Kenyan Lawyers.... haha Reported in the Nairobi Bar Association Lawyers monthly Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by lawyers during Trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses: 1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" 2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?" (by Kibugi Muite) 3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?" (Imanyara G.) 4. "Were you alone or by yourself?" 5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?" 6. "Did he kill you?" 7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" (some lawyer from Kiambu) 8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?" 9. "How many times have you committed suicide?" ( by Amos Wako) 10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?" A: "Yes." Q: "And what were you doing at that time?" (Ochieng OndeyoAdvocates) 11. Q: "She had three children, right?" A: "Yes." Q: "How many were boys?" A: "None." Q: "Were there any girls?" (Mugo Muriuki & Co.) 12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" A: "Yes." Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?" (Kanyi Advocates) 13. Q: "Mr. Kimani, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon,didn't you? A: "I went to Europe, sir." Q: "And you took your new wife?" 14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?" A: "By death." Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?" 15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?" A: "He was about medium height and had a beard." Q: "Was this a male or female?" 16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a position notice which I sent to your lawyer?" A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work." 17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?" A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people." 18. Q: "All your responses must be oral,OK? What school did you go to?" A: "Oral." 19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?" A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m." Q: "And Mr. Mbogori was dead at the time?" A "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy." 20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?" A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval." 21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?" A: "I have been since early childhood." A llit' squeeze for granny A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. “Breast fed,†the woman replied. “Well, strip down to your waist,†the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, “No wonder this baby is under weight! You don’t have any milk.†“I know,†she said, “I’m his grandmother, but I’m glad I came.â€

salaala ebu chekini hii joke-subhanallah,watu vile wana dhulmi-hata maut(maiti)hapewi heshima-ingawa ni JK it happens when circumstances are harsh like this. JOKE OF THE DAY Note: Apology to any Nigerians, but this forward was just hilarious! A family in Nigeria was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the USA, sent by their sister. The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that their mother's face was practically touching the glass cover. When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister pinned to their mother's chest, which read:- Dearest brodas and sistos, I am sending you our moda's remains for burial de in Lagos. Sorry I couldn't come along as de expenses were so high. You will find inside de coffin, onda Mama's body, 12 can s of Libby's corn beef and 12 cans of Luncheon Meat.Just share it among yourselves. On Mama's feet is a brand-new pair of Reeboks (size 8)for Junior.De are four pairs of Reeboks onder Mama's head for Tunde's sons. Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts - one is for Omo Roy and de rest are my nephews. Mama is also wearing one dozen Wondo Bra (your favorite), just divide it among yourselves. De 2 dozen Victoria's Secret panties dat Mama is wearing should be distributed among my nieces and cousins. Underneat mama's body is 20 kgs of cocaine in satchets which is wort 120 million Naira. Dis should take care of all of you and de unborn babies in your bodies. Dont bury her wid all dis fortune. Mama is also wearing eight Docker pants - Ikeje, please get one for yourself and de rest are for de boys. De Swiss watch you asked for is on Mama's left wrist, please get it. Aunty Ifoma , Mama is wearing what you asked for ie ear rings, ring and necklace -please just get dem. Also, de six pairsof Chanel stockings dat Mama is wearing must be divided among the teen-age girls de. I hope dey like de color. Your loving sister, Nene PS: Plse take care of finding a dress for her burial since all i had dressed her in were your presents.

Jambo akhyaarta. see la yahay.

I see big-ten rivalry Tamina-hope he comes around gopherville I saw a skit by one of the specials I think it was ABC/CBS sometime back-or was it PBS?

Insha-allah I hope to see some REAL MUSCLES FLEXED For godsakes guyz go bonker right now on some creatine to dilate those muscles-but if you haven't worked out for years-forget about it as somalis say: xidmihii iyo qabsinaadi baa isku dhageene Well if any gals are there for Volley-better be spikers coz original gangsta from Ngara says "bring it on"

Laakin waxaan la yaabey indha-adeygooda. How dare you fight in another countries parliament-WTF :confused: . War waxuu ileen wa FROM MIYI to MAGAALO cajiib-cant blame them since they only way of civil unions they have known is tribal-based and communities. BARLAMAAN la faristo iyo Speaker la dhageysto (especially if voting on "burning issue") -iyo ra'yi la'isweydaarsanayo-maba garanayaan. Bilaa calek-wale ineey ayaago dhaan XABSIGA MATHARE NORTH one of the Notorious jails in Kenya -abootoy kutaalo iin lagu wada gureey aheed mac caleey shaah.

^^^wale ishaad ka tuurte talow meqaa "kasciga wadnaha" hayaa

wow I have not encountered quite a group of freeloaders, hyper-mentals, football-maniacs, super-suaves active-hippies contribute so much. Let the addiction continue, sports- connoisseurs sorry I was looking for some BEOBLE-and they all seemed to be here. Neva mind my womanly rantings.

I share the sentiments as well-shuut! thx for letting it outta my chest as well. The piece needs to be read in one a “Parliamentary session†maybe by some disabled person whose body is half gone half awake-but unusable; so that they can see 14 + years of tyranny and debilitating consequences of the war and separation. people back home will need intensive pyschotherapy.

Originally posted by MsWord: ...... Raula , I will be in columbus around May insha'allah for my cousin's wedding and from what I heard it's like visiting Garbahaaray for more than half of the somali people claim to known your Family and are your kin some where along the line. ....yeah gal, no wonder my EEDO in Ohio is going BONKERS with my #-she has been trying to reach me for the last couple of days. I guess I will see ya there-hopefully its around Memorial day or after my graduation(which I have to inform cousins ). Guess I will check you there Ms. WORD and the whole Sea-town crew My eedo's one back in 2002-bisinka, the whole wedding was qaraabo This time I will tell her to teach me some GOOBILE

Acuudu bilaahi mina sheydani rajim-A woman leading a prayer in a public sphere where men are involved as well-Subxanallah! Allahu manajeyna.

Haya babu ama unataka nikuite mzee Salim

^^good one BOB-especially that last sentence-certainly.

Haye-maxaa la sheege. Macsaro iyo majiijin lee mesha kafahme ba noh. Weli sheekada ma saas baa mise baal kale baa lagu jira. Wiilo-Nuune macsarada isagaa is mariya, laakin ani waxaan qaabilsanahay-ABU FAAS iyo kalashaandheynta kale wakase ma'ahano Ya cizak! QacX2 adi volunteer hadaad ahaaneynin-far fiiqfiiqa carabta lagu garaan jire, mandhow naga daa I just feellike doing gabay KIDOGO now: ok here we go: Faraanti aan firiiyaa le Far yareey maa gashaa mise faduumo aan kufeera firiqdii baa iga dhamaate saan uu Foorinaaye war muu isoo firiiyo fanta cuudka, fajistaaha falaar cashaaq baan kutalaale inaan "FIRFICOONI" aan islaa fiirino balaayo kula fiqaanate waaba mid isla feera waaweyn fantadii sii fuud uu cabaye faruuhihi sidii Tsunami uu faafeen Iga daa folxumaadisa fiirsasho uuma qalmaane faduul nimadeeyda baa "farxaan" iga dhigte.

^^ruxamooyin kugu soo degye maku dhahaa-Raqis waxid

because all I ever knew is heartache and loneliness i am the product of a broken home & failed marriage +war consequences=DEVASTATION to the MAX. no one is genetically programmed to become a savage Indeed, so true. hear Hear dear. This piece is a very poignant, pitiful and plain mishaps of what is now evident of ouryour cultural, religious and social breakdown of our societal fabrics-back in Somalia and here in the diaspora. BOB-a wonderful piece. Keep the thoughts coming kijana.

^^zu, foo, pooh, shoe, do you does it really matter

Suspended Back in the day I was Like the laughing gas Floating, resting on cloud nine Magic episodes arousing all over again Dreams of Pleasantville with you Me and you infinitely living I only recalled of undying Of our feelings and attachment So bound together like a periodical A timeline of our relationship Presented to the world And they too can feel the happiness But what happiness I scarcely see you I do not recall anymore of you voice I hardly remember your looks I am beginning to dissolve The enticing sensations of your closeness The empathetic expressions, the attention, The daytime calls from your work Murmuring those 3 letters that has Clung many together and dismissed others ………..“I love you, my darling wifeâ€â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦ Yes, family comes first But Am I not your family? Your wife? The impending mother of your progeny? Since you went away to Somalia I have missed you dearly I hear rumors of you ‘thinking’ of marrying A second to me, another family Am I not enough for you? Tell me darling…………….. What propelled you to such an accepted wisdom? It would have been best if I knew of your desires Of marrying instead of your hidden agenda No, permission is not binding from me But for the sake of compassion, My sentiments are like the Queen’s tiara If not shining from the apex, She is merely a servant, perhaps a mistress! So what Am I to consider of myself? Am I supposed to hang around for you? Till you clear your head of wedding A second or staying with me? Darling, I am SUSPENDED And it is only fair if You ever loved me, or else Rescue me from this brink. Blessed are you Don’t leave me suspended PS:this is not one of my life stories-just a passing thought(although-those in polygamous families can contest that the situation is very different from my "BARELY THERE" thoughts). Enjoy. ***insha-allah next week I will formulate a GABAY

raula lee maqla waan idin soo labaan insha-allah berito. ajaaja..masaajo lee lasheega-wale anaa wax idaliiga uu bahaan muruq yaashi baa intey igu qamiireen yaa waxey noqdeen muscles I will name them according to who "Daliigs" them e.g. Gacmaweyne, Waniini Tabarlawe, Xoogane etc. Haye, volunteers needed. Later

^^^^see camal adi-maxaa jira mandhey, last weekend soo anagii isla shaheyneyne tomorrow na (insha-allah) Waraa Tuujiye-kenyaati mey kaa qabate maliilyahow caloosha aad moodid baafkii Ay Faadumo burka kuushiilan jirte. (in afsawaxili=tumbo kama karai ya mandazi ). Nuune-adna nafleyda yar yar lee shaqo ka dhiigate(Humane Society) maad uu shaqeysa. oooh! hadaan garte ileen NUUNAYAAL baad isla aheedeen. Waraada waan idin salaame-my spring break is starting after TOMORROW and lord knows I will be going buck wild. geedka guraca ad meesha ooga jeedaan(my avator) aan hos farisanaa-waad hadaad ii bahantihiin. in the meantime, gawariyaasha iska jira w/salaam.

^^^get yourself some sijui chick then-you will have many blessings + comprehend the jokes maze mnavichoma vitabu eh someni ebu-nchi ina wangojea Insha-allah May 7th ni sikukuu yangu Mmealikwa wanafunzi, wazee, wamama, mabeste, manzis, hata mashosho waleteni. Insha-allah ntaleta mabuyu, kaimati, kashata, pera, chelebib, etc. Ma'salaama.

^^^yeah Polaris was great. I like the outdoor setting to it. Cool place especially summertime.

Allaha uu naxaristo maxruumka.

^^^dee magaca miyaadan uu jeedin MMA-sxb wale Topkaas waad ila heshe. Mucho gracias senor NUUNE iyo G-STRING -I dont even wanna start analyzing dambi aan galaa.

yeah its weird place but cool place if you know where to hang out. I suggest you wonder around the Ohio State campus area-towards downtown[downtown is a cool place too]. That place(to me) seemed HIP and URBAN just like Dinkytown here in MN [as you said mainstream americans are too busy being workholics and it can sure get dready-but always the HOT SPOTS are those around campus and uptowns]. & if you dont mind visit your folks in the malls, Iam sure you will be suprised how much you have missed them Much luck.