Advice From Women To Men:
1. The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.
2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
3. If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's their butts.
4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
5. Please don't drive when you're not driving.
6. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed.
8. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.
9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?
10. Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care.
11. When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.
12. We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance -- in fact -- please do !!!
13. When you're out with us, please wear "our" favorite outfit rather than "yours" -- the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.
14. If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs a negative grunt.
15. Don't insist that we "get off the damn phone" and then not talk to us.
16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.
17. Cleaning the house is not necessarily "women's work"; besides, most of the "dirt" and clutter is yours anyway.
18. Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then you never want to cook?
19. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.
20. Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling; however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss.
Advice From Men To Women:
1. The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.
2. Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.
3. When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.
4. When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.
5. If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.
6. If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.
7. If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.
8. I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.
9. Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.
10. Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.
11. If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.
12. I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.
13. Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.
CHEERZ
