confuse them! Anyways my people...what do you think. A word of advice to those of us that can't play nice....turn around and go back where you came from Peace and luv

how sweet is this?? big old love fest!!! peace

Say what?!!! Who is that addressed to ? Naa damsel....mr mill baa kuu yeeraya...naa soo orod. hope you find her. peace

kusoo celi bal!! maxaa tiri?...garoob aa?!!! I;m just messin' with you..... Since there are alot of somali's here in MNPLS we have no choice but to get married and divorced right away...hey we have a lot of ground to cover So many fine somalis...so little time On the real though...its not about what state you live in...its just a bad habit that somali's everywhere share. I'm sure MNPLS does not have a higher divorce rate than any other city. peace and luv

Exdane hats off to you girl...its nice to see somali sistahs that actually workout...keep it up. Whats the hardest part of your work out exdane? I hate the squats siiba when your doing it with weights...I have weak knees(imagine me at 50...yikes!!! :rolleyes: ) So it makes it harder for me to get back up peace and luv

the song that describes my love life is " love don't love me" its on the brothers soundtrack. peace

I'm glad you guys liked it...this is a joke that will always make me laugh...I thought you could use some stress relief. peace

If thats what he wants then i'll let him go...why go through all that trouble? all for a man? Hell no!!!! If he can't see how good he had it...then someone out there will. Of coarse thats assuming I didn't drive him crazy with my constant nagging and shoe throwing :rolleyes: ....or that I didn't beat him occasionally peace

S.O.S girl you crack me up..... Big MOM-- orod ma dhamaado hooyo...you should know that I"m surprised there now guys here bragging about how much they can bench press...hmmmm odd :rolleyes: !!! I know we got some buff somli brothas up in here!! peace and luv

This god forsaken snow never stops!! THis state must be cursed for sure!! How was your trip back home? you enjoyed showing off your money didn't you?.....

To me Fubu is the same as timberland.... Gaal **** cad iyo mid **** madow waa iskugukey mid. peace and luv

What Are Politics? A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?" His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capatilism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that." So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his daiper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad i know what you mean now." "You do? Tell me." "OK, while capatilism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on!!!"

Capitalism for Dummies Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide. German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad. Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute... Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them. Swiss Capitalism: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Let’s make a hockey team, eh? Chinese Capitalism: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate. Israeli Capitalism: So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people? Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida. Politically Correct Capitalism: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender. Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing. Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them. Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them utter implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their utters on command. Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them. Bureaucratic Capitalism: You have two cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need. Gore Capitalism: You have two cows. You claim you invented them. Real-World Capitalism: You have two cows. You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation. Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them. Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons. Perestroika Capitalism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market. Jewish Capitalism: You have two cows. You set them on fire and they burn for 8 days. Cambodian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. Mormon Capitalism: You have two cows. You tell everyone that they should as well. Military Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns. Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned. Nevadan Capitalism: You have two cows. You charge lonely men from Arkansas to spend the night with them. Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do. Bureaucrat Capitalism: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral. Environmental Capitalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking them. Surreal Capitalism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. Californian Capitalism: You have two cows. They are happy. Bush Capitalism: You have two cows. You think that cows and humans can coexist peacefully. You give all of the milk to the upper class when they have cows of their own, and the lower class needs milk. Martha Stewart Capitalism: You have two cows. After decorating them, you sell them because a farmer told you the price of milk might go down. Ayn Rand Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell both so that you can invest in a new dairy company. After it does well, you sell you stock and buy a cow farm. After that does well, you take out a loan using cows as capitol and build a milk manufacturing factory. After making your milk the most sold, you sell the company and retire to Hawaii with your millions of dollars.

Mace next letter E

Are we still on for tonight..or are you gonna ditch me? huh??

I have one thing to say damn boy!!!! don't you have anything better to do?!! lol lol.....i'm sorry I couldn't hold it in anymore...lol peace

sulekha girl even if you end this relationship and move on to another one...you will find something about the next guy that you don't like. So girl just sit and think about it...is this something you can deal with? how important is this realtionship to you?..ask your self.....also trying telling him how you feel and see why he does what he does. peace and luv

Ex dane: Damn girl!! you really have it down pat huh?!!! mobb deep: waryaa!! who invited you to our club? huh?!! i'm just messing with you...you know your always wlc.... peace and luv

sulekha girl don't worry....you know how slow men are...even when you give them a headstart their still behind you!!! peace

ITs all good waryaada....this is why we have no country a bunch of psycho killers. peace and luv