Gutsy woman .

^It’s falling on deaf ears sister. Those of us in the west have developed this skewed image of Somalia and we can’t seem to let go- probably justifies in our minds the need to continue living in a land, which is not ours and will probably be kicked out of soon . All they need to do is go and see, they will change their minds then. I lived in wardhiigley for two months and although everyone knew that we were from overseas we were never bothered or harassed. No one really cares so long as you live like the locals and not try to overdo the lavishness- but then again that’s the same with anywhere really. There are also other places that are more tropical like "Afgooye".Very nice. Very nice is an understatement. Such a beautiful place mashallah, especially the gardens and fruit plantations. Loved the people also, so much kinder and sweeter than your average Faarax and Xalima.

LOL wow...What about the kids..the kids..the kids think of them before you do it Kids survive. To stay in a marriage for the supposed sake of the kids is just sad at the very least. you guys are treating forbidden to which that is lawful that is not confining to islam Says the man whose location states, “Headed to INDIANA stabbing women like the phantomâ€. Very obvious you have no respect for women .

Going to many Islamic conventions, I hardly find any somali scholars lecturing. It's always the usual arab-pakistani imaams. Could it be sister that you are around the Arabs and Pakis more than Somalis? I think it all depends on who you spend your time with and which conventions you attend. I’m pretty sure that there are many conventions hosted by Somalis in North America, just a matter of searching for them if you’re interested. Do you like nasheeds? I do too, but are there any somali nasheeds? Nasheeds aren’t big in our culture, try gabayo and you’ll be much fulfilled . Also, the lack of knowledge in the deen is very apparent in our culture, with the exception of the burqa...it seems like hijab is the only part we got right, alhamdulilah. Maybe being a people without a functioning government for the past 15 years is what made us lag behind...Allahu Musta3an. I just feel so sad about the whole situation. I find the opposite to be the case. Very proud of Somalis when it comes to the understanding of the religion, I think they fare much better than their other Muslim brethren. I’m always around Muslims, some Arab, some Turkish, some indo-paki and some Somalis. Time and time again Somalis seem to have a much better understanding of Islam, even with the basics such as tawheed.

General, When you have nothing grounded to argue, circle on words if you so wish but the fact still remains. Morgan is good/bad according to the cheerleaders depending on which side of the qabiil tracks he is on. Fight for the ‘tol’ and he is a hero, go over to the side of the enemy and he becomes a traitor. Doesn’t matter if he is involved in the same despicable actions (and has the blood of the innocent on his hands) regardless of the side, all that matters is who he commits these actions in support of. This is kind of like Jess. I remember once reading someone refer to him as a traitor and I was confused for a little while, wondering why would he be a traitor? As far I was concerned he was very loyal to his warlord ways, then light bulb, it hit. Duh, he was fighting as the cheerleaders saw it for the enemy.

Rokko, we will talk 'bout Melbourne's "beautiful" climate come July or August; until then, you can brag all you want. Even then it still is better than your winters

- Its content must have legitimate, recognized sources What is the criterion for deciding what is a legitimate and recognized source and more precisely who decides what this criterion is? On historical events, the emphasis must be on region/personalities rather than clan. We all know that region/personality is basically a replacement for tribe names. Example: the politics forum. Often regions and personalities are used in place of tribe names which are banned. You will see many of us nomads using the tribe of such and such region, or the tribe of hebel hebel. Nothing really wrong with it if is innocent, but often is it used negatively. I still don’t see how this can work without it creating problems and major disagreements. History is of course dependent on who authors it, but most countries of the world have a general consensus on the major parts of their history, we from Somalia don’t even have that (we cannot even agree on our supposed heroes, be it Sayiidka or Ahmad Gurey). Also since we are such a qabiil-orientated people, I can’t see how qabiil names can be avoided. It will most definitely come up one way or another. That said perhaps it is doable, but there sure are many hurdles to overcome and it can never be reliable so throw that out the window.

Rahima, You have the leverage in premarital discussions normally and you should expect a "yes" answer to your demands now. Also, Your passionate opposition to sharing him with another woman might wither after you get couple of kids. If he doesn't bother you few nights, it might be a relief for you by then, contrary to your feelings now. There are no guarantees in these issues and it is wise to never set up yourself for disappointment. Anything can happen. Xoogsade, The ‘yes’ is not insurance, rather it is to have a legitimate reason to leave him should he ever wish to break it. I don’t want any annoyance if ever I decided to leave him. You can’t keep someone in a marriage they don’t want to stay in. And must everything be about keeping him or jealousy :rolleyes: . I honestly am tired of this, but let me just say don’t presume to know why people hold certain opinions. Some of us my brother have come to hold certain opinions about the way in which we choose to lead our lives (and our decisions) based on certain experiences. For the sake of ‘tormenting’ (which I find perplexing, what is it that one would get out of that in a forum where emotions are artificial? :confused: ), don’t dig an unknown hole for yourself. No one can do without partner be they men or women, so women with kids have the biological need, the psychological need, and other needs too. They will always need some company. No one? Are you sure? Everyone might not be the same but since I’m speaking for myself- I’ve lived for 22 years without a man . I will survive I guarantee you. Similarly, there are many single mothers who survive everyday without going on heat. Biolgically men and women are not the same you do know that right? However, as for the woman who believes she cannot survive then her bad luck I suppose, be stuck in the unhappy marriage-her choice, as I have mine. Psychological needs can be fulfilled by many people, including children. I'd rather raise my children happy then be stuck in an unhappy marriage. The only option will be a divorce and that is just another tragedy. I suppose we see divorce differently. You see, I hold the thought that in certain cases divorce is actually a blessing from up above rather than a tragedy. Divorce contrary to our culture is not the end of the world nor is it always a sad moment. At times it is necessary and could possibly be joyous especially if one was stuck in unhappy marriage. I personally would only ever seek a divorce if I couldn’t stand my husband and believe me by that stage I doubt I’d see it as a tragedy .

Reasonable people would agree that this is an unambiguous declaration of hostilities. Now, the question is, does the aggressor have the same defences as the offences she boasts? Obviously it wasn’t clear, but it was meant to be a tease, no harm or hostility intended. If it came out as such then I’m sorry .

I must be the only one who doesnt get the 'bun' joke You’re not alone, but dare I suggest that I think we are safer not knowing . I don’t exactly like the sound of it without even understanding it :eek: . Other than that... this male-bonding goin on here is unhealthy. Absolutely no male section after this! Akhas. I can already see what the competition for the tampon n butt firming topics will read like... *draws up possible topics...* oh dear. Girls what is wrong with you two? Imagine the endless possibilities, all the laughter and good times .

^She says shove your offer back to Cuba :rolleyes: . Oh get over it, i'm sure you've being rejected many times

Don't mind me, I'm just being a quuqle as always. As always, but I like peace in a place I have to moderate . We should be all amicable and respectful HA. We start with a salaam, have a lot of “I agree and that is so true†everywhere. If you disagree, preferable indicate in the following manner “Whilst I respect your opinion, I believe the case to be…â€. All nice and daisy like a Sunday morning (which its for moi at the moment). This party pooping my old friend is making me nervous; I don’t want a full-blown war on my doorstep if you know what I mean . That is for the politics section and for MMA to clean the blood. I don’t want to soil my new summer outfit :cool: . Good seeing you around also .

Kan saqajaansanaa. You’re so innocent HA. Castro invented the whole movement of saqajaanimo just like his ancestor discovered camels. It’s a family tradition of discoveries . Tis exactly why am against an all male Joint. First Comes hugs & then god knows whats next Holding hands Look at these men, calling for Somali history lessons and then denying their culture. Waryaada, is not the normal thing in our culture for men to hug and hold hands? I say we have male bonding, its sweet and heartening . Girls, get the popcorn ready. Comedy is my favourite

That should ( religiously ) convince Rahima too, but guess again !! You’re testing my nerves JB. It’s a bloody choice- now get over it :rolleyes: . ^^ U two. Shaqo kale doonta. I'm very clear. That Athena is why they need a forum of their own . Annoying pests they’ve become- twisting and changing everything.

^So your not a qabiilist? Tol tol he says . What stinking difference does it make who attacks who in the sad state of affairs of Somalia? Who stinking cares about their respective tribes unless you are a tribalist of course, which you are :rolleyes: . Anyways I like all this flip-flopping . One minute Morgan is a wonderful hero and then the next he is evil incarnate. Make up your minds tribalists please. Evil is evil regardless of which side of the border they represent, but then again the tribalistic mind wouldn’t get that. I await your cries of protest cheerleaders, it should be amusing. The truth stings i know, no need to thank me, it was my pleasure in delivering it .

Rahima, would you object to your husband's desire of having a second after you if he is qualified? You don't have much of a choice do you? Says who? We always have a choice dear. This is a matter of discussion before the marriage. No need to yarn over it after you get married. My husband inshallah will know, I make myself very very clear Xoogsade . Besides, the practice of some women of late has been to divorce their first husband and end up marrying a married man for some strange reason. Makes you wonder why divorce or destroy the first marriage if she was going to settle for a married man anyway. Perhaps because she feels that the first cheated her, with the second maybe there isn’t that attachment and hence no feeling of betrayal. Just a thought. In some instances though, I think polygamy is necessary in these countries when you have so many young divorced women with kids. They have to have a man in their life and if the only way they can do it is to marry a married man, makes sense. Divorce is not the end of the world. If she has children already she doesn’t really need a man anymore does she? But if for some reason she requires one, ajanabi who wouldn’t double up is the way to go. Plenty of revert Australian men to go around and they never double up, so win-win I say .

^You xaasid :mad: . Must you ruin the party?

Somali history cannot be agreed upon, so expect a lot of garbage and faan. I can imagine how it will end up. Every man expressing the greatness of their tribe (without the use of tribe names of course, these days waa la ilbaxay) and all their wonderful contributions to Somalia. It will probably just end up like the Politics section

Quick question. Would the sisters be given the freedom to discuss whatever they want in men’s forum without being told, this-is-men’s-section-and-we-will-discuss-whatever-concern-us-and-if-you-do-no-like-it-then-do-not-open-this-section-quiet-simple. Not sure why that would lead to such as above, but just to clarify: this goes for all in every forum. If I don’t like a topic and it doesn’t go against the rules of the site or our religion (which is a rule anyway) then I have no right complaining about its supposed inappropriateness. The solution is but simple, don’t click. There are various topics that I as Rahima do not very much like, but I cannot complain because I know that my objection/dislike is subjective and personal. It’s impossible to please everyone and go on everyone’s dislikes- hope it makes sense. No need to make it a battle of the sexes .

^Although fascinating , no I don’t think so. Never known Nur to concoct a lie.

As for the men's.... bah. Between Politics and sports, the only other topic important to men is women... and there is a women's section already. When you put it like that Athena becouse she and this Idea share the character flaw of arrogance. Look at this bitter bitter philosopher. Waryaa JB if I had cyber-feelings, I’d be very offended,but since I don’t, I say payback is sweet . Sometimes, however, she goes berserk. Only when I get irritated and these days many many Faaraxs are testing my patience. Soon I think I just might go on a spree (of what you ask? I’ll leave that to your imagination ) PS: MEN section = Plain ole' sad little boring corner. Very true, but who cares? I don’t. I say let them get bored there . They come here and instead of being polite guests start telling us that our topics are disgusting, inappropriate blah blah and then they mock us for arguing for our rights :mad: .

^ We're not leaving the women's section and you can't kick us out. Capisce? How much do you wanna bet on that ? Don’t test me Castro, don’t underestimate my powers :cool: . You are right walashis,there is only problem in all this, you are making a light hearted post into a serious one...You ambushed me of course,dee. Interesting, I’d laugh if you didn’t do the same to my post to Xiin. I get ambushed from every direction, so boys expect as good as you dish . And leave aussie rules alone, go the blues . *rokko hush, next year we will hand over the wodden spoon, hopefully to the magpies*

Abraar, While I do agree that the intention shouldn't be solely to have him never leave, It shouldn’t be at all so that he does not leave you. If a man is going to leave me because I don’t dolly myself up, then good riddance to bad rubbish. Do I not have other qualities of worth? And more importantly what kind of a shallow person leaves their spouse because they don’t dolly up or compete for their love and loyalty? This should be a given. I don't see how being conscious of your appearance and looking good for your husband results in anything close to being a sex object or how it would impact ones self-worth I do also believe that you know it's part of the sunnah for the wife to beautify herself and try and please her husband in every way possible just as it is expected of him to reciprocate. I didn’t say that a woman cannot look good for her husband. In fact I did write: Don’t get me wrong sisters, nothing wrong with looking nice for your husband, but the intention should be so that he can at times see you all dollied up for he likes it, but not so that you can prevent him leaving you or having a bad marriage. Marriages are not ruined because a woman is not sparkling, thin and not in the best dirac. What I disagree with however is the notion of doing so (i.e. beautifying yourself) so that he does not leave you. That is my point and I already explained that no? Why? Chances are he kept her in the dark about his marital status during the 'xodxodosho period' as many Faarax's do markay naag kale ka daba dhareerayaan iyagoo already xaas leh. Besides, she did the right thing by choosing not to get involved with a married man. So he should be the only one at fault here me thinks. Seems like you missed it, but Nur did say: social circle we share, Therefore she knew he was married. Furthermore, she is guilty of building a relationship with a married man, even if not intimate in her mind still any sort of close relationship with a married man is just wrong. That aside, after he expressed his undying love for her, she doesn’t just say I will never ever marry you, she gives a condition- she is not willing to marry a married man. Juxa, i am for empowering women as much as next door halima, however what i said is the truth i was emploring practical solutions on how to limit faarah's wondering eyez. W/salaam abaayo . That said, why should a sister have to worry that her husbands will end up wondering? If he is going to wander then let him, why would I want someone who I can’t trust to begin with? He should be lowering his gaze as is instructed in our diin and should be loyal so long as i am. all i am saying is naa ha iska seexan, isku dadaal and keep him occupied. Agreed, but not so that you can keep him occupied or to keep his eyes from wondering but so that he may take pleasure in looking at you physically as you would if he had a nice set of abs . I’m referring to the intention- I hope I make sense. ninka hadii uusan ku rabin, marnaba ma celin kartid,but prevent him having too many opportunities to go and hunt if its possible. if not, let him be, dhib ilaah ma keenin They are not children sister (although at times i could swear they are ). They are adults and we don’t need to look out for them as we would our children. I would hate to worry about the possibility of my husband straying every time he left the front door. Everywhere he goes he will encounter women, many young and beautiful, if he cannot lower his gaze and control his urges then I don’t want him anyway- like I said good riddance to bad rubbish . Nur, Whatever advice you tell this Farax, be sure to give him an ear full about lowering his gaze and not mixing too much with the opposite sex. Conclusion: You know what the whole problem is, people don’t follow Islam. If they did none of this would ever happen.

Nur, You’re welcome brother and we look forward to more of your contributions .

sorry a little off topic, somali women are partly to blame their husbands leaving. truthfully the minute the i do's is exchanged she lets go off herself, fat and unattractive often forget to comb her hair for days, producing like lo in texas. What about the Somali men? They all seem to grow these fat pot bellys even though they don’t drink and let themselves go. Girlfriend it goes both ways in a Somali marriage. And a man should love his wife irrespective of what she looks like. Most often she got that way because she had his children and is running after them all day long, what’s his excuse? we need practical solutions, yes a man has right to 4 wives, and yes it is a fact we do not like, so do something about it, provide what he might be lacking, or curious about, ragu waa caruur, enough toys at home and he is yours truly And what, compete for him?lool Man sorry girls, but he should love you irrespective of what you look like (hygeine is assumed). Advise based on health is recommended and granted, but look after yourselves girls so that your husband doesn’t leave you? :confused: Good God, where is our self-worth women? Day in day out we sit here and cry about not wanting to be seen as sex objects and here we are advocating for it. Don’t get me wrong sisters, nothing wrong with looking nice for your husband, but the intention should be so that he can at times see you all dollied up for he likes it, but not so that you can prevent him leaving you or having a bad marriage. Marriages are not ruined because a woman is not sparkling, thin and not in the best dirac. Now to our straying Farax, I am seriously thinking about marrying the new love, but she made it clear after I proposed that she is not willing to marry a married man, I will never leave my wife for another, and my wife will never accept another woman, and I can not live without the new love, I wish this never happened, but its here to stay and is intensifying, is there a way out? your kind advice please? What I find most amusing is that this guy actually had a chance to fall in love with a sheila. There is attraction and then there is love. Attraction would never cause such a dilemma unless of course the man is incompetent and has absolutely no self-control. What is clear from this however is that this man has being going against the teachings of our religion- mixing of the sexes should be restricted. If he had followed this to begin with he wouldn’t have a problem now would he? That said its being done, he should tell his wife, let her decide what she wants to do and go with that. If he is adamant about wanting the other woman and his wife is not willing to accept such a marriage (which is her right), then they should get divorced and move on with their lives. I don’t think that people should be married for the kids or anything of sort. Finally, the other woman is a conniving so and so. Obviously there had to be a certain level of wada hadal and shukaansi before this marriage thing came up and obviously she knew he was married, why entertain the thoughts of such a strayer? Even if the story plays out as him marrying her, she better be ready for it to happen to her. No difference becoming number 2 or having one come after you. Anyway i have absolutely no sympathy for this man, i feel sorry for his wife and that other woman is a disgrace to our sex.