My hero gotta be my father although he passed away a long time ago, the way he lived and how he treated my mother and us kids will forever set a standard as to the kind of family i would wanna have one day. May Allah bless his soul and grant him a place in Paradise.

Well ladies, lets' just say I have been in that situation where the brother liked me for so long, throughout our childhood, and I never really saw him that way, or took him seriously. I just thought it was a little crush that would eventually dissipate. Well, how the tables have been turned! :eek: Now that we were older and I really got to know him, the crush/love bug bit me so hard i didnt even know it was coming!!! I'm a forthcoming and honest person, and I told him about it, he felt crushed that i hadnt told him sooner because now he had a fiance. But alas, it wasn't meant to be because when he was ready for him, i wasn't and when i was ready for him, he wasn't, because you know why? the brother found himself someone who would reciprocate the love and I was just a little too late. They are now happily married and I am truly happy for them Moral of the story is, don't let something that was there in front of you pass you by because one day, maybe one or both of you will regret it.

very nice and insightful article Ijabo, bravo to u. I was actually thinking about this a few days ago and im glad u raised this issue here. hope all u guys read it in an open minded fashion, rather than just jumping down her throat or saying ur not one of the guys she's mentioning. Maybe u are not, but im sure one of ur boys is, so take this message and enlighten ur fellow men, maybe around the khad table? Too often, ppl post here to bash women, criticise them when in reality some men in our society cannot point the finger when the woman has always been the one with more responsibiliies on her shoulders. peace

Rudy, ameen bro, may allah grant u the same.

Poet, i know what you mean about losing a father, i went through the same pain as you, especially at a young age. Imagine someone who's always with you not being there anymore, that's the worst shock/pain ever.

My q is, when are they gonna capture Bush?! If they're gonna round up all tyrants/killers, he should share a cell with him. Saddam can teach Bush grammar, since its hard for the texas native and Bush can teach Saddam how to kill ppl and make it look like u didn't do it, or that it was just "collateral" damage.

Obviously i cannot dispute the mahram issue because its part of God's laws and i understand the meaning behind it, but i wonder, how many ppl truly practice it? How many of the sistas here practice it...I mean, in this day and age, where many ppl don't have access to immediate family sometimes, or let's say i wanted to travel and my brother didn't, does that mean i can't or does the fault lie with him? Excuse my ignorance, i don't know much of the issue, so that's why im asking qs. Are there times that I can travel alone, and is there a need for it today? I remember someone posting in the other topic that the prophet (saw)(correct me if im wrong, or if i missed interpreted it) said that there would be a day that a woman wouldn't need someone to go with her. How do we know if we've reached that day yet or if we havent? thxs for ur input in advance

Qac Qaac, debating with u, and that is highly questionable if what ur doing is debating, is like talking to a wall, so bro, spare me ur nonsense, i got better things to do. A lot of things are going over ur head, u just might not be big enough to understand them. I think UD is looking for a roommate, care to join him? ciao

Funny how u guys used our replies as "emotional" and urs were deemed "intellectual"...if that isn't sexist, i dont know what is.... Now talk about being emotional Qaac Qaac, i thought that was a female only emotion? why all the tears and quit saying ur being attacked cause all we're doing is excercising free speech, not using WMD on u...learn the difference b4 u become hysterical again, and as for why im sarcastic to UD? he knows why, so if u can't comprehend it from my pevious posts, im not gonna become ur secular teacher, afterall, i should be on earth to obey my man and learn qoran, nothing else. Funny how

underdog, u big dog u...our lil' insignificant female brain can't handle ur amazing intellect..sorry my king, i guess im just gonna have to retire to my rightful place in order to understand where a king like u is coming from....oh...my brain, it hurts.... i will not argue with a caveman-have a nice day! Baashi, i get ur point, but many doesnt mean all, so i wasnt generalizing, cause not all human beings are the same. as for preference, i did say that if that was ur choice, good for u, i was just stating my point, no need to substitute ur judgement for mine, cause clearly, underdog has showned that i am fairly new to the english language and might get a word or two mixed up...

Athena, well said. Boys, take notes, ur in sore need. Underdog, pot calling the kettle black? if u interpreted what i said to u as an attack, then u calling me incompetent and lazy is just a compiment right? How's the cave coming along? need any decorations suggestions? U said u wanted to be the breadwinner and ur wife to stay home, well, good for u, but some of us don't want to stay home, and it has nothing to do with not wanting to be there for ur kids or husband so stop making it like women who work outside the home are neglecting their families. Open up that "intellectual" mind u were speaking of excercise some common sense instead of ur unrealitic dreams and expectations of what a wife should be. Try focusing on becoming a good husband instead of worrying what she's making for dinner. Bashi, instead of looking at hibo's q to mean that a man who sees a strong woman runs literally, u gotta read btw the lines. It means that, many men see a woman with intellect who challenges the status quo as a threat to their ideal way of thinking (someone clearly demonmstrated hibo's point) If u want a yes sir, no sir kinda gal, i suggest a slave will do u men good, but a real woman with ideas wants to voice them, and God forbid if she opens up her mouth and expresses her feeble mind...the horror...come on men, a real man would be supportive of his wife, instead of thinking of her working outside the home as time away from him and the kids. ex. my father use to work outside the home, and still would make breakfast for the kids and mom, and still go to work, and my mom would work as well and make dinner...point is, they made sacrifices and compromises, which is lacking in somali society these days. Its' either the man's way or no way. Thank God there are more muslim men out there , wouldn't wanna choose from the pile i see.

somalialien and jawahir have said exactly what i mean so underdog, quit the caves and come out of hibernation. In my marriage, i expect that my husband and I would work together on everything, whether its cooking, cleaning, working, because i don't plan to be a housewife, and whoever chooses that route, that's their choice.Just because my idea of a wife doesnt mean that i would be tied down to my apron all day, doesnt make me an unfit wife, so pls, again, u said it urself, i think calling u a chauvanist is an understatement. Im amazed at ur narrowmindedness, u think somali women don't have hardships...many, while their hubbies work, still need to work cause his job doesnt cut it, unable to support the whole family, so the woman, burdened with the household chores already, like someone else pointed out, may sometimes have to take jobs that are undesirable, ie-cleaning offices.houses, and u dare look down on 'em. shame on u.

debt collector-what was the point of posting what the pakistani man said? Is it to say that poor somali woman are under the influence of the west and they neglect their duties according to u being a housewife, primarily?so again, here is another stating that, sistas shouldnt pursue education and automatically, those in the west are pretentious ppl that have put this new culture in front of their own...i guess if all the sistas said today, u know what, forget education, im gonna depend on my farax and be a 50's housewife, with dinner served on time, the kids all taken care of, the house sparkling, all the while, with a smile pasted on my face...reality check ....that's unrealistic and propably won't happen in ur lifetime... ...and here i thought that a couple united should see each other as a "we" instead of an "I" because isn't marriage a partnership? and what's wrong with a wife giving her input on situations to her husband, god forbid she shares what's in her feeble mind... what's wrong with sharing the household duties? after all, don't they both live in that space and need to contribute to its cleanliness? Were u just showing what the paki man or does his beliefs mirror urs? Pls, let me here ur thoughts.

Thank you everyone, for your insight on this matter, I appreciate it. A lot of you have raised very good points, and i'm glad to see so many of you already wearing it, without any problems. The thing is for me, I used to wear it a long time ago as a kid and I took it off, not fully understanding the importance of it. Now lately I have been thinking about wearing it again, but I just wanted to be fully committed so that I would never take it off again. Inshallah, I hope God makes the decision easier for me. p.s.-pls don't use this post to attack others about their beliefs on hijab, it's meant to be for education not persecution. salam

To the sisters who don't wear hijab, including myself. What is holding us back from wearing the hijab? To the sisters that already do, I have alot of respect for you, and i want to know what made you finally wear it and was it hard for you? Some things that may hold a sista back from Hijab: 1-Living in the west (maybe) 2-Peer pressure 3-Devil making you think it doesn't look good on you 4-dating? You are all wlc to add more to this and let me know other ideas of why we do not wear it yet.

Hey bro King, My advice to u is to slow down, u did say urself u met her recently, to me that suggests that u didnt know her too long. Maybe its a blessing that she's holding back, she may not be the right one for u, and this is God's way of saving u from a mistake. If however u feel u know her well enough to still want to marry her, even if she has doubts about u, u need to give her time to sort out her issues. It may also be an age thing, maybe she's young and feels that to commit right now might be rushing it, or that she has yet to accomplish all the goals that she wanted to prior to marriage. Or maybe she was hurt in a prior relationship and isnt willing to give herself to u without reservations. Obviously im just telling u some hypothetical reasons why she's holding back, but as someone else suggested, the person u need to address this question to is her. Only she knows her true feelings, and only she can give u the answers ur seeking. p.s.-bro, did u ever think that maybe she's not into u as much as ur into her, but its best if u considered all the options. Peace and good luck bro, u seem like a decent brother and hope everything works out for u.

Thxs Truth, the dates from hell link were hilarious...I may yet have a story or 2 to share, but not as bad as the previous one. I met this guy at a mall a few yrs ago, he was in a car with 2 of his friends, and after talking with them, i felt comfortable enough with them to accept them giving me a ride to my friends house, and i never get into strangers cars, but something came over me that day, running late to meet my friend, i decided, what the hell, go for it. After they dropped me off, i took the number of the guy who originally hit on me and said id call him sometimes. I called him a couple weeks later, and he suggested my friends and his friends get together and go to a club. We set a date, and when we went to meet their car, i was put into the front seat, next to the driver, ie-not my guy that first talked to me. Turns out, this friend convinced him that i was into him and that me and him were better suited. I was a little weirded out, but decided, we were all going out as friends, so what the hell, enjoy the night. So now this guy acts like he owns me, he kept trying to hold hands in the car, trying to kiss me, and i was like, what the hell!...chill out...he was starting to get pissed off, but i didnt care. We get to the club, and my friends and I decide to ditch them and just dance and have fun on our own. Yeah right, this stalker wasnt that easy to get rid of. He followed us everywhere, even intruded when i was dancing with another guy, acting like my b/f, almost starting a fight. He grabbed me, took me to the table, and almost had me on a headlock, which im sure he'd say that he was simply putting his arm around me. He was overly possessive, jealous, and that's when i decided i had enough. I told him i was going to the ladies room, but in reality, my friends and i left them in the club, with a lil surprise. I told the bouncer before i left that he was bothering me, and that i was leaving because of him(in a teary eyed manner)...hehehe..cause a lil trouble, but he deserved it! Those were my late teen yrs, but i learned my lesson, i prevented another would-be date from hell. Story#2- I met this guy at my friends' 21st b/day, which was held in a lounge/club. That night, my friends' b/f was saying that he wanted to hook me up, knowing my bad luck with men or lack of good ones/my picky nature, so i came in with an open mind, deciding to give a chance to a potential. So this guy was extremely cute, great smile and after a few looks were exchanged, he came to introduce himself and we took it from there, dancing, talking, having a great time generally. My friends were ready to leave, so we exchanged numbers and decided to keep in touch. He calls me a few days later, yet he had nothing to say. Isnt the point of getting to know each other achieved through conversation? This guy was sooooo boring on the phone, i had to keep a conversation going but after 10 min i was turned off. What a waste of a cute face! He also had a small voice on the phone, to the point that i was like, speak up! After a few more non-conversations and boredom, i decided to cut him off, and prevented a would -be face to face distaster, ie-date. Oops! Sorry guys for making it long, hope it doesnt bore u. peace

I'll tell u guys the worst date I've ever been on and I think this one takes the cake out of all the stories. I called a co-worker of mine one night, about 5 yrs ago, and his roomate picked up the phone, saying he wasn't home yet, so we ended up chatting on the phone, having a nice conversation. This routine continued on for about a month, and I was starting to like the person i thought he was. He described himself as 6feet tall, lean built, attractive, everything a young girl would wanna hear. We ended up setting up a double date, me and my friend going out with him and his friend. By the way, my co-worker didnt know we talked, and that was a mistake, because I could have known more before i decided to say yes to the blind date. Blind date day comes, my friend and I get all dressed up, looking all good, and we went out to meet their car. Before I knew it, my friend jumps in the car without checking them out first, the car was tinted so i couldnt see anything inside, so i got into the front seat cause my date was driving. I look to my left and damn! My date was the ugliest guy ive ever seen. Here I thought I was meeting the clone of tyson the model, the way he described himself, when in reality i was on a date with a messed up don king. He was nothing like he described, he was fat, i should say borderline obese, and from where i was sitting, i couldnt see a neck. His hair was non-existent. I look back at my friends date, and he looks like he hasnt seen a dentist this century. By now, the date from hell began, he drove us, and my friend and i were speechless, thinking to ourselves what did we get ourselves into. For a second i thought we got into the wrong car. The guys were in heaven, complimenting us like they havent been on a date in a long time, wait, that actually might have been true, remembering their looks. Not only were they repulsive looking, but their were also so immature, they kept giggling like school girls, making dumb comments and my date actually had the nerve to try and take a side of my shirt and pulling it away from my body, so that he can take a peak into my chest. EWWWW....I was so disgusted! We started to make excuses to get away from our dates, but they paid us no attention, trying to take us here and there. Finally they brought us to their friends house, who's house smelled worse than a sewer, and this friend tried to serve us drinks in a dirty cup. I went out to the balcony to try to think of a way out of this hell, when my date came after me, trying to put his arm around my waist from behind and kissing me, that was when i decided, i gotta get out of here. I picked up the phone, pretended i was talking to my mother, and told them she was mad at me for being out late, (dumb excuse cause it was only 9pm)but I was desperate, i had to say anything. My friend also said she had to be home too, so they said they would drive us home, By the time I was dropped off, i ran so fast from the car, i almost knocked him over when he tried to kiss me. My friend wasnt so fortunate, her date grabbed her and kissed her cheek, or should i say he bit her. My friend and I laughed so hard when they left, at our ******ity for going on a blind date, and to this date, we laugh everytime we think of it. My blind date kept calling me after that day, thinking we were a couple now, until i told him in a not so nice way, to never call me again. That was the last time we went on a blind date, and as u can see, it was for a good reason we swore off them.

Hi lulla....yes i get along with other females, pretty much everyone, but i do have more male friends than female...simply because i have found, through my own experience that most are catty, gossip mongers, and are in constant competition with each other. Therefore, i have few good girlfriends, and more great guy friends, because, so far, my guy friends arent into gossip, or competition, basically arent into hating.

Harbism, sorry to disappoint u but i'm too smart to be dating a so-called "bad boy", because unlike most of the xalimos u know, i date men not boys, therefore boys in ur category are way below my level. Until u catch up, have a pleasant time growing up.

Harbism, u're the one who got it all wrong. My ideal man is REAL, meaning that they don't have to be something else to impress others, which is something bad boys try to do, impress their friends. Get ur facts straight.

Harbism, u basically spelled out what weak, insecure women like, and how easy it is for "men" like u to prey on them. Good of u to remind us what boys can get away with these days, and dumb females who come back for more. Good job. Ladies, for those that love "bad boys", i do not blame them for mistreating women who love to be mistreated, who love the idea of being the victim. What ever happened to demanding respect? Standing up for urself? Whatever happened to having a back bone and expecting as good as u give, if u treat ur man right, he should reciprocate, if not, then it's ur fault for being with him. My idea of an exciting man is one with a job, that is funny, respectable, intriguing, above all REAL...not a wannabe that wants to impress his boys with what he can get away with from being with frail women. I wonder how many bad boys would exist if all women thought of themselves as deserving of more than a pre-teen kid. just a thought.

Great topic indhadeeq...it's about time a sista posted something like this since most of the stuff is about guys dictating how girls should be or complaining/generalizing what they think somali girls are. I have the unfortunate luck to have met #1, 5, and 6, but it's all about the way a girl carries herself, once she sees their true self, she should bounce instead of waiting around hoping "he'll change". Salam

As usual...little boys thinking that this kind of topic is male bashing/immature. Haruun,if the title was that immature (obviously u have no sense of humour) why did u reply? as a "mature" person, u should be "above" this type of topic. For the rest that shared their insight, thanks.

Jamila, i agree with u sis, and you are the only one that seems to have gotten my message. For those that disagree, it is ur right, and i appreciate ur insight, but u fail to understand what i was trying to say or what feminism is about (at least to me). You basically re-stated stereotypes, that women want to be like men and that's not the case. What's wrong with asking for equal pay for the same job? What's wrong in trying to keep your job and the boss might fire you because you are on maternity leave or may not hire you if ur expecting? Those q's are just the tip of the ice berg, and if everyone practiced Islam, there would be no need for feminism, but the fact of the matter is, majority states/dictator countries suppress women, not even allowing them the rights God gave us. Therefore, feminism steps in and enforces those rights, not make up rights. p.s.-feminism isn't just for women, but for men too, disadvantaged ppl....fights against racism, sexism, ageism....etc... salam