Here is a goooooood Confession. Read aloud to enjoy the humour. Peace! Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned" Priest: "What have you done my child?" Girl: "I called a man a son of a *****." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a *****?" Girl: "Because he touched my hand." Priest "Like this?"(as he touched her hand) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "Thats no reason to call a man a son of a *****." Girl: "Then he touched my breast." Priest: "Like this?"(as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a *****." Girl: "Then he took off my clothes; father." Priest: "Like this?(as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a *****." Girl: "Then he stuck his "you know what "into my "you know where" Priest: "Like this? (as he stuck his " you know what "into her"you know where") Girl: "YES FATHER ;YEES FATHER ;YEES FAAAATHER!!" Priest: "(after a few minutes)Thats no reason to call him a son of a *****" Girl: "But father he had AIDS! Priest: "SHIT! THAT SON OF A *****!!!

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old white man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The following year the young bride gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?" He again said "You've got to keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "Well, well, well! You certainly are quite a man!" He responded "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse said, "Well, you had better change the oil, because this one is black."

African, can you please hook me up with this guy called RUDY? :rolleyes: Ohhhhhh, i am dying for that bro! Peace!

African, can you please hook me up with this guy called RUDY? :rolleyes: Ohhhhhh, i am dying for that bro! Peace!

How about Idil,Ibyan or Iman. Peace!

QUESTION: What's pink and hard when it goes in... and soft and wet when it comes out? ANSWER: Bubblegum! peace!

TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX: 1. You can GET chocolate. 2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. 5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. 7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind. 8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. 9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. 10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates. 11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. 12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. 13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it. 14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. 15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month. 16. Good chocolate is easy to find. 17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle. 18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate. 19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake. 20. With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good. Peace!

I'm not eating any more chicken... A little boy and girl at school were having lunch in the shelter shed. "Tommy," she said, "I'm not eating any more chicken sandwiches." "Why?" he asked. "'Cause I'm starting to grow feathers down here," she said, pointing to the bottom of her tummy. "I don't believe you," he said. "You'll have to show me." Behind the shed they went, where the inspection took place. "Gee, you're right," he said. "I've been eating a lot of chicken also. Perhaps I'm getting feathers too." "Well, I'd better have a look," she said. After a lengthy examination, she looked up and said, "Oh, I think it's too late for you. You've got the neck and giblets too."

I can tell how a man makes love... John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me." "The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either." Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?" John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock." Peace!

Three Inches - HOT! An Italian man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table , he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby.... all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, - knowing that if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this from the gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants. The man, after reading the note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know - I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage; plus I have over twenty million dollars in the bank." "But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back!!! Peace!

A lady walks into a Furniture Store. She browses around, then spots the perfect leather sofa and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, sure enough, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely leather sofa?" He answers, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh*t when you hear the price."

Who Knew THIS About Beautiful Women? Beautiful women have nice voices. Handsome men produce the best quality sperm. That's the word from two different scientific studies that seem to be almost Darwinian in their conclusions. Beautiful Women In an attempt to compare the quality of female voices with their facial features, researchers from the University of Nottingham in England asked men to listen to recordings of 30 young women and rank them in order of preference. Afterwards, the men looked at photographs of the women and chose the ones they thought had the most beautiful faces. The results: The women who were ranked as having the nicest voices were also the ones the men found the most attractive. Handsome Men New Scientist magazine reports that researchers at Spain's University of Valencia tested the quality of male sperm in the laboratory. Then they asked women to rank the attractiveness of the donors. The results: The men who had the most attractive faces also had the highest quality sperm. BR

FOR MARRIED COUPLES IS IT XARAM FOR A MAN/WOMEN TO GO DOWN ON THEIR PARTNER?....I'M JUST CURIOUS AND CONFUSED.

My cousin informed me that for the new years eve there was a somalian party in mpls which ''Xassan Aden Samatar was the headliner and Dj Rob. I'm not from mpls and i was incouraged to attend this function. I flew from LA to Mpls to see the type of parties they had down there. When i got there people kept telling me that Dj Rob was one of the biggest somalian DJ's in MPLS.Also it was my first Somalian party, so i was very anxious. A couple of days before the party Dj Rob told me that it was his last time djing which made it bigger in my point of view. MY cousin and i got there around the time it started and before the singers performed he was Djing and played the worst songs, some of the songs where older then i was. I was shocked about the type of songs that he was playing, because no one was dancing. Well after that horror; Xassan Aden Samatar took us out of our misery and started performing. In my point of view i think Dj Rob is the worst Dj's. What do you guys think about him?. peace and love to all nomads!!!!!!!! bye

>The Perfume > > > > > > > > > >As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of > > > > >school, she told the children an untruth. > > > > > > > > > >Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she > > >loved >them > > > > >all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the > > >front >row, > > > > >slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard. Mrs. > > >Thompson > > > > >had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play > > >well > > with > > > > >the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he > > >constantly > > > > >needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the >point > > > > >where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers >with > > a > > > > >broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top > > >of >his > > > > >papers. > > > > > > > > > >At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review > > >each > > > > >child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, > > >when >she > > > > >reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise. > > > > > > > > > >Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a > > >ready > > > > >laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to > > > >be > > > > >around." > > > > > > > > > >His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well >liked > > > > >by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a > > >terminal > > > > >illness and life at home must be a struggle." > > > > > > > > > >His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on > > >him. >He > > > > >tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest and > > >his > > home > > > > >life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken." > > > > > > > > > >Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't > > >show > > > > > much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he > > > sometimes > > > > >sleeps in class." > > > > > > > > > >By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of >herself. > > > > >She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, > > > > >wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. > > >His > > > > >present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got > > >from a > > > > >grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the >other > > > > >presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a >rhinestone > > > > >bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was >one-quarter > > > > >full of perfume. But she stifled the children's laughter when she >exclaimed > > > > >how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the >perfume > > > > >on her wrist. > > > > > > > > > >Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, > > >" >Mrs. > > > > >Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the > > >children > > > > >left, she cried for at least an hour. > > > > >On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. > > > > >Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular > > > > >attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come >alive. > > > > >The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of > > >the > > > > >year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, > > > > >despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy >became > > > > >one of her "teacher's pets." > > > > > > > > > >A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling > > >her >that > > > > >she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. > > > > > > > > > >Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then > > >wrote > > that > > > > >he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still > > >the >best > > > > >teacher he ever had in his whole life. > > > > > > > > > >Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while > > >things >had > > > > >been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and > > >would > > > > >soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured > > >Mrs. > > > > >Thompson that she was still the best and favourite teacher he had > > >ever >had > > > > >in his whole life. > > > > > > > > > >Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he > > > > >explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a > > little > > > > >further. The letter explained that she was still the best and > > >favourite > > > > >teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... the > > >letter > > was > > > > >signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD. > > > > > > > > > >The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter > > >that > > > > >spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. > > > > > > > > > >He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he > > >was > > > > >wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the > > >place > > > > >that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. > > > > > > > > > >Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, > > > >the > > > > >one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was > > > > >wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their >last > > > > >Christmas together. > > > > > > > > > >They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's >ear, > > > > >"Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for >making > > > > >me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference." > > > > > > > > > >Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, > > >"Teddy, > > you > > > > >have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a > > > > >difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you." > > > > > > > > > >Warm someone's heart today. . . pass this along. I love this story so >very > > > > >much, I cry every time I read it. Just try to make a difference in > > someone's > > > > >life today, tomorrow, just "do it". > > > > > > > > > >Random acts of kindness, I think they call it? > > > > > > > > > >**********************************************************************