hehe, cant beleive this thread brought up these remarks. Nice to have a laugh or 2.

That was a battle, sorry to see she lost to her Nafs. May Allah save Muslims n keep them on His path And enlighten the ignorant ones. Amin

Asalaam aleykum brother, Mashallah for the effort your making.While growing up I used to read books written by the islamic foundation they had story books which targeted the Islamic character and also stories on important Muslim figures.And they have the books classified according to their age group. I beleive now they have more to offer to children. the link online bookstore Hope it will be of help, there are also cassettes made specially for children to learn duas by heart I think you can find it your local muslim bookstore. And also books and audio material for his quraanic needs. I beleive uve also got to teach him prayers and slowly accompany you to the mosque.If he hasnt done that already. Soundvision has some nice courses they offer children you could take a lot of the programs and the subject matter taught according to their ages. Fiamanillah

Lost in translation, kulikuwa na mzungu mmoja alikuwa na njaa.katika pita pita yake akaiona hoteli kuingia kwenye mhudumu akatokea na kuanza kuongea kama ifuatavyo: mzungu:i need rice and meat(nahitaji wali na nyama) mhudumu:kwa kweli raisi kwa sasa hivi huwezi ukampata kwa sababu yuko chini ya ulinzi na miti nitaenda kuchuma haiko mbali. mzungu:are you crazy(wewe ni chizi) mhudumu:mimi sio mkurugenzi wa hoteli hii mzungu:son of the b1tch(mwana haramu mkubwa)anamwambia maneno hayo huku akiondoka mhudumu:mimi so mbishi mzee hujanielewa tu

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up." "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is,did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He replied, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?" (You'll love her answer...) The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box.....!" (WOMEN ARE NOT THAT STUP1D!!!!!!!!!)

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem. George's mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial. The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law toldGeorge that the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00. The Consul continues, "In most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150.00". George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do." The Consul, after hearing this, says "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price." "No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many yearsago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't take that chance!

Originally posted by Foxy-brown: *If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name. Thats a lost case , cant remember even why they called, will just put the telephone down or if they r lucky 2 reach the operator conversation will go , Who can I help you? errhm Im sorry I forgot, whats your name ... I dont know, where you live, I dont know..... .

Ndiyo, lakini nai pia ni kwetu, mabeste kwa wengi Wewe je? Mbongo,mkenyati au mganda?

Viking those were scary :eek: :eek: Loved the picture of havin a horses speed analysed, lol . Guess they also get parking tickets then ,

Kid (little George)asked his dad: Daddy, how was I born? DAD SAYS: Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button,nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said: You've Got Male!

^^Samahani kama nimekowa boring sasa

A Brit, a Frenchman, an Indian and an African are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "Look, Eve is wearing something that looks like a sari- so they must be Indians" said the Indian "No clothes, no shelter," the African points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are African."

^^^ Yapi hayo ndugu? Hebu fafanua Mambo ya Wahaya Bukoba (wenyewe wanakuita BK)Tanzania Rugaimukamu: Hivi Rweyongeza, kare katoto kako Gozbert kako wapi siku hizi? maana nakumbuka karikuwa dull darasani mwenzake Albert ni daktari bingwa sasa! Muchunguzi: Ee Albert kumbe ni mtaaram Rweyongeza: aa Gozbert yupo, yeye kazi yake ni kuwahudumia wagonjwa warioshindwa na madaktari bingwa! Rugaimukamu: mmmm ..................................................................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ........................BAADA YA Rugaimukamu kuondoka Muchunguzi: Eee Rweyongeza,nirishindwa kukuuriza mbere ya Rugaimukamu,sasa kama Gozbert anahudumia wagonjwa warioshindwa na madaktari bingwa yeye ni nani? Rweyongeza: Aaa unajua Ka Gozbert hakakusoma hivyo kanachimba makaburi! >>.kosa la mwizi kulikuwa na jamaa moja alikamatwa kwa kosa lakuiba sasa siku ya kesi akenda mahakamani wakati kesi yake inasomwa na jaji yule jamaa akawa anasinzia basi akatumwa askari ili ame chai askari akaenda mpiga kibao sasa yule jamaa akashituka na yeye hakukubali akamrejeshea yule askari basi akaambiwa na jaji unakosa la pili la kumpiga askar yule jamaa akakataa lile kosa akasema mimi kaja nipa chai na mimi nikamrejeshea kikombe chake nisije ambiwa nimeiba bure Mpemba Ingenuity Young guy from Wete (Pemba) moves to California and goes to a big department shopping complex looking for a job.The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?" The Mpemba says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in Zanzibar." Well, the boss liked the Pemba Boy so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down."How many sales did you make today?" Mpemba says: "Sir, Just ONE sale." The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day." If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?" Mpemba says: "$101,237.64" Boss says: "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?" Pemba boy says: Sir, First I sell him small fishhook. Then I sell him medium fishhook. Then I sell him large fishhook. Then I sell him new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sell him twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer. I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about a $100 worth groceries nd two cases of beer. The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?" Mpemba says: "No Bwana, actually he came in to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said: Well, your weekend's scr*wed, you might just as well go fishing!"

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce could dependon the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete. I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean, what are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland. Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? No, I always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? No, she white. Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me. What makes you think that? I got proof. What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover".

^^ Mie siyo jamani, nice try. >>>Kuwahi Kulikuwa na wamakonde wawili Train Station wakisubiri Train Kwa bahati nzuri ikapita train wakakimbilia kwa bahati mmoja akawahi mmoja akabaki Yule jamaa akaanza kucheka watu wakamuuliza unacheka na hali ya kuwa umeachwa, akasema nnacheka kwa sababu yule aliepanda alikuwa ananisindikiza mimi Kama siyo uwendaazimu nini??

You bet, an african loves his land.

Jamani nimeona kimya sana, muda umefika ku-revive this thread any interesting african / swahili jokes?? Nakuleteni another swahili production, msinimeze tu from another naive coastal Mwinyi. >>>>Ivalishe koti Alipoulizwa sababu ya kuzaa watoto wengi, jamaa akajitetea "watoto ni matokeo ya mipango ya Mungu, siwezi kuzuia!!". kijana mmoja akamwambia, "mvua pia ni mipango ya mungu, lakini inapozidi tunavaa makoti kujilinda nayo, hivyo na wewe ivalishe koti "kifaa yako" watoto wasizidi"!! jamaa akabaki na kigugumizi(stutter)!

Without God's Love for you and I, The days of the week would have been Mournday,Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday ,Fightday, Shatterday, & Sadday . So we need to give God the Glory Who made the days a Blessing to US! Have a strong conviction that it shall be well with you this year. No matter how many obstacles you come across this year you will succeed. You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year with His Grace. Happiness keeps You Sweet, Trials keep You Strong, Sorrows keep You Human, Failures keeps You Humble, Success keeps You Glowing, But Only God keeps You Going! God Bless You. Happy days!

Originally posted by Psycho_Sue: >>>>>Brother's Point of View: >>>>> >>>>>BROTHER: Assalamu Alaikum >>>>>SISTER: Walaikum assalam >>>>> >>>>>Man, I'm hungry. I wonder what's for dinner tonight? Hopefully >>>>>spaghetti. > > :cool: Way to go, how simple. The princess, cracked me up,the speed she went to fantasy land n back was just unbeleivable

Waryaa Liibanow, why dont you remind OG moti, guess the old man has disappeared again.

I wonder why do ppl do such acts? If someone hurts you doesnt mean your supposed to inforce it on a weaker soul. Its a shame really especially as the abuse is within the family. And some souls sold for a mere cigarette. For those who dont have a clue what Im talkin about. Heres a link web page We are in strange times, :eek: :mad:

Came across this, enjoy

Bribe Is To TEMPTING, Ever Refused?

Ngonge, mashallah just loved that peice. Has anyone read crisis in the muslim mind? Its available online . Qn is would you recommend it? So far what I have deduced its talking about how political thinking and the intellectual thinkers have taken differnt paths.

^^ Hate to say this but maybe he had a tan?? May his soul rest in peace.