CL- Because marriage involves men, and them becoming the centre of a family's universe that is why. Even being single no longer means being single..its been turned into a by word for loose men and women..like in sex and the city. I dont feel the need to get married, it doesnt consume my life, but I would like one child before Im 40, and that is a few years away...Ps...I did say that this doesnt bother me, yet because of the replies I get the feeling I may have written a very confusing post On the whole though, I agree with everything you said...however, when you metion the advances in science for reproductive problems, do you think its right to purposefully bring up a child without a father...even an absentee father? What about that whole side of their family they will never know about? Malika...what if you love being free so much you dont want to ruin it? But people keep talking to you like youre a leper because you refuse dates with sons and nephews and whatnot? The person themselves is usually not that afraid of 'loneliness' because single people have families, friends, work colleagues and strangers at the bus stop just as non single people do. I think there is just a crazy irrational fear single women. This one lady that I dont know gave me a 1/2 hour lecture in the middle of the street because Im 'passing my prime', but she is very lonely and her kids are ****heads who dont visit and so is her husband...who gave her the right to lecture me on how life should be lived? Ibtisam...dont you give the 'Im sure you'll find someone' line! I must say I feel terribly offended at you complete and utter misjudgment of my character..I will just have to go and cry in a hole somewhere until I stop being so unmarriable! waaahhhhhhh! (close one eye and hope PM lights up) Aaah Yesu, I didnt want an angry ranting thread and here I am... angry at a random Qaraabo lady and ranting hehe.

Moses heard a shepherd on the road, praying, "God, where are you? I want to help you, to fix your shoes and comb your hair. I want to wash your clothes and pick the lice off. I want to bring you milk to kiss your little hands and feet when it's time for you to go to bed. I want to sweep your room and keep it neat. God, my sheep and goats are yours. All I can say, remembering you, is ayyyy and ahhhhhhhhh." Moses could stand it no longer. "Who are you talking to?" "The one who made us, and made the earth and made the sky." "Don't talk about shoes and socks with God! And what's this with your little hands and feet? Such blasphemous familiarity sounds like you're chatting with your uncles. Only something that grows needs milk. Only someone with feet needs shoes. Not God! Even if you meant God's human representatives, as when God said, `I was sick, and you did not visit me,' even then this tone would be foolish and irreverent. Use appropriate terms. Fatima is a fine name for a woman, but if you call a man Fatima, it's an insult. Body-and-birth language are right for us on this side of the river, but not for addressing the origin, not for Allah." The shepherd repented and tore his clothes and sighed and wandered out into the desert. A sudden revelation then came to Moses. God's voice: You have separated me from one of my own. Did you come as a Prophet to unite, or to sever? I have given each being a separate and unique way of seeing and knowing that knowledge. What seems wrong to you is right for him. What is poison to one is honey to someone else. Purity and impurity, sloth and diligence in worship, these mean nothing to me. I am apart from all that. Ways of worshipping are not to be ranked as better or worse than one another. Hindus do Hindu things. The Dravidian Muslims in India do what they do. It's all praise, and it's all right. It's not me that's glorified in acts of worship. It's the worshipers! I don't hear the words they say. I look inside at the humility. That broken-open lowliness is the reality, not the language! Forget phraseology. I want burning, 'burning'. Be friends with your burning. Burn up your thinking and your forms of expression! Moses, those who pay attention to ways of behaving and speaking are one sort. Lovers who burn are another. Don't impose a property tax on a burned-out village. Don't scold the Lover. The "wrong" way he talks is better than a hundred "right" ways of others. Inside the Kaaba it doesn't matter which direction you point your prayer rug! The ocean diver doesn't need snowshoes! The love-religion has no code or doctrine. Only God. So the ruby has nothing engraved on it! It doesn't need markings. God began speaking deeper mysteries to Moses. Vision and words, which cannot be recorded here, poured into and through him. He left himself and came back. He went to eternity and came back here. Many times this happened. It's foolish of me to try and say this. If I did say it, it would uproot our human intelligences. It would shatter all writing pens. Moses ran after the shepherd. He followed the bewildered footprints, in one place moving straight like a castle across a chessboard. In another, sideways, like a bishop. Now surging like a wave cresting, now sliding down like a fish, with always his feet making geomancy symbols in the sand, recording his wandering state. Moses finally caught up with him. "I was wrong. God has revealed to me that there are no rules for worship. Say whatever and however your loving tells you to. Your sweet blasphemy is the truest devotion. Through you a whole world is freed. Loosen your tongue and don't worry what comes out. It's all the light of the spirit." The shepherd replied, "Moses, Moses, I've gone beyond even that. You applied the whip and my horse shied and jumped out of itself. The divine nature and my human nature came together. Bless your scolding hand and your arm. I can't say what's happened. What I'm saying now is not my real condition. It can't be said." The shepherd grew quiet. When you look in a mirror, you see yourself, not the state of the mirror. The flute player puts breath into a flute, and who makes the music? Not the flute. The flute player! Whenever you speak praise or thanksgiving to God, it's always like this dear shepherd's simplicity. When you eventually see through the veils to how things really are, you will keep saying again and again, "This is certainly not like we thought it was!"

^^ Mz anaweza kuongea Kiswahili pia? Waaaw wasijui wengi hapo!! Mz...usinijali, endelea na maisha yako unavyotaka tu. Maisha mrefu na mzuri mama!

Ouch! How shameful! 'I told you not to eff with me' ROFLMAO!

5 LOL @ The Gypsy show...I have to say I have a lot more respect for the traveler community after watching that on 4OD, they are so fascinating! Such a pity they have such poor taste, especially with the wedding gowns...they look like Lily Savage on their wedding day! Mr Jerk, I find it strange that you would mention your sister's story even though you say she is now happy with a family and a career...isnt that what we all want at the end of the day? happiness? If marriage does that for someone then we should celebrate it, if it isnt making them happy, then they shouldnt be married. Unfortunately with the whole co-habiting situation, girls seem to get the bad end of it because its her virginity that was valued to begin with, so she is made to feel like a guilty concubine whilst he just has a 'girlfriend'. Isnt that why you considered 'independent women' a way to have a darn good time? Because you think they'll put out without shame/guilt? It is exactly these sorts of conversations that makes me want to remain single...its too confusing and calculated this whole dating thing, it all boils down to traditional notions of family and if you go against that (decide not to marry or have a long term male friend etc) that societal guilt/shame (even if others nominate themselves to feel it for you) will haunt you forever.

LOL I wish I knew what you were on about.

I completely agree with you, however society makes things like this an issue. I was told several times by older Somali women that if I did not get married before my mid twenties, I could be single forever. I somehow suspect this this has a lot to do with independence being an issue for some men, but having passed that age, I realise that knowing that there is ample choice out there makes it all that much harder to just marry for the sake of marriage. Changing someone never happens, men try the same thing too (change the care free young lady they fell for into a traditional housewife)...I guess we are all looking for our own sense of perfection, but one shouldn't have to force it into existence. Do you think Somalis are headed more and more towards co-habiting or remaining single as a result of not worrying about marriage anymore? I havent seen any research on the matter, but I know some people whom it wouldnt bother as long as their families dont know.

Im speechless

Most of the women on this site sound as picky as me when it comes to the caliber of men they would go for, this can be positive as there would be less conflict (theoretically)..however, it can also create a complacency to 'singledom'. The issue being that it became incredibly easy to be single the older I got. Many of my friends are in the same situation...we are able to hold civilised and fruitful friendships with some men, but wouldnt ever dream of crossing those boundaries. Other men either become friends immediately, or are avoided for their misguided romantic intentions. The problem this creates is that when women like me would like to settle down...we may actually have to settle for less due to age (e.g 35+ is tricky timing for any woman who wants to have kids, especially when only men 45+ want to marry her). Yet this doesnt worry me in the slightest either, there is an exciting 'ce la vie' element to all. Does anyone else feel this way?

It wouldn't be a one night stand if you marry her later on...because you'd have several other days and nights together. Are you asking if one would marry a person they slept with the first time they met? To each their own, but there were two tango dancers that night so if they repulse you, then you should be repulsed with yourself.

Mr Jerk...I suggest you ask Ibtisam about the group of married Somali women who made a maxaadarad about the lack of sexual satisfaction they were getting from their Somali husbands. They were the brave few lol Imagine how many others are merely used as living blow up dolls.. makes me want to cry

If the Quran says that Allah is without needs etc...why would Allah get jealous? There are some funky Hadith flying around these days. Unless they mistranslated the word Jealous...meaning that Allah disapproves of worshipping other than Allah? 5, If/when I get married, Im going to cut that out and stick it on bedroom, kitchen and shower doors

You know it would be perfectly fine if she negatively judged Islam on something concrete, but her accusations are largely against Somalis, Arabs, Pakistanis, Turks etc and THEIR unislamic backward cultural practices. If she was a genuine 'intellectual' she would have separated culture from religion. Honour killings are unislamic, valuing a womans virginty more than a man's is unislamic, female genital mutilation is unislamic...we could go on forever. The woman thinks that Islam began and ended in Wahabbiville Eastleigh in Nairobi.

People shouldnt ask you what your tribe is...your 'tribe' is Somali, our mythical clans are different though. My point being...it isnt racism, its clan chauvanism and clan discrimination.

9. He must treat her generously at all times. The Prophet (s) said that the best gift or charity (sadaqa) is that spent on one's wife. 14. He must not dwell on what he dislikes in his wife, but on what he likes. 17. Caring for one's wife's sexual fulfillment is an obligation of religion. The Prophet (s) warned against rushing to gratify one's pleasure and forgetting that of one's wife. He also disliked that the husband should quickly withdraw from his wife afterwards, as it is a strain upon the wife. If she asks for intercourse, he should not refuse. However this is a tad unfair: 10. If she works outside the house, it is praiseworthy for the husband to hire house help to relieve her from too heavy a burden. The wife's duties do not require her to feed her child, nor even to nurse it, nor to clean nor cook. It is the husband's duty to provide a nursemaid, food for older children, and servants to clean and cook. However, if the wife does those things out of mercy and love, it is a gift to the husband on her part.

Why choose the title 'Religious man..' when the man is hardly the face of religiousness? He apparently doesnt even know one of the most basic principles of Islamic marriage. I would've said 'Saudi Policeman Illegally Marries 3 Wives Whilst Still Married to 3 Legal Spouses'....Actually that doesnt sound that sexy. Anywho...I hope something is done for those poor Yemeni concubines, given they were ignorant of all circumstances.

How short is short hair? How baggy are these trousers? What exactly is wrong with wearing trainers? A part from the deep voice, they could be talking about me, and believe me , noone confuses me for a man just because of some baggy jeans! I think its Arab hot air, the women there are having an allergic reaction to the horrendous Arab garb (which forces all women to look like identikits of one another) and gender defined roles in society. If they stop blaming foreign house help and look a little closer to home, maybe they can treat the allergy.

They defacate on everything the West stands for, they are hilarious!

Reminds me of a great song by Nanko: Damn man, Your life must be so happy, You've got your wife and some lovely kids, As for me, I'm here trying to look a life Chorus: Lucky you, you've got a woman to go home to I've got to find me myself a woman What I wouldn't do man Lucky you, you've got some kids to attend to I've got to find me myself a woman What I wouldn't do now

I think youre in serious need of some imagination, not everyone fits into stricter gender identities that easily. Im in touch with both my masculine and feminine sides...and no, Im no labeeb.

Dontv worry Max, you will see her again, she's just a first year, shes prolly out boozing, wait til shes a second year...I agree with Rudy, you could use a wing woman...done it plenty of times before and it works believe you me!

......

Wicked article, makes me think of 'No Logo' by Naomi Klein.

I like funny men, even when they try hard and fail, that in itself makes me laugh! I would also add - The pretend wadaad- This man will act righteous from day one, telling you what youre wearing, doing etc is wrong...and then you realise it was all for show and to control you cos the dude doesnt even pray. The boastful educated guy- this man is so proud of his Masters degree you'd think he set the syllabus and came up with half the theories himself! Certainly one to avoid if you happen to be educated too. The guy with the EGO from hell- This man probably had his mother sing him lullabies about his looks or smarts right up until the day you last saw him. He will constantly put other men down in the gayest of fashions and still expect you to pick up bills, clean, everything basically...because he's too sexy for it! The liar - This man, for no reason known to mankind, will lie about everything in the first few dates...and not things everyone lies about (like how many partners youve had, what a great cook you are, how much you love your family)..no..the guy will say he's close friends with Rousseau, been on dates with Marilyn Monroe, babysat for Madonna...I find them the scariest of them all.

Maxaa dhacey? Ma shaqo raadso oo intarfeew tag baa laga waayey wasaqa?! Wallee qaadka iyo lacagta cayrta maxey dad dhulmisey. Eeboow u gargaar dadkaasi iyo victimohooda.